big-ender as in large posterior

"a man-woman— a double-being, doubly powerful" i'm s (he/him or it/its) and i post about multigender things.

[multigenderswag]

About me

My name's S and I use he/him pronouns. I'm longer active on this blog (though maybe I'll come back someday, who knows) but feel free to look through my posts.

FAQ

What does multigender mean?

You can read my definition here

I'm questioning if I might be multigender, how do I figure it out?

The short answer is, experiment with different labels and identities and see what makes you happy. It's okay to not know for sure. For longer answers, look through my questioning tag.

What is transmultiphobia?

Transmultiphobia refers to discrimination against multigender people. Many people, even within the queer community, view different genders (often male + female, but not always) as mutually exclusive. This can result in erasing, disrespecting, or outright excluding multigender identities. (more here)

What's the difference between genderfluid and multigender?

Some genderfluid people identify as multigender, some don't. Genderfluid people are welcome in the multigender community if they'd like to be included. For some people, multigender means that they are ALWAYS multiple genders, but for some people, it means that they are sometimes multiple genders or that they are fluid between different genders. Labels can mean different things to different people and that's okay.

Can I be multigender even if I'm not a man and a woman?

Yes.

[literally anything about lesbian discourse, mspec lesbians, or male lesbians]?

I got tired of repeating the same arguments, the answer to your question is probably here somewhere: Masterpost on lesbian discourse

[gendercensus]

The 2025 Gender Census is now open!

[ Link to survey ]

The 12th annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 30th August 2025.

It’s short and easy, for most participants it takes 5 minutes or less.

After the survey is closed I’ll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we’re part of a huge and diverse community.

If you think you might have friends and followers who’d be interested, please do reblog this blog post, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks. Every share is extremely helpful!

Survey URL: https://survey.gendercensus.com

The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesn’t fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.

If you can't wait for survey numbers, you can click here for a public spreadsheet of non-secret info with graphs as it comes in, updated manually a few times per day.

Thank you so much!

[ Link to survey ]

[genderkoolaid]

MULTIGENDER LORDE MOMENT???!!!!

[genderkoolaid]

From her Rolling Stone interview:

There were expectations placed on Lorde about how a girl becoming a young woman should act. It was another way she made herself small, trying to please the world and be good. But as she oozed, she redefined herself, and she saw that her gender identity could get bigger, too. On Virgin‘s opening track, she lays the tale of her rebirth bare: “Some days I’m a woman/Some days I’m a man.” I ask her how she identifies now, what it means and what’s changed. “[Chappell Roan] asked me this,” Lorde recalls. The pair have become close friends over the past year. “She was like, ‘So, are you nonbinary now?’ And I was like, ‘I’m a woman except for the days when I’m a man.’ I know that’s not a very satisfying answer, but there’s a part of me that is really resistant to boxing it up.” Though Lorde still calls herself a cis woman and her pronouns remain unchanged. She describes herself as “in the middle gender-­wise,” a person more comfortable with the fluidity of her expression. In some ways, she feels like her teenage self again, back when her friends were mostly boys and there was a looseness in how she dressed and acted. In 2023, she went shopping at clothing store C’H’C’M’ and tried on a pair of men’s jeans. She sent a picture to Stack to get his opinion. “He was like, ‘I want to see the you that’s in this picture represented in the music.’ This was before I had any sense of my gender broadening at all.” Toward the end of that year, she went off birth control for the first time since she was 15. “I’ve now come to see [my decision] as maybe some quasi right-wing programming,” she admits, presumably referring to years of far-right influencers pushing anti-contraception disinformation. “But I hadn’t ovulated in 10 years. And when I ovulated for the first time, I cannot describe to you how crazy it was. One of the best drugs I’ve ever done.” She wrote the album’s opening track soon after, as well as “Man of the Year.” She felt like she had superpowers, like being off birth control had peeled a film off her life. But the “best drug” came with bigger crashes than she had ever experienced. She would be diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric ­disorder, a severe form of PMS that causes debilitating mood swings, among other ­symptoms; she has since inserted the IUD visible on her album cover. The experience opened up an avenue of discovery she hadn’t anticipated. “I felt like stopping taking my birth control, I had cut some sort of cord between myself and this regulated femininity,” she explains. “It sounds crazy, but I felt that all of a sudden, I was off the map of femininity. And I totally believed that that allowed things to open up.” When Lorde wrote “Man of the Year,” she was sitting on the floor of her living room, trying to visualize a version of herself “that was fully representative of how [her] gender felt in that moment.” What she saw once again was an image of herself in men’s jeans, this time wearing nothing else but her gold chain and duct tape on her chest. The tape had this feeling of rawness to her, of it “not being a permanent solution.” “I went to the cupboard, and I got the tape out, and I did it to myself,” she tells me. “I have this picture staring at myself. I was blond [at the time]. It scared me what I saw. I didn’t understand it. But I felt something bursting out of me. It was crazy. It was something jagged. There was this violence to it.” We talk about the Trump administration’s war against the trans community. While opening up about her own identity terrifies her, she knows she has less on the line than people whose gender identity does not match what they were assigned at birth. “I don’t think that [my identity] is radical, to be honest,” she says. “I see these incredibly brave young people, and it’s complicated. Making the expression privately is one thing, but I want to make very clear that I’m not trying to take any space from anyone who has more on the line than me. Because I’m, comparatively, in a very safe place as a wealthy, cis, white woman.”

