Misplaced Lens Cap
oozey mess
RMH
blake kathryn
JVL
No title available
No title available
titsay
Janaina Medeiros
Origami Around
★
art blog(derogatory)
Product Placement
Cosimo Galluzzi
PR's Tumblrdome
d e v o n
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Andulka
taylor price
ellievsbear
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Chile
seen from Portugal
seen from Türkiye
seen from Dominican Republic
seen from Dominican Republic
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
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seen from Germany
@muiitoloko
🚨 NEW MASTERLIST ALERT! 🚨
All my works are now neatly organized in Google Docs — easy to browse, quick to access, and no more broken links!
✨ Check it out whenever you need your fanfic fix! ✨
〰️ ✦ ✦ ✦ 〰️
📅 Last Update: 02 / 06 / 2026
📂 👉 Masterlist here!
〰️ ✦ ✦ ✦ 〰️
💬 Requests are close!
💌 Feel free to comment, reblog, and send asks!
Por favoooooopooor, recomende seus autores(as) brasileiros favoritos do momento ou fics que você esteja lendo? Eu realmente gostaria de ler mais fanfics do Alan em português mas é impossível achar autoras br hoje em dia😭😭😭
To be honest, I dont know any Brazilian authors who write for Alan, at least not in Portuguese. The few ones I’ve come across write Snape fanfiction, but the plot is always the same: Snape getting involved with a student. I find that pretty disturbing, considering Hogwarts students are between 11 and 17 years old, and those stories tend to romanticize that kind of relationship. It’s just not something I can read. So unfortunately, I dont have any Portuguese fanfics to recommend to you.
Tradução: Sendo honesta? Não conheço nenhum autor brasileiro que escreva para o Alan, pelo menos não em português. Os poucos que encontrei escrevem fanfics do Snape, mas a trama é sempre a mesma: o Snape se envolvendo com uma aluna. Eu acho isso bem nojento, porque os alunos de Hogwarts têm entre 11 e 17 anos, e essas histórias costumam romantizar esse tipo de relação. Eu simplesmente não consigo ler algo assim. Então, infelizmente, não tenho nenhuma fanfic em português para te recomendar.
May I add you to my Kingsman writers list ?
Sure, go right ahead!
Have you ever had anyone ask you for nudes on Tumblr? 😅
Yeah 😅 You have no idea the kind of things I’ve received on here. I’ve had people ask if I wanted to be their submissive 🤣
I’m always a little cautious on Tumblr. It’s kind of a crazy social media platform sometimes 🤣🤣
Oh, because I had a spicy request idea potentially in the future
Feel free! Though I should warn you that I’m not really open to fanfic requests at the moment... which is admittedly a bit hypocritical considering I’ve fulfilled a few requests these past few days. 😅
So honestly, it might be worth taking the risk and sending the ask anyway. 😂
Sorry, just a safety thing because yeah sorry if that was a weird question. I just you don’t have your age on your bio so I was just curious.
No worries, I was just caught off guard by the question 😅 Yeah, I’m an adult. To be honest, I think the amount of nonsense I post on this profile already gives that away. 😂
That said, I’m not really sure why it matters. I’m not looking to exchange photos or spicy messages or anything like that. I’m just here to share my stories, make people laugh, and occasionally post questionable content about fictional middle-aged men 😆
Are you a 18+ adult so I may interact?
What the hell kind of question is that? 😅
I came across something interesting on Google today 👀
NSFW ALPHABET - LEONARD
A – Aftercare
Leonard pretends he is not sentimental about aftercare, which is exactly how you know he is. He acts as if the entire thing is merely practical: water on the bedside table, a towel tossed in your direction, a dry comment about how you look like you’ve “survived a hostile peer review.” But his hand lingers at the small of your back. His voice softens when he asks if you’re sore. He watches your face too carefully for a man claiming indifference.
He is not soft in the obvious way. He will not coo over you like some adoring fool. Leonard’s tenderness is quieter, sharper, almost annoyed with itself. He pulls the blanket over your bare shoulder, brushes your hair out of your face, and mutters, “Don’t look so surprised. I’m not an animal.”
Then, after a pause, in that dry, devastating voice:
“Not entirely.”
B – Body Part
Yours? Your eyes.
Leonard loves watching the exact moment arrogance becomes uncertainty. He likes your eyes when you’re challenging him, when you think you have the upper hand, when you’re furious enough to argue and clever enough to almost win. But he loves them most when you’re undone beneath him, wide and wet and startled, as if your body has betrayed every intellectual defense you tried to build.
“Ah,” he murmurs, thumb brushing your cheek. “There you are. Finally honest.”
His? His mouth.
Cruel, clever, elegant, lethal. Leonard’s mouth is his primary weapon long before it becomes anything sensual. He can shred confidence with one sentence, praise you with another, and make both feel equally intimate. His lips are thin, expressive, often curled into that sarcastic almost-smile that makes you want to slap him or kiss him.
Unfortunately, he knows this.
C – Cum
Leonard is deeply, privately possessive about finishing inside you. He frames it as indulgence, inevitability, biology, anything except attachment—but there is always something darker beneath his composure when he does it. He likes the intimacy of it. The finality. The way your body tightens around him afterward, as if trying to keep him there.
He becomes especially insufferable if you beg for it.
“Oh, now you want commitment?” he murmurs against your mouth, hips grinding deep, voice rougher than usual. “How charming. A little late in the semester for that, don’t you think?”
But he gives it to you.
And afterward, when you’re trembling and furious at how smug he looks, he kisses your temple and says, “Excellent. Full marks.”
D – Dirty Talk
Devastating.
Leonard does not waste words, which makes every filthy thing he says feel deliberate. He speaks as if he is marking up a manuscript: precise, observant, merciless. He notices every reaction and turns it into evidence.
“You’re very loud for someone who claimed not to care.”
“Careful. That sounded almost sincere.”
“Is this your argument, then? Because I admit, it’s becoming persuasive.”
“Look at you. Finally producing something worth reading.”
He is worst when praising you, because his praise is so rare that it lands like a blow.
“That’s it. Good girl. See? You can follow instructions when properly motivated.”
E – Experience
Extensive, complicated, and ethically disastrous.
Leonard has lived too long, drunk too much, travelled too far, and disappointed too many people to be inexperienced. He knows bodies with the same cynical accuracy he knows writers. He understands insecurity. Vanity. Hunger. The way people pretend not to want approval until they’re shaking for it.
He is not romantic in bed, at least not at first. He is analytical. Patient. Slightly cruel. He reads you too well and makes no effort to be polite about it.
The problem is that he is rarely wrong.
F – Favorite Position
You bent over his desk.
It is far too obvious, which irritates him, but Leonard cannot deny the appeal. Your notes scattered beneath your palms, pages creasing under your fingers, his hand at the back of your neck while he leans over you and speaks directly into your ear.
“Still think that paragraph works?” he asks, voice low and infuriatingly calm.
You can barely answer because he is pressed against you from behind, white hair falling slightly out of place, his hooked nose brushing your temple, his hips moving with slow, punishing control.
“Use your words,” he murmurs. “You’re supposed to be a writer.”
G – Groaning
Rare, low, and deeply inconvenient.
Leonard is not a loud man. He prefers control, and noise suggests surrender, which he finds vulgar in theory and irresistible in practice. Most of his pleasure comes through clipped breaths, rough exhales, murmured curses, and the occasional dark laugh against your skin.
But when you catch him off guard—when you clench around him unexpectedly, when your mouth finds the sensitive place beneath his jaw, when your nails drag hard down his back—he groans from somewhere deep in his chest.
It is not elegant.
It is not polished.
And he hates how much you love it.
H – Hair
White, thick, usually controlled with the sort of careless precision that clearly took effort. During the day, it gives him a severe, professorial elegance. After sex, it becomes deliciously disordered, falling over his forehead in a way that makes him look less like a ruthless literary tyrant and more like a man who has been thoroughly compromised.
He does not like you touching it too casually.
He absolutely likes when you tug it at the right moment.
The first time you do, his hazel eyes flash with outrage and arousal at once.
“Careful,” he says, voice rough. “I’m not one of your bad metaphors to be handled carelessly.”
Pubic hair? Mature, white and silver, neatly kept but not vainly overgroomed. Leonard is too self-possessed to look careless, but too old and too cynical to pretend he is twenty-five. He looks like a man, not an advertisement, and carries that with almost arrogant ease.
I – Intimacy
Difficult.
Leonard can fuck with frightening confidence. He can seduce, tease, praise, humiliate, unravel. But intimacy unsettles him because intimacy requires honesty, and honesty is far less controllable than desire.
He is most intimate when he thinks you are not noticing.
His hand resting over your hip after sex.
His thumb moving slowly along your wrist.
His mouth brushing your shoulder while he pretends to read.
The way he remembers exactly how you take your coffee but mocks you for it anyway.
He will not say, “I need you.”
He will say, “You’re intolerable when absent,” and expect you to understand.
J – Jacking Off
More often than he admits.
Leonard has too much pride to confess to loneliness, but not enough discipline to avoid indulging it. He touches himself late at night, usually after drinking, usually after rereading something you wrote and becoming angry at how much potential you have. He hates when desire gets tangled with admiration. It makes him feel vulnerable, which makes him meaner the next day.
He thinks about your mouth first.
Then your eyes.
Then the way you look when you’re trying not to beg.
Afterward, he sits in silence, annoyed with himself, and mutters, “Pathetic,” though whether he means himself or the human condition is unclear.
K – Kinks
- Praise kink. Not receiving it—giving it. Leonard knows exactly how starved you are for his approval, and he uses that knowledge ruthlessly.
- Intellectual dominance. He likes verbal sparring that turns physical.
- Authority dynamics. Strict, controlled, morally questionable, dangerously seductive.
- Desk sex. Obviously.
- Humiliation, but refined. Less crude degradation, more surgical observation.
- Jealousy. He enjoys provoking it, though he pretends to find it tedious.
- Oral fixation. He is fascinated by mouths, especially when they stop arguing and start begging.
- Clothing. Pencil skirts, undone blouses, his shirts on your body, bare skin against tweed and linen.
- Voice kink. He knows exactly what that baritone does.
L – Location
His office.
Not because it is comfortable. It is not. It is cluttered, book-lined, intimidating, and full of evidence that Leonard has built an entire life out of judgment. That is precisely the point.
He likes you surrounded by manuscripts, criticism, half-empty glasses, expensive pens, and the smell of paper and old smoke. He likes the wrongness of it. That his reputation, your composure, and several academic boundaries are all hanging by a thread.
Other favorites include hotel rooms after readings, narrow hallways after everyone else has left, and his apartment when rain presses against the windows and neither of you says the thing you both came there to do.
M – Marking
Possessive, but discreet.
Leonard does not leave careless marks. He leaves deliberate ones. A bruise high on the thigh. Fingerprints at the waist. A bite just low enough to be hidden beneath a collar. He likes the idea that only you know they are there. That you will sit through class, dinner, conversation, some tedious literary party, and feel the quiet ache of him beneath your clothes.
If you mark him back, he pretends to be irritated.
“Juvenile,” he mutters, inspecting the scratch on his shoulder.
But he does not actually sound displeased.
N – Nudes
Dangerous territory.
Leonard would never ask crudely. He would make some dry, infuriating remark about visual evidence, then watch your reaction over the rim of a glass. But if you sent him something private, something tasteful but unmistakably obscene, he would go very still.
He would study it like a manuscript he was not ready to admit moved him.
Not smiling. Not laughing.
Just looking.
Later, he would tell you, “Compositionally, it has flaws.”
Then his voice would drop.
“But I’ve found myself returning to it.”
O – Oral
Giving? Devastatingly thorough.
Leonard approaches oral sex like an argument he fully intends to win. He is patient, observant, and mercilessly attentive. He watches your body for every involuntary response, adjusting with the precision of a man who has spent his life noticing weaknesses. His mouth is warm, clever, and cruelly unhurried.
He praises you between kisses, which is worse.
“There. That’s the sound I wanted.”
Receiving? He likes it more than he lets on. He especially likes your mouth because it gives him the rare pleasure of seeing you temporarily unable to argue. His hand rests in your hair, not forcing, just guiding.
“Much better,” he murmurs, breath uneven. “Your strongest work so far.”
P – Pace
Controlled until it is not.
Leonard enjoys escalation. He likes tension. He likes making you wait until impatience ruins your dignity. He will kiss you slowly for what feels like forever, touch everywhere except where you want him, and deliver increasingly cruel little comments until you are flushed and furious.
When his control breaks, it breaks sharply.
Suddenly his mouth is on yours, his hands are under your clothes, and his voice is no longer quite so smooth.
“Enough,” he mutters, pinning you against the nearest surface. “I’m bored of restraint.”
Q – Quickies
He pretends to dislike them.
“Adolescent,” he says.
“Undignified.”
“Proof that civilisation is collapsing.”
Then he locks the office door.
Leonard’s quickies are not romantic. They are tense, breathless, and edged with irritation, as if he resents how badly he wants you. They happen after arguments, after you impress him, after someone else flirts with you, after he says something cruel and immediately regrets it but is too emotionally constipated to apologise like a normal man.
So he drags you close instead.
R – Risk
High in theory, controlled in practice.
Leonard likes risk when it sharpens the moment: a locked door, voices down the hall, your hand on his thigh beneath a table, his fingers brushing your wrist during a critique as if nothing is happening. He enjoys watching you try to maintain composure.
But he is not stupid.
True exposure would irritate him. Scandal bores him unless he is the one writing about it. He prefers danger contained, privacy maintained, and plausible deniability preserved.
“Discretion,” he murmurs, mouth against your ear, “is the last refuge of intelligent sinners.”
S – Stamina
Excellent, but not in a showy way.
Leonard is not trying to prove he is young. He knows he is not. That confidence is part of the appeal. He is patient, deliberate, and skilled enough to ruin you without rushing. He can spend an absurd amount of time teasing, pausing, talking, touching, studying your reactions until you’re trembling with frustration.
He does not need frantic athleticism.
He has timing.
And he uses it like a weapon.
T – Toys
He prefers improvised elegance.
- His tie around your wrists.
- A fountain pen dragged cold along your thigh.
- A leather belt, not necessarily used harshly, but placed where you can see it.
- A chair.
- A desk.
- A marked-up manuscript beneath your palms.
He is not against toys, exactly, but anything too obvious makes him sneer. Leonard likes objects with context. Things that already belong to his world, repurposed into something private and obscene.
U – Unfair
Unbearably.
Leonard is unfair because he notices everything. The way your breath changes when he lowers his voice. The words that make you defensive. The praise that makes you melt. The criticism that makes you furious enough to kiss him.
He will absolutely exploit every one of those discoveries.
“You’re angry,” he observes calmly, fingers sliding beneath your chin.
“I’m not.”
“You are. It’s making you sloppy.”
“Shut up.”
His smile barely appears.
“Make me.”
V – Volume
Low.
Leonard likes quiet because quiet makes every sound more revealing. Breath. Skin. Fabric. A stifled moan. Your hand slapping over your own mouth because someone might hear. He enjoys secrecy far too much.
He himself is restrained—until he is close. Then his voice roughens, his curses become less polished, and the sarcasm falls away into something much more honest.
“God,” he breathes, gripping you harder. “You’re going to be the death of my better judgment.”
W – Wildest Fantasy
Not merely sex.
Surrender.
Leonard’s wildest fantasy is not about a position or a place. It is about someone seeing him completely—the arrogance, the failure, the bitterness, the talent, the loneliness—and still staying. It terrifies him, which is why he buries it beneath cruelty and cleverness.
But physically?
A long weekend away from everyone. No students. No literary parties. No reputations. Just rain, books, alcohol, arguments, sex, silence, and you wearing one of his shirts while reading something he wrote years ago.
He would mock you for it.
Then watch you from the doorway like a man quietly starving.
X – X-Ray
Mature, thick, and heavy in the hand.
Not pretty in a delicate way. Substantial. Masculine. Slight curve, flushed dark at the head when aroused, with that startling physicality made more intense by how cerebral he usually seems. Leonard spends so much time as voice, intellect, judgment, and ego that seeing him hard feels almost indecently revealing.
The first time you stare too long, he arches one brow.
“Yes,” he says dryly. “It does have narrative weight.”
Y – Yearning
Hidden badly.
Leonard yearns through criticism. Through sarcasm. Through the extra glass poured without asking. Through the book left on your chair because he “thought you might benefit from reading something competent for once.” Through the way his gaze follows you when he thinks you are not looking.
He is deeply cynical about love because he believes wanting makes people stupid.
Unfortunately, he wants.
This makes him furious.
Z – ZZZ
Leonard sleeps like a man who has spent decades arguing with his own mind and finally lost. Once he is truly asleep, the sharpness leaves his face. His white hair falls messily across his forehead. His mouth softens. His arm ends up around your waist with unconscious possessiveness, despite the fact that he would absolutely deny doing it on purpose.
If you try to leave the bed too early, his hand tightens automatically.
“Don’t,” he mutters, voice rough with sleep.
You pause.
His eyes remain closed.
Then, after a beat, quieter:
“I haven’t finished ignoring you yet.”
Bonus:
WW – Writing
This is how Leonard realizes he loves you.
Not through some dramatic confession. Not through jealousy, not through sex, not even through the strange, quiet ache he feels when you leave his apartment and the room becomes offensively empty afterward.
He realizes it while writing.
At first, he tells himself the character is fictional. Obviously fictional. A woman with your sharp mouth, your restless ambition, your irritating habit of pretending not to care when you care so violently it practically enters the room before you do. She appears in one scene as a minor complication—nothing more. A clever line. A pair of hazel-lit eyes narrowed across a table. A hand wrapped around a coffee cup. A laugh at the wrong moment.
Then she stays.
Worse, she improves the pages.
Leonard begins writing her again and again, despite himself. She slips into margins, arguments, doorways, unfinished chapters. She becomes the only character in the manuscript who refuses to obey him. Everyone else bends beneath his control, but she resists. She contradicts him. She makes the prose less dead.
It irritates him profoundly.
For days, he denies the resemblance. He tells himself all writers steal. From life, from weakness, from desire, from whatever unfortunate person has lingered too long in the imagination. He has done it before. He has cannibalised former lovers, enemies, friends, failures. This is no different.
Except it is different.
Because he does not write her cruelly.
That is the first warning.
Leonard can be merciless on the page. He knows how to expose vanity, stupidity, hunger, desperation. He knows how to peel a person down to their least flattering truth and leave them there, shivering under literary light. But with this character, he keeps protecting her. He gives her better lines. He lets her win arguments she has no business winning. He describes the vulnerable tilt of her mouth with such tenderness that, upon rereading it, he goes very still.
Then he deletes the paragraph.
Then he rewrites it worse.
More honest.
That is when he knows.
He sits alone at his desk long after midnight, white hair disheveled, hooked nose shadowed by the desk lamp, one hand resting over the manuscript as if he could physically restrain the truth from rising off the page. The character looks nothing like a confession and exactly like one.
You are in the rhythm of the sentences.
You are in the cruelty he cannot quite bring himself to give her.
You are in the one line he keeps rereading because it sounds less like fiction than surrender.
She made him want to be understood, which was intolerable, because understanding was only another word for being seen too clearly and loved anyway.
Leonard stares at the sentence for a long time.
Then he mutters, “Oh, for Christ’s sake.”
Because there it is.
Not lust. Not fascination. Not intellectual vanity. Not the old, familiar thrill of wanting someone he should not want.
Love.
Horrifying. Undignified. Structurally inconvenient.
And worst of all, well written.
Okay but hear me out.
Mycroft holmes played by Alan Rickman?
The real question is: would anyone read it if I wrote something like that? 👀
Honestly, though, I vaguely remember someone telling me that Alan Rickman actually played Sherlock Holmes in a stage production once, which makes the whole idea even more tempting 😅
Still a Soldier
Summary: Frank Benson thought he had left war behind. Faced with an impossible choice between family and duty, he discovers that some oaths never stop demanding sacrifices.
