hey! welcome to my tumblr. for the moment, i'm only writing about simon"ghost" riley, but i might dabble into some other character. feel free to send asks and comments, i love interacting and knowing your opinion! Prompts are welcome, I love receiving suggestion of themes
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CURRENTLY ON A BREAK UNTIL MARCH 15th
Simon "Ghost" Riley
Zombie Apocalypse AU
I. Lights Out
II. Crash
III. Where the sun doesn't reach
(ongoing)
Short Stories
ToxicBF!Simon (pt1, pt2)
FMLYHM (Toxic relationship with Simon) *suggestive nsfw content
โRegarding setting, the court held that both works taking place in Alaska high schools was not protectable because Alaska is a public place and setting a teen novel in a high school is a common genre convention.โ
some people think writers are so eloquent and good with words, but the reality is that we can sit there with our fingers on the keyboard going, โwhatโs the word for non-sunlight lighting? Like, fake lighting?โ and for ten minutes, all our brain will supply is โunofficialโ, and we know thatโs not the right word, but itโs the only word we can come up withโฆuntil finally itโs like our face got smashed into a brick wall and we remember the word we want is โartificialโ.
In Sickness, In Health, In Surveillance | MASTERLIST
When you and Simon are forced undercover as a married couple, pretending to live a domestic life next door to your target, the only problem isnโt the missionโitโs each other. Bound by orders and monitored by hidden cameras, you have to act like youโre in loveโฆ even though you can barely stand to share the same room.
Tension builds over burnt dinners, silent mornings, and whispered arguments behind closed doors. But when the walls close in and the pretense turns dangerous, everything changes. Between bitter snipes and stolen glances, the line between hate and something far more complicated begins to blur.
Trapped in a house full of watching eyes, can you and Simon survive the lie before it consumes you both?
Tags/CW: slow burn, fake marriage, undercover mission, forced proximity, invasion of privacy, mild violence, explicit sexual content
ghost x f! reader. 4.5k words
cw: none. 18+ mdni
[masterlist]
your car breaks down in a snowstorm. a crude stranger takes you in from the cold.
If she was perturbed by his demand that she put on her beanie before she hopped out of his truck, whatever look she gave him when he suggested that he carry her to the door was ten-fold.ย
Not an offer he made to be a gentleman, was never in his nature to be one. Wasnโt about to lay his coat down over a puddle for her to step over. It was the pragmatic thing to do, he thought, because the girl was already teetering on the edge of early-phase hypothermia and there were no socks on under those slippers. Last thing he wanted was to have to strip off her wet clothes and stick her in front of the fire wrapped in blankets, because he was sure sheโd kick up one hell of a fuss if he tried.ย
Her circumspect squint twisted into a gawk of disapproval once she had processed the offer, standing in front the garageโs open side door with her arms crossed like a crabby little girl.ย
โWhat? Thatโs โ no, Iโm fine, thank you.โย
She had to yell it over the volume of the gale, whipping through the towering pines that surrounded his cabin and hammering against the open door, snow blowing in from the thick coating on the ground outside.ย ย
โSnowโs a foot deep,โ he growled, and when she shook her head he scoffed irately. โFuckโs sake. Fine. Move it then, snowโs gettingโ in.โย
She only chuffed, marching out into powder once he stepped aside to give her room โ impeded immediately, because the ever-thickening layer of fresh snow reached her knees. Watching her try to wade through it might have made him laugh if his tempers werenโt so high.ย
It was genuinely a miracle he even managed to get the truck up the long driveway and into the garage, considering how deep the snow was already โ and it was still growing deeper, the snowfall was so dense he could practically see it accumulating in inch-thick layers with every passing minute.ย
โCโmon,โ he barked, planting a firm hand on her shoulder to nudge her forward the porch, guiding so that she didnโt hit the rocks and bushes hidden under the snow.ย
Smirked when she failed to conceal her chill from the ice filling up her Uggs, a bright squeak as the biting wind nipped at her cheeks. Not a long walk from the garage to the cabin, only ten-odd metres, but he had no interest in tending to frostbite if she was completely snowblown by the time she toppled through the front door; so he was not gentle.ย
โWhat about my stuff?โ She moaned, as he jostled her up the porch steps until she was under shelter, and began punching his code into the lockbox by the door.ย
โJesus, girl,โ he grumbled, exasperated, almost snapping the lid off the box in his ferocity to open it, sheer frustration turning his hands into bear claws. โIโll get your shit in a second. Getting you inside first.โย
She was bouncing on her toes as he unlocked the door, already shivering and whimpering in the cold; her hair was covered in a sprinkling of snow, white flecks caught on her lashes and melting on her cheeks. Once he managed to unlock and open the door, he hooked an arm around the small of her back and unceremoniously hurled her inside.ย
Fucking dog started barking immediately, those ear-splitting husky yelps he let out whenever Simon came through the door; only exacerbated by the surprise arrival of a stranger. She squealed in fright, stumbling backwards until she fell against his torso โ and that startled her even more, she chirped and bounced off him like a ball off a racket.ย
Couldnโt help but chuckle at her, as he reached around her and tousled the dog between the ears.
โCareful,โ he sneered. โHeโs aggressive.โ
A joke. He was a well-trained pup but a miserable failure of a guard dog. He didnโt jump or mouth, just rested his chin expectantly on her belly and wagged his tail like a whip, panting like he had just run to the lake and back. Had clearly chosen a new favourite already.ย ย
โThisโs Johnny.โ He cleared his throat, because the name made his mouth dry to utter aloud; and only then did he realise he hadnโt spoken it in months. Only ever referred to the dog as boy. Shorter, simpler that way. Didnโt leave burns on its way out.ย
โOh,โ she bleated, once she had caught her breath, releasing it with a sheepish chuckle. Gave the blue-eyed husky a timid pat on the forehead. โHi Johnny.โย
He stepped around her, then, shutting the door behind him and heading towards the woodburner in the corner of the small sitting room. Added a few logs to the embers to get the fire going again, blowing on it until the pile glowed amber and a puff of ashes sprinkled over the stone tiles around the hearth.ย
โCโmere,โ he ordered, as he shut the firebox door and twisted the wrought iron knob to seal it.ย
โHm?โ She hummed, distracted by the dog who lavished her in attention, and her expression was not nearly as dour than it had been not a minute earlier. Boy seemed to have that effect on everyone.ย
โHere,โ he repeated, no give in his tone.
