listen man. while i’m on my lil PSA train? let’s talk about consent between rp partners – not just in regards to shipping / smut, but in regards to discussions and discussion topics in general.
not everyone is okay writing certain things, especially complex topics like smut, angst, and violence – and even if they are, they might not be in the mood to write it just that second, or with that character. this doesn’t necessarily mean they never want to write it with you; it just means that if they say, ‘hey, i’m not really feeling it right now,’ then they’re not really feeling it right now … and even if they do say something like ‘hey, i don’t really want to write [INSERT THING HERE] with [CHARACTER NAME(S)], then you should respectfully leave it alone and find something else to talk about.
there is nothing wrong with somebody not being in the mood for something. you wouldn’t want someone forcibly shoving a piece of food that you like, but don’t want right now, down your throat; if you said ‘no thank you,’ you’d expect them to just put down the fork and shrug it off, right? right! – and i know it’s a silly analogy, but if you apply the same logic to a situation where someone doesn’t feel like writing something particular Right That Second, it makes a lot of sense.
so let’s talk about the DO’s and DON’T’s of reacting to somebody (politely and respectfully) declining the thing you want to discuss.
“that’s okay! we can talk about [THING] some other time, if you’re feeling up to it.”
“hey, that’s fine. we can talk about [DIFFERENT THING] instead.”
“for future reference, do you not want to write [THING] in general, or just not right now? i want to know so i won’t bring it up again if you just don’t like it, period.”
“it’s fine, i like you for more than just writing [THING].”
“of course! your safety / comfort / happiness comes first.”
“thanks for letting me know you aren’t feeling it! you can always tell me if you don’t feel up to doing / writing something.”
“but you like writing [THING] !”
“does this mean you don’t care about me / my character(s)?”
“does this mean you hate our ship?”
“but i saw you writing / plotting [THING] with [OTHER PERSON] !”
“oh, so you don’t want to talk to me anymore?”
“you’re impossible to talk to.”
“if you won’t write [THING], i’ll find somebody who will.”
“this is why people hate plotting with you.”
notice: the ‘do’ category expresses understanding, empathy, and sometimes a polite offer to continue the thought if/when it’s convenient – without pressuring or guilting the other person into feeling like they HAVE to continue it. this encourages, overall, deeper trust and more open communication between you and your partner. the ‘don’t’ category, on the other hand, is hugely accusatory and manipulative – these responses center around heaping guilt or anxiety onto your partner’s shoulders and making them feel like your OOC and/or IC relationship(s) will be compromised or replaced if they fail to obey you.
remember that this is a PARTNERSHIP between you and ANOTHER HUMAN BEING WITH AUTONOMY AND FEELINGS, not just a log with a chatbot set on catering to your every want & need. your roleplay partners have their own lives and their own interests; nobody owes you anything, and nobody should feel like they have to compromise their own safety / comfort just to keep you happy.
don’t be pushy, don’t be manipulative, don’t be cruel. remember that these are people, so treat them that way.