Pairing: Frank Benson × Fem! Reader
Warnings: Domestic Angst
Also read on Ao3
You were sitting cross-legged on the sofa with Eli balanced against your thighs, his little hands grabbing shamelessly at your fingers as if he intended to remove them and keep them for later. He was babbling at you with the fierce seriousness of a child delivering a military briefing, cheeks flushed, dark eyes bright, one sock missing because apparently socks were enemies of the state.
“You are getting far too big,” you told him, narrowing your eyes as he slapped both palms against your chest and laughed like he had personally conquered Europe. “Do you know that? You’re only one year old. One. And you already weigh like a sack of potatoes with political opinions.”
Eli squealed, delighted by your accusation, and leaned forward to bite your sleeve with all the subtlety of a starving wolf.
Across the sofa, Frank made a low sound behind the newspaper. He was sitting in his usual corner, one ankle crossed over the other, reading glasses perched on the bridge of his hooked nose, silver hair slightly mussed from where Eli had tried to climb him earlier. He looked domestic in a way that still startled you sometimes: white-haired, broad-shouldered, a little soft around the middle, dressed in an old jumper instead of a uniform, his baritone hidden behind the rustle of the morning paper.
“He’s not too big,” Frank said without looking up. “He’s a Benson.”
You turned your head slowly. “Is that supposed to explain everything?”
“It does explain everything.”
“Frank, he is built like a prize-winning ham.”
The newspaper lowered just enough for you to see one hazel eye, unimpressed and deeply paternal. “That is my son you’re insulting.”
“I’m complimenting him. Look at him.” You lifted Eli slightly, which made the baby shriek with joy and kick his chubby legs. “He has thighs like bread rolls. Expensive bread rolls.”
Frank’s mouth twitched. “Benson family genetics.”
You looked at Eli again. Eli looked back at you with his father’s exact expression of offended dignity, which was alarming on a baby with drool on his chin.
“You hear that?” you asked him. “Apparently this is your inheritance. Not land. Not a trust fund. Just being enormous and judgmental.”
Eli slapped your cheek.
Frank chuckled behind the paper.
“Oh, you think that’s funny?” you said, rubbing your cheek while Eli giggled. “He gets the violence from your side too, I suppose.”
“He gets tactical initiative from my side.”
“He just assaulted his mother.”
“A bold maneuver.”
You rolled your eyes and shifted Eli against you, smoothing one hand over his soft hair. He immediately started mouthing at your collar, making impatient little sounds, his hands patting at you with increasing urgency.
“Oh,” you said, glancing down at him. “Now we remember manners exist?”
Eli made a tiny outraged noise.
You smiled and tapped the tip of his nose. “Are you hungry, my gigantic little dictator?”
Frank’s newspaper rustled again. You could feel him watching now, even though he was pretending not to.
Eli whined, dramatic and wounded, throwing his head back against your arm as if denied basic human rights.
You gasped. “Excuse me. That was not a proper request.”
The baby kicked both legs.
“No,” you said solemnly. “You know the rules. You only nurse if you cry. Properly. I require commitment.”
Frank’s paper lowered another inch.
Eli stared up at you, blinking.
You stared back. “Go on. Convince me.”
The baby gave a small, fake-sounding whimper, then immediately ruined the effect by smiling.
“Terrible performance,” you said. “No emotional depth. No desperation. Your father would have given you notes.”
Frank cleared his throat. “I would have.”
“You’re not helping.”
“I’ve commanded men with better discipline than that.”
“He is one.”
“Never too early to learn standards.”
You gave Eli one last stern look, as if he were a very small defendant standing trial for crimes against patience, and then surrendered with all the dignity of a woman who had lost a negotiation to someone wearing only one sock.
“All right,” you murmured, tugging the hem of your shirt down and shifting him more comfortably against you. “Since your performance was terrible but your commitment to tyranny is impressive.”
Eli did not care about your commentary.
The moment you settled him close, he latched on with the fierce, immediate enthusiasm of a child who believed starvation had been imminent for the past twelve seconds. His little hands curled against your skin, one foot pressing into your stomach, his whole body relaxing with a dramatic sigh that made Frank lower the newspaper again.
You looked down at your son and softened despite yourself.
“There you are,” you whispered, brushing your thumb gently along the bridge of his tiny nose. “Greedy little thing.”
And God, the nose.
It was absurd.
You stroked it again, marveling at the familiar shape in miniature. The tiny hooked bridge, the serious brow, the faintly judgmental set of his face even while nursing. Eli was only a year old and somehow already looked as if he disapproved of budget cuts, weak tea, and anyone who used the word “literally” too often.
You glanced over at Frank.
Then back down at Eli.
Then back at Frank.
Frank noticed.
“What?” he asked, suspicious.
You shook your head slowly. “I gave birth to a pocket version of you.”
Frank’s mouth twitched. “Lucky boy.”
“It’s almost alarming. Look at him. That is your nose.”
“My nose is distinguished.”
“Your nose is now on a baby.”
“Then he’s a distinguished baby.”
You snorted, smoothing Eli’s hair as he nursed, warm and heavy in your arms. “He has your glare too.”
Frank folded the newspaper with exaggerated care and set it aside. “He has focus.”
“He looks like he’s about to complain to Parliament.”
“That’s because he has standards.”
Eli made a tiny sound against you, one hand flexing, his lashes lowering with sleepy satisfaction. Frank watched him with that quiet, helpless look he always tried to hide and never managed. It softened the hard lines of his face, eased something old and military from his shoulders. In moments like this, he did not look like the man who had spent half his life in command rooms. He looked like a father still privately astonished that the world had handed him something small enough to fit against his chest and strong enough to undo him.
He leaned closer, careful not to disturb Eli, and reached one broad hand toward the baby’s bare foot.
“Hello, little fighter,” Frank murmured, brushing one finger against Eli’s heel.
Eli immediately kicked him away.
Frank froze.
You looked down.
Eli kept nursing as if nothing had happened, his tiny foot now planted firmly against Frank’s wrist in warning.
A slow, delighted smile spread across Frank’s face.
“Oh,” he said, voice low with approval. “Is that how it is?”
You laughed under your breath. “He rejected you.”
“He defended his position.”
“He kicked you.”
“With conviction.”
Frank tried again, touching Eli’s foot with the gentlest pressure. Eli kicked once more, sharper this time, and Frank looked so proud you nearly rolled your eyes out of your skull.
“There’s my boy,” he murmured.
“Of course you love that.”
“He’s got spirit.”
“He’s got your attitude.”
“Good.”
Frank bent his head and pressed a kiss to the sole of Eli’s bare foot.
The scratch of his stubble did it.
Eli let go of you with a startled little pop, blinking in confusion for half a second before dissolving into laughter. It was a bright, bubbling sound, all gums and breath and pure delight, his whole chubby body squirming against you as Frank kissed his foot again.
“Oh, traitor,” you said, trying not to laugh as milk dribbled at the corner of Eli’s mouth. “You abandoned your meal for comedy?”
Frank’s eyes warmed. “He has taste.”
“He has no taste. He thinks your face is funny.”
Frank kissed Eli’s foot once more, slower this time, deliberately brushing his stubbled jaw against the soft arch. Eli shrieked with laughter, kicking both legs now, one heel landing against Frank’s chest.
Frank caught the foot with theatrical seriousness. “Careful. That’s an officer you’re assaulting.”
Eli babbled at him.
Frank nodded solemnly. “A compelling argument.”
You shifted Eli back against you, trying to coax him to finish nursing, but the boy kept glancing at Frank as if expecting another attack. Frank sat there with a private smile tugging at his mouth, hazel eyes fixed on his son, silver hair falling slightly over his forehead. He looked foolishly, painfully happy.
Then the phone rang.
Not the house phone.
Not your mobile.
The one in his office.
The sound cut through the room with a cold, precise insistence, and Frank’s smile vanished so quickly it felt like watching a door slam shut.
Eli startled against you, his little hands tightening. You instinctively held him closer, turning your body slightly as the second ring came.
Frank was already standing.
There was no groan, no muttered complaint, no slow domestic irritation. The loving father who had been kissing baby feet a second ago disappeared beneath something older, harder, trained into the bone. His face settled into stillness. His shoulders squared. His eyes sharpened.
The old soldier had returned.
You watched him adjust his belt with one practiced tug, the gesture automatic, almost unconscious. His jaw tightened. The soft belly, the mussed hair, the jumper, the baby laughter still lingering in the room—none of it could disguise the change in him.
“Frank,” you said quietly.
He paused at the edge of the sitting room, one hand already near the doorframe.
For a moment, he looked back.
Not at you first.
At Eli.
The baby had settled again against your breast, confused but comforted by your arms, his tiny hooked nose pressed to your skin, one hand curled into your shirt. Frank’s gaze moved over him with something so tender it almost broke through the hard mask.
Then he looked at you.
“I’ll be a minute,” he said.
His baritone was calm. Too calm. The kind of calm that meant he had already begun locking away every soft thing in the room.
You nodded, though both of you knew a minute could mean anything.
Frank’s eyes lingered on your face for one last breath, as if silently asking you to keep the warmth there for him until he could return to it.
Then the phone rang a third time.
He turned and walked toward the office, each step measured, controlled, purposeful.
You sat still on the sofa with Eli tucked against you, the newspaper abandoned at the cushion beside Frank’s empty place. The room seemed quieter after he left, though nothing had changed. The same soft lamp. The same scattered baby toys. The same warm weight of your son in your arms.
From down the hall, the office door opened.
Then closed.
And when Frank answered the phone, his voice carried faintly through the walls, low and composed and stripped of every trace of laughter.
“Benson.”
You did not understand it at first.
Or perhaps you understood too quickly, and your mind, desperate to protect itself, simply refused to arrange the facts into anything recognizable. The phone call. Frank’s voice going flat and official down the hall. The office door opening again. The sudden heaviness of his footsteps. The low, controlled answer he gave to some question you had not heard.
Then the drawer in the bedroom slammed open.
Eli startled so violently against you that he let out a frightened cry, his little body jerking in your arms, mouth opening wide with the terrible, helpless outrage of a child who knew only that something had changed. You rose from the sofa at once, clutching him against your chest, your hand cupping the back of his head as you hurried toward the bedroom.
By the time you reached the doorway, Frank had already pulled a bag from the bottom of the wardrobe.
Not a suitcase.
A bag.
That was what made your stomach drop. A suitcase meant conferences. Hotels. Government meetings. Some unbearable stretch of days in which he would text you dry little updates and return with his shirts smelling faintly of airports and bad coffee.
The bag meant something else.
It was dark, practical, military in its lack of romance. He put it on the bed with the efficiency of a man who had packed under pressure before, who knew exactly what had to go in and what could be sacrificed. Shirts. Socks. A shaving kit. Documents from the drawer. His movements were sharp, spare, stripped of domestic softness.
“What are you doing?” you asked.
Frank did not look at you. “Packing.”
Eli cried harder at the sound of his father’s voice—not because it was loud, not yet, but because it was wrong. It had no warmth in it. No lazy amusement. None of the man who had kissed his foot five minutes earlier and pretended to be offended by baby violence.
You shifted Eli higher against your shoulder and began to rock him, your own heartbeat pounding so hard you could feel it against the baby’s ribs.
“Packing for what?”
Frank folded a shirt with unnecessary force. “I’ve been called in.”
“Called in where?”
He stopped for half a second.
That half second was enough.
Your throat tightened. “Frank.”
He exhaled, a controlled sound through his nose. “Afghanistan.”
The room tilted.
Eli’s cry rose, sharp and frightened, his little hands grabbing at your shirt while you stared at your husband as if he had spoken in a foreign language.
“No,” you said.
Frank’s jaw worked. “Don’t start.”
“A war?” Your voice cracked around the word. “You’re going to war?”
He finally looked at you then, and God, that was worse. His hazel eyes were tired already, not frightened, not uncertain, but burdened with a recognition you did not share. A man hearing an old song he had hoped never to hear again. His white hair was still mussed from the sofa, his jumper still soft and domestic over his broad, slightly rounded frame, and yet his face had become something carved and unreachable.
“The Army called,” he said, baritone low. “They need me to command troops. There’s a situation escalating, and they need senior oversight on the ground.”
“On the ground,” you repeated.
“Yes.”
“In Afghanistan.”
“Yes.”
“With troops.”
“Yes.”
The answers came too calm, too clipped, too official. You hated him for it. You hated that tone. You hated that he could stand there in the bedroom where your baby slept, where your clothes were still thrown over a chair, where his reading glasses sat on the bedside table, and speak as if he were discussing train schedules.
“No,” you said again. This time it came out colder. “You’re not going.”
Frank’s expression hardened.
“Don’t do that.”
“I’m not doing anything. You are not going.”
His hand closed around the edge of the bag. “That isn’t your decision.”
The words struck like a slap.
Eli sobbed into your neck, and you pressed your lips to his hair, rocking him harder, though you were shaking so badly the movement turned uneven. “Not my decision?” you repeated. “I’m your wife.”
“I know that.”
“You have a child.”
“I know that too.”
“Then act like it.”
Frank’s eyes flashed.
There he was. The temper beneath the discipline. The old soldier under the husband. The man who did not like being told where his duty ended.
“Careful,” he said quietly.
“No, you be careful.” You stepped fully into the room, Eli clutched between you like a living, crying accusation. “You walked out of the sitting room five minutes ago and came back a dead man packing a bag.”
His face tightened. “Do not say that.”
“What else am I supposed to say? You expect me to stand here and watch you fold socks for a war?”
“It isn’t as simple as that.”
“It is exactly as simple as that to me.”
Frank turned back to the wardrobe, yanking open another drawer. “They asked for me because I know what I’m doing.”
That made something inside you break into anger.
“Oh, of course,” you snapped. “Forgive me. I forgot your experience makes bullets polite.”
He rounded on you then.
“Enough.”
The command cracked through the room.
Eli screamed.
Both of you froze.
The sound seemed to tear the air open. Frank’s anger vanished from his face at once, replaced by something stricken and guilty. His eyes dropped to Eli, whose face was red and wet against your shoulder, little fists clenched in your shirt, terrified by a world suddenly too loud.
Frank took one step forward instinctively.
You took one step back.
The hurt that crossed his face was so quick you almost missed it.
Almost.
“Don’t shout near him,” you said, voice low and trembling.
Frank swallowed. His throat moved above the collar of his jumper. When he spoke again, his baritone had dropped, roughened with restraint. “I’m sorry.”
But he did not stop packing.
That was the thing.
That was what made your chest ache with a furious, hopeless grief.
He was sorry.
He was ashamed.
He hated that he had frightened his son.
And still, he reached for another shirt.
You watched his hands. Broad, capable, familiar hands. Hands that had held Eli’s tiny foot with ridiculous reverence. Hands that had brushed crumbs off your cheek at breakfast. Hands that had signed orders, written briefings, carried weight you knew he never fully explained to you.
Now those hands were packing to leave you.
“To command troops,” you said, your voice dull with disbelief. “Why you? Why does it have to be you?”
Frank let out a tired breath. “Because I’ve done it before.”
“That is not comforting.”
“It should be.”
“It isn’t.”
“I’m not some inexperienced boy being thrown into the desert with a rifle and a prayer.” His voice sharpened again, not loud this time, but edged. “I’ve served. I’ve commanded. I was in the Gulf War. I know what deployment is. I know what war is.”
The words hung there.
The Gulf War.
A phrase you knew, of course. A piece of his past, one of those hard, historical facts attached to him like medals in a drawer. But it had always felt distant when he mentioned it, something sealed behind his eyes, locked in another life before you. A younger Frank under a harsher sun. A soldier before the white hair. Before Eli. Before the soft sofa mornings and missing baby socks.
“You say that like it makes this better,” you whispered.
Frank’s mouth tightened. “It makes me useful.”
Your eyes stung.
Useful.
You almost laughed. It came out as something broken and ugly.
“You are not a tool they get to pull out of storage whenever the world catches fire.”
His face changed at that.
Something flickered. Pain, perhaps. Or recognition. Then he looked away, as if he could not afford either.
“You knew who I was when you married me.”
“No,” you said immediately. “I knew you had been that man. I knew you still carried him somewhere. I did not marry the Army. I married you.”
Frank went still.
Eli’s sobs had begun to soften into hiccuping cries against your shoulder, his little body exhausted by distress.
You kissed his temple again and again, breathing in the warm, milky scent of him, trying not to look at the bag on the bed.
Trying not to imagine Frank’s clothes inside it becoming relics.
Trying not to imagine some officer with a polite voice standing at your door.
Frank spoke more quietly. “I took an oath.”
“And what did you take when you put that ring on my finger?”
His eyes lifted to yours.
There. You saw it land. The blow you had meant it to be.
He looked older suddenly.
Not weaker.
Never that.
But older in a way that had nothing to do with his white hair or the softness around his middle. Older because some part of him was being asked to choose between two sacred things, and he had already been trained all his life to choose the one that left him emptier.
“You think I want to go?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” Your voice trembled. “Do you?”
His expression darkened. “Don’t be cruel.”
“Then answer me.”
“No,” he said, the word torn out of him. “No, I do not bloody want to go.”
The room fell silent except for Eli’s little gasping hiccups.
Frank stood on the other side of the bed, one hand still inside the open drawer, shoulders rigid, chest rising and falling beneath the old jumper. His hooked nose cast a sharp shadow across his face in the bedroom light. His eyes were bright—not with tears, not exactly, but with a contained violence of feeling that frightened you more than his anger had.
“I don’t want to leave my son,” he said, each word controlled with effort. “I don’t want to leave my wife. I don’t want to get on a transport and spend however long looking at photographs on my phone while pretending that is sufficient. I don’t want any of it.”
“Then don’t.”
His jaw clenched. “It doesn’t work like that.”
“It can.”
“No. It can’t.”
“Frank—”
“I am still a soldier.”
The sentence dropped between you like a weapon.
You stared at him, and for one awful moment you hated that it was true. Hated the spine in him. Hated the discipline. Hated the very qualities that had once made you feel safe because now they were the same qualities dragging him away from you.
“You’re a father,” you said.
His face twisted.
“I know.”
“You’re my husband.”
“I know.”
“Then why do I feel like we come second?”
That did it.
Frank closed the drawer slowly.
Not gently. Slowly. With frightening control.
“You do not come second.”
“Then stay.”
His eyes fixed on yours. “Do not make this a test of love.”
“What else is it?”
“It is duty.”
“It is abandonment.”
His lips parted, but no answer came at first.
Eli lifted his head from your shoulder with a wet little whimper and turned toward Frank. His cheeks were flushed, lashes clumped with tears, mouth trembling. He reached one chubby hand out into the space between you, not understanding the words, only recognizing the distance.
“Da,” Eli sobbed.
Frank broke.
Not visibly.
Not dramatically.
But something in him gave way for a second.
His face softened with such pain that your own anger faltered despite yourself.
He came around the bed slowly, as if approaching a frightened animal. This time you did not step back. Frank stopped close enough to touch, but he did not reach for Eli without permission.
He looked at you first.
That made it worse.
You shifted the baby in your arms, still angry, still afraid, but unable to deny either of them. Frank took Eli gently, carefully, as though his own son were made of glass.
The moment Eli was against him, he grabbed Frank’s jumper in both fists and cried into his chest.
Frank closed his eyes.
His broad hand covered the baby’s back, dwarfing him. He rocked him once, awkwardly at first, then with the familiar rhythm he had learned in sleepless nights and early mornings. His baritone dropped into a murmur, low enough that you had to strain to hear it.
“I know,” he whispered. “I know, little fighter. I’m sorry. Daddy’s sorry.”
You covered your mouth with your hand.
Frank pressed his lips to Eli’s hair and held him there. The bag remained open on the bed behind him like a wound.
His hazel eyes moved over Eli’s face with painful attention: the wet lashes, the flushed cheeks, the tiny hooked nose that made you ache every time you saw it, the little mouth still trembling from tears. Frank’s expression did not collapse. He was not a man who collapsed. But something in him seemed to bow under the weight of what he was holding.
Then he lifted his gaze to you.
“Do you think,” he asked quietly, his baritone low and rough, “that I ever thought I’d have this again?”
You said nothing.
You could not.
Frank looked back down at Eli, and his thumb brushed the soft curve of the baby’s cheek with a tenderness so careful it was almost unbearable.
