โaw, man. whaddya mean roseโs psychoanalyzing isnโt fun? i always think itโs a blast to get her going all freudian on me,โ dave canโt help the snort as he watches karkat pace around. he watches for a moment longer while standing up, letting the other get the entirety of his verbose show on the road before he drags a chair away from the table, sitting on it to match the redblooded troll. never say he canโt play according to the rules or that he canโt be niceโbut thatโs beyond the point now, right? he should focus on trying to explain the thing the other asked, though heโs still fairly certain heโs the least equipped from his group of friends to manage this task.
well, shit. itโs not like any of them have ever been equipped to do any of these logic-defying things the game set โem up for, anyway. might as well wing it and see how it goes.
โswear on my boy scoutโs honor i wonโt trick you, dude. which, to be fair, is a false statement, โcause iโve never been a boy scout, but the point stands: pretend i got the honor code they have down pat, so we can get the meaning of the sentence out, yeah? anyway. uh. you wanna know about how humans do our romance.โ daveโs scrunches up his face for a moment, lost in thought for the moment of being as he rakes his mind for a good, concise explanation of something that, to him, is commonplace and totally unexplainable. maybe davesprite wouldโve been the right dave to get for this, given he had dated jade prior. but itโs not like he can just swap with the feathery guy and if heโs fair, heโs pretty sure he resents him for being the โrealโ dave now, considering his ascension.
โiโll be straight with you, i have no fucking clue how to explain how we go about it, โcause itโs not like humans are any better at not being a mess than trolls, even without the variations. but if we take it from the classic movies, and by that i mean the shitty romcoms both you and john are into, it goes like this: you confess, you start dating if itโs mutual and if things go right you marry and have babies. or adopt babies, if you canโt have them home-made. somethinโ like that is the usual dream scenario of every run-of-the-mill boring protag couple, but your mileage may vary considering particular circumstances.โ
he knows itโs a shit explanation and that vantas will probably get on his case for being vague and absolutely shit at this teaching gig he scored by complete accident, but oh well.
they gotta start somewhere.
THAT EXPLAINATION SUCKED. Okay, maybe it didnโt suck that bad, but it certainly didnโt make much sense to Karkat. Dating? Marry? BABIES? What the hell were those things. Well, he had a vague idea of some of them.ย โArenโt babies like human wrigglers? How the fuck do you make those?โ He waved his hands a moment after the question left his mouth.ย โWoah, nevermind, actually. I donโt need to know about the human mating process. My point is, I have no idea whatย โdatingโ orย โmarryingโ entails. We donโt have that shit here, we have quadrants that you fill. You should know this by now, Iโve explained it to you several times.โ He leaned his face onto one of his hands.
โAre you taking this seriously? I came to you as aย โbroโ asking for help on a topic I know little to nothing about and you came out with that shitty answer, throwing terms at me that I have no idea what they mean.โ He sighed.ย โDude, I really do not want to ask Rose for help on this, so youโve got to actually try for me.โ
He had an idea, but it might get weird.ย โI know, how about we do that dumb shit Terezi always does. Uh... LARPing. You pretend to human date me, then we get married, and uh... maybe we skip the whole baby thing. That might make it easier for your small thinkpan to figure out how to explain it.โ Best idea heโd ever had, for sure. No way this would get awkward. Absolutely none.ย
โItโll be easier than you just throwing weird words at me and expecting me to understand. You can just show me what humans do when theyโre dating and married and shit and itโll make way more sense.โ
