wish i could love you
the way you want me to
but it would not be true
nor worth the pain
we'd be put through
wish i could undo
whatever pull i have on you
for even if we screw
that would be the end
of whoever we were
too

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@much-ado-about-writing
wish i could love you
the way you want me to
but it would not be true
nor worth the pain
we'd be put through
wish i could undo
whatever pull i have on you
for even if we screw
that would be the end
of whoever we were
too
Shadows on the Walls
they came to me in darkness, these shadows on my walls
they joined me in my bedroom, and followed in the halls
I could not find their origin, they answered not my calls
no one else can see them, some fear my sanity falls
if they continue lurking, my empathy for them stalls
A Familial Haunt
Terror is a dreadful thing, but my brother hides it well. No one else sees the distance in his stare as he avoids my gaze. But I know he just doesn't want to see the blood on the walls, the blood on the counter, the blood on the floor.
Madness is a funny thing, but my mother wears it well. No one else sees the blood that streaks down her face as she endlessly mourns the loss of her child. But I see the blood on her cheeks, the blood on her neck, the blood on her hands.
Fury is a graceless thing, but my father handles it well. No one else sees the tension in his posture as he passes me in the halls. But I know he is ashamed of the blood he helped spill, the blood he helped make, the blood he helped steal.
Love is a wonderful thing, and my family has all of my love. I love them for they made me eternal. I love them for they will never leave me. I love them for they are mine forever.
I wish you had said no
I wish you had said no
When I said you could
Stay the night
The sting of rejection
Would have hurt
Less than this craving
I crave your touch
I crave your voice
I crave your hands
I crave your lips
I wish you had not
Held me like i was special
Kissed me like i was sweet
Touched me like i mattered
I felt no lust
I felt no shame
I felt no greed
I felt no love
I wish you had said no
Then maybe this
Wouldn't hurt
Quite so much
I’ve never had much luck with technology, but beggars can’t be choosers, and I needed a win. So here we are, thigh high in muck and regretting every decision I’ve made since meeting Cylass. I love that boy to death and we’ve been through almost hell together, but the next time he offers me a job anywhere near sector 18, then I’m dropping him off the [] bridge.
Of all the sectors to get assigned inner-drop surveillance to, 18 has the most volatile, paranoid assholes in this backwater city that you can’t make two steps without being tracked on forty different systems that are each being hacked by twelve or more freaks each. Cy had a request for a stik dispersal near the sector’s main signal tower. Most people have at least one tap into their local signal tower, but this request was from some up-and-coming twit stationed in 7, so their interest in 18, home of the unhinged, made this a job most people would steer clear of. But credits are credits; I need enough to get Mila’s shots.
So here we are, trudging through the pipes under Sec18’s metro, hoping to cross into 19 before someone’s drones zap me into next month. At least the pipes have less surveillance embedded, so my movements have been harder for whatever freak is tracking me to catch me. Cy was at least kind enough to lend me his visor for this req, so I’m not wandering through this slop blind, and I can orient myself away from SecCenter and toward any change-gate.
Cat and Dog 2
Walking back to my room I ate my french toast sticks and grabbed a few of Casper’s animal crackers. As I walk back into my room I’m attacked by my little highland terrier.
“Good morning, Casper. You weren’t doing your job this morning keeping that nasty little cat out of our sanctuary,” I cooed as I fed him the animal crackers. “You should have barked at that mean old kitty until it was clawing at Riley’s legs to get out…”
“Rain stop talking to your ghost and get dressed so we can leave!”I heard Riley call from the front door before it slams. Throwing on the closest leggings and the first tunic I can find, I grab my school bag and sprint out to the car before Riley can leave my ass behind.
Just as I’m about to open the passenger side door, Riley locks the car doors.
“I swear to god, if you don’t open this door i am going to murder your cat.” I seeth, getting tired of all this shit they’re pulling. I slide into the passenger seat and buckle in.
“Come on, Rain have a little fun,” they taunt, “who knows, maybe if you didn’t act so threatening maybe that boy would ask you out.”