“When my first wife left,” he said, “I thought that was it.”
The words came without drama. That made them worse. No self-pity. No performance. Just a fact dragged out of some locked room inside him and placed, bare and ugly, between you.
“I had grown children living their own lives, far away from me. Grandchildren I saw in photographs more often than in person. Christmas parcels. Birthday cheques. Polite phone calls when everyone remembered.” His mouth tightened into something that almost resembled a smile but had no humour in it. “I thought I’d become exactly what men like me become when the house finally empties.”
You swallowed hard.
“What?” you whispered.
Frank’s eyes lifted, tired and bright.
“A lonely old bastard with too much rank, too much silence, and no idea what to do with his hands when there wasn’t work to fill them.”
Your throat closed.
Eli shifted in his arms, making a soft, sleepy sound, one cheek pressed to Frank’s chest. Frank looked down immediately, his whole face softening on instinct, and tucked the baby closer.
“I thought I’d send gifts to the grandchildren,” he continued, voice quieter now, “make sure the cards arrived on time, put money aside for schools and weddings and whatever else they needed from the old man in the background. I thought I’d bury myself in work until there was nothing left of me worth burying properly.”
“Frank…”
He shook his head once, not sharply, but enough to stop you.
“I had made peace with it,” he said. “Or I told myself I had. There’s a difference, I know that now.” His eyes came back to yours. “Then I met you.”
The anger inside you, so hot only minutes before, wavered.
Frank adjusted Eli against his shoulder, one hand supporting the back of his little head, the other broad and warm between his tiny shoulder blades.
He looked ridiculous and heartbreaking standing there with a baby in his arms and a military bag open behind him, half husband, half soldier, split clean down the middle by the life he had built and the life that still owned part of him.
“You were impossible,” he said, and this time there was the ghost of something warmer in his voice. “Too young for me. Too stubborn. Too loud when you thought I was being an idiot, which was often. You looked at me as if I wasn’t finished. As if I wasn’t some relic people kept around because I knew where the bodies were buried.”
Despite yourself, your lips trembled.
“You were an idiot often.”
His mouth twitched faintly. “Still am, apparently.”
You looked away first because the tenderness was unbearable.
Frank took one slow step closer, not enough to crowd you, just enough to bring Eli’s soft breathing nearer.
“You made me want to start again,” he said.
The sentence landed with devastating simplicity.
You looked at him then.
His face was controlled, yes. It always was. But the control had seams now, and through them you could see the man beneath it.
The man who had woken at three in the morning to warm bottles he pretended not to know how to prepare properly just so you would correct him and smile.
The man who had stood in the nursery with Eli against his shoulder, murmuring military nonsense to a newborn as if the baby were a nervous recruit.
The man who had stared at the first ultrasound for so long that you had eventually asked whether he was planning to interrogate it.
“And then he came,” Frank murmured, looking down at Eli again.
His voice changed when he said it. Softened around the edges.
“Our boy.”
Eli had almost stopped crying now. One tiny hand had loosened from Frank’s jumper and lay curled against his chest. Frank covered it with two fingers, absurdly gentle.
“Unplanned,” he said. “Terrifying. Completely unreasonable.” His brows drew together, and a breath left him that was almost a laugh but not quite. “I remember standing in the bathroom doorway after you told me, and all I could think was, God help me, I’m too old to do this again.”
You remembered.
Of course you remembered.
Frank had gone very still.
So still that you had thought, for one awful second, that he regretted it before it had even begun.
Then he had sat down on the closed toilet lid like his knees had quietly resigned from service, stared at the test in your hand, and asked in a voice stripped bare of all command, “Are you all right?”
Not “Are you sure?”
Not “What are we going to do?”
Not even “How?”
Just that. Are you all right?
“And then?” you asked, barely audible.
Frank’s eyes softened.
“Then I wanted him.”
Your breath caught.
“I wanted him so badly it frightened me,” he admitted. “I wanted the noise. The mess. The little socks everywhere. The ridiculous toys. The pram in the hallway. I wanted all of it with you.”
He looked around the bedroom, at the bag, the open drawer, the evidence of departure. “I still do.”
You pressed your hand against your mouth again because something inside you was shaking loose, something angrier than grief and more fragile than forgiveness.
Frank’s gaze moved back to Eli.
“He gave me something I didn’t think men like me were allowed to have twice,” he said. “A second chance. A home that wasn’t just a place I slept between obligations. A family that didn’t feel like memory or duty or regret.” His voice roughened. “He put colour back into the world.”
You closed your eyes.
The words hurt because they were beautiful. Because they were true. Because he was saying them while preparing to leave.
When you opened your eyes again, Frank was watching you.
“I love you,” he said.
You shook your head, tears spilling despite your effort to hold them back. “Don’t.”
“I do.”
“Don’t say it like goodbye.”
His face tightened.
“I love you,” he repeated, firmer now, as if he would not let fear corrupt the truth of it. “I love this family. I love the life we built. I love waking up with your cold feet shoved against my leg. I love finding Eli’s toys in my shoes. I love pretending I mind when the two of you destroy every quiet hour I’ve ever tried to have.”
A sob escaped you, half laugh and half wound.
Frank’s eyes flickered.
“I love sitting on that sofa and reading the paper while you accuse my son of being a ham with political opinions,” he said, voice thickening. “I love that he has my nose. I love that he kicks me as if he’s defending a border. I love that you look at him sometimes and then look at me as if you can’t decide whether to laugh or blame me.”
“I do blame you,” you whispered.
“I know.” His mouth trembled faintly before he forced it still. “I love that too.”
You took a step toward him without meaning to.
Eli stirred between you, sleepy and warm, still held securely against Frank’s chest.
The three of you stood so close now that you could see the faint damp patch on Frank’s jumper where Eli had cried into him.
“Then stay,” you said.
Frank shut his eyes.
For one second, only one, you thought he might.
His arms tightened around Eli.
His shoulders sagged.
The hard line of his mouth softened, and the old soldier seemed to retreat before the father, before the husband, before the man who had been given more than he ever expected and knew exactly how much he stood to lose.
Then he opened his eyes again.
And you knew.
“No,” you whispered.
Frank’s gaze held yours, devastated and steady.
“I am still a soldier,” he said.
The sentence was not hard this time. It was not a weapon. It was a confession.
Your face crumpled.
“Soldiers don’t run from war,” he said, each word heavy, as if he hated the shape of them. “Not when they’re called. Not when men under their command are going where I’ve already been. Not when my experience might keep some frightened nineteen-year-old from coming home in a box.”
You flinched.
Frank saw it and hated himself for it, but he did not take the words back.
“That’s cruel,” you said.
“Yes,” he replied softly. “It is.”
“You’re using dead boys against me.”
“I’m telling you why I can’t pretend this is only about me.”
“It is about you to us.” Your voice broke. “To me. To him. You are not a strategy. You’re not senior oversight. You’re not a rank on a briefing paper. You’re Frank. You’re his father.”
“I know.”
“No, I don’t think you do.” You reached out and touched Eli’s foot where it rested against Frank’s side. “Because if you did, you wouldn’t be able to walk out of this room.”
Frank’s jaw clenched so hard the muscle jumped.
“You think I’ll be able to?”
The question silenced you.
His eyes burned into yours.
“You think I’ll put that bag over my shoulder, kiss my son, kiss you, and walk out as if it costs me nothing?” His voice remained low, but there was violence underneath it now, not anger at you, but at the impossible shape of the choice itself.
“You think I won’t feel every step? You think I won’t hear him crying in my head long after I’m gone? You think I won’t hate myself for leaving you standing here?”
“Then don’t make me watch it happen,” you said.
Frank swallowed.
Eli stirred and lifted his head from Frank’s chest, drowsy and red-eyed. For a moment, he only blinked. Then his gaze found you, and he reached for you with a soft little sound.
“Mam.”
The word broke through both of you.
You stepped forward at once, and Frank let you take him, though his hands lingered a second too long. Eli came into your arms warm and heavy, immediately tucking his face into your neck. You held him tightly, one hand spread over his back, and looked at Frank over your son’s head.
Without Eli between his arms, Frank suddenly looked emptier.
Older.
His hands fell slowly to his sides, fingers curling once as if they did not know what to do without the weight of the child.
“I am not choosing the Army over you,” he said.
You stared at him through tears. “That is exactly what it feels like.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.” His voice cracked on the word, barely, but enough. “Because I’ve been on the other side of that door. I know what it is to leave people behind and pretend the leaving has a noble name so you can survive doing it.”
The room went very still.
Frank looked toward the bag, then back at you.
“But if I stay because I’m afraid,” he said, “if I stay because this hurts too much, then I become something I have spent my entire life trying not to be.”
“A coward?”
His eyes sharpened.
“No,” he said. “A man who lets other people pay the price of his comfort.”
You hated that you understood.
That was the worst part.
Not agreeing. Never agreeing.
But understanding.
Knowing that the same thing you loved in him—the spine, the honour, the unbearable sense of responsibility—was now standing in front of you like a locked gate.
“You have already paid enough,” you whispered.
Frank’s expression softened with such exhaustion that it made him look almost gentle.
“Maybe,” he said. “But war doesn’t care what any of us have already paid.”
Eli hiccuped softly against you, exhausted, his little fingers tangled in your hair. You turned your face and kissed his temple because you needed to touch something living, something here, something that had not yet been demanded by history or duty.
Frank watched the gesture with naked longing.
Then he reached out.
Slowly, giving you time to refuse.
You did not.
His hand came to the back of your head, warm and broad, and he drew you in until his forehead rested against yours. Eli was pressed between you, your son’s sleepy body trapped in the fragile space where husband and wife had not yet learned how to survive being separated.
“I’m coming back,” Frank said.
You closed your eyes, tears slipping down your cheeks. “You don’t know that.”
His fingers tightened in your hair.
“No,” he whispered. “I don’t.”
The honesty hurt more than any lie would have.
“But I will do everything in my power,” he said, voice low, steady, fierce now, “everything, to come back to you. To both of you.”
“You promise?”
Frank was silent.
You opened your eyes.
He looked at you with terrible tenderness.
“I won’t make a promise war gets a vote in,” he said.
A sob tore out of you, and you tried to pull away, furious with him again, furious with the honesty, the refusal to soothe you with something false. But Frank held your face, not trapping you, just keeping you close enough to hear him.
“But I can promise you this,” he said. “I will fight like hell to get home. Not for glory. Not for duty. Not for the bloody Army.” His thumb brushed the wetness from your cheek. “For you. For him. For this.”
You pressed your lips together, shaking.
Frank bent and kissed Eli’s hair. The baby barely stirred.
Then he kissed your forehead.
Not your mouth. Not yet. The kiss was too reverent for that, too full of apology.
“I didn’t think I’d ever have this again,” he murmured against your skin. “I’m not throwing it away.”
“You’re leaving it.”
His eyes closed.
“I know.”
The two words held all of it.
The guilt.
The love.
The duty.
The terror he had not named.
The helplessness of a man trained to command almost everything except the things that mattered most.
You stood there with him, breathing the same broken air, while the open bag waited on the bed.
Finally, Frank stepped back.
It was only one step.
It felt like the beginning of a thousand miles.
Was watching Instagram when suddenly, I came into a video of Daniel Gillis doing a test but he gives it away too late and something like that, and there was like a professor telling him he was too late and he failed and I thought it was film, you know? And I thought the professor was so hot. But then I searched it up and it's only a bloody commercial as and the actor who plays the professor isn't even an actor, just a random man they thought it pass and it pisses me off. You can look on Google, Instant Kiwi exam, a lottery thing. I hate it.😭😭🥲💔💔
I have no idea who Daniel is, but this sounds like a personal attack. Imagine seeing a ridiculously attractive professor, thinking you've found a new fictional crush, and then discovering he's just some random bloke from a lottery commercial. The disappointment must be immeasurable 😂🥲
Borrowed Names
Summary: Hidden beneath false clothes and borrowed identities, Louis and the Queen spend a rare day free from protocol. They bicker, laugh, and wander through ordinary life like two people who might have loved each other under different circumstances. Yet every joke, every smile, and every stolen moment is haunted by the knowledge that their freedom has an expiration date.
Pairing: Louis XIV × Fem! Reader
Warnings: Light Angst
First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, Tenth, Eleventh and Twelfth part here
Also read on Ao3
Louis was impossible to contain once he had decided he was no longer the King of France, but rather Marguerite, tragic beauty of the lower classes, misunderstood wife of a narrow-shouldered husband named Pierre.
He bloomed in anonymity.
Or, more accurately, he bloomed in what he thought was anonymity, which was not at all the same thing.
The borrowed carriage took you to the edge of the nearest market town, far enough from Marly that the household staff would not immediately recognize you, close enough that Louis could still return before anyone important began wondering why France’s monarch had vanished in brown wool and an apron. He stepped down from the carriage with scandalous enthusiasm, clutching your arm as if you were indeed his unfortunate husband, and looked around at the crowded street with the eager, delighted expression of a man who had discovered an entire kingdom existed beneath the level of his balcony.
“Oh,” he breathed, and even with the ridiculous attempt to soften his voice, the word still emerged in that deep, resonant baritone. He coughed delicately into his fan and tried again, higher. “Oh. How charming.”
“You sound like a judge pretending to be a duchess,” you muttered.
Louis snapped the fan open and struck your shoulder with it. “Do not ruin this for Marguerite.”
“Marguerite is going to be arrested.”
“Marguerite is beloved.”
“Marguerite is six feet tall and walks like she owns artillery.”
He ignored you completely.
The town square was alive with movement. Merchants called from wooden stalls, waving loaves of bread, ribbons, cheap lace, onions, salted fish, pears bruised gold at the edges. A boy balanced on a barrel and juggled knives badly enough to make you nervous. Musicians scraped out a lively tune near the fountain while children ran laughing between skirts and boots. Someone had set up a little street game involving painted cups and a hidden coin, and three drunk men were arguing over whether a goose had been unfairly sold as a duck.
Louis stopped at everything.
Everything.
He stopped to watch a puppet show and laughed behind his fan when the puppet king was beaten with a stick by a puppet wife.
“Historically inaccurate,” he murmured.
“You were dragged to a bath by your hair yesterday.”
He lowered the fan just enough to glare at you. “Treason.”
He bought roasted chestnuts from a woman with red hands and an unimpressed stare. He nearly overpaid her by a sum so obscene you had to snatch the coins from his palm before the woman called the entire square to witness the richest washerwoman in France.
“You said you knew how to disguise yourself,” you hissed.
“I do.”
“You just tried to pay for chestnuts with enough money to purchase the stall.”
“I am generous.”
“You are suspicious.”
“I am Marguerite. Marguerite has admirers. Perhaps one died and left her comfortable.”
“Marguerite’s husband Pierre is about to leave her in a ditch.”
Louis laughed, delighted, and hooked his arm through yours as if you had said something tender.
You did not know how long you wandered.
Time loosened. The sun lifted higher, then softened behind slow-moving clouds. Louis dragged you from stall to stall with embarrassing delight, tasting sugared almonds, sniffing soap with the suspicion of a man identifying poison, watching a pair of acrobats tumble over each other in the dust, and becoming far too emotionally invested in a game where one threw wooden rings over clay pegs to win ribbons.
He tried once.
The ring missed every peg and struck a chicken.
The chicken shrieked.
Louis froze.
You stared at him.
The stallkeeper stared at him.
The chicken fled with the offended dignity of a minister resigning.
Louis lifted his fan slowly and murmured, “The wind betrayed me.”
“You nearly assassinated poultry.”
“I was aiming for the blue ribbon.”
“You hit a chicken.”
“An agile chicken.”
“You are never commanding artillery again.”
He looked deeply injured. “I have won wars.”
“Not against that chicken.”
He sulked for several steps after that, though not convincingly. His hazel eyes kept darting toward the next attraction, the next smell, the next noise. He was absurd in the crowd: too tall, too graceful, too commanding even when pretending to be common. His black wig, hidden beneath the kerchief, gave his head too much volume, and the patched brown dress strained suspiciously across his shoulders whenever he forgot to move like someone who had not spent a lifetime being obeyed.
Still, people did not seem to know him.
They looked, of course. Everyone looked. At Marguerite.
Some with confusion. Some with curiosity. Some with the quiet calculation of men deciding whether an unusually tall woman might still be worth trouble if her husband seemed weak enough.
You noticed the man first near the pastry stall.
He was broad in the face, red-cheeked, with a trimmed beard and the swagger of someone who had mistaken persistence for charm. He had been laughing with two companions when Louis paused to inspect a tray of honey cakes, but his laughter died the moment he saw Louis bend slightly over the stall.
You saw his gaze travel.
Up the hem of the brown dress.
Over the cinched waist.
To Louis’s exposed throat, the fan, the kerchief, the ridiculous attempt at maidenly softness.
The man smiled.
You stiffened.
Louis, naturally, noticed nothing.
“Pierre,” he murmured, pointing at the cakes, “what are those?”
“Honey cakes.”
“I want one.”
“You had chestnuts.”
“That was nourishment. This is culture.”
“You are going to make yourself ill.”
“I am already married to you. Illness holds no fear for me.”
You gave him a look.
He fluttered the fan in front of his face and smiled as if he had just conquered the Netherlands.
The red-cheeked man followed.
At first, he kept distance. A few stalls behind. Then closer. Near the fountain. Near the musicians. Behind you at the booth where Louis bought a strip of blue ribbon and tied it around his wrist, declaring it a token of Marguerite’s tragic beauty.
“Take that off,” you said.
“No. It brings out my eyes.”
“It brings out your madness.”
“It brings out my eyes.”
The man laughed from behind you.
Louis turned slightly, and the man dipped his head with the boldness of someone who had waited long enough to convince himself the invitation was mutual.
“Madame,” he said, removing his hat.
Louis blinked.
You felt, with immediate dread, his entire soul awaken to theatre.
The man bowed—not well, but confidently—and reached for Louis’s hand before either of you could stop him. He lifted it and pressed a kiss to the rough knuckles, lingering far too long.
Louis went very still.
Not offended.
Not yet.
Intrigued.
The fan rose.
His hazel eyes widened behind it with a sparkle so dangerous you nearly stepped on his foot preemptively.
“What a gallant gentleman,” Louis said, attempting a feminine voice and landing somewhere between widowed duchess and tired magistrate.
The man did not seem to notice. Lust, apparently, had damaged his hearing.
“Forgive me, madame,” he said. “I could not help admiring you.”
“You could have tried,” you muttered.
Louis struck your arm with the fan again. “Pierre.”
The man’s eyes flicked toward you. “Pierre?”
Louis gave a breathy, theatrical laugh behind the fan. “My husband. Tell him, Pierre.”
You stared at Louis.
Louis stared back, fan fluttering, eyes shining with wicked expectation.
The man looked between you both. His expression soured faintly at the word husband.
You smiled.
“No,” you said.
Louis’s fan stopped.
The man brightened.
Louis turned his head slowly toward you.
You folded your arms, leaning into the role with sudden, vicious pleasure. “I am not her husband.”
Louis’s hazel eyes narrowed.
The man stepped closer. “Ah?”
“I am her brother,” you said blandly. “Poor Marguerite is unmarried.”
The fan lowered by one inch.
Louis’s face was a painting of betrayal.
“Pierre,” he said through his teeth, the baritone slipping dangerously low.
You smiled sweetly. “My sister is very modest.”
The man nearly glowed. “Unmarried, you say?”
“Widowed in spirit,” Louis cut in sharply, lifting the fan again. “Married in practice. Bound by vows. Deeply bound. Tragically bound.”
You coughed into your fist to hide your laugh.
The man, encouraged by your denial and apparently too foolish to notice the murderous energy radiating from Marguerite, moved closer still. “A woman such as you should not walk with only a brother for protection.”
Louis’s nostrils flared.
“I assure you,” he said, voice slipping even lower, “my brother is quite sufficient.”
“Is he?” the man asked, glancing at you dismissively.
Louis turned to you with a look that promised royal vengeance. “Pierre is stronger than he appears.”
You patted his arm. “Marguerite lies when nervous.”
The man laughed.
