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Who I Am (Blog Post Seven)

I grew up in a strongly religious household, and I grew up believing in a god. After my parents’ divorce, I turned to god. After my brother’s unexpected death, I turned to god. God was the only solution I had. All of my morals, beliefs, and understanding of life came from the church. Reflecting on my life, I recognize the events that created the person I am today. From my brother’s death to leaving the church, I have developed my own set of morals through my experiences.

For me, the most important event in my life was moving out of my mother’s house. After my brother’s death, my mother, in a sense, shut down. My sister had moved out and in with her boyfriend, leaving me to take care her. After the funeral, my mother took a leave of absence from work, and we moved in with my grandparents. My grandmother is a devoutly religious, rude, and spiteful lady. It was in that living situation that I developed an eating disorder, and began to really struggle with my mental health. It took my mother nine months to go back to work, a year-and-a-half to move out on her own, but it hasn’t been until recently that she has begun to heal from the trauma of losing her son. I moved in with my father almost two years after my brother’s death, and it has been the one thing I can trace everything good in my life back too.

After moving in with my father, my eating disorder worsened. Looking back, I recognize just how sick I was, and how lucky I am that I was never committed. My father, although he knew I was struggling, did not notice the severity of my problems; he worked night shifts, and I did not see much of him. The eating disorder was almost encouraged by the lack of a welcoming environment from his then-fiancé, and her children. I did not leave my room unless it was a necessity, or everyone was asleep. Looking back, I see this as my lowest point.

My ninth and tenth grade English teacher was a bubbly, young woman who had a passion for the literature she was teaching, and the students she was teaching it too. Mrs. B made me feel like I had a chance in life by giving me a place where I felt safe, and welcome. She showed me that the only person I had to save in life was myself, and if I did that, then I succeeded. She is the reason I want to be a teacher. She is, most likely, the reason I am alive.

Even as a young child, I cannot look back on my life and remember a time where I wasn’t struggling with depression. It is crazy to see how trauma develops an illness, and where exactly we can find ourselves in it. Nevertheless, I learned the most important lesson in my life from the challenges I’ve faced: whenever you decide it’s time, you can turn your life around. My solutions no longer include a god, or a higher power. Instead, I have found hope in literature, and a passion for exploring life. There is no greater feeling than falling in love with everything in front of you

Today, I am studying to be a high school English teacher, just like Mrs. B. I am still seeking adventures, love, and new experiences. I no longer believe in a god, or put my faith in a higher power. Instead, I have found the power in myself. I believe everyone deserves a chance in life, no matter the obstacles you’ve faced. I believe that pain creates some of the most beautiful things, and that if believing in a god makes you feel happier, then do not back away from your faith. It wasn’t my parents, my brother’s death, or my eating disorder that changed my morals; instead, it was the pain. That pain created a person who values life, who values family and friends, and who views the world as an inherently good place.

“I turned my back on the story. A sense of superiority. / Everything casts a shadow.” – Richard Siken, Detail Of The Woods

Woods, Abigail. “My Brother and I.” 2007. Photograph.

Woods, Abigail. “Snowboarding In Colorado.” 2017. Photograph.

Woods, Abigail. “Green Day at the BOK, Tulsa, OK.” 06 March 2017. Photograph.

musingsofacollegejunior

It is so refreshing when I can relate to someone else’s life experiences. Having an overtly religious upbringing is an experience that can either make or break someone’s life. For most, it’s pretty damaging. The “Christian values” instilled in me from a young age still make me feel guilty for having different beliefs, even though I know that doesn’t make me a bad person. I don’t need a higher power to feel satisfied with life, but having that guilt in the back of my mind always stirs up self-doubt. Culture truly follows a person forever.

Saying you don’t remember a time in your life where you weren’t struggling with depression really struck a chord with me. I feel like I’ve lost most of my life to my mental illnesses, and it’s very easy to dwell on that belief. Being happy isn’t easy sometimes, but I know the world is a good place if I know where to look. It’s comforting to see that a lot of people have similar experiences to mine.

charlierose98

This picture is to show how much I’ve grown over the past 20 years to go along with how I have grown this semester in this class. I have found my writing to change dramatically. It has gone from very casual writing with few grammar mistakes to precise and more academically pleasing writing. This semester I have had my ups and downs. My first paper was strongest, in my opinion. I spent a lot of time on it and read through it about 10,000 times. The third project was my favorite to write but I did not spend as much time on the sentence structure and flow than I should have. My writing process has changed a lot as well. I focus on the revision step a lot more then the initial draft. The draft is more rough then they have ever been in the past. I would write a final paper for my drafts in comp 1 and 2 but this class my writing words on a page to meet the word limit then fixing it a thousand times before turning it in.