“Just shut up and drive,” I mumble, blushing furiously as Riley starts driving towards the coffee shop.
Cat and Dog 1
“Rain, wake up! We’re gonna be late!” Riley yelled as they pounded on my bedroom door, “first fuckin’ day of school, gonna be fuckin’ late, fuckin’...” Rolling out of bed, I gracefully land on a pile of pillows. Wait, pillows don’t have claws.
“HOLY FUCKIN’ SHIT!! WHY THE FUCK IS CHAMOMILE ON MY FLOOR!!” I scream as i rip the cat off my sleeping gown, “RILEY COME GET YOUR GOTDAMN CAT OUT OF MY ROOM OR I’M FEEDING THE LITTLE DEVIL TO CASPER!!” I tear open my door to see Riley crying on the floor laughing their ass off. Holding the cat by the scruff, I stalk over Riley, “You have to the count of three to get this cat out of my sight before Casper gets a breakfast feast,” I sneer, glaring down at my roommate.
Scrambling off the floor, Riley grabs their cat and sprints to their room as I walk to our kitchen. Riley must have expected me to not take this morning well because they had set out some eggos french toast sticks and hot chocolate. Riley should be thankful I’m in a forgiving mood.
Princess Thief part 3
The town is full of people and I am glad I stole some pedlar's clothes and a cloak, allowing me to move through the crowd without standing out too much as I wander through the streets. I begin to smell what I would assume to be a bakery, with the smell of wheat and yeast. I follow the smell and find my way to a corner bakery and walk in. Looking around, I inspect the products and I over hear the baker speaking to his wife: “We need a new apprentice to help run the shop while we are baking, we aren’t making enough product to help keep up with the demand!”
“We haven’t had any new apprentices come through since the spring, and with the harvest coming up, we will need all the help we can get.” Picking up the bread in front of me, I make my way over to the couple.
“Excuse me, but i couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. Could I perhaps be of assistance? I am wandering through the area and I appear to have no place to stay,” since I have enough gems to get me by, the experience of working could do me some good, “All I ask is for room and board in return for service.”
The couple exchange a look and seem to decide that they are desperate enough to accept me, the wife approaches me and begins to describe the tasks I would need to do to earn my stay: helping customers, doing money trade, and stocking shelves in the mornings and removing product at nights. I agree to the terms and ask when I begin.
“Well, dear. We are quite busy now so if you go clean up in the back, I could use your help with some customers,” she leads me to the back and shows me to the wash bin. “Clean off your face and put an apron on and come meet me back up front.” and she leaves me to prepare for my new life as a commoner. No longer am I the Princess Thief.
Princess Thief part 2
“How could you let her escape, we had our best men guarding her room!” the king yells. He is just as angry as I am about the princess fleeing. His niece was crucial to an upcoming treaty with the neighboring nation. She and I were to marry to join our nations, she obviously had different ideas.
“My Lord, if I may, could I put together a hunting party to go after her?”
“A hunting party? She is not an animal your Highness, please. I know she is unruly but she is still a member of the royal family of this kingdom and your fiancee.”
“From the way she acted last night, i would have guessed that she was an animal that needed to be tamed,” I spit, remembering how she assaulted me the previous night. “With or without your permission, I am going after her, I just want your permission to travel through your lands.” I sit back in my chair and watch as he paces before the fire. This country is falling apart and this treaty was going to help improve not only their country, but begin the expansion of my empire.
The Ones Watching pt1?
You know that feeling, when you know someone is watching you but you can’t find who it is that is spying on you? Well i found one of them, the ever watching spies, the ones that lurk in the shadows, watching and waiting for just the right moment. I met one today.
I was being followed, I knew that much. But the ones following were not the ones watching, for if they had been, things would have ended much differently. I needed to escape, get away from the ones following, so I ducked into an alley after I turned a corner. but instead of continuing walking, i bumped into him, the one watching.
He held me close, as soon as I turned the corner because he knew I was coming, because he had been watching.
Princess Thief part 1
“THIEF! CATCH THEM!” So they finally figured it out. “THOSE GEMS ARE WORTH A FORTUNE!” Well that’s good to know.