She meandered over without dispute, dog nailed to her hip and looking up at her expectantly. Kiss ass.ย
โDark in here,โ she remarked.ย
โMh. Iโll start up the generator in a minute,โ he said, dusting the slivers of wood off his palms and heading back towards the front door. โWarm yourself up.โย
โWhere are you going?โ Her arms crossed, pup as attentive to his departure as she was.ย
Didnโt like that the concern in her question made his throat sting like he had swallowed something sharp.ย
โUnloading the truck,โ he said.ย
First thing he did was start up the generator.ย
Needed a top up on diesel, but it started without issue thanks to the antigel, and through the sheets of snow he saw the lights flicker on through the bathroom window once he stepped out of the shed.ย
The blizzard was somehow worsening, though, and in the few steps from the toolshed to the garage he felt shards of ice form in the mucosa of his nostrils, skin of his cheeks threatening to blister in the cold โ so he decided to unpack the truck proper in the morning. Anything perishable would be better preserved in the frigid air than his freezer, anyway. He took in the fuel cans, though, so the petrol wasnโt frozen by morning, and begrudgingly grabbed the girlโs enormous suitcase from the backseat. Weighed a damn tonne.ย
She stood uneasily in the corner of the sitting room as he lumbered back into the cabin, pushing shut the door with significant effort against the incursive gale and sealing it with a switch of the lock. He kicked the snow off his boots as the dog wandered up to him and gave him a welcoming sniff.ย
She watched him like he had committed some wrongdoing, rigid and white-knuckled, perched close enough to the fire to feel some of its warmth but not curled up like heโd hoped sheโd be.ย
โWhat,โ he grunted, shucking off his thick black jacket and hanging it from the hook by the door, the snow that had coated it dusting over the hardwood. There was a churlishness in his tone he didnโt intend to put there.ย
She only returned with a mutter, crossing her arms. โNothing.โย
โWhatโs the matter,โ he repeated, impatient, as he walked in her direction. โYโwant a bite?โย
She didnโt seem appreciative of the offer. โNo thank you.โย
โWhat do you want, then?โย
He didnโt mean to snap like he did. Abrasive was an apt description of him upon reflection, because every word that came out of his mouth was acrid with irritation. He was irritated, though. He just lacked the ability or care to conceal it.ย
She only huffed like a child, turning to look into the woodburner instead of at him, as he came to a stop in front of her. She seemed to shrink when that close to him.ย
โUse your words, girl. Canโt be arsed with sulking.โ
She gritted her teeth as she chewed on a response, still averting his gaze, pinching at the fabric of her hoodie as though some habit borne of discomfort. He was sure he was making her uncomfortable just by being in the same room as her, but that was something sheโd just have to suck up or get used to.
โIโm just tired,โ she mumbled.ย
He sucked his teeth. โRight. Well, couch is there if you want to sleep.โ
Not the most appealing thing to sleep on, heโd admit. A two-person loveseat with wooden armrests and thin, overused cushions that had lost their spring after forty-odd years of exiled military asses sitting on them. Place was built in the eighties, he guessed, and half the furnishings were mummified remnants of the era.ย
Stiff shit for her, though. He could see her wrestling with it, eyes peeling away from the sapless couch to flit around the room, as if she might find a more comfortable alternative.ย
โThere a problem?โ He asked, amused at her hesitant expression when she met his eye. Heโd have loved to tell her that her only other options were his bed or the dog bed. He was sure sheโd have chosen the dogโs.ย ย
โNo,โ she shook her head.ย
Her belligerence did little to obfuscate how afraid she was. She was riddled with it, pre-programmed by a swollen amygdala to keep her still and chary as a trapped animal. It left him exasperated more than anything โ because there was seemingly nothing he could say, nothing he knew to do to assuage her overwhelming distrust. Unlikely she would sleep a wink that night while in the cabin with him, and the last thing he wanted was for her to be sleep-deprived and crabby when the news of her inevitably extended stay was broken.
He wanted to tell her he wasnโt a bad man. He didnโt think he could say it with a straight face. Couldnโt convince himself, let alone the girl he dragged in out of the cold.ย
He let out a harried sigh and rubbed his brow with his thumb. โScared Iโll do something, are you?โย
Her glare pinned to him, and he could all but see the battle waging behind her forehead โ deny politely or risk honesty. Asking her so bluntly was probably not the most couth way to go about it, and he she tightened up at the notion.ย
โI justโโ She hesitated, squeezing her shoulders with the hands wrapped around herself. โI donโt really know you.โย
He nodded, tilting his head in concession. Not quite a clear answer, but she confirmed it implicitly.ย
So he turned and went to the tall cabinet by the door, rummaged through the drawers within for a moment, before returning with his handgun. Was never good at storing his firearms properly. It was fortunate she didnโt register what he was holding until he held it out for her to take, grasping it by the barrel, grip in her direction.ย
She gawked at it, horrified, and for a heartbeat he dreaded that he had made everything worse by presenting her with the very tool she feared heโd murder her with.ย
But she reached for it tentatively, fortunately understanding he intended to give it to her and not point it at her. Whispered what the fuck to herself as though forgetting she had spoken aloud. He found himself amused by how gingerly she took it from him, holding it like it was liable to jump from her grip or explode if she touched it wrong, eyes not parting from it for a second. Tiny hands made the thing look twice as big.ย
โSafetyโs on,โ he mumbled, turning the gun over in her palm to show her the switch, before flipping it. โNow itโs off.โย
โThis isโฆ why would youโโ
โSโyours,โ he said dryly. โIf I do something bad you can shoot me with it.โย
โI โ you โ but Iโโ Short-circuiting, evidently, eyes darting from the pistol that suddenly looked more comfortable in her hand and back to him, her supposed captor.ย
โWonโt need to, though,โ he said dismissively, giving the dog a pat on the side before he turned and wandered towards the narrow hallway. Dog was staying with her tonight, apparently, because he remained by her side instead of following him to his bedroom like he usually did. โBlankets are in the basket under the couch.โย
โWhere are you going?โ She asked again, and he bit down on nothing.ย
โBed.โ
He anticipated silence, or some more whingeing, or perhaps even a bullet to the back of the head on his way out.ย