In class when we would discuss our readings which typically helped a lot when we talked about Williams styles. His lessons 6 and 7 were the ones that were hardest for me to understand but with group discussion it became clear of what he was telling us to do. A lot of key concepts that we discussed in class were helpful to my writing in making it more precise with a good flow. I also enjoyed the activities where you would group us together and have us each teach a part of the lesson, this was helpful having it be explained in simple terms. I need to continue building on my revision process with all of the concepts I have learned while finding my own style in writing. Having peer reviews is helpful just in having a second set of eyes looking at my work. I must build off of past advice and lessons for my writing to reach its full potential.

musingsofacollegejunior

I really enjoy this post because I can relate to it; this is eerily similar to my experience in this class. I also feel I have dramatically improved as a writer this semester. Before this class, my writing process was also very casual and I would just write papers that met the bare minimum of the assignment. My writing process has completely changed; rather than simply writing to meet the word count, I now think critically about my writing and actually put in effort. Judging from other classmates’ blog posts, William’s “Style” was the most effective reading that Phil assigned. It was no doubt a challenging read, but it was constructive. Previous professors of mine would have us read random things that didn’t really explain the conventions of writing like Williams does. Therefore I just kept perpetuating the cycle of meeting the bare minimum. I am not a perfect writer by any means, but that reading and this class drastically improved my skills.

Blogpost #10, 11/29/2018

Over the last 15 weeks, I’ve discovered new things about my writing process, its evolution, and my own learning process (I know I just took the blog guidelines almost word for word - bear with me).

Throughout high school and lower-division college composition courses, I was always praised for my writing. I’ve been told, by professors and non-, that my skill level would help me pursue a career in writing. I used to write essays and assignments with an air of confidence that came from this praise. I did not think about my writing process, paragraph organization, concision, anything. I just wrote blindly, knowing my instructors would like my work whether or not I put in real effort. Of course, this didn’t last long, and I had to sit down and actually learn the conventions of writing. I learned most of that from this class.

Nowadays, whenever I sit down to write, I have a process I go through. I ruminate on a few ideas, write out a whole outline of the piece by hand, then start writing the substance of the piece. When I’m finished, I read it aloud and listen for grammatical mistakes. I then focus on individual sentences and make sure they’re concise. Concision is probably what I’ve improved on the most this semester. I can recognize if a sentence is too passive or wordy as I am writing it. Sometimes when I read someone else’s work, I find myself wanting to re-write their sentences for them to be more concise. I give a large portion of credit to Williams’ Style. As annoying and repetitive as those chapters can be, they really drill his concepts into your head. I sometimes re-read certain chapters if I am doubtful about something.

Peer review and workshopping our projects in class was also beneficial to me. It helped to get someone else’s perspective on my writing and get constructive feedback. I would say that my classmates would agree with me on this.

Blogpost #8, 11/12/18

Some potential issues I’m considering for Project 4 are sexual assault awareness, voter suppression, and directing state funds to implement rehab facilities in prisons. The first would include teaching sexual assault awareness alongside drug/alcohol abuse prevention in high schools. The second would involve the unfair suppression of voting ability in certain groups. The third issue, which is the issue I’m leaning towards, involves redirecting state funds to providing rehab facilities in every state prison for offenders with drug-related charges.

This issue affects the offenders themselves, their families, the prison system, and the stigma surrounding drug offenses. While I understand that not every offender with a drug charge is a drug user, it’s important to let those inmates know that there is help if they want it. The exigency of the situation is evidenced by the ridiculous amount of inmates in the United States incarcerated with minor drug offenses. This is causing mass overflow and a need to build more facilities, thus draining state funds and making the U.S. the #1 country in the world for percentage of incarcerated citizens. The audience of the situation is the American population, and the constraints are greedy corporations that benefit from the rate of incarceration.