Also while nonbinary people can also identify as cis, I can't help but wonder if her saying her identity isn't "radical" is some internalized exorsexism. Like, Lorde my friend Lorde, you are describing a very raw and real genderqueer experience, you don't need to add a disclaimer that you aren't Really Radical because you are still comfortable being a woman as well. The answer "I'm sometimes a woman and sometimes a man" IS a satisfying answer to people who care about multigender folks.

Also this is a really good example of why I as a nonbinary person really dislike defining "transgender" as "not identifying with your identity assigned at birth" because it's a definition that really prioritizes binary trans people above all else, as opposed to the older definition which emphasizes genderqueerness in all forms.

Anyways! Really cool to see!!!! We are in such desperate need of mainstream multigender representation.

[multigenderswag]

This weekend I managed to encounter two people who disagreed on which pronouns to use for me and it was awesome. Hitting peak bigender over here

[mayaoftheflowers]

Multigender Jews are cool and ily💜💜💜

[jebcc]

Multigender Combination Frequency Map

I got bored, so I started playing around with numbers. I was curious, what is the most common multigender combination that exists? As a specific example, are agender men more common than non-binary women? Well thanks to the gender census 2024 data, I found that out:

PERCENTAGES:

Ordered from least to most common, the percentage of census participants that identified as:

Agender Woman | 0.02% Agender Non-Binary Woman | 0.15% Just a Woman | 0.24% Agender Man | 0.36% Agender Man Woman | 0.37% Non-Binary Woman | 0.73% Just a Man | 1.71% Agender Man Non-Binary | 2.02% Man Woman | 2.74% Just Agender | 2.99% Agender Man Non-Binary Woman | 3.84% Man Non-Binary | 6.16% None of these umbrellas OR did not answer gender identity related questions | 10.46% Man Non-Binary Woman | 12.89% Agender Non-Binary | 13.97% Just Non-Binary | 41.34%

MAP:

This is a map (where pink = highest in frequency, and blue = lowest in frequency) that represents the order of frequency based on the values above. To help explain:

Agender Woman = #1 = very blue,

Agender Non-Binary Woman = #2 = blue

Non-Binary = #15 = very pink

Agender = #10 = both pink and blue (purple)

KEY POINTS:

For some reason, agender women don't exist (joke). I have some theories of why this is the case but it's probably a bit too political for Tumblr lol. Many individuals seem satisfactory as just describing themselves as off the binary, or off the binary and slightly agender. Overall, most individuals seem to identify with two or more of these genders rather than one binary gender. But this multigendered percentage is nearly the same frequency as those who identify as just non-binary.

DISCLAIMER:

It is not representative of the general populace, it is representative of individuals who are not solely cisgender binary (as according to the census description). For example, do not take this as "Wow, only 1.71% of the human population are just men!". Instead, take this as "Wow, only 1.71% of genderqueer individuals are just men!".

CALCULATIONS:

This is how I found these numbers.

1. I copied the raw data from gender census form. 2. I created a filter that checked for any mention of man, woman, non-binary, agender, AND their variants such as guy, enby, genderless, etc. I removed any mentions of "Not man", "non woman", etc. as these anti- terms are too ambiguous to work with for this specific research. (thank you for existing, regex) 3. I simplified these terms into just woman, man, non-binary, or agender. I realise that some individuals identify as boys and not men specifically, but for the sake of this research - we're looking at the overall gender umbrella, not the specific language used. 4. I created a count for each possible combination of these four genders. 5. I divided each count out of the total results to get the percentage.

----

P.S. Thanks to my Discord server members for helping me test out the concept with a smaller sample.