Instead, an apprehensive murmur. โGood night.โย
He didnโt know what to say to that. He responded with only a grunt.ย
His dreams were ugly.ย
Axes and lumbered logs, too wet and rotten to burn. Blood where it shouldnโt be, splashed over the stump, smeared on the throat of the axe grip, in the shape of his handprint. A futile effort to wash the red off his hands, and while the water ran rusty down the sink, the stains remained.ย
Only when they were rubbed raw, finally clean, did he find a splinter in his palm โ tried to squeeze at it, pick it out with his fingernails, scratch off the flesh it was embedded in โ he woke up with his fingernails burrowing into his hand, with sweat clammy on his neck and and his blankets kicked off.ย
The heater in his room had been humming all night, and the cabin was well insulated, so he had almost forgotten the extent of the snowstorm until he slipped off his bed and tugged open his plaid curtains.ย
White.ย
All he could see. For a moment he thought the snow might have been deep enough that it swallowed his entire house โ instead it was more whiteout, thick cloud that obfuscated much of the horizon he was used to. The snowfall was lighter, though, and the wind had somewhat settled. The lodgepole pines that were once spindly and deep green were thick with a coating of fondant, branches drooping under the weight of the cover.ย
Hard luck for the wee girl on his couch.ย
He remembered she was there as he wandered out of his bedroom in his sweatpants, rubbing his eye with his palm and grunting huskily to clear his sleep-coated throat.ย
He could smell her. Only in the warmth did the faintest hint of her perfume fill the air, or perhaps her deodorant, even just the scent of her skin โ utterly alien in the permanently dust- and tobacco-tainted air of his cabin.ย
She was, bafflingly, still asleep when he made it to the kitchen. He spotted her curled up on the scratchy woven rug on the floor, a stolen sofa cushion under her head and two woollen blankets pulled up to her cheeks. The fire had gone out overnight, and she and the dog were as close as possible to the hearth without sleeping on the stone surround. Dog must love her already, squished up behind her with his chin resting in the hollow of her waist. That, or, she was a good source of warmth.ย
The couch must have been that uncomfortable. Couldnโt bear it for even a single night, princess and her damn pea. He wondered if heโd be able to find her an alternative for the next few nights sheโd be stuck with him, but heโd cross that bridge when he got to it.ย
He heard a faint moan as he lumbered towards the kettle, filling it up with water and setting it on the gas burner. Must have woken her up. He hadnโt made any particular effort to be quiet, though such a thing was near impossible for him. So damn heavy that every step shook the floor.ย
She was still fully dressed as she stumbled over to the kitchen archway, same clothes as yesterday, though she had her pompom-adorned beanie on the top of her head. Must have been cold overnight, once the fire went out.ย
โMorning,โ she said, voice all croaky from a rough sleep, rubbing her eyes with her fists.ย
โCouch no good?โ He asked derisively, grabbing two mugs from the cabinet above the counter.ย
โIt was a little um โ yeah,โ she dithered. Yet unwilling to be frank with him. โItโs fine, though, I slept alright.โย
โOn the floor?โ He questioned, smirking, his back to her.ย
โIt was fine,โ she repeated.ย
He shrugged. Unwise suggesting the only alternative just yet. He grabbed the tin of teabags from the cupboard.ย
โTea?โ The offer was bitten out short and impatient, a grunt more than a word.ย
โIโd like to hit the road pretty soon, if thatโs okay with you.โ
He let out a hoarse sigh. Too fucking early for a conversation he didnโt want to have at all. He had hoped sheโd have come to terms with it on her own, the obvious fact that she was there to stay. Spared him the argument.ย
Her eyes flicked up from his chest as he turned to face her, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed. He might have grinned if he wasnโt filled to the ears with beleaguered dread.ย
Birds used to love it when he forsook a shirt in his days of being an active field operative. Back when he was nice and chiselled, all carved abdominals and lean around the middle. Two years of hibernation had thickened him up, though. He had grown a hearty padding of fat that wrapped his meat and kept him warm, muscles bulked up by the manual labour of living off-grid. The slight paunch of a man too familiar with alcohol and a diet of mostly red meat and baked beans.ย
Not a pretty sight, in his estimation โย but he wouldnโt begrudge her skittish glances. Liked that she looked a little sheepish when she met his eye.ย
He chewed on what to tell her. How to say it. โHave you looked out the window?โย
โYeah, itโs pretty snowy, soโโ
โIt is,โ he grumbled.ย
โโSo we should probably head out before it gets worse.โ
Just about rolled his eyes. Scratched his stubbled chin instead. โUse your head, love.โย ย
โWhat do you mean,โ she questioned accusingly, โI am. I want to make sure I can get to a โ a town, or something, before I get stranded.โ
Seemed she wouldnโt reach the conclusion on her own. โYou already are.โย
Her brows scrunched up at that. โNo โ itโs, but you saidโโ
โI know what I said,โ he disputed. โI said if the roadโs open Iโd take you.โย
โYou donโt know that itโs closed,โ she spat, โyou havenโt even gone out to check.โ
โMh. Go on, check then.โ
โButโโ
โFind the road for me.โย
She scowled, scoffed, turned up her nose as she stomped over to her nest on the floor and shoved her feet into her Ugg boots. He found himself chuckling as she unlocked and tore open the front door, only to be met by a wall of snow on the porch that met her knees.ย
For a misguided moment he was satisfied. Patent evidence that there was no chance of driving anywhere, smack in front of her, surely that would suffice โ but then she stepped into it.ย
โFuckโs sake, girl,โ he barked, marching to the door. โI wasnโt serious.โย
She was unfazed. Waddling through the powder like she might walk all the way back to fucking Hazelton.ย
He was woefully unprepared to follow her. Only item of clothing he had on were his grey sweatpants โ no shirt, no socks, no shoes. Hardly enough time to put his snow boots on before she got too far and vanished into the whiteout, so he left them unlaced as he ordered the dog to stay and hurried out into the snow.ย
Lucky that the residual body heat from his fitful sleep meant he could handle the gelid morning without a jacket. Hoped it would last as long as it took to catch her.ย
It took him a moment to spot her through the cottony haze of cloud โ a moment too long for his liking, because he felt his chest tighten up when he couldnโt find her, until he saw her silhouette meandering towards the garage.ย