This is not a “recent” issue. Mass incarceration is almost a hallmark of American culture and the rate has rapidly increased since 1985. Most of the attention given to the issue has come from activists, columnists, or scholarly articles about prison culture.

There are several ways I could present this multimodally. I am considering a sort of interactive infographic that opens a new window when you click on a certain section. These sections would be smaller-scale infographics detailing ideas associated with the larger issue and how the two are connected. There is a program I used for a similar assignment two years ago (Piktochart) that I plan to utilize; it was easy to navigate and left room for creativity.

Blogpost #7, 10/22/2018

There are roughly three experiences I’ve had in my life that shaped or influenced my current values. They are:

1. Realizing that I am attracted to women in addition to men.

2. Learning to think for myself in regards to politics.

3. Attending college.

1. As everyone does, I went through a period of self-discovery in middle school. My transition from preteen to teen was difficult, and came with a new set of overwhelming changes. I struggled mentally and it was hard to accept that I felt “different” than my peers. All the girls were blond, thin, athletic - you know the stereotype. Here I was, with my ripped jeans, hair in my face, metal band t-shirts and studded bracelets. I was introspective, allowing me to get to know myself better. This was how I discovered I was attracted to women, as well as men. I grew up ingrained with homophobic B.S. from my parents and extended family. This introspection I went through allowed me to see that I didn’t hold similar values. Defeating my internalized homophobia is what helped me discover my sexual orientation.

In case you didn’t believe me when I said that I was “different”, here’s some embarrassing pictures from middle school to set the record straight:

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

2. As previously mentioned, my parents and extended family hold homophobic beliefs that I managed to escape from. This led me to do research on other beliefs that they held, including their conservative political affiliations. It gets pretty self-explanatory from there; my eyes were opened to different belief systems and that the world exists outside of my family. As a sheltered, only-child, it was pretty big news to me that the world was completely different than what I had been taught. To this day I am the only person in the entire Seitz family that considers themselves a democrat.

3. Finally, coming to college has been the biggest eye-opener yet. By the time I graduated from high school, I knew who I was as a person and what my values were. But moving out of my parents’ house was like I’d lifted a veil from my face. Interacting with people from wildly different backgrounds solidified that the world is much bigger, and much different than what I had been taught. College has given me both indescribable curiosity and debilitating anxiety. I used to be completely indifferent to learning, well … anything. But this newfound love of learning about anything has given me crippling anxiety about my life after college. Learning the atrocities of the world has made me petrified of what my life could be like after I graduate.

Culture certainly comes into play with each of these experiences. The conservative, hive-mind culture of Oklahoma could have easily made me a completely different person. My initial indifference to politics could have led me to the opposite beliefs of those which I hold today. And my initial indifference to learning could have led me to be a part of the hive-mind culture of this state. Overall, I am thankful that I was able to break the piece I was encouraged to mold to. And I am grateful that I didn’t turn into something I hate.

Blogpost #6, 9/28/2018

The first source I chose to use in my research for Project 2 is a scholarly article about the role of female columnists in U.S. opinion pages. I thought this would be appropriate considering I chose journalism as the profession to expand on for this project. With the sheer amount of females in news media being unfairly treated or harassed, the goals of female journalists are universal. This article explicitly expresses some:

1. “...for news content to change, women must move into leadership positions in the newsroom and/or the fundamental structures of news institutions must change.”

2. “[There is] an ongoing need for research on gender issues in journalism.”

3. “...normalize employment of women at all levels of the organization and coverage of women's issues in all news content.”

While this list is not all-encompassing, it expresses the same sentiment across the board: that women face underrepresentation in news media. Luckily, one does not have to look hard to find the goals of this specific profession. With one central goal of giving women more voice in the newsroom, it’s easy to locate the values communicated by it. The unequal treatment of female journalists relates to the concept of equal rights between the sexes; in the larger scheme of things, it is a diversity issue. Therefore, the values communicated by the goal of gender equality are inclusion, acceptance, and equal opportunity.