I run along the rooftops, being sure to blend into the shadows to avoid being seen by the palace guards. This haul could set me for a month or two, I just need to find a way to sell these gems.
“And where do you think you’re going, thief?” Someone whispers behind me. Whipping my knives from my sleeves, throwing one in the direction of the voice, only for the knife to cut through nothing but air. I go to retrieve it only to be caught by unknown arms, “Tsk, tsk, tsk. You ought to work on that aim.” he holds my arms down with one of his across my body. “But it was a pretty good shot for a girl.”
As soon as he utters those three words I bring my ankle up to kick him where it counts, successfully forcing him to release me as he hunches over in pain.
“I may be a girl but that has nothing to do with the accuracy of my throw,” I spit, taking off to grab my knife and get away.
“We will find, princess. And when we do I’ll pay you back for this,” he seethes, still crouched from my blow.
“Good luck with that, your Highness. This time, I’m gone for good.” I take off into the night. Finally free of these dreadful palace walls.
Better Places Part 5
That night, just as I was drifting into the realm of dreams, the shades started to dance. The shadows took on forms of woodland creatures, running around my room and out the door. Thinking I was dreaming, i followed them into the hall and down the stairs. They danced around the living room as if trying to decide which way to get out. Deciding on a window, they went out one by one, the last shade, in the form of a rabbit, looked back at me, urging me to follow. We went out into the yard, past the fence and into the wood. When I was not but ten paces into the wood, did my house turn to flame. When I turned to my home, it started to collapse, just as my mind decided to collapse.
I fell to the ground and screamed. Screaming for Mother. Screaming for Father. Screaming for the servants whose names I would never know. Behind me the shades changed their forms, to the wolves I had seen in my dreams but nights before. They howled with me, watching me as I watched my home turn to nothing more than cinders and ash.
Better Places Part 4
I had gained a gift that day, or to anyone else, a curse. But after that day I never wanted to go back. I never told Mother, nor Father, what They had done to me that day, but it wouldn’t have helped if I had, for you see They already had plans. They were going to kill Mother and Father, and were going to kill me as well, had the shades not whisked me from my room that night. They were going to claim the family fortune for themselves, but the shades saved me, for the shadows know what lurk within them.
Better Places Part 3
When I was young, I was close to my blood family. I would go over to their house and play with my cousins, but they were older than me and didn’t want to play my ‘childish’ games, so instead, they locked me in the cellar. It was dark down there, I couldn’t see the end of my own nose. There was nothing down there, so I sat for the longest time. That time started as minutes, that turned into hours. Six hours I was down there, and when they came back they found me cuddled into the corner, not knowing that I could see the blood on their hands, blood they had yet to drain from other bodies.
Better Places Part 2
“He was all I had left, now my family is gone.”
“But your record states that you have family living just four miles away…” They said. I scoff.
“They were never my family. If they were, then where were they when I needed them most?” I asked, knowing well that They would have no answer for me, “I’m just the crazy cousin that everyone tries to forget, and once I get old enough, they will all try to steal the family money from me. None of them deserve anything from me.” I say with contempt. It is true that my blood family ignores me, that they want nothing to do with me. Little do they know that it’s their fault that I am this way.
Better Places Part 1
“He’s in a better place now, you knew this would come one day,” They would all say. But it wasn’t like that. He didn’t just die, he had been dead for years now. But his ghost had kept me company. Floating around the house, keeping the house plants from dying, even after he had died himself.
It’s been raining for weeks now. Endless rain, storm after storm. The lightning is unbearable.
It’s been weeks since he left. He left and didn’t even say goodbye. I know that you never know when they are going to leave, but he should have at least said something before everything fell apart.
Everything was dying. That should have been the first sign, but I didn’t notice. I never noticed. His garden didn’t annoy me as much as it usually did. The flowers were wilted and dull.
The fact that you could smell the sea should have been the second sign. When he was around you would always smell smoke and flowers. It was one of those things that you wouldn’t miss until it was gone.