Louis did not.
The next quarter hour became a test sent directly from hell.
The man followed.
He offered to buy Marguerite wine. Louis refused with icy politeness.
He offered to win Marguerite a ribbon at the ring toss. Louis replied that Marguerite already had a ribbon, thank you very much.
He asked where Marguerite lived. Louis said, “Far away, in a place no man may enter without losing his head.”
The man laughed as if it were flirtation.
You laughed because it was not.
Louis leaned toward you at one point and hissed, “This is your fault.”
“You wanted to be beautiful and spoiled.”
“I did not want to be hunted by a turnip with boots.”
“He thinks you are charming.”
“I am charming. That is beside the point.”
“He kissed your hand.”
“I noticed.”
“You blushed.”
“I was restraining myself from having him imprisoned.”
“You cannot imprison a man for flirting with Marguerite.”
Louis’s eyes flashed. “I can imprison a man for making Marguerite regret her neckline.”
You looked down at the patched dress. “You chose the neckline.”
“I have many gifts. Humility is not one.”
The man returned with two cups of watered wine, offering one to Louis with a grin. “For the lady.”
Louis stared at the cup as though it contained swamp water.
You took it instead. “My sister does not drink from strangers.”
The man gave you a thin smile. “Your sister can answer for herself.”
Louis lifted his chin.
For one terrible second, you saw the King in him. Not Marguerite. Not the ridiculous washerwoman with a fan. The monarch. The man who did not tolerate being addressed as property by anyone unless he had decided to make a comedy of it first.
But then he smiled.
Slowly.
Falsely.
Beautifully.
“My brother is protective,” he said.
“So am I,” the man replied.
Louis’s smile sharpened. “How unfortunate for us all.”
You almost choked.
The man still did not understand.
By the time you returned to the ring toss booth, Louis had reached the end of his patience. You, unfortunately, were distracted by the game. Not because you cared about the prize, but because your first throw had actually landed around a peg, and the stallkeeper had declared it luck with such contempt that your pride ignited.
“I can do it again,” you said.
“You cannot,” Louis replied absently.
“I can.”
“You throw like a bookkeeper.”
“At least I didn’t hit a chicken.”
His lips flattened. “The chicken was in the wrong place.”
“You aimed left.”
“It moved.”
“It was standing still.”
“It moved spiritually.”
You picked up another ring.
The man appeared at Louis’s side again, much too close. “Your brother is serious about games.”
Louis watched you throw. The ring missed, bounced off the table, and rolled under a basket.
“A family weakness,” he said dryly.
The man leaned in. “Perhaps while he plays, you might walk with me.”
Louis slowly turned his head.
You were busy arguing with the stallkeeper about the fairness of the peg spacing and did not see the exact moment Marguerite died and Louis XIV returned in her place.
The man reached toward his waist.
Not touching. Almost.
Enough.
Louis’s expression became serene.
Too serene.
He looked left. A group of women were laughing over ribbons. He looked right. Children were chasing the previously offended chicken. The stallkeeper was bent under the table retrieving your escaped ring. You were pointing at a peg and declaring it crooked with all the authority of a queen disguised as an apprentice boy.
No one was looking.
Except the man.
Louis smiled at him.
“You want to walk with me?” he asked, voice still artificially light.
The man’s grin widened. “Very much.”
Louis leaned closer, fan half-raised, lashes lowered. “Then perhaps you should know something first.”
The man practically swelled with triumph. “Anything, madame.”
Louis took one graceful step back.
Then, with the calm satisfaction of a general unveiling artillery, he lifted the front of Marguerite’s dress.
The man looked down.
Silence.
For one perfect, suspended second, his face emptied completely. Desire vanished. Confidence vanished. Language vanished. All that remained was the naked horror of a man whose understanding of the world had just been struck by lightning.
Then he screamed.
Not shouted.
Screamed.
A high, ragged, soul-wounded sound that made three pigeons explode upward from the fountain and sent the offended chicken sprinting into a basket of onions.
Louis dropped his skirt at once and opened his fan with a sharp snap.
The man stumbled backward, pale as flour.
“Madame—!” he gasped, then choked on the word as if it had betrayed him.
Louis blinked at him sweetly over the fan. “Is something wrong?”
The man made a noise like a dying kettle.
You turned around at last, ring still in hand. “What happened?”
The man pointed at Louis with one shaking finger, unable to form speech.
Louis placed a hand over his bodice. “Sir, you wound me.”
The man backed away so quickly he nearly fell over a crate. “Devil!” he croaked.
Louis gasped. “Pierre, did you hear that? He called your sister a devil.”
“My sister often inspires religious confusion,” you said slowly, still trying to understand why the man looked ready to run into a river.
The man did run.
Not into a river, unfortunately, but through the square with remarkable speed, shoving past a bread seller, tripping over a dog, and vanishing down an alley while shouting something incoherent about witchcraft, false women, and the collapse of Christendom.
The square stared after him.
Then, gradually, returned to its business.
Paris had seen worse.
You looked at Louis.
Louis looked at you.
His fan fluttered gently in front of his face.
“What,” you said, very carefully, “did you do?”
He widened his hazel eyes in perfect innocence. “I discouraged him.”
“You discouraged him.”
“Effectively.”
“You showed him something.”
Louis’s mouth twitched. “Only the truth.”
Your eyes narrowed. “Louis.”
He stepped closer, lowering his voice. It was still too deep, still unmistakably his, still vibrating with smug masculine satisfaction beneath the absurdity of the dress. “He wished to know Marguerite intimately. I provided a correction.”
You stared at him.
Then you covered your mouth.
The laugh came before you could stop it.
Not dignified. Not queenly. Not controlled. It burst out of you so violently that you had to turn away, shoulders shaking, one hand braced on the ring toss table while the stallkeeper looked between you and Marguerite with open confusion.
Louis beamed.
Actually beamed.
“There,” he said, delighted. “You see? Perfectly handled.”
“You are insane,” you gasped.
“I am practical.”
“You lifted your dress in the middle of the market.”
“No one saw.”
“He saw!”
“That was the point.”
You laughed harder, despite every injury, every betrayal, every reason not to. You laughed until tears gathered at the corners of your eyes, until your cap sat crooked over your hair, until Louis reached out and steadied you by the elbow with a touch so gentle it almost ruined the moment.
Almost.
“He called you a devil,” you wheezed.
Louis lifted his chin, pleased beyond measure. “Many men have. Few have been so accurate.”
“You are proud of yourself.”
“I defended my honor.”
“You terrified a man with your royal cock.”
“Do not say it so loudly,” he hissed, glancing around, though his smile only grew. “Marguerite has a reputation.”
“Marguerite has a secret.”
“Marguerite has mystery.”
“Marguerite is going to get us hanged.”
“Pierre would never allow it.”
“Pierre is pretending not to know you.”
Louis leaned closer, hazel eyes alight under the ridiculous kerchief. “Pierre laughed.”
You swallowed the last of your laughter and looked away, annoyed by how warm your cheeks had become.
“I laughed because you behaved like a lunatic.”
“No,” he murmured. “You laughed because it was funny.”
You hated him a little for being right.
He reached for your hand, still playing the part enough to make it look like a wife clinging to her brother-husband’s sleeve. His fingers brushed yours once, then slipped away before you could decide whether to accept or reject the touch.
“Come,” he said, voice softer now. “There is a man selling pear tarts.”
“You just traumatized a citizen.”
“He will recover with prayer.”
“He may enter a monastery.”
“Then I have improved his soul.”
“You are impossible.”
“And hungry.”
You stared at him.
Louis smiled, radiant and infuriating in brown wool, fan resting against his cheek, black wig hidden badly beneath the kerchief, hazel eyes shining with victory.
“For the record,” he added, as you began walking again, “that man should thank me.”
“For what?”
“For sparing him heartbreak. Marguerite is already married.”
“You are still insisting on that?”
He took your arm with theatrical devotion. “Tell them, Pierre.”
You pulled your cap lower over your face and muttered, “My sister is widowed in the head.”
Louis laughed then, deep and unguarded before remembering himself and smothering it behind the fan in a ridiculous high trill.
It was awful.
It was absurd.
It was almost happy.
And for one dangerous afternoon, under borrowed names and false clothes, with sugar on your fingers and the King of France disguised as the most alarming woman in the marketplace, you forgot—briefly, foolishly—that nine days had an ending.
You had almost made it to the pear tarts.
Almost.
The smell of them had already begun to reach you, warm and buttery, drifting through the crowded street in golden waves. Louis had spotted the stall before you had, of course, because even disguised as Marguerite, tragic beauty of the lower classes, he still possessed a monarch’s instinct for pleasure and taxation. He had been steering you toward it with increasing determination, one hand looped possessively through your arm, the blue ribbon still tied around his wrist like a ridiculous trophy of his own vanity.
“Pierre,” he murmured, his voice dipping too low again, “I believe that woman has cinnamon.”
“You believe every woman has something you want.”
His mouth twitched behind the fan. “That was unkind.”
“It was accurate.”
“Accuracy is often unkind. That is why ministers are so depressing.”
“You employ them.”
“I must. Someone has to make numbers miserable.”
You nearly smiled, but then something else caught your attention.
A burst of laughter rose from the far end of the square, louder than the ordinary market noise, followed by the brash trill of a pipe and the slap of a drum. Children darted past you, shrieking with delight, ribbons and crumbs clutched in their fists. A few women abandoned a cloth stall. Men turned from their cups. Even the chestnut seller leaned around her brazier, eyes narrowed with curiosity.
At the crossing between two narrow streets, someone had raised a little wooden platform.
Not a proper theatre. Nothing courtly. Nothing polished. Just boards balanced on barrels, a painted cloth backdrop flapping in the wind, and a handful of actors dressed in exaggerated costumes. One wore a cardboard crown coated with yellow paint. Another wore an absurdly wide skirt and a mantilla made of black netting. A third had stuffed his shirt and cheeks until he resembled a swollen courtier with gout.
You slowed.
Louis tugged lightly at your arm. “No.”
You blinked at him. “What?”
“No,” he repeated, with immediate suspicion. “I know that look.”
“What look?”
“The look you get before danger.”
“I am watching a play.”
“Exactly.”
You pulled your arm from his and moved toward the crowd.
Louis exhaled through his nose, long-suffering and already annoyed, but he followed. Of course he followed. He stayed close, skirts gathered in one hand, fan in the other, black wig hidden badly beneath his kerchief, hazel eyes scanning the crowd with the practiced vigilance of a man who knew how quickly amusement could turn into threat. He positioned himself beside you, slightly behind, close enough that his shoulder brushed yours.
At first, it was harmless.
The puppet-faced actor in the cardboard crown strutted across the platform with an exaggerated limp, waving a wooden sceptre and declaring in a booming imitation of royal arrogance, “I am the Sun, and therefore I need not pay the candle-maker!”
The crowd roared.
Louis’s mouth tightened.
You glanced at him, amused despite yourself. “Historically accurate?”
“I pay my candle-makers,” he muttered.
“Eventually?”
He gave you a look.
Onstage, the fake king flung his cloak over one shoulder and posed, chin lifted, one leg extended in a grotesque mockery of royal portraiture. “Bring me mirrors!” he cried. “Bring me jewels! Bring me fountains! Bring me another mistress, this one has started asking questions!”
The crowd laughed harder.
Your gaze flicked to Louis.
His expression had gone very still.
Not angry exactly. Not yet. But narrowed. Contained. The fan stopped moving.
The swollen courtier character waddled forward and bowed so low that his padded stomach nearly knocked him over. “Sire,” he said, in a nasal whine, “the people are hungry.”
The false king waved him away. “Then let them eat admiration. It is cheaper than bread and lasts longer in portraits.”
More laughter.
This time, you did not look at Louis.
Because that one hurt somewhere you did not want to admit. Not because it mocked him, but because beneath the painted cruelty was something too close to truth.
Louis noticed anyway.
He always noticed when you tried to hide a wound from him. It was one of his more inconvenient talents.
His hand brushed the back of yours. Not taking it. Not claiming. Just there.
You kept your eyes on the platform.
Then the actress in the wide skirt stepped forward.
She wore black lace over her hair in a grotesque imitation of Spanish fashion, a painted fan clutched in one hand, her face powdered too pale except for two red circles on her cheeks. Her accent was monstrous, exaggerated beyond recognition. She rolled her r’s like a drunken soldier mocking a foreign song and pressed one hand dramatically to her bosom.
“Ay, ay, ay,” she cried, staggering across the stage. “I am the poor Spanish Queen, cold as a church wall and twice as dull!”
The crowd erupted.
Something inside you stopped.
Louis’s head turned slowly toward the stage.
The actress continued, encouraged by the laughter. “I come from Spain with my saints, my oranges, and my long face. I pray all day, eat garlic all night, and wonder why my beautiful husband runs from my bed!”
A man in the front shouted something obscene.
More laughter.
Your fingers curled into your borrowed vest.
Louis went completely silent beside you.
The false king strutted toward the mock queen and covered his nose with two fingers. “Madame, have the priests taught you nothing? In France, even sin smells better than Spanish virtue.”
The actress wailed theatrically and dropped to her knees. “But, my lord husband, I have brought you a dowry of boredom and a womb full of disappointment!”
The words struck harder than the laughter.
You did not move.
You could not.
The crowd’s amusement swelled around you like dirty water. Men slapped their thighs. Women hid smiles behind their hands. Children, not understanding, laughed because their parents laughed. The actress began miming prayer, crossing herself again and again while the fake king tiptoed away behind her toward a painted mistress with an enormous bosom and a powdered beauty mark.
“Do not,” Louis said.
You were not sure whether he was speaking to you, to the actors, or to himself.
His voice was still low. Too low. The baritone had lost Marguerite entirely. It had become Louis again, velvet over steel.
You tried to answer, but your mouth was dry.
The actress onstage clasped her hands. “Where is my husband? Where is my love? Perhaps he has gone to another woman because I am Spanish and therefore born with vinegar in my blood!”
The false king leapt into the arms of the painted mistress.
The crowd howled.
The actress turned to them, widening her eyes. “Do not blame him! A French king needs beauty, wit, perfume, and women who do not smell of chapel dust!”
You looked down.
It was stupid.
You knew it was stupid.
Street theatre. Cheap mockery. Crude voices in a market square. You had been raised around sharper insults than this. At court, hatred wore silk and smiled with better teeth. This should not have mattered. These were not ministers, not ambassadors, not Montespan’s circle murmuring behind fans. These were common people laughing because a man in a cardboard crown and a woman in bad lace had made your pain easy to digest.
But perhaps that was why it hurt.
Because they were his people.
Not yours.
France had dressed you in gold, crowned you, displayed you, used your Spanish blood when it suited diplomacy and mocked it when it needed laughter. You had learned its prayers, its dances, its court rhythms, its endless rules of precedence and vanity. You had carried his child. Buried it. Smiled until your cheeks ached while women with French names and French perfumes slid between you and your husband.
And still, to them, you were garlic, chapel dust, cold Spanish blood, disappointment wrapped in black lace.
Your vision blurred before you could stop it.
You blinked hard.
Louis saw.
The transformation in him was instant.
One moment he stood beside you as Marguerite, ridiculous and overdressed in poverty, fan half-raised, brown wool skirts brushing the dust. The next, all theatre vanished from him. His spine straightened. His chin lifted. Something cold and ancient entered his hazel eyes, something that belonged not to the man who had been dragged screaming from a bath, nor the lover who had wept in your bed, but to the monarch whose displeasure could empty rooms and ruin bloodlines.
His hand moved to his waist.
You noticed only because you knew him too well.
Beneath the apron, beneath the coarse wool, hidden flat against his body, was the small dagger he had insisted on bringing before you left Marly.
“For safety,” he had said.
“For melodrama,” you had corrected.
Now his fingers closed around the hilt.
Slowly.
Deliberately.
The actor playing the king pranced back to center stage, one arm around the mistress, the other pointing at the mock queen. “Take her away!” he cried. “Send her back across the mountains with her priests and sour oranges! France needs pleasure, not penance!”
The crowd cheered.
Steel flashed in the shadow of Louis’s skirts.
Not much.
Just enough.
Your heart lurched.
“Louis,” you whispered.
He did not look at you.
His eyes were fixed on the stage.
The dagger slid another inch free.
“I already,” he said, voice so quiet it chilled you. “I already showed one fool today what happens when he oversteps around you.”
“They don’t know,” you whispered quickly.
“They know enough to laugh.”
“They don’t know it’s me.”
“I do.”
The actress onstage began a grotesque little dance, stomping her feet in a clumsy imitation of Spanish rhythm while the fake king clapped and shouted, “Careful, my frigid bride! Move too fast and the rosary will fall from between your legs!”
Something broke in Louis’s face.
Not patience. Not restraint.
Something older. More violent.
He stepped forward.
You caught his wrist.
He stopped, but only because your fingers were on him.
The dagger was half-drawn now, hidden by the fall of the brown skirt and your bodies pressed close in the crowd. His hand was rigid beneath yours, tendons sharp, pulse hammering. The blue ribbon still circled his wrist, absurdly bright against the knuckles of a man ready to spill blood in a market square.
“Do not,” you said.
His gaze snapped to yours.
For one terrible instant, you saw no husband there. No ridiculous Marguerite. No bath-fearing Bourbon. Only king. Offended divinity. A man who had been taught that insult to what belonged to him must be answered with punishment.
His voice came low, shaking with fury. “They will not make a sport of you.”
“They already have.”
“Then I will make them regret it.”
“You will expose us.”
“I will carve regret into their mouths before they can say my name.”
“Louis.”
“They called you disappointment,” he hissed, and the word seemed to poison him as it passed his lips. His hazel eyes burned, bloodshot now in a different way. “They called you cold. They mocked your blood. Your grief. Your body. Your place beside me. I should cut out every tongue on that platform and leave them pinned to the boards for crows.”
You tightened your grip on his wrist.
Around you, the crowd laughed again.
No one looked at you.
No one knew the King of France stood among them in a brown dress with a dagger in his hand.
No one knew how close comedy had come to execution.
“You would kill them for repeating what your court believes?” you asked softly.
That struck him.
His breath caught.
You saw it land, saw the fury falter not because it lessened, but because shame entered it like a blade slipped between ribs.
The actors continued behind you.
The false mistress now strutted across the platform, hips swaying, announcing, “Fear not, good people! While the Spanish Queen freezes beside her saints, I shall warm the King for France!”
More laughter.
Louis’s jaw clenched so hard you thought he might crack a tooth.
You leaned closer, voice barely audible beneath the noise. “If you cut out their tongues, will you cut out Montespan’s too?”
His eyes flickered.
There.
You pressed harder.
“Will you cut out every courtier’s tongue? Every priest who called me barren in whispers? Every noblewoman who smiled when I suffered a stillbirth? Every man who bowed to me in the morning and praised your mistress at night?”
Louis looked as if you had slapped him.
Good.
You wanted him awake.
“Will you punish them,” you continued, “or only these people because they are poor enough for you to reach without consequence?”
His face changed again.
The rage did not disappear. It folded inward, becoming something uglier. Something wounded.
His fingers remained locked around the dagger.
But he did not move.
Onstage, the fake king announced, “Bring me another mistress! Preferably French, fertile, and less fond of confession!”
The crowd roared.
Louis closed his eyes.
Not gently. Not in pain alone. He shut them as if the sight of the platform, the sound of the crowd, the ugliness of that laughter had become something physical that might blind him if he looked too long. His fingers remained locked around the hidden dagger beneath Marguerite’s skirts, his pulse hammering hard against your grip, the blue ribbon trembling at his wrist like some obscene little festival prize tied to a hand ready for murder.
For a moment, you thought he might still do it.
You knew that stillness in him. That awful, composed pause before command became consequence. Men at court mistook Louis’s silences for mercy because they were fools. You knew better. His rage was at its most dangerous when it became elegant. When the baritone dropped low. When the hazel eyes emptied of heat and filled instead with that royal distance that allowed him to sign away lives without smudging the ink.
But then his breath moved through him, slow and rough.
Once.
Twice.
His jaw flexed.
When he opened his eyes, the fury had not gone anywhere. It had only been forced behind the gates.