Another source I chose takes a more feminist perspective on the subject, but still projects the same goals and message. A central goal of these scholars is to see that all news stop producing a gender-differentiated agenda. Another is that the socialization of all journalists in the newsroom creates gendered conventions and norms. This article is written by feminist news researchers, so in my opinion, the language used is intended to reach readers of a similar mindset. The language used in the first source is more neutral, so it may be understood by a wider audience. Regardless, both articles illuminate the goals of underrepresented women in news media.

Blogpost #4, 9/10/2018

My writing process for the most recent post was slightly different than usual. In blog post 2 I talked about not being able to sit down and write an entire essay in one sitting. However, that is precisely what I did for blog post 3. I believe I deviated from my typical writing process because I had a sudden burst of inspiration and decided to see where it took me. It made for a long, detailed essay, but the passion I have about the topic may have influenced the content too much. However important I believe my talking points are, I do spend an inordinate amount of time appealing to the reader’s pathos. I need to slow down and think more about the logical appeal before deciding something is complete.

I also don’t think I understood the difference between blog post 3 and the full draft of Project One. *shrugs*

Regarding the draft, some parts of it grabbed my attention. I noticed that the places where I had highlighted exigencies and the ‘pathos’ appeal overlapped with one another. The highlighted “messages” of the draft also overlapped with my usage of the ‘pathos’ appeal. This allows the previously mentioned passion I have for the subject to shine through. This may prove to be a hindrance, since I am personally biased about the topic. When I revise the draft, I’ll be sure to not rely solely on the emotional appeal.

Another thing I noticed is that my draft only has one section where I address the audience. As it’s been said, rhetoric must have an audience, so I need to take that into consideration moving forward. Addressing the audience more frequently would strengthen the essay because otherwise, the essay is too bogged down with one person’s emotions (mine). Failing to address an audience will not hold the reader’s interest for long, nor will it persuade them to take any action.

Blogpost #3, 8/31/2018

Perhaps one of the most widely-known, widespread discourse communities of today is the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender (LGBT) community. Having an extensive, densely-packed history with no shortage of bumps in the road, it remains my best example of a discourse community.

First, let’s explore why the LGBT movement constitutes a discourse community. According to writer and linguist John Swales, for a group to qualify as a discourse community, it must meet six certain requirements. The first requirement is that the group must possess a broadly agreed-upon set of common goals. Any LGBT person will tell you that the purpose of the community is to build a sense of togetherness, comradery, to culminate a place of acceptance, and to promote equality and social justice. I have never met a single LGBT person that does not strive to reach any of the objectives listed here. The community is centered around tolerance and equality, and anything that threatens those objectives has no place anywhere inside the community.

The second requirement of a discourse community is that it must have mechanisms of intercommunication between its members. The LGBT community is worldwide; there is no central location or headquarters. Because of this, there are several international as well as local ways for LGBT folks to interact. Since the community is so widespread, the best way for us to interact is through the Internet. This is a broad concept; we interact through social media, mostly microblogging websites such as Tumblr, or discussion forums specifically designated for LGBT-related topics. This allows for (mostly) thoughtful, constructive discourse between members of differing backgrounds. The Internet can also be useful to organize local and even international meetups; in fact, this is the primary way that modern Pride celebrations are organized. Because of this connection to each other through the Internet, we are able to form physical organizations in the “real world” and further our goals through face-to-face interactions.

Swales’ third qualification of a discourse community is that it must primarily use its participatory mechanisms to provide information and feedback. Again, this can be defined in terms of the LGBT community in a number of ways. For example, let’s revisit the concept of Pride celebrations. A large portion of LGBT folks are able to attend their local Pride parade each summer, and turnout for most parades is typically significant. This allows for interactions between thousands of people with at least one thing in common. Many Pride-goers use social media to communicate their thoughts on the festivities, how well it may have been organized, what things the organizers could improve on, etc. As a result of this feedback, the organizers of the celebration are able to reflect on their coordination of the event, and how they can improve it down the road.

The fourth characteristic of a discourse community is that it must utilize and possess one or more genres to further communication. In this case, the “genres” of the LGBT community are the groups that the moniker stands for and how they “articulate the operations” of the discourse community, as Swales says. Each group within the group - lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender - has its own meaning as a member of the greater LGBT community. For example, bisexual and transgender individuals have long felt uneasy in LGBT spaces. There is a discrimination within the community itself regarding the two groups; some gays and lesbians view bisexuals as flaky, indecisive or attention-seeking, and thus should not be considered LGBT. There is also an animosity towards transgender individuals within the community, with many gays, lesbians and bisexuals secretly harboring transphobic views. Many discussion forums, panels, and well-known LGBT figures have touched on the subject of bisexual and transgender exclusion, and thus meets the requirement for having more than one genre.