Fortunate that he was well-practiced in trudging through snow, and she manifestly was not; must have got her foot caught on something, because he watched her topple forward and land arms-first into the powder. Heard her squeal get muffled by the snow as she sank in it.ย
Growled indignantly as he shambled towards her, where she scrambled and bleated like a tipped goat, failing to push herself to stand. He hooked her by the belly once he reached her and reeled her out of the chalk-white snow, hoisting her up like a limp animal, cold and wet.ย
She didnโt kick, didnโt squeal, didnโt even wriggle in his grip; instead she disputed with only a moan, a pitiful appeal; โput me down.โย
Her defeat was tangible in her laxity, though, flopping her arms over his shoulder as he hauled her back to the cabin. Snow that had stuck to her hoodie melted into his skin and his frustration only distended, gelid water dribbling down his spine and soaking into the waistband of his sweatpants, and he might have called her a stupid girl if the circumstances didnโt make him feel like a reprobate.ย
โAny luck?โ He grumbled, needlessly facetious, as he carted her up the snow-coated steps and finally had her back inside. Shut the door with his boot before he dropped her to her feet.ย
She stood there with her arms crossed, snivelling quietly to herself, refusing to look at him or take a single step in any direction. Perhaps he would have felt guilty, if she hadnโt forced him to venture out into the frigid morning to prevent her from getting herself killed. Again.ย
He pinched the thick fleece of her hoodie between his fingers. Soaked with melt.ย
โYou gonna do that again?โ He asked grimly, watching the flakes of snow on the top of her beanie deliquesce into the holes in the yarn.ย
She was obdurately silent, wiped away a smelting snowflake with the sodden cuff of her sweater as she glowered at the wall to her left.ย
โI donโt wanna be stuck here,โ she mumbled, somehow spiteful. โI donโt want to be stuck here with you.โย
He couldnโt suppress a mordant chuckle at that. A puff of droll air out his nostrils.ย
โStiff shit,โ he said. โI donโt exactly want you here, either.โย
The grimace she gave him could have turned him to stone, but it only made him grin in placid amusement. A cruel twist of fate, wasnโt it?
โThen why wonโt you take me back?โ She asked bitterly, and his amusement was snuffed out as quickly as a blown candle.ย
โYโthink Iโve kidnapped you?โ He questioned, vexation poisoning his tone. โSโthat really what you think?ย
Seemed she wasnโt willing to say as much, that she wouldnโt stoop low enough to make an outright accusation, but she wore her conviction plain as day in the crease in her brow.ย ย
โYou wonโt let me leave,โ she murmured, her voice suddenly infinitesimally small.ย
He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger until they ached and he saw red blooming, because she was, regrettably, probably right. He had no intention of letting her leave. Not one. Heโd sooner tie her up by the ankle to the radiator than let her wander out into the snow on her own.ย
Heโd like to think it was merely fervid protectiveness. An inborn and insurmountable need to safeguard the vulnerable that was only fostered by a decade in the military. The pathological need to obviate any further responsibility for someone elseโs death.
That was a charitable excuse, though.
He could feel something uglier in his gut. Something dark and desperate, borne of a malignant and omnipresent familiarity with loss. A void that both forcibly assured its vacuity and yet still hungered for something living and beating to surfeit it.ย
Worse, still.ย
She was such a pretty thing.ย
He loathed that he liked the smell of her, the sight of her, the sound of her voice. Even in spite of how she irked him; a prickly rosebud in the thorn-ridden bramble of his solitude, one that he quite selfishly enjoyed the presence of.ย
โNo,โ he admitted, through teeth. โI wonโt.โย
Wet little eyes fixed to his. Scleras all pink from welling tears and a restless sleep. Pupils blown wide and black, looking for something. He could feel it, picks mining away at the stone walls surrounding his motivations, like there might be something obvious within them. He wasnโt even sure what sheโd find.ย
โSnowstorm will last a couple days,โ he said, eventually, amidst a sigh. โThen itโll clear up. Snowโll melt. When it does, Iโll take you wherever yโneed to go.โย
Then, miraculously, she nodded. Slowly, warily, but he was grateful for even an iota of acquiescence, so that he didnโt have to confront the possibility of forcibly restraining her.ย
โHow long will that take?โ She asked, taking a preparatory breath.ย
โWeek, maybe.โย
Good timing from the dog, as he meandered over from his bed and sniffed at her thigh, and she seemed to loosen a little. Gave him a scratch behind the ears.ย
โDo you โ have you got supplies for that long?โย
โโNuff to last a month,โ he said. โNot my first time being snowed in.โย
She nodded again, and he felt a weight lift from somewhere he couldnโt pin. โOkay,โ she breathed. โFine. As long as you promise youโll take me to town the moment you can.โย
โCross my heart,โ he grunted. Plain in her expression she understood how brittle a promise was from a stranger, but he was pretty sure he meant it.ย
The silence that followed was prickly. Clear she had no clue what to do with herself, as if awaiting permission or instruction, because she was somewhere she wasnโt supposed to be.ย
โYou should put on something dry,โ he said, as he turned to head back into the kitchen. Kettle needed to boil again. โWant a tea or not?โย
She said nothing as she went back to her spot on the floor, and he heard her unzip her suitcase and burrow around in the doubtless mountain of clothes within.ย
โUm โ yeah, thanks,โ she said, and after a moment she appeared in the kitchen archway with her arms wrapped around a bundle. โWhereโs your bathroom?โย
โFirst on the left.โ One of two doors. Decided against warning her that it didnโt have a lock.ย
She came back a moment later. โIs it โ um, is it okay if I use the shower?โย
โUh-huh.โย
โDo you have a spare towel?โย
โCupboard in the hallway.โย
โCan Iโโ
โUse whichever one you want, I donโt give a shit,โ he grumbled. โJust donโt use all the hot water.โย
ghost x f! reader. 4.5k words
cw: ehh. none. 18+ mdni
your car breaks down in a snowstorm. a crude stranger takes you in from the cold.
Solitude was as familiar an organ as his liver.ย
It had been with him since birth. A congenital defect, bulbous and ugly, wedged somewhere between his lung and his stomach.ย
Inoperable. Harder to kill than a liver, too. Liquor alleviated the ache in the short term, a brief reprieve from feeling it nudging against his ribs โ but he wasnโt ignorant to the fact that booze was a nostrum. Fed it like tributaries to a lake, diameter stretching every year, and it wouldnโt be long until he drowned in it.