“My court,” he began, voice low, tightly controlled, “does not think—”
He stopped.
Because you were no longer looking at him.
You were staring past his shoulder.
Not at the stage. Not at the actress in the grotesque Spanish mantilla. Not at the false king capering beneath his cardboard crown.
At someone in the crowd.
Louis followed your gaze.
And there, half-hidden near the awning of a spice seller, stood one of his own courtiers.
Marquis de Vardes.
Powdered, perfumed, dressed plainly enough for town but not plainly enough to be invisible, with a walking stick tucked under one arm and an amused little smile curving at the corner of his mouth. Not laughing openly. No, never that. Men like him did not roar with crowds. They smiled discreetly. They watched cruelty unfold from a distance and called it wit. He stood with another gentleman, both of them turned slightly toward the platform, their faces arranged into that careful, poisoned politeness that Versailles had mistaken for civilization.
De Vardes was smiling.
At the mock queen.
At the false Spanish accent.
At the jokes about your womb, your blood, your bed.
Louis went utterly still.
The dagger slid fully into his palm.
“Ah,” you whispered, so softly that only he could hear. “There is your court, Louis.”
His eyes did not leave the man.
All the blood seemed to drain from his face beneath the rough powder someone had smeared on him for the disguise. The ridiculous brown dress, the apron, the kerchief, the black wig hidden beneath it—all of it vanished again. There was no Marguerite now. There was not even the husband who had cried into the dark and begged not to lose you.
There was only a king seeing proof.
Seeing that your accusation had not been cruelty.
Seeing that the rot had names.
His mouth moved once.
No sound came.
Then, very quietly, in a voice like velvet dragged over a blade, he said, “Vardes.”
You tightened your hand around his wrist. “No.”
He did not look at you. “He is laughing.”
“He is smiling.”
“That is how cowards laugh at court.”
“Louis.”
His hazel eyes shone with such cold violence that, for one dreadful instant, you thought even your touch would not hold him.
“He has eaten at my table,” Louis whispered. “He has bowed to you. He has kissed your hand. He has accepted offices from me, money from me, favor from me—”
“And learned from you,” you cut in.
His gaze snapped to you then.
The words struck him harder than the street play.
You did not soften them.
“You taught them what a queen could endure,” you said, voice low and trembling now, not from fear, but from fury so old it had turned clean. “You taught them that my humiliation was survivable. You taught them Montespan could glitter beside you while I stood in shadow and still be expected to smile. Do not act shocked that they learned the lesson.”
Louis stared at you as if you had opened his chest with one hand.
Behind him, the stage laughter swelled.
De Vardes tilted his head toward his companion and murmured something.
The companion covered his smile with his glove.
Louis saw it.
The dagger shifted in his hand.
Then, from the far side of the square, a shout cut through the noise.
“Make way!”
The sound came again, sharper this time.
“Make way for the King’s guard!”
The effect was immediate.
Not panic at first. Confusion. Then the kind of nervous ripple that passed through common crowds whenever uniforms appeared in numbers. Heads turned. Bodies shifted. The musicians faltered. The pipe gave one last awkward squeal before falling silent.
The actors saw them first.
Three royal guards in blue and silver were pushing through the street from the eastern arch, followed by two more on horseback. Their faces were stern, their boots striking the stones with official purpose. The sun flashed over polished hilts.
On the platform, the false king froze mid-pose.
The actress in the Spanish mantilla went pale beneath her painted cheeks.
The padded courtier whispered, “Merde.”
Then theatre dissolved into survival.
The fake king tore off his cardboard crown and leapt from the platform so quickly that his cloak snagged on a nail and ripped in half. The mistress shrieked, kicked over a basket of props, and vanished behind the painted backdrop. The mock queen gathered her enormous skirt in both hands and fled in the opposite direction, her mantilla flying loose behind her like a black flag of surrender.
The crowd burst into shouts.
Not laughter now.
Alarm.
“Run!”
“The guards!”
“They saw!”
“Hide the box!”
Someone knocked over a tray of pears. A child began crying. The offended chicken, apparently cursed to witness every major scandal of the day, shot once more across the square and disappeared under a cart.
Louis did not move.
His eyes remained fixed on de Vardes.
De Vardes, for the first time, stopped smiling.
He had seen the guards too—but worse, perhaps, he had seen Marguerite staring at him with the eyes of his sovereign.
Recognition did not fully enter his face. Not yet. The disguise held by threads and absurdity. But something troubled him. Something in the height. The posture. The stillness. The terrible attention.
His smile died.
Louis took one step toward him.
You stepped in front of him.
“No,” you said.
His face lowered toward yours, fury blazing beneath the kerchief. “Move.”
“No.”
“He heard them. He smiled.”
“Yes.”
“He will answer for it.”
“Not here.”
Louis’s nostrils flared. “You ask restraint of me while he stands there breathing?”
“You prayed for this, remember?”
His mouth twitched, but not with humor.
Around you, the crowd began dispersing in every direction. Stalls were being shuttered. People slipped into alleys, dragged children away, gathered baskets in haste. The guards were closer now, their voices rising above the commotion as they demanded order.
You looked toward them, heart suddenly thudding for an entirely different reason.
“Why are your guards here?”
Louis’s answer did not come at once.
For one terrible second, you thought he would say something dreadful. That he had summoned them. That some hidden royal instinct had sent word ahead the moment insult touched the air. That even dressed in brown wool and calling himself Marguerite, he had somehow managed to drag the machinery of monarchy into the square with him.
But Louis only stared toward the approaching guards, his hazel eyes narrowing beneath the crooked kerchief.
“I don’t know,” he said.
You looked at him. “You don’t know?”
“No.”
“You are the King.”
“And yet, astonishingly, men sometimes move without first asking me where to put their feet.”
“That must be very hard for you.”
“It is a national affliction.”
The guards were nearer now, their voices cutting through the square as people scattered around them. A cart rolled hastily away. A woman snatched up her basket of onions. Somewhere behind the platform, the mock queen had become trapped in her own skirt and was whispering desperate prayers to every saint she had just finished insulting.
You grabbed Louis’s sleeve. “Why would royal guards be here?”
He glanced down at your hand on him, then at the soldiers.
Then, with a seriousness that made the sentence worse, he said, “Perhaps they are after one of the peacocks.”
You stared at him.
The square roared around you. The actors fled. De Vardes vanished behind the awning of the spice seller. Royal guards in blue and silver pushed through the crowd with the grave purpose of men arriving at a murder, a riot, or a treasonous pamphlet.
And Louis had said peacocks.
“Peacocks,” you repeated flatly.
“Yes.”
“You think the King’s guard came into town because of a bird?”
Louis’s face hardened in immediate offense. “Not just any bird.”
“Oh, forgive me. A noble bird.”
“A very expensive bird,” he corrected, catching your wrist and pulling you sharply into the moving crowd before one of the guards could glance too long in your direction. “Do not stand there gawking like a provincial. Walk.”
“I am not gawking. I am trying to understand why France’s military resources are being used to chase ornamental poultry.”
“They are not poultry.”
“They have feathers.”
“So do angels. I would not call Saint Michael a chicken.”
“You would if he cost too much and screamed in your garden.”
Louis shot you a look over his shoulder, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the kerchief slipping sideways over the hidden black wig. “My peacocks are the pride of Versailles.”
“They scream like women being murdered.”
“They add atmosphere.”
“They attack gardeners.”
“The gardeners should develop courage.”
You stumbled after him as he dragged you between a bread stall and a woman selling ribbons, his grip firm around your wrist, the fan clutched absurdly in his other hand. He moved too quickly for Marguerite now. The disguise was failing in every line of him. The stride was too long. The shoulders too straight. The air of command too unmistakable. People made way instinctively, not knowing why they were moving aside for a very tall woman in brown wool who walked like war in skirts.
You yanked your wrist. “Louis, slow down.”
He slowed, but only enough to keep you from tripping over your borrowed boots.
“Do you understand,” he said in a low, urgent baritone, “how much one of those birds costs? The plumage alone—”
“I cannot believe we are discussing peacock accounting during a near-arrest.”
“The gardener will be in a panic.”
“The gardener?”
“Yes. Poor man.”
You glanced at him sharply. “Poor man? You just said your gardeners should develop courage.”
“They should. But in an organized fashion.”
The guards shouted again behind you. “Close the western lane! Check the market road!”
You tensed.
Louis heard it too. His fingers tightened around your wrist, and he pulled you under the shade of an overhanging cloth awning, pressing you close to a wall where sacks of grain were stacked high enough to shield you from the main square. He stood in front of you instinctively, brown skirts brushing your knees, his ridiculous fan half-lifted as if it could defend you from discovery by sheer theatrical force.
You peered past his shoulder. “They’re looking for someone.”
“They may still be looking for the peacock.”
“They said close the lane.”
“Peacocks run.”
“They do not organize sedition.”
“You underestimate them.”
You looked at him.
He looked back, maddeningly solemn.
“You’re enjoying this,” you accused.
“I am not.”
“You are. Your face is glowing.”
“That is exertion. These stays are barbaric.”
“You chose them.”
“For the silhouette. Not the suffering.”
One of the mounted guards passed near enough that the horse’s hooves struck sparks from the stone. Louis turned his face away slightly, lowering the fan to hide the shape of his nose, but you still saw the tension in him. Not fear exactly. Louis did not fear discovery the way ordinary people feared discovery. If someone recognized him, the world would simply rearrange itself around the truth, kneeling and apologizing. What he feared was losing the afternoon. Losing the laughter. Losing the fragile, impossible pocket of unreality in which he could be Marguerite and you could be Pierre and no one could point at you from a wooden stage and call your grief a joke without the King of France reaching for a blade.
His eyes flicked back toward the square.
De Vardes was gone.
You knew Louis had noticed.
The silence between you sharpened.
“Do not follow him,” you said quietly.
Louis’s mouth tightened. “I did not say anything.”
“You didn’t need to.”
His gaze remained fixed beyond the crowd. “He will answer.”
“Yes,” you said. “But not while you are dressed as a washerwoman and smelling faintly of pear tarts.”
“I do not smell of pear tarts.”
“You were leaning over them with longing.”
“I was evaluating them.”
“You were coveting them.”
“I am the King. I do not covet. I acquire.”
“Marguerite covets.”
That brought his eyes back to you.
A faint, unwilling smile tugged at his mouth despite the fury still burning under it. “Marguerite is complex.”
“Marguerite is about to get us both dragged before the guards because she cannot resist either revenge or pastry.”
“She contains multitudes.”
“She contains a dagger.”
His smile vanished.
For a moment, neither of you spoke.
The dagger remained hidden in his hand, half beneath the fall of his skirt. You reached down slowly, your fingers wrapping around his wrist once more—not harshly, not pleadingly, but with a firmness that reminded him you knew exactly what he was capable of.
“Put it away,” you said.
Louis stared at you.
The old battle returned to his face: authority against restraint, pride against love, the King against the man who had prayed that morning not to become a monster in front of you again.
Then, slowly, he slid the dagger back into its concealed sheath.
It was a small sound.
A whisper of steel.
But it felt larger than the square.
You released his wrist.
Louis looked down at the place your hand had been as if your fingers had left a brand.
“Thank you,” you said, almost reluctantly.
His baritone softened. “Do not thank me yet.”
“Why?”
“Because if that truly is my peacock, I may still have to commit violence.”
You stared at him.
He stepped back from the wall, peering past the awning with renewed attention. “The blue one is particularly arrogant. If it has escaped again, I shall know. It walks like a bishop with unpaid debts.”
Despite yourself, you made a sound. Not quite a laugh. Too dangerous to be laughter.
Louis heard it and seized on it instantly.
“You doubt me,” he said. “But the last time one of them escaped, it took four guards, two gardeners, a laundress, and a boy with a cabbage to retrieve it.”
“A cabbage?”
“It was bait.”
“Peacocks eat cabbage?”
“This one did. It also bit a priest.”
You pressed your lips together.
Louis leaned closer, hazel eyes glinting now beneath the kerchief. “The priest said it was possessed.”
“Was it?”
“It was Spanish.”
You hit his arm.
He winced theatrically. “Abuse. In public. Pierre is cruel.”
“You deserved that.”
“I said the bird was Spanish, not you.”
“You implied a resemblance.”
“I implied passion. Temperament. A certain elegance of fury.”
“You are trying to survive.”
“I am succeeding.”
The absurdity should not have soothed you. It should not have pulled you back from the sharp edge of humiliation still lodged beneath your ribs. But Louis, damn him, had always known how to turn danger sideways at the last possible moment, how to make the room bend not only through power, but through charm. It was one of the reasons people forgave him things they should not have forgiven.
It was one of the reasons you hated remembering that you had once forgiven him too.
The guards continued spreading through the square, but their attention seemed focused away from the market stage now, toward the lane leading to the stables. A young soldier hurried past carrying a length of netting.
You blinked.
Louis followed your gaze.
His face brightened with vindication.
“Ah.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“That could be for anything.”
“It is netting.”
“People use netting for many things.”
“For peacocks,” he said, deeply satisfied.
A second guard rushed by holding what appeared unmistakably to be a basket of grain.
Louis lifted one brow.
You closed your eyes. “Do not look smug.”
“I am not smug.”
“You are radiating smugness through the dress.”
“I told you. It is not just a bird.”
A shriek erupted from the far lane.
Not human.
High, metallic, outrageously dramatic.
The entire market turned.
A flash of iridescent blue shot between two carts, followed by three guards, a groom, a red-faced man in gardener’s clothes, and a small boy waving a cabbage with the solemn determination of a knight carrying a holy relic.
The peacock exploded into the square.
There was no other word for it.
It came tearing through the street in a storm of blue, green, and offended majesty, tail streaming behind it like a torn royal banner. People screamed and scattered. The bird darted beneath a table, knocked over a basket of pears, emerged from the other side with a piece of lace tangled around one foot, and shrieked again as if France itself had insulted its lineage.
Louis froze.
Then whispered, with horror and recognition, “Philippe.”
You turned slowly to look at him.
“The peacock’s name is Philippe?”
“He came with that name.”
“You named a peacock after your brother?”
“No. I named my brother after the peacock.”
“Louis.”
“That was a joke.”
“Was it?”
His silence was not reassuring.
The gardener chasing the bird looked moments from collapse. His face was crimson, his wig gone entirely, his sleeves rolled to the elbow. “Catch him!” he shouted, voice cracking. “For the love of God, catch him!”
The peacock shrieked again and launched itself onto the edge of the pastry stall.
The pear tarts trembled.
Louis inhaled sharply.
“Not the tarts,” he said.
“Of course that is your concern.”
“Those were excellent tarts.”
“You didn’t even taste them.”
“I had plans.”
The bird stepped directly into one.
Louis made a wounded sound.
The gardener saw it and nearly wept.
“Majesty will kill me,” he gasped to one of the guards. “He will kill me. He already dismissed me last time. I only got my place back because I wept into his robes.”
You turned to Louis very slowly.
Louis suddenly became fascinated by the fan.
“You fired him,” you said.
“He lost an expensive bird.”
“And rehired him because he cried on you?”
“He was very damp.”
“You are a ridiculous man.”
“He clutched my robes. In front of courtiers. There was mucus.”
“So you gave him his job back?”
“I am not made of stone.”
“You threatened to cut out actors’ tongues five minutes ago.”
“That was different. They insulted you. He only ruined velvet.”
The peacock hopped from the crushed pear tart onto a barrel, flared its tail half-open, and screamed into the face of the guard holding the net. The guard stumbled backward. The boy with the cabbage advanced bravely and was immediately chased in a circle.
You stared.
Louis stared too, his mouth pressed into a tight line.
Then he murmured, “He has grown bolder.”
“Your bird is terrorizing the market.”
“He is a royal bird.”
“He is a menace.”
“Most royal things are.”
That should not have made you laugh.
But it did.
A small laugh. Brief. Almost strangled. But real enough that Louis looked at you at once, all the violence and anger in him briefly forgotten.
You saw the way he watched you when you laughed.
As if he had been starving.
You looked away quickly.
“Don’t,” you said.
“I said nothing.”
“You were about to look sentimental.”
“I would never.”
“You always do it after surviving one of your own disasters.”
“This disaster has feathers. I refuse responsibility.”
Philippe the peacock chose that exact moment to leap from the barrel, land on the edge of the ring toss table, and send every wooden ring skittering into the dust. The stallkeeper shouted in outrage. The guards closed in. The bird darted left, then right, then made directly for the narrow space beneath your awning.
Louis’s eyes widened.
“No,” he said sharply, forgetting himself. “Not here.”
The peacock came straight toward you.
You had time only to step back before Louis moved in front of you.
It was instinctive.
Ridiculous, given that the threat was a bird.
But instinctive all the same.
Brown skirts flared. His arm came across your body. The fan snapped open like a shield. He stood between you and the incoming storm of feathers with the grim resolve of a man facing cavalry.
The peacock skidded to a halt.
Louis stared down at it.
The bird stared up at Louis.
For a suspended heartbeat, king and peacock regarded one another with mutual, ancestral contempt.
Then Louis lowered his voice, baritone deep enough to make the air seem to vibrate.
“Philippe.”
The peacock’s head tilted.
You stared between them, incredulous. “Are you speaking to it?”
“Hush.”
“You know the peacock personally.”
“I said hush.”
The bird took one delicate step forward.
Louis lifted the fan higher.
“Do not embarrass me,” he said, still in that dangerously low voice.
Philippe screamed.
Louis flinched.
You bit your lip so hard it hurt.
The gardener rounded the corner and froze at the sight of Marguerite apparently locked in diplomatic relations with the escaped peacock. The guards stopped behind him, panting.
The boy with the cabbage whispered, “Madame, don’t move.”
Louis did not take his eyes off the bird. “I am not moving.”
The peacock looked at the fan.
Louis looked at the peacock.
Then, slowly, Louis extended the fan sideways.
The bird followed the motion.
Louis flicked it once.
Philippe lunged.
Louis stepped aside with startling grace, the bird charging toward the fluttering object just as one of the guards threw the net.
Chaos exploded.
The net landed half on the bird, half on Louis’s skirt. Philippe screamed. Louis cursed. The gardener shouted. You grabbed Louis by the back of the dress before he could trip and fall face-first into grain sacks. The boy with the cabbage threw himself heroically at the bird’s tail and missed entirely.
For several seconds, everyone was feathers, netting, skirts, and profanity.
Then the guard managed to pin the net properly.
Philippe was captured.
The square burst into applause.
Louis stood frozen, chest heaving, one side of his dress caught under the net, fan broken in half, kerchief slipping low over one eye.
You looked at him.
He looked at you.
Then you said, “Marguerite is very brave.”
His eyes narrowed. “Not one word.”
“You saved France.”
“Not one word.”
“From Philippe.”
“Pierre.”
“The royal bird.”
“I will divorce you.”
“You are my sister.”
“I will divorce you anyway.”
The gardener dropped to his knees beside the captured peacock, nearly sobbing with relief. “Thank God. Thank God. His Majesty will not hear of this. Please, all of you, please, say nothing. If the King learns Philippe reached the market again, I am ruined.”
Louis, still trapped partially beneath the net, looked down at him.
The gardener did not recognize him.
Of course he did not.
Why would he? No man in his right mind would expect Louis XIV to be standing in a market square in a brown dress, smelling faintly of rose soap, pastry, and rage.
Louis’s expression shifted.
You saw the temptation before he spoke.
“No,” you whispered.
He ignored you.
With slow, theatrical dignity, he lifted the remaining half of his broken fan, lowered his voice into Marguerite’s most atrocious feminine register, and said, “Perhaps His Majesty would be merciful.”
The gardener looked up, miserable. “You don’t know him.”
Your mouth twitched.
Louis’s brows lifted.
The gardener wiped sweat from his forehead. “He is terrible about the birds. Terrible. Last time, he stood in the garden with that black wig and those eyes, staring at me as if I had personally sold France to Spain. Then he dismissed me in front of everyone. Everyone.”
Louis’s face changed.
You put a hand over your mouth.
