I said I would be honest about my feelings
To let the world feel my truth as their own permission to exist.
But fear of judgment has kept my hands tide
If this is about transformation, then I am 100 times the butterfly i came to be
I feel my truth from the center of my heart to the tip of my fingers and toes
My truth is that I only want to do what turns me on, I want to only take action by measuring the way my body feels at the invitation of them.
I am going to write this even if I never share it with you because it might come out of me. Not only because, like a faucet left open, it cannot be stopped. Words rush out of my mind as my body squeals in curiocity for you. I also know it is my way of giving you my gift. The gift of feeling seen. First you must know you turn me on. You did the moment I met you, many years ago. Time stopped then and it seems to have begun again. I drowned my thoughts for you with “Stranger, far away, monogamy, save your relationship, no distractions…” But our bodies don’t lie. My body, my sweat, my hunger, my curiosity and my excitement… All of it calling for more time with you, more space with you.
Ahhh to be alone for a week on a beach with you. Endless hours to hear your thoughts, moans, breath; to smell you, to host you in my body. To feel your weight on me. Is this the effect you have on many?
Silas, You turn me on. I feel it in my heart, in the center of my chest. Sending pulses to my pussy, inviting her to participate. She does, she calls for you.
When you walk into my space, i am inundated with a thousand butterflies. All of them whispering your name.
This feeling doesn’t come easy. It feels divine, otherworldly. Why are we taught to ignore it or shut it down? The only true reason would be because you don’t feel the same. In which I would indeed have to get over it, even if deemed a tragedy.
I have felt this before, at times I have given in and the feeling fizzled out. Like killing a myth. But leaving it a myth has always felt like a crime, just leaving myself behind.
Writing at least feels like a confirmation of sorts. No matter what happens, thank you for turning me on so much.
I have many men to be grateful for, near and far. I have been blessed with desire, the pleasure and pain from it.
To want something instantly comes with pain. The pain of acknowledging that what you desire is still not yours, and if it were, one day you would have to part ways with it. If nothing else by death.
But hunger is the engine of desire and without it, we feel nothing.
To be hungry is a blessing if eventually you can find what you are craving. Or by some miracle find a way to release your craving. Or by some miracle find a way to release your craving.
It’s easy to forget how profound raw pleasure is, What is makes of me. When I listen and follow what I really want.
I’m striving to listen to it more.
You light me up in every way my body is supposed to feel alive.
I met you April 11th, 2018 and I will never forget it