[lgbtqiatext]

Requested by my-t4t-romance

[multigenderswag]

Happy international women's day to multigender women & especially women who are also men! Being multigender doesn't take away from your womanhood and you rock

[makingqueerhistory]

hello, could i ask for some recommendations about genderfluidity? (specifically genderfluidity as it is most commonly defined today, in which you have gender(s) that fluctuate. clarifying because i’ve seen it defined similarly to genderqueer or transgender before.) historical figures or books preferred, but i’d really be happy with anything

Hmm, as a genderfluid person myself, I think the story of Zinaida Gippius has resonated with my experience better than any other historical figure, so they might be worth checking out!

[lgbtqiatext]

[ratbastarddotfuck]

I do love it when assholes go on about the boygirl fagdykes being A Type Of Cringey And Annoying Trans Person [and we're definitely not calling them trenders, we totally see them as real trans people and believe in their individual connections to their identities as more than a fad, we swear, their identity won't be one of the first things we attack if they disagree with us] as though Every trans person hasn't been the Cringey And Annoying Trans Person at some point.

I used to identify as boygirl. Then I matured a little, and now I identify as a Transgender Manwoman. Partly because of that broader conceptualisation of "boygirl" as a fad gender, and partly because - well, I'm not a boy, I'm a man. I'm not a girl, I'm a grown ass woman.

Still a fagdyke though <3 Multigender faggotry and dykery forever.

[ratbastarddotfuck]

A lot of folks in the trans community are terrified of being infantilised - for completely understandable reasons - I believe, however, this sometimes manifests in a nasty cringe response to anyone who self identifies with language which is seen as infantilising. You see this with the term "enby" as well.

I don't think many people have actually thought too hard about why they have this kind of cringe response to these words. But the truth is that nonbinary language was developed, by and large, by young people, on the fly. So some of it maybe does sound kinda silly, because it was often made by literal teenagers to use for their own purposes ("joyfriend").

I really don't think this is an issue. It is fine to have fun words for young queer people. And it is perfectly fine if adults use these words for themselves, also. So many trans people were denied their youth, I couldn't give two shits if that 45 year old is calling themselves an enby and covering their jackets in bright ass pronoun pins. The issue is that there are not analogous words to use for adults who do want more mature sounding language.

"Enby" has always been posited as analogous to "boy" or "girl", and I've always used it that way. However, I've seen very few proposed terms for an adult nonbinary person - enben is one I've seen, but it's not really caught on, likely due to its linguistic proximity to enby (note how "boy" and "man" & "girl" and "woman" are completely different words with completely different linguistic roots).

People mock nonbinary family terms, because yeah - when thousands of people are feeling around in the dark to create an entire new category of de-gendered and re-gendered language, sometimes it sounds silly. Yeah, yeah, I'd rather you call me a slur, whatever. But you know who loves the term "nibling" ("niece, nephew, nibling")? My old-ass aunty who didn't know what else to call me when I came out as non-binary. She is grateful to have a word she can use without misgendering me. She uses it when she talks about me on her Facebook and she explains it to all her friends. She writes it in birthday cards where she would have formerly written "niece". Allies love this shit, and real allies help to normalise our existence in day-to-day life. They don't waste time mocking or questioning the words we have. They just get on with it.

Boygirls are often not taken seriously and actively infantalised because of the way they identify their gender. This is why I made the switch - I want to be taken seriously. And it seems to have worked somewhat, I've not had anyone call attention to it in an attempt to discredit my opinion yet, as they used to with "boygirl".

However, whatever your personal hangups on language, there is no excuse to infantilise someone or discard their opinion based on their identity.

This type of infantilistic exorsexism is frustrating due to how frequently the people parroting it make out that the majority of people identifying as "boygirls" are trans people who were AFAB and still "have the presentation of a waifish cis woman" (quoted from a post I saw today, to which I'd like to ask: what does a cis woman look like? and why is this type of trans person a problem?) who utilise their "weird" gender identities in order to obfuscate real problems and shut down discussions because they're too stupid to realise they don't experience real transphobia. And it's frustrating especially due to how close this particular rhetoric comes to mimicking the TERF supposition that many trans folks who were AFAB are autistic, stupid, and infantile, and just using their gender to escape misogyny.

Idk. Sometimes I think about how we need to develop more useful, mature language for non-binary trans folks to use in order for people to actually take our conversations seriously. And sometimes I think it just could not be more clear that some trans people still hate it when other people do gender in a way they don't personally like.

[ratbastarddotfuck]

Exactly.