He didnโt concern himself with the long-term, though. Not much point in it. Heโd tell himself that heโd cross that bridge when he got to it; but, in truth, he never imagined himself reaching the bridge in the first place.ย ย
He wasnโt in a hurry to die, by any means. There was some gratification to be found in surviving one day at a time. Gave him the feeling he was proving someone wrong. His father, maybe. The Captain. Himself. Didnโt matter โ that spite was what fueled him, and as long as there was still gas in the tank, heโd keep driving.ย
The safehouse he had been holed up in for the better part of two years was good for him in a bad way.ย
The perfect place to fester, let his apathy rankle into something cold and vindictive, to the point that crossing peoplesโ paths irked him and their smiles struck him as insults. He hadnโt considered himself antisocial as a young man, because wherever he went there were people around, to either his pleasure or annoyance. Kids at school, barrack mates, brothers-in-arms. Pretty birds, too, back when he used to be pretty himself.ย
Proof was in the pudding, now that he was tucked away in the backwoods at the base of Mt Thomlinson, with a counterfeit Canadian passport and specific orders to stay under the radar. Human interaction was something he needed to seek out, to actively pursue โ and he didnโt.ย
The thought made his jaw tight, in fact. Gone long enough without it that the very notion of it nettled him. Heโd answer with two words maximum when the Captain checked in. Heโd offer the worker at the nearest supermarket a single greeting when he checked out and a single thanks when he left. Most words he exchanged were with his dog.ย
It wasnโt social anxiety that turned him reclusive. He wasnโt shy, wasnโt reserved out of some bashful worry that heโd say the wrong thing โ no, what kept him alone was anger.ย
Anger with nowhere to go but out. A creature in itself, starved, hankering for another being to consume. To infect. His simmering rage was confined within the walls of his cabin when he was alone, safely restrained, hidden from sight. The simple presence of another heartbeat threatened to tip the balance, to pop the balloon he had been steadily inflating with every breath he exhaled since his sergeant was shot in the head.ย
Being alone was fine by him. Preferable, even. Beholden to no one, and no one to him.
His monthly supply run had come a week early, in anticipation of the snowstorm they had been blathering about on the radio for the past few days. The three-hour drive to Smithers was rarely a pleasant one, winding roads that were carved into the tall mountain faces, poorly maintained chipseal riddled with waterlogged potholes โ but this time the snowfall was especially heavy, and the dicey trip took him an hour longer than usual.ย
He wasnโt complaining. Empty time to sit in silence and smoke a whole pack.ย
The bird at the Safeway checkout wasnโt particularly bubbly, something Simon always found a relief. Made him feel like less of a prick for not reciprocating even a single smile. Probably at the end of her shift, pissed off that he showed up fifteen minutes before closing with five-hundred dollars worth of groceries. She gave him a half-roll of her eyes as he loaded his goods onto the belt; not quite subtle enough to avoid notice, but he had as little interest interacting with her as she did him, so he said nothing. She sent him off with his receipt and a muted stay warm and he responded with only a grunt.ย
He left the township with enough supplies to fill the bed of his truck, secured tightly under a tarp โ cans, jars, bags of milk, three cows worth of beef that would find home in his chest freezer. Toilet rolls, pancake mix, couple blocks of chocolate. Few jerry cans. Diesel and gasoline. Liquor, but that went without saying โ enough to kill an elephant, but he was only replenishing his dwindling reserves. Hopefully just enough to last him the rest of the month.ย
The weather had turned for the worse on his way home. Someone with a stronger sense of self-preservation would have pulled over and waited for the blizzard to pass, but he had his husky waiting for him by the hearth, and a bottle of Redbreast calling his name. Besides, his truck was built for it โ four-wheel drive, locking differentials, deep tread tyres with alpine snow chains.ย
Even still, the emergency alert lighting up his phone was enough to put him slightly on edge. Snow squall warning in effect until 03:00 PDT. Slow down.
Bit fucking late for it to be of any use to him. He could see it out the damn window. See was a stretch, even โ the snow beating on his windscreen was so dense it was near blinding, glowing bright white in his headlights, and despite knowing the road like the back of his hand he begrudgingly slowed to twenty to avoid careening off the side of the mountain.ย
Small miracle that he did.ย
Right as he went around a bend in the road, the smallest flash of an orange light cut through the sheets of white โ smack in the centre of the road ahead. He slammed his foot into the break, cursing as the truck screeched along the salt-covered road, planing slightly on the fresh snow โ kept the truck under control, though, and he managed to veer off into the shoulder, narrowly missing the trunk of a lodgepole.ย
He sat in the silence for a beat as he came to a stop. Just long enough to take a breath. Bit down on the adrenaline-riled rage that threatened to erupt through his jaws as he kicked open the driver side door and jumped out into the snowfall, leaving the engine running.ย
He heard the harried voice before he saw its origin through the whiteout; โAre you okay? Iโm so sorry!โ
Finally spotted the young bird yelling out to him through the blizzard โ standing by a multi-decade-old Toyota Starlet with the hood popped and the hazards on, spun out in the middle of the road.ย
โThe fuck are you doing?โ He roared on his approach, arm up to shield his eyes from the blisteringly cold wind.ย
โIโm really sorry,โ she pleaded, wetness in her throat, โI was โ I was trying to push it out of the way, but Iโโย
โNo, girl, what are you doing out here in the middle of a fuckinโ snowstorm?โ He barked, forgoing his initial reaction to deride her for attempting to push the damn thing; mousy wee bird that she was, amused that she would even attempt it.ย
โI drove over some ice, and I โ I donโt know what happened. I slammed on the brakes and heard a crack and โ and now the car wonโt startโโย
Only as she started rambling and his fury waned to an impatient frustration did he hear the panicked tears in her voice. Stupid fucking girl โ driving a tin can like that in the middle of nowhere, amid forecasted blizzards, alone. The pith of his anger quickly shifted from exasperation at the near-miss to the fact that she would have gotten herself killed if fate hadnโt placed him on the road when it did.ย
Wearing a hoodie and leggings, for shitโs sake. As if those Ugg boots would have kept her feet warm in the double negatives.ย
โShouldโve waited in your damn car,โ he grumbled, as he marched past her and squished himself into the open driver side of her Starlet โ fucking clown car โ and twisted the keys in the ignition. No use asking for her permission, and she put up no fuss. Probably did her the favour of quashing her need to ask for his help.ย
The car was screaming at him, dashboard practically a light show โ but the cause and manner was unambiguous in the slick whirr of the engine. No catch. Wheezing like a dying man.ย
โCan you tell whatโs wrong?โ She asked eagerly, leaning down to peer into the open door, arms wrapped tight as constrictors around herself. Shaking like a puppy.ย
โTiming belt,โ he grunted, as he pushed himself out of the car. Must have found him intimidating, because she shifted to her hind foot once he stood up straight. He was used to that.