The gardener continued, voice trembling with the trauma of memory. “I had to chase him through the south gallery. I cried into his robes. I am not proud of it. But I have six children and a wife who says peacocks are the devil’s chickens.”
Louis blinked.
You lost the battle and laughed.
Not softly. Not discreetly. You turned into the wall and laughed until your shoulders shook.
Louis shot you a murderous look.
The gardener stared at you, offended. “It was a difficult day.”
“I’m sure,” you managed.
Louis cleared his throat. “And did His Majesty rehire you?”
The gardener sighed deeply. “Yes. Eventually. After I ruined the velvet. He was angrier about the velvet than the tears.”
You laughed harder.
Louis’s mouth tightened. “Perhaps His Majesty has a complicated relationship with textiles.”
The gardener nodded gravely. “That is true.”
You wheezed.
Louis turned his face toward you, whispering through clenched teeth, “You are enjoying this far too much.”
“I have never enjoyed anything more.”
“I can still have you arrested.”
“For laughing at peacock treason?”
“For marital cruelty.”
“We are siblings today.”
His eyes flashed. “Conveniently.”
The guards finished securing Philippe into the netted basket, though the bird continued screaming with the moral outrage of a dethroned prince. The gardener rose, bowed quickly to Marguerite and Pierre as if gratitude required some gesture, and hurried away with the guards, the boy, the cabbage, and the captured royal menace.
The market slowly exhaled.
People returned to stalls. Someone righted the pears. The actors, seeing that the royal guards had come for a bird rather than satire, began emerging cautiously from hiding. The fake king’s cardboard crown peeked from behind a barrel.
Louis remained under the awning, one half of his broken fan still in hand, his brown skirt muddy at the hem and torn slightly where the net had caught it. The kerchief had slipped again, exposing the edge of the black wig underneath, which sat upon his head with the tragic imbalance of a defeated empire. His hazel eyes were narrowed, not at the actors now, nor at the guards vanishing down the lane with Philippe shrieking from his basket, but at you.
“You may stop laughing,” he said.
You tried. Truly, you did. But the image of Philippe the peacock staring down the King of France disguised as a washerwoman had imprinted itself too deeply into your soul.
“I cannot,” you wheezed, one hand braced against the wall, your cap crooked over your hair. “You called the peacock Philippe.”
“He is called Philippe.”
“You spoke to him like a minister.”
“He has more discipline than some ministers.”
“He screamed in your face.”
“So do some ministers.”
That only made it worse. You bent forward, laughing again, shoulders shaking, breath catching in your throat as Louis stood before you in all his wounded royal magnificence, smelling faintly of rose soap, pastry sugar, market dust, and humiliation. He tried to look offended. He nearly succeeded. But there was something in his mouth that betrayed him, a reluctant twitch at one corner, a softening he could not quite command back into severity.
He loved it.
You saw it before he could hide it.
Not the mockery, not his own embarrassment, but the sound of you. Your laughter. Real laughter. Ridiculous, unguarded, free. Not the brittle court laugh you used like a fan to strike people without touching them. Not the cold laugh you gave him when you wanted him to bleed. This was helpless. Human. Alive.
Louis looked at you as if he had stumbled upon a chapel in the woods.
Then, because he was Louis, he ruined it by muttering, “Pierre is cruel to his wife.”
“You are my sister today.”
His eyes sharpened. “You denied the marriage first.”
“I saved us.”
“You abandoned Marguerite to libertines.”
“You showed a stranger your royal cock in a public square.”
His expression became pained. “Must you say royal?”
“Would you prefer humble?”
“Never.”
You laughed again, though softer now, wiping at the corner of one eye. “God, Louis.”
His face changed slightly at his name. Not much. Only enough for you to notice. He was still in disguise, still ridiculous, still Marguerite in brown wool beneath a crooked kerchief, but the sound of his real name in your laughing mouth seemed to touch him somewhere bare.
He opened his mouth, perhaps to make some insufferable remark about the dignity of kings, when your gaze drifted beyond his shoulder.
And stopped.
At first, you thought you were mistaken.
No. Surely not.
The man from earlier—the red-cheeked turnip with boots, as Louis had so poetically christened him—had returned.
But not as he had fled.
No, this time he came with preparation.
His hair, previously wind-tossed from terror and lust, had been combed back with visible effort, though one stubborn curl had sprung loose near his temple. His coat had been hastily brushed. His hat was tucked beneath one arm. In his hands, clutched with absurd courage, was a small bouquet of flowers: cheap, bright, slightly wilted from market heat, but arranged with something almost like hope.
He searched the square.
Then he saw Louis.
And smiled.
You stared.
Then covered your mouth.
Louis noticed immediately.
“What?” he demanded.
You shook your head, already losing the fight.
His hazel eyes narrowed. “What is it?”
You pointed.
Louis followed your gaze.
For one rare, perfect moment, the King of France looked genuinely horrified.
Not politically displeased. Not theatrically wounded. Horrified. His mouth parted. The broken fan lowered. His eyes widened beneath the slipping kerchief as the man began walking toward him with flowers and renewed romantic purpose.
“No,” Louis said.
The man lifted the bouquet slightly.
Louis took one step back.
“No.”
You made a strangled sound.
“He came back,” you whispered.
Louis stared as if watching France collapse in real time. “Impossible.”
“He came back after seeing—”
“Do not say it.”
“After seeing Marguerite’s secret.”
“Do not.”
You were laughing again now, helplessly, one hand over your stomach. “He brought flowers.”
Louis turned on you, offended past speech. “This is not amusing.”
“It is the funniest thing that has ever happened to either of us.”
“He saw the truth!”
“And apparently reflected upon it.”
“He screamed witchcraft!”
“And then combed his hair.”
Louis looked back. The man was closer now, expression nervous but determined, bouquet held forward like a peace offering to a pagan goddess with unexpected anatomy.
Louis’s baritone dropped into a scandalized hiss. “What is wrong with these people?”
You leaned against the wall, laughing so hard your cap nearly fell off. “He is French, Louis.”
“That is not an explanation.”
“It is exactly an explanation.”
“It is a national insult.”
“It is a national pattern,” you gasped. “I have learned many things since coming here. Your people enjoy sauces, arguments, impractical shoes, and apparently they are willing to appreciate both sides of creation.”
Louis blinked. “Both sides of—?”
You gestured vaguely, unable to speak for a moment.
His face darkened with realization.
“Do not finish that sentence.”
“Madame,” the man called, still approaching, “forgive me!”
Louis seized your wrist at once.
“No.”
“You should answer him,” you wheezed. “Marguerite has an admirer.”
“Marguerite is leaving.”
“But he brought flowers.”
“Marguerite is widowed by necessity.”
The man hurried closer. “Madame, wait! I judged too quickly!”
Louis’s face became a mask of royal despair. “He judged too quickly.”
You could barely breathe. “He has grown as a person.”
“He has become worse.”
“Perhaps he spent five minutes thinking and decided love is love.”
“Stop laughing.”
“I physically cannot.”
The man was close enough now that you could see the hope in his eyes, the sweat at his temples, the tragic sincerity of his bouquet. “Madame,” he said, slightly breathless, “I have reconsidered.”
Louis clutched your hand tighter.
“Have you,” he said, and although he attempted Marguerite’s voice, outrage dragged it straight back into that velvet baritone.
The man faltered only slightly. Then, astonishingly, blushed.
You made a noise so undignified that Louis shot you a look promising future punishment.
The man held out the flowers. “I reacted poorly.”
“You reacted accurately,” Louis said.
“No,” the man insisted. “I was frightened. Surprised. But I am a man of Paris. I have seen many things.”
Louis stared at him.
You whispered, “Apparently.”
Louis tugged your wrist. “We are leaving.”
“Marguerite,” the man pleaded.
“Come, Pierre.”
The man followed one step. “Madame—”
Louis looked back over his shoulder, hazel eyes flashing.
“I said no.”
This time, the voice was not Marguerite’s. Not even close. It was the voice of the man who had ordered armies, dismissed ministers, built palaces, and terrified gardeners into weeping over peacocks. It struck the air with such quiet finality that the man stopped dead, bouquet drooping in his hands.
Louis turned away again and marched forward, dragging you with him through the market crowd.
You stumbled after him, still laughing. “You cannot blame him. You are very beautiful and spoiled.”
“I am not discussing this.”
“You said Marguerite was irresistible.”
“I was wrong.”
“You were right.”
“Do not encourage Frenchmen.”
“You are a Frenchman.”
“I am the Frenchman. That is different.”
“He brought flowers, Louis.”
“He brought madness.”
“They were almost the same color as your ribbon.”
Louis glanced down at the blue ribbon still tied around his wrist, then scowled as if it too had betrayed him. “I am beginning to hate this town.”
“Marguerite, I’m going to write to you!”
“Mon Dieu, non!”
You laughed, grabbed Louis by the arm and dragged him away this time.
He came willingly, laughing under his breath as you fled with him through the market, both of you ridiculous, compromised, dust-streaked, no longer quite king and queen, not forgiven, not healed, not safe from the ending of nine days.
But laughing.
And Louis, who had been worshipped by France and still starved in ways no one could see, held the sound of you beside him like something rarer than jewels.
Like grace.
Temporary.
Conditional.
But real.
A Garden for Widows
Summary: What begins as a royal apology becomes something far larger when the Queen demands the garden serve the people. For once, Louis listens—and surprises them both.
Pairing: Louis XIV × Fem! Reader
Warnings: None
Author's Notes: The big winner of the poll was Gilded Defiance, and here’s the new chapter! And there’ll be another one very soon. In fact, this was originally supposed to be one huuuuuge chapter, but I just discovered that Tumblr refuses to accept posts longer than 10,000 words. 😭 So, congratulations, Tumblr. You’ve accidentally turned one giant chapter into two. 😅
First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, Tenth, Eleventh and Twelfth part here
Also read on Ao3
When you woke the next morning, the sun was already brushing pale streaks across the damask curtains. The hunting lodge was quiet—eerily so. For a moment, you thought perhaps you’d dreamt the chaos of yesterday. That Louis hadn’t bargained for your forgiveness with baths and flowers. That he hadn’t cried in your bed, pressed trembling kisses to your fingers, and begged with the desperation of a dying man.
But then you reached across the sheets.
And he wasn’t there.
No wig. No scent. No warmth.
Just a faint indentation on the mattress.
He had risen before you.
You sat up slowly, rubbing the back of your neck, the weight of the silence pressing into your shoulders. Before your thoughts could spiral, the soft rustle of skirts at the door drew your attention.
Your ladies-in-waiting had already assembled.
Marie. Béatrice. Solène.
All of them neatly dressed, their hair pinned, their hands folded like birds on a perch. Not one of them commented on your expression. Not one asked if the King had slept beside you. But they saw the redness at the edges of your eyes. They saw the tired grace in your limbs as you rose.
None of them spoke of it.
Instead, they drew your bath.
Steam lifted in curling ribbons as you stepped into the copper tub, jasmine still lingering faintly in the air from Louis’s punishment-bath the day before. You bathed quietly, scrubbed your arms, shoulders, and legs, and—like always—used the linen cloth soaked in vinegar to clean your teeth. Sharp. Astringent. Comforting.
You sat still as Béatrice brushed out your hair and began weaving it into something respectable—nothing too formal, but elegant enough for court eyes.
By the time you were dressed, the summer sun had climbed higher, spilling gold across the stone floor. You chose a modest gown in soft green silk, adorned with cream lace, and no jewelry save for the ring Louis had given you the year of your marriage. You wore it today not for sentiment.
But for theatre.
When you arrived in the breakfast chamber, you expected silence. Perhaps Louis alone, sulking behind a goblet. Or waiting for you, brooding with that storm in his eyes.
Instead—you found company.
The man rose at once when you entered, bowing low in deference. He was older, with clever eyes and hands that looked more accustomed to soil than ink.
Louis stood beside him, perfectly composed, dressed in a crisp morning coat of blue and gold, black wig freshly powdered and perched askew as always. He held a teacup with imperial laziness, and his expression—when he looked at you—was bright. Smiling.
As if the previous night hadn’t happened.
“As promised,” he said, his baritone warm and effortless, “I have summoned the very man who will build your orchard.”
The man bowed again. “Jean de La Quintinie, Majesty. At your service.”
You arched one brow.
Orchard?
Louis gestured to the chair beside him. “Come, ma rebelle. Sit. We’ve begun without you, but I’m told the soil will wait.”
You obeyed—not because he asked, but because you needed to know what game he was playing. You took your seat beside him, your spine straight, your eyes fixed on the stranger.
Louis poured you tea as if nothing had happened. “Monsieur de La Quintinie is the finest gardener in France. I’ve tasked him with creating a fruit garden worthy of the Crown.”
“A potager, Majesty,” Jean corrected gently, his voice eager. “A formal kitchen garden, to be exact. But one with elegance. Harmony. I envision a space that marries nourishment with beauty.”
You turned to Louis slowly. “A potager.”
“Oui,” Louis said, grinning, as if this were his idea and not something ripped straight from your arguments. “A personal one. I will no longer tolerate the disgrace of linens-flavored peaches on your breakfast tray.”
Jean smiled with pride. “The King has instructed that we grow peaches, above all. His favorite.”
You looked at your husband.
His expression was insufferably smug.
You blinked once. Slowly.
“You’re serious?” you asked.
Louis leaned closer, his voice pitched intimately low. “Utterly.”
Then, to Jean, louder: “The Queen wishes to know what else we might grow. Enlighten her, monsieur.”
Jean brightened. “Tomatoes, of course, though they remain a novelty. Strawberries. Figs. Aubergines. Lettuce. Cress. Even medicinal herbs—lavender, rosemary, hyssop.”
You tilted your head. “Could we grow oranges?”
La Quintinie smiled. “If there’s a greenhouse, Majesty. Or a well-positioned wall to shield them. But yes.”
You smiled despite yourself. “And cherries?”
“Certainly. Though we must protect them from the birds.”
Louis nodded, folding one leg over the other. “What of the placement? I want it where the Queen can see it. Right in front of her windows.”
You froze.
La Quintinie hesitated. “Sire, that depends on the terrain. I must study the light, the soil, the water access. If the ground is not fertile, we would waste months—perhaps years.”
You opened your mouth. “There’s no need to build anything in front of my windows—”
“There is,” Louis said firmly, reaching for your hand.
You blinked down at your fingers. His were warm. Steady.
“I made a promise,” he said, not looking at Jean now. Just you. “And I intend to keep it. Even if I have to move the trees myself.”
You didn’t speak.
You stared at him—wig crooked, hands still faintly damp from rosewater, eyes heavy with everything left unsaid from the night before.
He smiled.
Not charming. Not imperial.
Just soft.
“I told you I would bring you fruit,” he murmured. “And I will.”
You slowly withdrew your hand from his, careful and deliberate, like pulling away from something hot.
Louis didn’t stop you.
He watched the motion in silence, the faintest crease forming between his brows. His fingers lingered where yours had been, as if holding the ghost of your touch.
Then you spoke—quietly, but without softness.
“This isn’t the promise I asked you to keep.”
The words settled in the chamber like falling dust—light, but impossible to ignore.
Louis didn’t flinch. He didn’t argue.
He only lowered his gaze for a moment, the lashes of his tired hazel eyes casting faint shadows against his cheeks. Then he exhaled through his nose and said, baritone voice calm and composed:
“I will keep this one, too.”
You looked at him—truly looked. He met your gaze evenly, the smile now gone from his lips, the theatre stripped away. He wasn’t trying to charm you. He wasn’t pleading, bargaining, groveling, not this time.
“I swear it,” he continued. “When we return to Versailles, the first thing I do will be to send her away.”
You didn’t answer.
You couldn’t.
Not because you didn’t want to believe him—but because hope was a dangerous thing in the hands of men like Louis.
Instead, you turned your attention away, your gaze drifting to Jean de La Quintinie, who had wisely busied himself with his plate, his knife moving through a poached pear with delicate precision, as though it were the most fascinating object in all of France.
You studied him for a moment.
Then asked, “How much do you think the Potager will cost the crown, monsieur?”
Jean blinked, startled, his fork pausing mid-air. “Majesty?”
“The construction,” you said. “The walls, the irrigation, the greenhouses, the seasonal labor. What will it cost?”
Jean opened his mouth to answer, but Louis interrupted—casual, dismissive, waving one gloved hand as if brushing away smoke.
“Don’t worry about that,” he said. “The taxes will cover it.”
You turned back to him, sharply. “You already take too much from the people of France.”
Louis’s smile thinned. “They’ve always paid for the glory of their kingdom.”
“And what glory do they eat at night?” you shot back. “What use is an orchard outside my window when children in Paris dig through gutters for bruised fruit?”
He tilted his head, tone still calm, though his jaw tensed faintly. “You’ve already done more for them than most queens have. The twelve wells in the city—your wells—have changed lives. I heard it myself. They praise you for it. And that hospital for war widows—”
“Is only one,” you cut in. “One building. For one kind of suffering.”
Louis sighed, setting down his teacup with care. “You expect me to fix all of France before breakfast?”
“I expect you to remember them,” you said, your voice quiet now. “When you order gardens built and marble shipped and wigs powdered with silver. I expect you to remember them. That’s all.”
Silence fell between you.
Not hostile. Not cold.
Just quiet.
Louis leaned back slightly in his chair, fingers tapping the table once—twice—then stilling.
He studied you.
Hair braided, gown simple, posture regal but tired. Not defeated. Just… guarded. Fortified. Like a fortress that had once been a palace.
His voice, when he spoke, was lower.
Steadier.
“I remember them more when you’re near.”
You didn’t look at him.
Jean de La Quintinie cleared his throat discreetly. “The costs, Majesty,” he said carefully, “can be managed if we reuse the old stone from the collapsed east wall at Saint-Cloud. The scaffolding will need reinforcing, but if we begin in autumn…”
Louis listened.
You stared at the steam curling from your teacup, hands still.
The garden would be beautiful.
But it was not the thing you needed.
Not yet.
And Louis—well, Louis was learning.
Slowly. Painfully.
Like a man dragging himself through every inch of the orchard he promised to build.
Fruit by fruit.
Lie by lie.
Bath by bath.
Jean de La Quintinie spoke for nearly an hour.
He spoke of walls and soil and sun exposure. Of espaliered pear trees trained against warm stone, of peaches coaxed into sweetness by clever placement and patience, of herbs that could be both useful and beautiful if planted in ordered beds. He spoke with the fervor of a priest describing paradise, hands moving over the table as though already shaping the earth between his fingers.
Louis listened with the kind of grand, regal attention he gave to men who interested him. Chin lifted, one hand resting near his cup, black wig sitting with more confidence than accuracy upon his head. Every so often he would ask a question—sharp, practical, unexpectedly informed—and Jean would light up, delighted to be understood by a king whose vanity, for once, had found something useful to attach itself to.
You listened too, but more quietly.
You watched Louis more than you watched the gardener.
He seemed almost peaceful when discussing fruit.
It irritated you.
Not because peace looked unnatural on him, but because it suited him too well. Because under the powdered grandeur, beneath the ridiculous black wig and the royal stiffness and the stubborn refusal to bathe without threats of exile, there was still the man you had once loved. The man who could look at a map of a garden as if it were a kingdom kinder than the one he already possessed. The man whose hazel eyes softened when Jean described cherries ripening under netting, whose mouth curved slightly when oranges were mentioned, as if he remembered Spain because he remembered you.
That was the cruelty of it.
Louis was never only the villain of your grief.
He was also the hand that had once steadied yours when you first crossed the threshold of Versailles. The voice that had read to you in the dark when storms shook the windows. The man who had sent musicians away because their playing gave you a headache, then pretended it had been his own displeasure, not tenderness, that moved him.
He was the wound and the memory of the bandage.
And now he sat across from you, speaking of soil.
“It must not be ornamental only,” you said at last, interrupting Jean’s discussion of drainage channels.
Both men looked at you.
Louis tilted his head. “What must not be ornamental?”
“The garden.” You folded your hands in your lap. “If you build it, then it must feed more than my vanity.”
A faint line appeared between Louis’s brows.
Jean, wise enough to sense the ground shifting beneath his feet, lowered his eyes to his notes.