I would really like more options for "mature" language for personal & professional reasons, but it really shouldn't matter what the widely accepted terms are when it comes to legitimate discussion. Mocking the accepted non-binary language IS transphobic and exorsexist. And it happens every single time a new term is coined. It's not an accident.

Many non-binary people do it too (I would argue it's a significant part of why entirely unaligned non-binary people seem to be far less accounted for in certain trans spaces than they were a few years ago, in favour of presenting all trans people as "transmasc" or "transfem" - non-binary people have often been made to feel cringe calling themselves non-binary and advocating for their space in the conversation. I've felt it myself). But we all have to learn to clamp down on that cringe response if we expect to dismantle bioessentialism, gender essentialism, and sex essentialism, because inherently accepting non-binary people and all kinds of "weird" genders is essential to that cause.

[genderkoolaid]

shout-out to all the she/her guys, dudes, and gentlemen, the he/him girls, chicks, and ladies, and most of all, those who are both

[status-quo-hater]

"If you support trans man lesbians you also have to support cis man lesbians" yeah cool other people's sexual orientation labels are not my business 👍🏻

As long as he's not trolling why should we exclude a guy who genuinely feels their attraction to women is queer/sapphic/lesbian/etc? This is how a few trans girls & nonbinary folk I've met realized they were trans, they realized they were a lesbian before coming to terms with the fact they're a woman / not actually a guy. And you know what, that's literally fucking fine. Not to mention, sometimes using the 'wrong' sexuality labels for your gender can be a form of gender nonconformity. Gnc/genderqueer guy finds it validating to identify as a lesbian? Awesome. Cool as hell.

If you want to get mad at creepy cishet guys creeping on lesbians, DO THAT. I don't think any of those people genuinely believes they are a lesbian, if they're saying that, they're trolling. In general I don't think any non-queer guy is going to genuinely find comfort in labeling themselves as a lesbian. Don't attack queer folk with weird genders or people still figuring shit out when you mean to be gunning for chasers and predators.

[bloomshroomz-deactivated2026041]

I feel like we don't talk enough about how "cis men genuinely identifying as lesbians in good faith" not only exist, but are often just closeted, questioning, or unaware of their true gender. As in, they're not actually cis men.

Hell, sometimes they're literally just trans lesbians who are open about their identity as women/genderqueer* people, but get misgendered and thrown into the "cis man" category. Did we all forget about how "men can't be lesbians" is a transmisogynistic dogwhistle?

Cis men (or "cis men") earnestly calling themselves lesbians are probably genderqueer.* And even if they aren't, who cares? It doesn't affect you. And if they're "identifying as lesbians" with the intent of trolling you or harassing you, you will likely be able to tell by additional information.

For example:

If someone insists that you have to give them a chance sexually/romantically because "I'm a lesbian," they're either not actually a lesbian, or weaponizing their identity against you. Either way, this is harassment. Identifying in a certain way doesn't give you the right to date or have sex with someone, even if you're identifying that way in earnest.

If someone insists that you have to give them a chance sexually/romantically because "lesbians can be/like men," the same applies. Some lesbians like men, or are men themselves, but this is not always (or even usually) the case. Even when it is the case, consent is imperative. Bi lesbians and lesboys still have the right to say "no."

If someone is generally homophobic/lesbophobic/transphobic, does not typically identify as a lesbian, using their "identity" as a weapon, and is not taking themselves seriously, they're probably trolling. You know those videos where Steven Crowder pretends to be a woman as a way to dunk on actual women (especially trans women and their allies)? It's like that. You can tell they're trolling because the "identity" is satirical and inconsistent with their usual beliefs and actions.

Notice that "identifying as a lesbian" is not the problem in any of these points. The problem is their behavior, and their weaponizing of the lesbian identity.

I'm a trans man. I used to identify as a lesboy because I wasn't confident in my manhood, and have since moved past that. I don't consider myself a lesbian (nor sapphic) now, and I also wouldn't date anyone who identifies as a lesbian, because it would make me dysphoric.

I was wrong about being a lesboy, but being wrong about it didn't make the exclusion feel any better. I was working through my shit, and was met with exclusion and suspicion in many cases. When I identified as a lesboy, what I needed was a supportive, inclusive, and accepting community. What I often got instead was derision, exclusion, and debates over my "validity" as a lesbian. Sometimes I was treated like a predator, or like I was "invading" a safe space for lesbians. (Does this sound familiar?)

I fully support people's right to earnestly identify as lesboys/lesbian men, whether that's as a stepping stone to their true identity, or just reflective of their complicated experience with gender and attraction.