โWhat?โ She spluttered, worry creasing in her brow, โis that โ is that bad?โย
He snorted. โYeah, itโs bad. Engineโs dead.โย
Her face crumpled like a tissue when he said that. โShit,โ she sobbed, gritting teeth, โCan you โ is there any way to fix it?โย
โNo,โ he said bluntly.ย
Stupid girl, swallowed it again so that she didnโt have to hear it โ clear in her expression she thought it as much as he did, as she rubbed her face with flat hands, elbows tight to her chest. Those little hands would be black with frostbite if he left her out in the cold much longer.ย
He made up his mind. Resolved to lumber to the back of her car and crack open the boot. She was quick to protest; โWhat are youโโ
โGet in the truck,โ he ordered.ย
She dithered by her open door, quivering and moaning as she battled for any reasonable dispute she could mount. Must have known as well as he did that whatever she could have mustered would have fallen flat, because there werenโt any.ย
There was a suitcase in the boot with a sock sticking out of the zipper, overstuffed to the brink of bursting. Found himself fleetingly curious where she was heading with her whole life packed in softshell luggage, driving through the Canadian wilderness in the middle of the night. Running from something, girl?
Not his business. He yanked it out and carted it towards his truck.ย
โHey, you canโt justโโ
โDonโt make me tell you twice,โ he snapped, tearing open his back door and tossing the cumbersome suitcase into the backseat.ย
โBut, my car โ there m-must be something you can do,โ she begged, as if he might be able to pluck a more agreeable alternative out of the aether and present it to her.ย
โYeah, I can get you out of the cold so you donโt fuckinโ freeze to death,โ he said, leaning into her open car door to grab her purse from the passenger seat. Tossed that in his truck alongside her suitcase.ย
โWill you take me t-to a โ a nearby service station, or s-something?โ She stammered; clear the cold was sinking deep, because he could hear the strain of her full-body shivers in her throat, voice grinding out through gritting teeth.
โNearby?โ He scoffed, โdo you have any clue where you are?โ
โI was on the w-way to Hazelton,โ she said, an endearing attempt at certainty.ย
โGet in the damn truck. Last time Iโm asking,โ he grunted, fuse running short, as he went to put the car in neutral and began pushing it to the side of the road. Size of a go-kart, he probably could have picked it up and carried it if he felt so inclined.ย
She snivelled. โCan you t-take me to Hazelton?โ
โDโyou hit your fuckinโ head, girl?โ He growled, slamming shut her door once the vehicle was off the road.
Wee thing was frozen solid. He could see it in her lips as he stomped towards her, grey and cracked, crystallizing in her eyes as she squinted in the wind. Shivering bordering on convulsion. No doubt her hypothermia was becoming severe enough to affect her judgement.ย
โโNuff pissinโ around,โ he grumbled, taking her bicep in a fist and hauling her towards his truck.ย
โWait โ but I donโt โ I donโt even know you,โ she blubbered, but put up no tangible resistance. Let him drag her along like a pup on a lead. Lucky, because even if she had fought him heโd have thrown her in the truck kicking and screaming. Wouldnโt have another corpse on his conscience, whatever was left of it.ย
โToo bad,โ he said. โNot leavinโ you out here to freeze to death.โย
โIโm n-not ev-even c-cold.โย
He almost chuckled at that. Daft girl. Brain all mushy from the chill of the snowstorm blowing in through her ears. Not a good sign.
In any other situation, he might have considered her reluctance understandable. Rational, even โ pretty young thing alone on a backcountry road, carted off in a strange manโs truck, no cell service, nowhere to run โ didnโt look good. The alternative, though, was leaving her to wander into the snow at the behest of hypothermia-induced psychosis and die where nobody would ever find her.ย
โHey โ you canโtโโ Still whingeing as he lifted her with two hands under her arms and plonked her into the passenger seat. Mouthy little thing.ย
โKnees in,โ he said, no interest in entertaining her grousing.ย
Did as she was told, at least, petulant huff notwithstanding. He threw shut the door once her legs were clear of it and went back to her car for a final once over โ didnโt want to hear the bitching if anything was left behind, because he wasnโt coming back for it.ย
Found an insulated drink bottle, a phone charger, and a beanie with a silly little pompom stitched to the top. Nothing else beyond old receipts and empty cans of diet coke.ย
He chucked his spoils at her as he hopped up into the driverโs seat and they landed in her lap, but her shaky little hands did little to prevent them from dropping onto the floor between her feet.ย ย
He cranked up the heater once he shut his door, full blast, and held the back of his hand to the vent that he turned to pump in her direction. Took a minute to get to max heat, but eventually he felt the warmth bloom across his thick skin.ย
โCโmere,โ he huffed, gesturing with a beckon of his fingers for her to give him her hands. When she failed to realise what he was asking for, he grabbed them, pivoting them by her wrists until they were palm-up.ย
Frigid to the touch. Stiff and waxy.ย
โFeel that?โ He murmured, pinching the tip of her middle finger, and she sucked her teeth.ย
โKind of,โ she gritted, then let out a high-pitched chirp when he pinched a bit harder, squishing her nail bed. โOw.โ
He let out a puff of air. โGood,โ he said, before forcibly maneuvering her hands so each palm sat flat against a heating vent. โKeep โem there.โย
She said nothing in response as he put the car in drive and took off down the snow-blanketed road. He had always preferred driving stick, but the truck was prescribed to him by one of the many governments that had him in their employ โ and he couldnโt begrudge the thing. State of the art. Something built for the arctic tundra, so rugged and fit-for-purpose that it seemed like an insult to drive it on sealed roads.ย
Not to mention โ good fucking heating. The interior of the cab was a balmy twenty-five celsius within five minutes.ย
โWhere are we going?โ She finally piped up, squeezing her hands into fists and twisting them so the backs of her knuckles had a turn in the heat. โYou didnโt โ umโฆ you didnโt tell me.โ
Proper bundle of nerves, now that her wits had returned with a stable body temperature. Focus shifted from surviving the cold to surviving the stranger that threw her in his truck.ย
Couldnโt blame her. He could practically see the terror dawning on her between every syllable, the stark realisation that she had asked him no questions, had no bearings, and there was no escape.ย