The fifth qualifying factor of a discourse community is that it acquires its own specific lexis, or terminology. As with any group, the LGBT community does have its own special brand of terminology that non-LGBT folks might not possess. For instance, the stereotypical “gay lisp” or higher-pitched voice is unique to gay cisgender men. This is a phenomenon that is not fully understood, even within the LGBT community, but it exists to that one specific group. Popular among the younger LGBT crowds is the reclaiming of slurs - words once used to discriminate against and harass LGBT individuals that we now use to describe ourselves. The most common instance of this is the usage of the word “queer”. Though it is still sometimes thrown around with ill intentions, many LGBT people consider it empowering to reclaim a word that was once only used to spew hatred. This can be said about other words, such as “fag”, “dyke”, “homo”, etc., but “queer” is the most commonplace. There is discourse within the LGBT community about its appropriacy, but it is largely considered acceptable if one is reclaiming the word for themselves in the name of empowerment.

The final component of a discourse community is that its members must hold similar degrees of relevant content and discoursal experience. Most, if not all LGBT people have experienced discrimination in one form or another, giving just about everyone some experience to speak on. I can personally guarantee that most LGBT individuals have received negative comments at least once, and a fair portion have experienced physical violence. Myself and my close friends have been the target of hateful comments, and two of these friends have been physically assaulted for being LGBT. Unfortunately, this is all too common, even in today’s more accepting world. Because so many LGBT folks experience discrimination, I’m fairly confident in saying that they possess enough expertise to discuss and criticize LGBT-related topics.

The artifact I have chosen to represent the LGBT community is one that is widely considered among numerous groups to be a pivotal piece of history in the history of the LGBT movement: the riots at the Stonewall Inn gay bar in 1969. This series of violent demonstrations that took place in response to police raids was a catalyst in the push for equal rights in the USA. Before analyzing the riots, we first need to describe why it can be considered an artifact in the first place. If we’re to abide by Barry Brummett’s definition, something must meet three criteria to be considered an artifact. It must be:

1. A situation, object or event perceived as a unified whole,

2. In possession of widely shared meanings,

3. Manifesting group identifications.

(photo credit: The Evolution of NYC)

The riots are certainly an event of a unified whole; though they began in the name of a greater need, they were unprecedented in terms of the number of people participating, the level of violence, and their length. They had a widely shared meaning; to get the conversation started about equal rights in a non-conventional way. And they manifested group identifications; gathering and uniting as LGBT in physical locations was a largely underground concept until the Stonewall riots, after which the push for equal rights increased and it slowly became more acceptable to be openly LGBT. Most LGBT individuals consider the riots a substantial portion of their identity, as we give it credit as being the reason why we have (mostly) equal rights today.

The major message of the Stonewall riots was clear. At the time of the event, in late 1960′s America, it signified that this minority was no longer going to sit idly by and be discriminated and oppressed. The exigencies of the riots were that LGBT folk were unfair targets of police and civilians alike, which in many cases led to muggings, murder and other acts of violence. In addition, the LGBT were facing an anti-gay legal system and it was extremely difficult to seek justice for hate crimes and other forms of discrimination. The audiences of the riots proved to be just about everyone as it was a major event; it communicated to LGBT people worldwide, the anti-gay establishment in the U.S., bigoted civilians, and the USA as a whole. Obviously, there were several constraints, once again including anti-LGBT authority figures, commonplace bigotry, the laws of the time period, and frequent police raids of known LGBT meeting places.

Therefore, because the LGBT community meets all six of Swales’ criteria and the Stonewall riots qualify as its major artifact, it is reasonable to say that LGBT is, in fact, a discourse community.

Blogpost #2, 8/27/2018

Every writer, professional or amateur college student, has a unique ritual they go through when they sit down to write something. Some are more elaborate than others (such as my own), while others simply do it all in one sitting. My personal writing process involves extended periods of thinking, over-thinking, and taking many breaks. In fact, I would say that I spend more time over-analyzing and editing what I’ve just written than actually writing the material.