I think that there's something to be said about identifying as a lesbian when a man you're attracted to feels uncomfortable with that. I strongly believe that you should either change your label at that point, or be quiet about your attraction to them, because misgendering people through your label is still misgendering.

This is true even if you identify as a lesbian in a way that is inclusive to men (e.g. bi lesbian, lesboy), because the word still has strong woman-centric connotations (similar to how calling someone "girl" in a way intended to be gender neutral can still be misgendering). People have expressed attraction to me while identifying as lesbians... It doesn't feel good. If you're attracted to me while continuing to identify as a lesbian, don't tell me, because I don't want to know. I don't care if I'm "the exception" because that still sucks.

Still, I don't think manhood is always outright incompatible with lesbian identity, whether you're attracted to men, or a man yourself. The only thing that matters is how the person experiencing the attraction, and those they're attracted to, feel about it. These things are not always so cut and dry, and I would rather accidentally include the wrong person than accidentally exclude the wrong person.

And yes, if you're inclusive of AFAB lesboys, but not AMAB lesboys, this is transphobic. Basing inclusion on AGAB is transphobic. To the people who think they're being inclusive or enlightened by saying "trans men can be lesbians, but not cis men," I want you to think real hard about what you're implying. Trans men do not have an inherent "closer proximity to womanhood" than cis men. Likewise, trans women do not have a "closer proximity to manhood" than cis women.

*I use genderqueer as an umbrella for "anyone with a queer relationship to gender," including those who are trans, nonbinary, GNC, or otherwise subvert the cultural gender expectations placed upon them at birth/during development. In other words, having a queer gender modality, identity, or expression.

[status-quo-hater]

"If you support trans man lesbians you also have to support cis man lesbians" yeah cool other people's sexual orientation labels are not my business 👍🏻

As long as he's not trolling why should we exclude a guy who genuinely feels their attraction to women is queer/sapphic/lesbian/etc? This is how a few trans girls & nonbinary folk I've met realized they were trans, they realized they were a lesbian before coming to terms with the fact they're a woman / not actually a guy. And you know what, that's literally fucking fine. Not to mention, sometimes using the 'wrong' sexuality labels for your gender can be a form of gender nonconformity. Gnc/genderqueer guy finds it validating to identify as a lesbian? Awesome. Cool as hell.

If you want to get mad at creepy cishet guys creeping on lesbians, DO THAT. I don't think any of those people genuinely believes they are a lesbian, if they're saying that, they're trolling. In general I don't think any non-queer guy is going to genuinely find comfort in labeling themselves as a lesbian. Don't attack queer folk with weird genders or people still figuring shit out when you mean to be gunning for chasers and predators.

[gay-otlc]

Sometimes I wonder if I can split myself in half or pick the parts I want to be white and the ones I want to be Indian. Can I name my almond-shaped eyes white and my right popping and creaking knee Indian? Can I pick my light skin, name it Indian and call my high cheekbones, which squeeze my eyes shut when I smile wide, white? Can I tear myself apart and put myself back together to name what part of me is butch and what part trans? My right eyebrow butch and my large chest trans. And if I can choose the parts of my body that belong to each identity, can I choose which ones fight each other for the right to be here, take up space, and be recognized? [...] There is a roar inside of me that I have choked off more times than I care to count. A place of duality that I neither fully understand nor want to claim because it seems easier to blend in. This place is so deeply rooted inside me; sometimes I wonder at the Creator's sense of humor. I'm both Indian and white, man and woman.

"Split Myself Apart" by Redwolf Painter, from Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme

[multigenderswag]

I’ve been questioning being multigender and thinking about using any/all pronouns. The problem is that I can’t stop wondering, what’s the point? People will only choose he. Because I look like a guy. I dress masculine. Or I think I do. I’m not sure what my personal style is. I don’t have many clothes that belong to me alone. A DnD shirt, red basketball shorts, and lime green dangly earrings. I don’t know. What’s the point?

-W

I think the pronouns are worth trying out if you think you'd like them. If people mostly use he/him for you, you can try calling them out on it and specifically requesting they use other pronouns, though I understand confronting people like that is difficult for you. There might be people in your life who use different pronouns for you without even needing to be asked, or maybe you'll find new people who affirm your gender. If you're in a place where you're able to, you can try experimenting with different styles and figure out what you like. The point is to try and be happy & I wish the best for you

[multigenderswag]

Rocks

Quiet comics about gender, mental health, and getting older.

I will keep my own rosette hidden, and close to my heart