He had no intention of harming her, but he lacked the ability to make that apparent. Couldnโt exactly say I wonโt hurt you without inviting suspicion that the very thought had crossed his mind.ย
He was self-aware enough to acknowledge his presence alone was threatening, great ugly beast that he was. Scarred and knurled and frayed around the edges. Eyes that carried death with them. Teeth a bit crooked and canines far too sharp. Not least the size of him โ served him well in the military, but in the pitch-black wilderness it rendered him something of a cryptid. A sasquatch in a gore-tex jacket. Towering. Beady-eyed. Communicating only in growls and grunts.ย
Could tell that she was thinking as much, watching in his periphery as she flicked her gaze to him for short bursts, flinching every time he moved. Timid wee thing. Felt just a touch of guilt that he so clearly frightened her, but then he was reminded that he had just saved her from certain death, and her trepidation suddenly bordered on insulting.ย
Only when she let out a shaky little breath, sinking into her seat like she might fold up into it, did he realise he hadnโt answered her question. Just let the worried words float in the air until they decayed into a denied plea.ย
โMy place,โ he said firmly, far too late for the answer to be any succor, because his silence was a threat in itself.ย
โOh,โ she eked, eyes darting around the car as if to soak in her surroundings. He hoped she wouldnโt be stupid enough to try and open the door, but he resisted the urge to hit the locks, because he knew the second she heard that sound her quiet nerves would erupt into base terror. โIs it, um, how far is it?โย
โNot far,โ he said. โTwenty-odd minutes.โย
โIs it safe to โ to drive in snow like this?โ She asked worriedly, and he snorted at that.
โYou tell me,โ he chided.ย
She huffed. โI didnโt think it would get this bad,โ she muttered. โI had to โ mh. Doesnโt matter.โย
His curiosity was piqued, but he didnโt press. He resolved to remain silent unless prompted, focusing on what little of the treacherous road he could see through the whiteout, cruising at fifteen now that he had more precious cargo aboard.ย
She regarded him with a caution that made the back of his neck feel hot. Evasive blinks in his direction. Eyes on his hands as they hung from the steering wheel.ย
No good could come from enjoying it. How he troubled her. How she looked at him with a faint curl in her brow, eyes wide and ears pinned like a cornered cat. Might have spoken to a latent thirst for control that not even being a lieutenant could slake. Could just as likely have been the fact he liked birds with a bit of scratch in them.ย
โWhatโs your name?โ She asked tightly, hunting for dirt on him rather than asking out of interest. He smirked at the thought, that she was collecting all of the leads she could to feed to the cops once she escaped from his clutches, as if he had taken her against her will.ย
โSimon,โ he said frankly. She was quiet after that, picking at her fingernails and staring out the window, so he returned; โGonna tell me yours?โย
She had to think about it for a bit. Like sharing her name with him might present some risk. When she told him, she only mumbled it, with enough reluctance that he wondered if she had lied.ย
โPretty,โ he murmured.ย
Knew he shouldnโt have been complimenting her given the circumstances, but maintaining etiquette was not his strong suit. There was no filter between his brain and his mouth and he had no interest in installing one.
Didnโt help that she was a lovely thing. Sweet enough to bite. Soft-cheeked and glossy-eyed. Might have acted too soon in taking her to his cabin with him.ย
She drew in a careful breath. โSo โ tonight, youโโ
โYโcan crash at mine,โ he said simply.ย
She looked affronted by the suggestion, head cocked back and all. โFor the night?โ
โWouldnโt leave you to sleep in the fuckinโ snow, would I?โ
โNo, I โ I didnโt think Iโd be sleeping at your house,โ she groused, โI just thought that weโd, I donโt know, wait out the blizzard andโโ
โYโexpect me to stay up โtil five in the morning so I can play taxi for you all the way to Hazelton?โย
โWell, itโs justโโ She faltered, โI donโt even know you.โ
โSure you do,โ he said. โIโm Simon.โ
โSimon who?โ
He grinned at that. Little bit of moxie slipping out when it probably wasnโt wise to let it. Never know, girl, because he could have been all that you feared he was, and that little bit of fight could have been his excuse.ย
โRiley,โ he said, entertaining her. Not often he threw that around. Didnโt even match the name on his fake passport, but he was sure sheโd never lay eyes on the thing.ย
She blinked at him for a moment. Hunting for the next clue. โYou got a wife or something?โ
He chuckled wryly at that. โWorried Iโll get in trouble bringing a bird home?โ
โNo,โ she spat, repulsed by the unsubtle implication. โJust โ just wondering.โ
Want to make sure youโre not a sociopath, was what she clearly wanted to say, because no doubt a wife and kids at home would at least give him the benefit of perceived normalcy. Unfortunate that she kept asking questions she wouldnโt have liked the answers to.ย
โNo missus,โ he said, and she nodded rigidly, an attempt at polite acknowledgment to conceal her assumedly staggering disappointment.ย
Her pussyfooting was beginning to irk him โ wasnโt sure how much longer he could stand the quiet suspicion, the coy little questions about his life as though he had endangered her by rescuing her from a snow squall. Course she couldnโt ask it outright, but he hated watching somebody walk on eggshells almost as much as he hated walking on them himself.ย
She was twitchy, held her knees together, shuffling in her seat. Waited a long interval before she spoke again, like it was a risk just to talk in his vicinity.ย
โSo itโs โ itโs just you? Living in your cabin?โย
He let out an irate sigh. โFor fuckโs sake, Iโm not a serial killer.โย
She glared at him like he had just confessed to the opposite. Jaw a little slack, eyes all bulgy.ย
He rolled his eyes. โIf youโre so damn worried Iโll hurt you, I can pull over and drop you and your shit on the side of the road.โ
โNo โ sorry, I wasnโtโโ She blurted, and his frustration was quick to melt. โI wasnโt saying that.โ
Then he felt guilty. Sudden temper like that would not have done much to quell her scepticism, and while he enjoyed teasing her worries he didnโt necessarily want to prove them right. Not if he was going to have her tucked up in his cabin like a stray cat.ย
โSโalright,โ he grumbled. โCute bird like you gotta keep her wits about her.โ