My prewriting stage typically begins with a large chunk of time spent daydreaming. This is usually unintentional; I’m a bit of a dreamer outside of writing, and I feel it’s necessary to dream about what the finished product will look like before beginning. Obviously, this can be quite the problem if I lack interest or motivation in the first place. Daydreaming can very easily turn into distraction and procrastination for me, but it’s still essential to my writing process. A strategy I’ve used in the past to combat this, that could be used to help me in the future, is taking short but frequent breaks. These breaks could (and have) involve/d taking a short walk, stretching, or having something to drink. Stepping away from the computer, even for just 5 minutes, can clear my head and improve my focus immensely.

In the drafting stage, in which I write the substance of the paper, I will write large chunks of text at a time as opposed to all at once, in order to avoid burnout. After writing each block of text, I will reflect on what I’ve written so far. This can be disastrous for me; reflecting too much on what I’ve just written can lead to over-thinking, over-analyzing, and second-guessing myself. As a sufferer of an anxiety disorder, this can be particularly frustrating, because I know that over-analyzing the hell out of something isn’t necessary. This is perhaps the greatest roadblock in my entire writing process. Writing something all in one sitting is not something I have ever been good at, and writing manageable chunks one-by-one is far easier. So the rest of the improvement strategy will have to depend on my ability to ground myself, and getting re-situated “in the zone” each time I come back from a break. This probably involves placing myself in an environment where there are as little outside distractions as possible; the upper floors of the library may be perfect for this, and may force me to get “in the zone” better than, say, the living room of my apartment.

The editing stage is where I focus more on the grammatical side of things; I will pick out useless information, condense wordy or lengthy sentences, or parts that may be too fluffy or unconcise. This allows me to step back and look at my work from a more logical standpoint, as opposed to the anxious analyzation of the drafting stage. This is surprisingly the stage with the least amount of second-guessing, and I’m not sure what I can improve on in this area.

The final stage of revising is the easiest, but also the most dreaded part of my writing process. Residual procrastination from the drafting stage will rear its ugly head, and revising anything not looked over in the editing process may turn into rushing a conclusion just to have something to turn in. However, when I do take the revising process seriously, I will read and re-read my content multiple times to make sure it sounds like it’s all coming from the same person, the same thought. Often I will highlight the entire text and have my computer read it aloud to me, and I will listen for grammatical errors and make sure it flows well. However, I sometimes see the loss of focus return and may convince myself that something is wrong with the paper. This is where I may need to bring in a disinterested third party for an opinion other than my own; this might be my mother, a roommate, or someone at the Writing Center.

Regardless of how I feel about my content, it all boils down to my issues with procrastination and losing focus. I believe frequent breaks, placing myself in a quiet and minimally distracting environment, and gathering outside opinions may help me produce more quality content, and in turn give me more confidence about my writing process.

Blogpost #1, 8/22/2018

Having only taken basic composition courses, I believe my brief experience with both composition and rhetoric may give me a slight disadvantage. However, I may surprise myself; things you think you’ve forgotten or buried underneath the mental piles of recent memories often rise to the surface when needed.

From this course I not only hope to gain the credits I need to graduate on time, but also to reflect on my views about the writing process, challenge my strengths, improve on my weaknesses, and begin to prepare myself for my future career in professional writing.

You (the professor) can help me reach these goals by simply exerting yourself to the best of your ability and pushing me, writer to writer, to do better.

The only concerns I currently hold about this course involve my own struggles with procrastination, motivation, and the ever-so-awful writers’ block. These are struggles of essentially any college student, but I will deal with them to the best of my ability.

To my knowledge, the only things I bring to this course are having taken college-level composition classes, and maybe the 33 I received on the writing portion of my ACT in high school. As stated before, no one really knows the depths of their knowledge until it is needed, so my feelings on the subject may change.

Finally, something that impedes my learning is when an instructor is unconstructive and vague in their criticism. If I say something that isn’t concise, is too wordy, or could be structured differently, I prefer to have it addressed it in a professional manner, rather than a broad or condescending one.

Stay dry out there today.

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