She Sings To The Birds

@muthafuckingbrownies

Thoughts. Theories. Complaints. Random. Everyday Stories.

392 posts

I met someone and I ended up liking him.

Bpd pushed him away.

I don't want to forget about this 1 that got away

🤣

I'm That Girl

Doing my best to get back into the writing part of myself again. I have this drive to just put thought out there again. Even if I just write down some little fantasy I'm having that day. I love being creative and painting pictures with my words has always been fun to me and I think it could help and it seems very appropriate for those that have been through enough lost that writing things out in our own delulu seems like good therapy without going to therapy because honestly who has the time and money for that alike a tattoo ... lol

Tell me how... I hook up with Penguin on Wednesday night

And the man i am interested in long distance has a dream about me that same night I'm hooking up of him and I having sex...

Like what the the fucking fuck?! How is that possible? That's some scary connection shit if you ask me!

When i got there i was nervous. Penguin was grinding into me. Tossed me around. He came twice but I didn't at all. I actually felt nothing at all. I was numb almost disassociated. I actually didn't want to be there. I'm not right and I did something one last time! Never again but wow ... it's hard to act like this never happened between two people

Celton is dead.

Yes. It's true. He died around 12 pm in Moses lake on July 31 2023.

I last talked to him on July 30th. He called me at 4.34 pm

We zoom chatted. It was good to see his face. We shared a moment together for the last time.

We both took a shower on the zoom call. He was stating that he should get in the shower and I thought hey that sounds like a good idea it is hot. A nice shower would feel good. So I brought my laptop into the bathroom and I loved it! I wish I was with him in that shower. I enjoyed talking to him. I feel bad I didn't call him back.

He died in a motorcycle accident. It was with a car.

This doesn't feel real, but it's reality. He's gone forever.

12/18/1992 - 07/31/2023

I'll forever miss the fuck out of him!!!

My always and forever

I'm not a violent person, but my God do some people in my mind push that limit. I'll verbally attack you before I'll physically hit you!! The vibes are off so I am acting up.

Before I forget about the bullshit that dropped recently, let me update myself here.

So I communicated with celton, and lol. Wow, dude is a wreck. He paid some random girl, like 160$, just to waste his time, perhaps. Idk I don't honestly care that it happened. That's what you get. Oh, now I can see how he would think that's prostitution... lol 😆 that's literally his butt hurt feelings.

He still disrespects me in some ways when he's talking to me. I'm slightly offended, but I'm not going to take it too personally. Again hurt feelings.

Trying to tell me I should move in with him again for a family. That's not how that works. You can't just say hey come here and I'm going to impregnate you and yeah have my child.... no thanks

Also he relapsed because he hates his life.

So how am I suppose to honestly feel for someone that is going through shit like this while I'm already raising my son just to have another baby by him. This fantasy isn't looking so great any more. I don't want this no more

I've been meaning to fucking say that I finally tried Molly and it was alright. I think ecstasy is probably better hehe. It was with penguin and we had sex in the tub. Which is silly because for a while I had that fantasy of that with him! 🤣 I've noticed some what while we're doing drugs together he'll confess his love for and its weird but also yaas because for real who wouldn't love my drugged out ass

Yes sir.

Once again

I am back!!

I just need to say that I stood up to my sister and made her cry. Shitty part was that she called my dad crying and said I hurt her feelings. So my dad had to call me and I'm very sincere and sympathetic about the whole situation because for once I'm not stressed or anxious about the whole ordeal because to be honest I was drinking some wine and went to the gym this morning so my hard work didn't make me feel threatened, plus I've dealt with abuse in my past so I didn't give a fuck if she came at me. Fucking hit me. Do it for once. Fight club style lol. So now I'm away in my room for the rest of the night because I stood my ground. Hahaha, wow, how shit works out...

Also this just goes to show you how fucking crazy I can be in a serious situation despite how intoxicated I am. I have learned from the best, my entire family. Get to know me bitches!!!! 🤣😅🙃😆

My friend had a little bit of meth for me. (Don't judge it was my hard drug of choice) I don't want to say I have regretful feelings for what I did tonight. What was awkward as fuck was that my friend was being really affectionate and I was probably a little cold on giving him the same affection back though now that I type this I'm going to be confidant and say I have given my fair share, yet still it was weird and uncomfortable because honestly I'm slowly replacing sexual memories of Celton away with these I'm having with Anthony. It's a fresher experience. So it's only weird because it's uncomfortably new and that's tough for a taurus. So I'll definitely say this eclipse season with the full moon in Scorpio was quite a fucking riot since who I was just with and oh all the fun that we have.

I really like cocaine. It's fun to be high on it. I get it. Don't like the stuffy nose aspect but I understand why haha.

My friend once tried to assume that I was still your lady. I explained to him that you wanted me to be in the kitchen, like a house wife raising kids also while having some technical degree job to support us. Funny how some time pass and I'm stupid thinking about being with you for the security of things. Funny how some things are viewed differently between the genders.

I sucked Anthony's dick and his cousin fucked me. What a lovely arrangement that was all coked out but what threesome ever happened sober ! Win win fun fun

I had my friend come visit my house. It's been since 2018 when he would sell me weed. I'm all gitty about it because I like this friend!

I'm all in my feelings about it because he looked good. I guess I never showed him my bedroom but I finally did and hopefully I can have some fun with him in the future in my room!

He liked the big ass mirror I have in my living room.

Sucking on Anthony's dick and knowing the sensation of his penis about to cum, feels like some empath shit. So...

Not that I'm looking for attention, today I've posted about that I'm bisexual and don't be too surprised. I want to announce that same rules apply from guys to girls, if she don't go down on me I won't go down on her. I'll give the same effort she gives as well. Other than that I'll buy toys for days to play with girls. 😉

I also want to note that my sexuality isn't all based on sex. I want the other aspects of relations also

I have a thought. I do personal vlogs about how I'm living through my bpd naturally with the help of cannabis... hopefully I can be interesting lol

Wondering if I'm doing well is a huge statement. 1. Define well. 2. Fake it till you make it 😉 3. Of course I'm not well!

That was asked by my exs mom. I am doing this thing where I'm ignoring my ex in a manner that in hopes I'll get over him periodically. I'm sure he'll come in contact somehow I'm not completely a solid wall here but yeah still in regards that I'll move on.

This tactic is nothing new. Just a insanity loop that I'm willing to break loose of and 2021 is very soon so hopefully I nudge closer to a breakthrough. I've been immersing deep into astrology this year and I'm feeling the pull to continue going forward with my knowledge of astrology cause why not I'm pretty passionate about it. Slightly intuitive which is hard to grasp cause I'm a skeptic to it. That's a big deal and I'm no fraud so I'm not boasting that until I'm a firm believer!

So because of a full moon in cancer tonight and I have cancer in mercury in 7th house for my solar return I cannot respond to my friends mom at this moment.

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