You continued, your voice calm. “If the Crown is to spend money on walls and fruit trees and clever irrigation, then part of the yield should go to the hospital. The widows’ hospital. Fresh herbs, vegetables, fruit in season. Not scraps after the court has eaten. Not bruised fruit. A proper portion.”
Louis stared at you.
For a moment he said nothing, and you thought he would dismiss it. You were ready for the familiar gesture, the elegant hand wave, the paternal little sigh that reduced suffering to numbers and numbers to inconvenience.
But he did not wave you away.
Instead, he leaned back slowly in his chair, his fingers resting against the carved arm. The morning light touched his face at an angle that made him look older than his portraits ever dared. There was gray at his temples beneath the wig, a tired heaviness around his eyes, a faint looseness at the mouth that had nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with years spent performing strength.
“A royal potager,” he said thoughtfully, “that feeds widows.”
“And children,” you added.
His gaze flicked back to yours.
“The children of soldiers,” you said. “If their fathers die for your wars, they can at least taste peaches from your gardens.”
Jean’s fork stopped against the porcelain.
Louis’s expression did not change, but his hazel eyes darkened.
For one sharp second, you wondered whether you had gone too far. Then you remembered the tax carts. The hunger. The silk gowns paid for by cracked hands. The war widows with infants at their breasts and nothing but prayer between them and starvation.
No. Not far enough.
Louis took a breath.
“That,” he said slowly, “would be good theatre.”
Your face hardened.
His hand lifted before you could speak. “And good policy,” he added, softer. “And perhaps, even, good mercy.”
You looked at him warily.
He turned to Jean. “Can it be done?”
Jean blinked. “Majesty?”
“The Queen’s proposal. Can the garden be designed with distribution in mind? Proper storage? A place for washing and packing the produce. A record kept of what leaves the grounds and where it goes.”
Jean’s face changed at once, calculation replacing surprise. “Yes, Sire. It would require planning. A separate entrance, perhaps. Somewhere carts could arrive without disturbing the formal paths. Storage cellars. Drying racks for herbs. If we include medicinal plants—”
“Include them,” Louis said.
You said nothing.
Jean bowed his head. “Then yes. It can be done.”
Louis nodded once, as if he had just ordered a fortress built. Then he looked at you again.
“There,” he said quietly. “A garden that feeds.”
You hated the small flicker of warmth that moved through your chest.
So you crushed it.
“A promise written over breakfast is not yet a deed,” you said.
Louis’s mouth twitched, but there was no amusement in it. “No. It is not.”
Jean, sensing that the conversation had become less about gardens and more about a battlefield he had not been paid enough to enter, began gathering his papers with careful dignity.
“I shall inspect the grounds this afternoon,” he said. “With Your Majesties’ permission.”
“You have it,” Louis said.
“And I will prepare sketches. Several possibilities.”
“Good.”
Jean bowed to you first, then to Louis. “Majesty. Sire.”
When he left, the chamber felt larger.
Too large.
The remaining servants retreated without being asked, closing the doors behind them with the quiet skill of people who had survived court by knowing when not to exist.
You reached for your cup.
Louis watched you.
You could feel his gaze like heat across the table.
“Don’t,” you said.
He blinked, all innocence. “Don’t what?”
“Look at me like that.”
His voice dropped, baritone and smooth. “How am I looking at you?”
“As if you have earned something.”
His eyes lowered.
For once, he accepted the blow without flinching theatrically.
“I know I haven’t.”
The admission was quiet enough that you almost disliked him for it. You preferred him arrogant. It was easier when he was impossible. Easier to hate the Sun King than the tired man whose hair curled gray beneath a badly placed wig and whose hands trembled when he thought you were not looking.
You set your cup down. “Where were you this morning?”
“In the chapel.”
That surprised you.
Louis saw it and gave a faint, humorless smile. “You did not think me capable of prayer?”
“I think you capable of performance.”
“As do I.” He looked toward the window. Beyond the glass, the trees of Marly moved under the wind, green and gold and indifferent. “But this morning I prayed.”
“For what?”
His fingers tightened once on the arm of the chair.
“For restraint.”
You studied him.
He did not look at you as he said it.
“For restraint,” he said again, when you did not answer.
The word sat between you strangely. It did not sound natural in his mouth. Louis XIV had been raised to believe the world was a thing meant to bend around him: men, armies, churches, borders, women, weather if he could find a minister foolish enough to promise it. Restraint, for him, had always seemed less like virtue and more like an insult invented by people with no power.
You tilted your head. “Restraint from what?”
Louis’s mouth opened.
For one treacherous instant, the truth rose so quickly in him that you saw it almost form on his tongue.
Not to kill your lover.
His hazel eyes flashed. His jaw tightened. The tendons in his throat moved once, hard. He almost said it. Almost spat Henri’s name across the table like blood. Almost dragged the night back into the room, with all its silence and jealousy and the image of another man’s hands where his had once belonged.
But then he stopped.
A small miracle.
Or perhaps only strategy.
He turned his face slightly toward the window, fingers smoothing the cuff of his sleeve with exaggerated care. “From speaking too quickly,” he said instead. “From saying something that cannot be unsaid.”
You watched him.
“That sounds almost mature.”
He gave you a wounded look. “Do not insult me before noon.”
“I thought kings enjoyed praise.”
“That was not praise.”
“It was close enough for you.”
A faint smile touched his mouth, brief and unwilling. Then it faded, and for a moment he looked toward the trees beyond the glass as if he had forgotten the chamber entirely. When he spoke again, his voice had shifted—lighter, too casual, the voice of a man turning a knife into a ribbon before anyone noticed the blood.
“Come into the city with me.”
You blinked. “What?”
“The city,” he repeated, turning back to you, and now there was something almost boyish in his face. Dangerous, because boyishness in Louis was rarely harmless. “Paris. Or the nearest market town, if Paris is too far for your royal patience. You have never properly seen it.”
You did not correct him.
You did not tell him that you had gone once.
But you did not tell Louis that.
Instead, you lifted your cup with regal composure and asked, “How, exactly, do you propose we go to the city? We are king and queen. We cannot simply wander through the streets as if we are two bored merchants looking for ribbon.”
Louis’s entire face changed.
It was immediate. Alarming. Like you had handed him a battlefield and permission to enjoy himself.
“Ah,” he said, leaning forward. “But that is where you underestimate me.”
“I rarely underestimate you. I usually prepare for the worst and am still surprised.”
“I am excellent at disguise.”
You stared at him.
He looked offended. “I am.”
“You are Louis XIV.”
“Yes.”
“You wear heels, jewels, embroidered coats, and a black wig that announces your presence three rooms before your body arrives.”
He raised a finger. “Which is precisely why no one suspects me when I am not wearing them.”
You lowered your cup slowly. “You have done this before.”
His silence was far too elegant.
“Louis.”
“A king must know his people.”
“A king must not sneak through taverns in borrowed shoes because he is restless.”
“I have never borrowed shoes.”
“Of course not. You have probably stolen them from a footman and called it taxation.”
He smiled, pleased despite himself. “You wound me.”
“You deserve it.”
“I do it often enough that it has become a skill,” he said, ignoring you with magnificent enthusiasm now. “A true skill. I know how to lower my voice, how to walk without command, how to keep my hands hidden so no one sees the rings. The trick is not to look humble, you understand. A man trying to look humble is always suspicious. You must look tired, slightly annoyed, and concerned about the price of onions.”
You stared at him for a long moment.
Then, despite yourself, you laughed.
It was not a warm laugh. Not entirely. It had disbelief in it, exhaustion, a thin silver thread of the absurd. But it was still laughter, and Louis heard it. His eyes caught on your mouth as if he had found something alive in a burned house.
“You are serious,” you said.
“Utterly.”
“You have costumes?”
“Not costumes,” he corrected, deeply affronted. “Fantasies.”
“Fantasies?”
“Disguises,” he amended quickly. “Though technically both.”
You closed your eyes. “God preserve France.”
“He has so far, though I admit the arrangement has required effort on both sides.”
“Louis.”
“I already have the perfect ones.”
That should have warned you.
It did not warn you enough.
Less than an hour later, you stood in a private dressing room at Marly, staring at the King of France as he twirled.
Twirl was the only word for it.
He did not turn. He did not test the hem. He did not examine the stitching with sober interest. He twirled.
The low-class dress was brown wool, coarse at the sleeves, patched at one elbow and cinched too tightly at his middle in a way that made his waist look both theatrical and deeply unconvincing. A faded apron hung over the front. A kerchief covered the infamous black wig, though he had insisted on keeping the wig beneath it because “no one respects a woman with insufficient volume.” The effect was not peasant. The effect was a widowed tavern keeper who had once seduced a bishop and was waiting for him to apologize.
Louis lifted his skirts slightly and looked down at himself with open admiration.
“Well?” he demanded.
You blinked once.
Then again.
“You look insane.”
“I look poor.”
“You look like poverty as imagined by a man who has never touched a broom.”
He turned to the side, examining the fall of the dress in the mirror. “The hips are good.”
“The hips are a national emergency.”
He smiled, smoothing both hands over his waist. “You are jealous because I am beautiful.”
“You are wearing a tablecloth.”
“A flattering tablecloth.”
“You are the King of France.”
“Not today.” He turned to you then, hazel eyes gleaming beneath the shadow of the kerchief, his baritone lowering into wicked satisfaction. “Today, I am your wife.”
You looked down at yourself in horror.
They had put you in boy’s clothes. Low-born boy’s clothes, to be exact: plain breeches, a loose shirt, a worn vest, stockings slightly too large at the ankle, and a cap meant to hide your hair. Your shape had been flattened with linen binding, your sleeves rolled up, your face scrubbed clean of royal polish. You looked younger, sharper, less like a queen and more like a narrow-shouldered apprentice who might steal pears and lie badly about it.
Louis circled you once, assessing.
You hated that he looked delighted.
“No,” you said.
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Absolutely yes.”
“I refuse.”
“You already agreed to the city.”
“I did not agree to become your husband.”
“History will applaud your sacrifice.”
“I will push you into a ditch.”
“And I will scream as any respectable wife would.”
You pointed at him. “You are enjoying this far too much.”
He lifted his chin, every inch the monarch even in brown wool and an apron. “Because I understand theatre.”
“You understand lunacy.”
“Same family.”
You crossed your arms, but the gesture looked irritatingly boyish in the clothes. Louis’s mouth twitched.
“Do not laugh,” you warned.
“I am not laughing.”
“You are glowing.”
“I am radiant by nature.”
“You look like a spoiled washerwoman.”
His expression brightened. “Exactly.”
“That was not a compliment.”
“It should have been.” He stepped closer, the hem of his dress brushing your boots. “Listen carefully. For this to work, we must have names.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Mine is Marguerite.”
You stared at him.
He continued gravely, “A beautiful woman. Spoiled, yes, but misunderstood. Born for finer things. Married beneath her station to a thin, irritable husband with limited intelligence but occasional usefulness.”
Your mouth fell open. “Limited intelligence?”
He gestured toward you. “You must commit to the role.”
“What is my role?”
“Your name is Pierre.”
“Pierre?”
“Yes. Skinny. Somewhat retarded. Loyal in the way a dull dog is loyal.”
You stared at him so long the silence became almost religious.
Then you said, very softly, “I am going to kill you before dinner.”
Louis placed one hand dramatically over his bodice. “You see? Brutish. Very Pierre.”
“I am not playing your skinny, retarded husband.”
He leaned closer, his eyes glittering with mischief. “You must. Otherwise no one will believe I married you.”
“Why would anyone believe I married you?”
His mouth curved. “Because I am beautiful and spoiled.”
“You are deranged.”
“And you are Pierre.”
“I am the Queen of France.”
“Not in those trousers.”
You glanced down at yourself again and felt the immediate, irrational urge to kick him in the shin. “Why can’t you be the husband?”
Louis looked genuinely scandalized. “Dressed like this?”
“You chose the dress!”
“Yes, because I have range.”
“You have vanity.”
“I have artistry.”
“You have several lovers and no shame.”
That struck closer than you intended.
For a heartbeat, the brightness in his face dimmed.
Not fully. Louis was too practiced a performer to drop a mask completely. But the smile paused, caught at one corner, and his hazel eyes shifted from playful to watchful.
The room cooled.
You regretted it, then hated yourself for regretting it.
Louis looked down, adjusting the rough cuff of his sleeve with needless care. “Today,” he said quietly, “I have one wife.”
You swallowed.
The words should not have moved you. They were too little, too late, too easily spoken in a borrowed dress, far from Versailles, far from Montespan’s perfume and the gilded corridors where promises went to rot. Still, something in his voice—low, baritone, stripped of its usual flourish—settled uneasily beneath your ribs.
You looked away first.
“Your kerchief is crooked,” you muttered.
His eyes lifted.
A smile returned, softer this time. “Fix it, then.”
You hesitated.
Then, with a sigh sharp enough to preserve your dignity, you stepped close and reached up. The kerchief was indeed crooked, tied badly over the black wig he refused to abandon. You tugged it into place, fingers brushing the edge of his temple where, beneath all that theatrical darkness, you knew gray hair curled close to his skin.
Louis held very still.
Too still.
His gaze rested on your face with a kind of aching attention that made your hands clumsy.
“There,” you said, pulling back too quickly. “Now you look like a woman who overcharges for eggs.”
His smile widened. “Perfect.”
“You cannot use your real voice.”
“I know.”
“Your voice sounds like a king trying to seduce a courtroom.”
“A courtroom would be fortunate.”
“You need to sound ordinary.”
He straightened, cleared his throat, and produced in the same unmistakable deep baritone, “Good day, sir, might I trouble you for the price of onions?”
You stared.
He stared back, waiting.
“That is the exact same voice.”
“It is not.”
“It is. You just added onions.”
He tried again, slightly higher. “Good day, sir—”
“No.”
“Madame—”
“No.”
He frowned. “I cannot make myself sound like a goose.”
“I am not asking for goose. I am asking for peasant.”
“French peasants vary widely in tone.”
“You would know, apparently, from all your secret onion research.”
Louis’s expression became solemn. “Precisely.”
You covered your face with one hand.
He reached for your wrist, gently lowering it. “Come with me.”
You looked at him.
The humor was still there, but beneath it something else waited. Not command. Not even pleading. An invitation, foolish and dangerous and absurd. A door cracked open where there had only been walls.
“I want to show you,” he said. “Not as King. Not as Queen. Just… come.”
“You cannot stop being king by putting on a dress.”
“No.” His thumb brushed once over your wrist, then withdrew before you could pull away. “But perhaps I can stop being obeyed long enough to hear something true.”
You did not know what to do with that.
So you chose irritation. It was safer.
“If we are caught, I will tell them you forced me.”
“If we are caught, I will faint delicately.”
“You will not.”
“I shall collapse into your arms, Pierre, and cry that my cruel husband led me astray.”
“I hate Pierre.”
“Pierre loves me.”
“Pierre is considering annulment.”
“Pierre cannot afford it.”
Despite everything, the laugh escaped you again.
Louis brightened at once, greedy for it.
You pointed at him. “Do not look pleased.”
“I am not.”
“You are.”
“I am merely appreciating my wife’s effect on my husband.”
“That sentence alone should have you excommunicated.”
He swept into a clumsy curtsy, skirts rustling. “Then let us go before the Church catches up.”
You stared at him: Louis XIV, King of France, disguised badly as a low-born woman named Marguerite, still wearing his black wig under a crooked kerchief, smelling faintly—miraculously—of rose soap rather than rot, his hazel eyes alive with mischief and melancholy both.
Then you looked down at yourself: breeches, vest, cap, the absurd skinny husband Pierre.
Nine days, you reminded yourself.
This was only day two.
God help France.
Could you make Leonard (Alan's character in the Broadway Seminar play) a nsfw alphabet? I cant find anything about him even in ao3 and i love him sm >_>)
I unfortunately dont know anything about him 🫤 Could you tell me a little about him so I can get a better idea of what his personality is like?
Author's Notes: Draft with Violence, Blood, PTSD Themes and Protective Frank Benson
The basement smelled like beer, cigar smoke, old wood, and terrible decisions.
You paused halfway down the stairs balancing two bowls against your hip—one filled with pretzels and salted peanuts, the other with potato chips Frank had specifically claimed he “didn’t want” before immediately eating half the bag upstairs.
Three years ago, if someone had told you this would become your life, you would’ve laughed in their face.
You.
Married.
To a retired British Lieutenant General nearly thirty years older than you.
And now apparently acting as snack supplier to a flock of elderly military men gathered in your basement like overgrown teenage boys.
The sound hit you before you even reached the bottom step.
“Bullshit, Harris, you absolutely cheated.”
“I did not cheat.”
“You’ve got the moral integrity of a raccoon.”
“Careful, Benson, I know where you keep the good whiskey.”
“That’s because you drink like NATO’s collapsing tomorrow.”
A chorus of rough laughter erupted around the poker table.
The room itself glowed warm beneath hanging basement lights. A battered green poker table sat at the center surrounded by six old men in various states of age-related deterioration and stubborn masculinity. Cards slapped against felt. Beer bottles clinked. Someone’s cigar smoldered lazily in an ashtray despite your repeated complaints about the smell lingering in the laundry downstairs.
Frank sat near the far corner in an old wooden chair that looked far too small for his broad frame. White hair slightly mussed. Sleeves rolled up to his forearms. Reading glasses perched low on his hooked nose while he squinted suspiciously at his cards.
And yes—
Your husband was definitely tipsy.
Not drunk-drunk.
But pleasantly loose around the edges in that rare way alcohol softened him. His deep baritone had gone rougher and warmer, and the stern military posture he carried everywhere had relaxed into something broader and easier.
The second the men noticed you descending the stairs, the entire atmosphere shifted.
Not completely.
Just enough.
The shouting softened. One man immediately stubbed out his cigar. Another straightened instinctively in his chair.
It was bizarrely old-fashioned.
A room full of seventy-year-old military men collectively remembering their manners because somebody’s wife had entered the room.
Frank looked up last.
And smiled the instant he saw you.
Crooked.
Warm.
Dangerously handsome despite the silver in his hair and the softening age had settled around his stomach.
“There she is,” he announced in that rich baritone. “My lucky charm.”
“Oh God,” you sighed immediately. “You’re drunk enough to flirt in public.”
“Married you, didn’t I?” Frank replied smoothly. “Clearly I make reckless decisions.”
One of the men barked a laugh loud enough to rattle the beer bottles.
“Still don’t know how you pulled that off, Benson.”
Frank took a slow sip of beer without looking away from you. “Military training.”
“You threatened her?”
“Psychological warfare.”
You snorted despite yourself and crossed toward the table, beginning to distribute bowls between the men.
“Here,” you muttered. “Eat something before you all start arguing about politics again.”
“That happened one time,” one of them protested.
“You nearly started a fistfight over Winston Churchill.”
“He was wrong about tanks.”
“He was drunk!”
“He was British.”
Frank waved one large hand dismissively. “We’re always British.”
You laughed softly while setting the last bowl down near Frank’s elbow.
Big mistake.
The moment you leaned close enough, one broad arm wrapped firmly around your waist.
“Frank—”
“No,” he said immediately.
You blinked down at him. “No what?”
“You’re staying.”
The other men groaned in unison.
“Oh Christ,” Harris muttered. “Here he goes.”
Frank ignored them entirely.
He tugged once, effortlessly pulling you sideways against him while you laughed in startled protest.
“Frank Benson, I’m holding chips—”
“I’ve accepted the risk.”
“Your cards—”
“Unimportant.”
“You’re impossible.”
“Mm.” His hazel eyes glinted lazily up at you. “Sit down anyway.”
Before you could properly argue, Frank pulled you directly onto his lap.
The old men immediately erupted.
“For God’s sake.”
“Get a room, General.”
“He gets affectionate after two beers.”
“That’s four beers.”
Frank settled one large hand firmly against your waist while the other still held his cards.
“Quiet,” he muttered toward the table. “I’m focusing.”
“You’ve got your wife in your lap!”
“Morale support.”
You laughed helplessly as you adjusted yourself against him, careful not to crush the cards trapped near his chest.