Her lips flattened and she looked out the window again. He certainly wasnโt doing himself any favours. Maybe he was indeed a sociopath.ย
โIf I โ If I stay on your couch tonight, can you take me back to my car tomorrow?โ She asked, after a short while, arms crossed now that her hands had warmed up.ย
โThat car is dead,โ He jeered. โYโwont be driving it anywhere.โย
She let out a sharp sigh. โI could just wait by it and hitchhike, orโโ
โYouโd be waiting a week.โ
โHow would you know?โ She hissed. โIโm sure truckers drive by all the time.โ
โThink a truckerโll be nicer than me?โย
A fraction of a second was long enough to betray that she didnโt think so either.ย
Strangers on backcountry service roads were hit and miss, and for a bird like her, most likely more misses than hits. He bet the first bastard to have picked her up would have been a cash-swindling hick or a leery old rapist, and God only knows where theyโd be headed to or from. Sheโd eventually come around to realising he was probably the best she could have hoped for.ย
โHavenโt been that mean, have I?โ He pushed, sardonicism on his tongue, glancing at her with a smirk.ย
โA bit abrasive,โ she grumbled, looking directly out of the windshield, no doubt his gaze was making her uncomfortable.ย
โAbrasive, eh?โ He chortled. โNice way to put it.โ
โI just โ I just want to make sure I can get back to civilisation,โ she murmured. โWill you please drive me to Hazelton in the morning?โ
She wouldnโt have liked the truth, so he decided not to tell it to her โ that the likelihood of the roads being driveable by morning was slim to none. That the snowstorm was forecasted to last a few days at the least. That the dumping of snow was unseasonable and unprecedented and the meteorologists on the radio were calling it indisputable evidence of climate change. Something we haven't seen since St. Johnโs Snowmageddon, they said, stock up on emergency supplies and stay indoors. Stay indoors. Stay indoors.ย
โSure,โ he huffed. โIf the roadโs open Iโll take ya.โย
She deflated at that. Shoulders softened with a long sigh and a feeble nod. Knot of tension in the air unwound with it.ย
Soap was out for the weekend โ something about visiting family, though you suspected it had more to do with getting away from the shared apartment before one of you killed the other over dishes or laundry. Which left you and Ghost.
Youโd fully planned to spend the entire weekend bed rotting: snacks, shitty TV, no pants. And for most of Saturday, that dream lived.
Until Ghost texted.
Need a favor. Bringing a bird back. Keep her entertained while I sort my room? Wonโt be long.
You stared at the message, squinting (you groaned out loud) but you knew you were not about to leave him hanging. You hit him with a reluctant โfine.โ Simon Riley asking you for help with his latest one-night stand? That was new. He usually kept his personal business separate.
But whatever. You owed him for covering your ass on last weekโs op. And you were bored. So you sighed, peeled yourself off the couch, and tried to make yourself look slightly less feral before they arrived.
Door opens and in comes Ghost with his date. Sheโs cute. Really cute, actually. A little overdressed for your disaster of a living room but she doesn't seem fazed. Ghost gives you both an awkward nod before disappearing down the hall, leaving you two sitting there with the tv quietly playing some nonsense reality show you left on.
Bubbly, a little flirty โ the total opposite of Ghostโs usual cold, dead-eyed energy. And when you offered her a drink while Ghost disappeared down the hall, she plopped down next to you on the couch, all easy smiles and sparkling eyes.
It started with harmless small talk. Then she complimented your shirt. Then your hair. Then her hand was on your thigh, and sheโs laughing at something stupid you said, leaning in a little too close, and thenโit just happens. Youโre kissing her, your brain going oh shit oh shit oh shit the whole time.
So now here you were. Making out with Ghostโs date on the couch.
In your shared apartment. While wearing pajamas. On a random Saturday.
Cue Ghost walking back in mid-moment, stopping dead in the doorway. His eyes narrow behind the mask, you can feel the betrayal radiating off him. Like you just snatched his last protein bar. His date pulls back, breathless and giggly, and Ghost just grumbles something like, "Right. Brilliant." before motioning for her to follow him to his room.
You donโt say anything. You just sink deeper into the couch, cheeks burning, cursing whatever magnetic chaos field you must emit.
An hour later, youโre finally knocked out in your room when thereโs a soft knock at your door. You crack it open, and there she is. Disheveled, mischievous smirk on her lips.
โThought Iโd come spend more time with youโฆโ she purrs.
You just stare at her, sleep-addled and brain-buffering like a dial-up connection. Because now youโve officially entered roommate hell.
You wake up feeling like youโve been hit by a truck. Mostly because you barely slept. The girlโGhost's girlโended up staying way longer than you meant for her to. Things got...a bit intense. Now itโs morning, your headโs pounding, and you can already feel the awkward tension waiting for you out there like a landmine.
You shuffle out of your room in a hoodie and joggers, trying to pretend youโre just going to get a glass of water and not about to face the consequences of your crimes. But the second you step into the kitchen, heโs there.
Ghost. Sitting at the table, arms crossed, mask still on, staring at you like you personally set fire to his car.
You both just stand there in silence for a beat.
Then he speaks, voice flat as a goddamn pancake: "Sleep well? Or...too busy for that?"
You blink. Your brain offers no defense. None. "Siโ"
"Nah," he cuts you off, shaking his head, scoffing under his breath. "Pied off. In my own fuckinโ flat."
You wince. Because, yeah, heโs not wrong.
You go for the fridge just to do something and he keeps going, muttering like heโs talking more to himself than to you: "Bring a bird back, and sheโs in your room by midnight. Unreal. Soap leaves for one weekend and the place turns into Love Island."
You choke on your sip of water, trying not to laugh because thatโll only make it worse.
"Donโt know why I even bother," Ghost grumbles, getting up from the table with heavy steps. "Tell you whatโnext time, you pull, Iโll keep her entertained for you, yeah? See how you like it."
You try to apologize, but heโs already halfway down the hall, muttering: "Never trusting you with a favor again. Bloody traitor."
Meanwhile, Soap texts the group chat from Scotland, oblivious: "Morning, lads! Miss me yet? ๐๐"
Ghost leaves him on read. You donโt even dare reply.