Frank smelled like cedar cologne, cigar smoke, and beer now—warm and masculine and comfortingly familiar after years of marriage.
His beard-shadow scratched lightly against your temple when he leaned close enough to murmur near your ear:
“Needed a little luck this round.”
“You are absolutely blaming me if you lose, aren’t you?”
“Without hesitation.”
One of the men across the table pointed at you with a beer bottle.
“You know how to play poker?”
You shook your head immediately. “Nope.”
“A tragedy,” Harris declared.
Frank snorted softly. “Probably for the best. She’s already terrifying enough.”
“I heard that.”
“You were meant to.”
The man beside Harris leaned back in his chair and grinned at you. “Careful, sweetheart. Poker nights bring out the worst in him.”
Frank looked deeply offended. “That’s not true.”
“Last month you threatened to have me court-martialed over twenty dollars.”
“You were bluffing dishonestly.”
“That’s the entire game!”
Frank waved one hand dismissively before glancing down at you again.
“You comfortable?”
The quiet tenderness of the question sat oddly soft beneath all the noise.
You looked up at him briefly.
His hazel eyes were slightly glassy from beer and warmth and late evening comfort, but the affection there was entirely sober.
Always sober, with Frank.
You smiled faintly. “Yeah.”
His large hand squeezed your waist once automatically before he returned his attention toward the table.
“Right,” he said gruffly. “Continue losing your pensions, gentlemen.”
“You’re insufferable since marriage,” Harris informed him.
Frank’s mouth twitched.
“No,” he replied calmly while absentmindedly rubbing slow circles against your hip beneath the table. “I’m happy. Different thing entirely.”
That silenced the table for half a second.
Not awkwardly.
Just enough for the old men to exchange brief glances over their cards.
Because men like them noticed things.
And everyone in that basement knew Frank Benson had spent years after his first wife died moving through life like a ghost in military boots.
Quiet house.
Quiet dinners.
Quiet grief.
Then suddenly he had married you, and now he smiled crooked little smiles over poker cards and held you on his lap like he couldn’t quite believe he was allowed to.
One of the older men finally grunted into his beer.
“Well,” he muttered. “That’s disgustingly sincere.”
Frank looked entirely unapologetic.
“Correct.”
You lingered on Frank’s lap longer than you intended.
Partly because he wouldn’t let you move.
Partly because the warmth of him beneath you had become one of your favorite things in the world.
And partly because watching a group of aging military officers argue over poker with the seriousness of an international summit was genuinely entertaining.
Frank’s broad chest rose steadily against your back while he held his cards near your shoulder, his reading glasses still perched low on his hooked nose. Every so often he’d mutter under his breath at someone’s bet, or tighten his arm fractionally around your waist whenever another man made a joke at his expense.
You glanced down curiously at the cards in his hand.
Then at the pile laid on the table.
Absolutely meaningless.
There were numbers. Suits. Tiny kings staring at you judgmentally.
Frank noticed your squint immediately.
“Learning strategy?” he murmured near your ear.
“I’m trying.”
“And?”
“I think you’re either winning or holding decorative cardboard.”
A soft laugh escaped him against your temple.
“That’s my girl.”
Across the table Harris barked dramatically, “Benson, stop sweet-talking your wife and play the bloody game.”
Frank looked entirely unrepentant.
But as you glanced around the table again, your attention caught suddenly on Michael.
He was already looking at you.
Not casually.
Not the harmless old-man amusement the others carried when they watched Frank practically glow around his younger wife.
This was different.
His pale eyes lingered too long.
Slowly.
Openly.
Something about it made your stomach tighten unpleasantly.
You looked away instinctively.
The unease settled immediately beneath your ribs, cold and strange enough that your smile faded.
Frank noticed the shift against him at once.
His hand paused lightly at your waist. “You alright?”
You hesitated only briefly.
Then nodded. “Yeah. I’m just gonna grab more beers.”
Frank’s hazel eyes studied your face for one extra second, the old military instinct in him sharpening faintly even through the beer-softened warmth.
But the table exploded again before he could press further.
“Benson folded!”
“Holy hell, mark the calendar.”
“You’re distracted because your wife’s sitting on you.”
Frank scoffed and finally loosened his hold enough for you to stand.
You leaned down briefly, brushing a quick kiss against the silver at his temple.
“Don’t lose too much money.”
Frank tilted his head back to look at you, mouth curving lazily. “Sweetheart, I was trained by the British government. Losing money is practically patriotic.”
The men groaned.
You laughed softly and headed toward the stairs.
As you climbed, you glanced back only once.
Michael was still watching you.
The chill returned instantly.
Upstairs, the house felt quieter after the warmth and noise of the basement. You crossed toward the kitchen, opening the fridge and reaching automatically for fresh bottles while trying to shake off the uneasy feeling creeping beneath your skin.
Maybe you were overreacting.
Maybe it was nothing.
Still—
You found yourself checking the hallway behind you twice.
Downstairs, the poker game resumed almost immediately.
Cards slapped against felt.
Beer bottles clinked.
Frank leaned back in his chair with one hand rubbing thoughtfully against his jaw while Harris accused Clive of bluffing again.
“Your tells are appalling,” Frank muttered.
“My tells are sophisticated.”
“You scratch your ear every time you lie.”
“That’s slander.”
A few minutes passed normally enough.
Then Michael pushed back from the table abruptly.
“Bathroom,” he muttered.
Frank barely looked up from his cards. “Upstairs. First door on the left.”
Michael nodded once and headed toward the stairs.
Clive watched him go.
Something in his expression shifted faintly afterward—small, uneasy, distracted.
He tried returning to the game.
Failed.
Another minute passed.
Then another.
Frank frowned faintly at the cards in his hand while Harris muttered over the pot.
Clive glanced again toward the staircase.
“He’s taking his time,” he said quietly.
Frank snorted without looking up. “The idiot probably got scared and left after losing eighty dollars.”
Clive didn’t smile.
Instead he said carefully:
“Frank.”
Something in his tone made Frank finally lift his head.
Clive’s expression had gone tight now. Serious in a way that cut straight through the haze of beer and poker-night warmth.
“You remember Iraq?”
The room changed instantly.
Not loudly.
But immediately.
Harris went still beside his beer.
Frank’s hazel eyes sharpened at once, all traces of drunken softness vanishing beneath old military instinct.
His jaw tightened slowly.
“Yes,” he said flatly.
Clive held his gaze.
“Michael got worse after that deployment.”
Silence.
Harris muttered quietly, “Christ.”
Frank’s face hardened immediately. “Michael would not do that to my wife.”
But even as he said it, he was already standing.
The chair scraped violently backward against the basement floor.
Something cold moved through the room all at once.
Pure instinct.
Frank crossed toward the stairs fast enough that the others followed automatically behind him, years of military reflex still stitched into their bones.
“Frank—” Harris started.
But Frank was already climbing.
Fast.
Too fast for a man his age.
The beer was gone from him completely now.
His broad shoulders tightened beneath the rolled sleeves. Hazel eyes sharp. Face drained hard and pale beneath the silver in his hair.
Then—
A sound.
Upstairs.
A sharp crash.
Your voice.
“Get OFF me!”
Frank froze for one horrifying half-second.
Then moved.
The front hallway came into view all at once.
And there—
Michael had you shoved hard against the kitchen counter.
One hand gripping your wrist painfully tight.
The other trying to force its way beneath your shirt while you struggled violently against him, face white with panic and fury.
“Stop fucking fighting me—”
You slammed your knee upward hard enough to make him curse.
“DON’T TOUCH ME!”
Frank saw red.
Pure red.
Something ancient and vicious detonated inside him so violently it bypassed thought entirely.
“MICHAEL.”
The roar shook the hallway.
Every head snapped toward the stairs.
Michael barely had time to turn before Frank hit him.
Not a shove.
Not restraint.
A full-force tackle driven by two hundred pounds of enraged retired soldier.
The impact sent both men crashing into the dining room wall hard enough to rattle framed photographs.
You stumbled backward immediately, gasping.
Frank struck him before Michael even fully hit the floor.
One fist.
Then another.
Violent.
Brutal.
Years of military restraint gone in an instant.
“You touch my wife?” Frank roared, voice shredded raw. “You filthy fucking animal—”
Michael tried to shove him off.
Frank hit him again.
Blood sprayed across the hardwood.
“Frank!” Harris shouted.
But Frank couldn’t hear anything.
Michael swung wildly and caught Frank across the mouth.
Huge mistake.
Frank’s entire expression changed afterward—hazel eyes gone terrifyingly cold now, all warmth stripped away.
Military.
Lethal.
He grabbed Michael by the throat with one broad hand and slammed him backward into the floor hard enough to crack something beneath him.
“You were in my house,” Frank snarled. “My house.”
“Frank!” Clive barked sharply. “Stop!”
Michael choked beneath Frank’s grip, blood running from his nose now while Frank loomed over him breathing hard enough to shake.
“You touched her,” Frank said again, quieter this time.
Far more frightening.
“I’ll kill you.”
And he meant it.
Every man in the room knew it instantly.
Harris moved first.
Then Clive.
Together they grabbed Frank hard beneath both arms and physically hauled him backward before he could strike again.
Frank fought them.
Not wildly.
Worse.
Controlled violence.
The kind trained men carried.
“LET GO OF ME.”
“Frank!”
“He touched her!”
“We know!”
Michael scrambled backward across the floor coughing violently, face bloodied and already swelling.
Frank lunged again instantly.
Clive locked both arms around his chest from behind while Harris braced against his shoulders.
“FRANK!”
“You get him out of my fucking sight,” Frank roared, voice echoing through the house. “Before I break his goddamn neck.”
You had never seen him like this.
Never.
Not even close.
His white hair had fallen loose across his forehead. Blood streaked one side of his mouth where Michael had clipped him. His chest heaved violently beneath the rolled sleeves and broad frame while pure fury burned through every inch of him.
Michael looked terrified now.
Good.
Harris hauled him roughly toward the front door while Clive still restrained Frank with visible effort.
“You sick bastard,” Harris spat.
Michael stammered something incoherent through blood.
Frank surged forward again.
“GET HIM OUT.”
The sheer force in his baritone rattled the room.
The front door slammed moments later.
Silence crashed down afterward.
Heavy.
Violent.
Frank stood in the middle of the hallway breathing hard while Clive slowly released him.
For one awful second, nobody moved.
Then Frank turned toward you.
And everything changed instantly.
The rage vanished from his face so fast it was almost frightening.
“Sweetheart.”
Your knees nearly gave out at the sound of his voice.
Frank crossed the room immediately.
Fast but careful now.
His hands hovered before finally settling gently against your arms like he was afraid you might break.
“Did he hurt you?” he asked roughly.
You shook your head shakily, tears finally spilling now that the adrenaline was crashing.
Frank’s entire face crumpled with relief and horror at once.
“Oh Christ.”
He pulled you against him immediately.
Tight.
Protective.
You buried your face against his chest instantly while his arms wrapped around you hard enough to shield you from the entire world.
“I’ve got you,” he whispered hoarsely into your hair. “I’ve got you. You’re alright.”
Behind him, Clive quietly turned away to give you privacy.
Frank trembled faintly where he held you.
Not from rage anymore.
From terror.
Because five minutes later and he might not have reached you in time.
And judging by the way his arms refused to loosen afterward—
Frank Benson knew it too.
The moment the front door slammed, your body gave out.
Not dramatically.
Not all at once.
Just slowly, like the fear had finally realized it was allowed to exist now.
Your fingers clenched hard in the front of Frank’s shirt, nails digging into the soft charcoal fabric while the first sob tore out of your chest so violently it almost folded you in half.
Frank’s entire body reacted instantly.
“Oh— sweetheart—”
His voice broke around the word.
You started crying hard against him then, all the delayed terror crashing through your system at once. Your breathing came sharp and uneven, shoulders shaking beneath his hands while adrenaline drained away and left only horror in its place.
Michael’s hand on your wrist.
The smell of whiskey on his breath.
The panic of realizing nobody upstairs could hear you over the shouting downstairs.
Frank held you tighter immediately.
One broad hand spread protectively against the back of your head while the other wrapped hard around your waist, pulling you fully against the solid warmth of his chest like he could physically shield you from the memory itself.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered roughly into your hair. “Christ, I’m sorry.”
You shook your head instinctively, still crying too hard to speak properly, but Frank only tightened his hold again.
“No.” His baritone had gone raw now. Shaking faintly beneath the deepness of it. “No, sweetheart, I should’ve seen it.”
Clive lingered silently near the dining room doorway, face pale beneath the basement light while Frank kept speaking in that low, devastated voice against your temple.
“I knew he wasn’t right after Iraq.” His breath hitched once, angry at himself now. “The signs were there.”
Your fingers twisted harder in his shirt.
Frank lowered his head briefly against your hair, white hair falling loose over his forehead now, blood still drying dark against one corner of his mouth where Michael had struck him.
“That idiot took a bullet for me once,” he muttered hoarsely. “Do you understand that? He dragged me behind a transport after an ambush outside Basra.” His jaw clenched visibly. “And I still should’ve fucking known.”
The guilt in his voice sounded unbearable.
You finally pulled back just enough to look at him.
Frank looked wrecked.
Not angry anymore.
Destroyed.
Hazel eyes dark and glassy with adrenaline and horror while he checked your face over and over again like he needed constant visual confirmation you were still alright.
His hands kept moving too.
One smoothing shakily over your hair.
The other brushing over your arms, your shoulders, your wrists—subtle inspection hidden beneath tenderness.
Checking for bruises.
Checking for damage.
Military triage instinct wrapped in husband-shaped panic.
“Frank,” you whispered weakly.
His eyes snapped back to yours instantly.
“I’m here.”
The immediacy of it nearly made you cry harder.
Frank cupped your face carefully between both large hands then, his hooked nose brushing lightly against your forehead while he breathed unevenly through his nose.
“I should’ve protected you better.”
“You did protect me.”
“No.” The word came sharp. Furious at himself. “I brought him into this house.”
Clive spoke quietly from across the hallway then.
“Frank, this isn’t your fault.”
Frank turned his head slowly toward him.
The expression on his face made even Clive go silent again.
Because beneath the fear and guilt, something murderous still remained.
Not wild rage anymore.
Worse.
Control.
Frank looked exactly like what he had once been: a senior military officer deciding whether violence was justified.
When he spoke again, his voice dropped frighteningly calm.
“If she wants,” he said quietly, “I’ll kill him.”
You stared at him.
Clive went still.
Frank’s gaze returned to yours immediately afterward, and somehow that made the words even more terrifying because there was no performance in them. No dramatics. No exaggeration born from adrenaline.
Only absolute sincerity.
“I mean that,” he said softly.
Your breath caught.
Frank’s thumbs brushed carefully beneath your eyes, wiping tears from your cheeks while his own expression stayed horrifyingly composed now.
“I’ll do it,” he murmured. “I’ll find him tonight, and I’ll kill him with my bare hands.” A faint tremor moved through his jaw. “And if I rot in prison afterward, so be it.”
“Frank—”
“He touched you.”
The sentence came out low and lethal.
You watched the exact moment the memory replayed behind his eyes again.
Michael pinning you against the counter.
Your fear.
Your voice shouting.
Frank’s hands shook once against your face before he forced them still again through sheer effort.
“He touched my wife.”
The possessiveness in it wasn’t controlling.
It was devastated.
Protective in the most primal sense imaginable.
Frank looked like a man still barely restraining himself from walking back out that front door and committing irreversible violence.
Clive stepped closer carefully. “Frank.”
“He knew whose house he was in,” Frank said flatly. “He knew exactly who she was.”
“Frank.”
“And he still put his hands on her.”
“FRANK.”
That finally snapped his attention sideways again.
Clive held his gaze steadily despite the tension burning through the room.
“You kill him tonight, and she loses you too.”
Silence.
Frank’s chest rose sharply once.
Then again.
The words landed.
You saw it happen physically.
The terrible split inside him.
Soldier versus husband.
Violence versus responsibility.
Frank closed his eyes hard for one brief second before lowering his forehead against yours again with a rough exhale.
“I almost did it,” he admitted quietly.
The confession chilled the room.
You felt his heartbeat hammering violently beneath your palms where they rested against his chest.
“He hit the floor and I…” Frank swallowed hard. “Christ.” His voice cracked faintly. “I wanted him dead.”
You touched his face carefully.
Frank leaned instinctively into your hand for half a second before catching himself.
Then his expression changed again.
Fear.
Real fear this time.
Not for himself.
For you.
“Did he touch you anywhere else?” he asked immediately, voice gentler now but still tight with controlled fury. “Did he hurt you?”
You shook your head quickly. “No. No, Frank, he didn’t— you got there before—”
Emotion closed your throat again.
Frank’s entire face crumpled with relief so profound it looked painful.
“Oh, thank God.”
The whisper barely existed.
He pulled you against him again instantly, burying his face in your hair while one large hand covered the back of your neck protectively.
And for the first time since you had met him years ago—
Frank Benson trembled openly.
Not from age.
Not from anger.
From the unbearable realization of how close he had come to losing control completely because someone frightened the person he loved most in the world.
Upstairs, the house had gone deathly quiet now.
No poker laughter.
No clinking beer bottles.
Only your uneven breathing and the soft hum of the refrigerator somewhere behind the kitchen.
Clive rubbed tiredly at his face before speaking carefully.
“I’ll call Harris.” He glanced toward the front door. “Make sure Michael gets home and doesn’t do anything stupid.”
Frank’s arms tightened around you immediately at the word stupid.
“He already did something stupid.”
Clive nodded once grimly. “I know.”
Frank didn’t look at him again.
All his focus stayed fixed on you now, like he physically could not bear to let his attention drift elsewhere.
Clive hesitated another second.
Then quietly left the room.
The front door opened and shut softly moments later.
And suddenly it was only the two of you.
Frank pulled back just enough to look at you again, his large hands framing your face carefully.
His mouth was bleeding slightly.
One side already bruising.
White hair disheveled from the fight.
You had never seen him look less like the composed retired officer he presented to the world.
This was Frank stripped raw.
Terrified husband beneath military polish.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered again.
You shook your head immediately. “Stop apologizing.”
“No.”
“Frank—”
“I should’ve seen it.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“I did know.” His jaw tightened hard. “That’s the problem.”
You stared at him quietly.
Frank looked away briefly, ashamed now.
“I saw the way he looked at you downstairs.”
Your breath caught slightly.
His hazel eyes flicked back toward yours.
“I saw it,” he repeated more quietly. “And I ignored it because I didn’t want to humiliate him in front of the others if I was wrong.” A bitter laugh escaped him. “Meanwhile you noticed immediately, didn’t you?”
You hesitated.
Frank exhaled shakily through his nose.
“Christ.”
Guilt rolled visibly through him again.
You reached up and touched the blood at the corner of his mouth gently with your thumb.
Frank stilled immediately beneath the softness of it.
“You came for me,” you whispered.
His eyes closed briefly.
“Always.”
The answer came without hesitation.
Absolute.
Certain.
When he opened his eyes again, they looked unbearably tired.
“If he’d hurt you…” Frank’s throat worked visibly. “Sweetheart, I need you to understand something.”
Your hand stayed against his cheek.
Frank leaned into it unconsciously before speaking.
“There is nothing civilized inside me where you are concerned.”
The quiet honesty of it settled heavily between you.
“You think I’m calm because I learned restraint.” A humorless little huff escaped him. “Truth is, I learned control because without it…” His gaze darkened faintly. “Men like me become dangerous.”
You thought of the sound his body had made hitting Michael.
The look in his eyes while threatening to kill him.
The terrifying calm afterward.
And yet all you felt standing here was safe.
Frank saw something shift across your expression then and immediately softened.
“Oh, sweetheart,” he murmured quietly. “Don’t look frightened.”
“I’m not.”
That startled him slightly.
You brushed your thumb once more carefully over the bruise forming beneath his eye.
“I’ve never felt safer in my life.”
The words hit him hard enough to visibly steal his breath.
Frank’s eyes shut again briefly.
Then he lowered his head and kissed your forehead with painful tenderness, his rough baritone barely above a whisper against your skin.
“God help the man who ever makes you afraid again.”