half-truth, half-momma

“I feel strangely normal.” Accounts of domesticity, conjugal triumphs, personal dilemmas, struggling pursuits, and feminist advocacy

[muthapsychosis]

In 2 years I’ll be 40. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with it. I want it to go away.

[muthapsychosis]

I grieve for the lives I once lived and the me I once were.

[muthapsychosis]

For people who don’t ever forget. Of the lives we’ve lived. To the places we can’t go back to anymore.

#callmebyyourname

[muthapsychosis]

Just spent a full half hour bawling after reading the last lines of this novel and here I am again watching the movie adaptation. It had been so long since I found myself so deeply moved by a story. I had been Elio, I had been Oliver. I know that life. I’ve been that life.

And with this, I hope I can find another book to finish within a few days.

#callmebyyourname

[muthapsychosis]

Everyday I feel less and less afraid of being gone. I welcome the thought wholeheartedly. I want to embrace and I know it is not out of reach. I’m less afraid but I not yet brave enough.

Leaving people behind is not as hard to think of as it used to be. I take comfort in the fact that they can be much better off without my presence. That they’ll have a quieter life.

I think it doesn’t matter anymore how it happens. Could be painful, could be abrupt. As long as it happens .That’s the time that I’ll be done.

[quotemadness]

“I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer.”

— Ralph Ellison

[muthapsychosis]

Oh,by the way, 2020 is literally fucked up. It looks like 2021 isn’t going to be any better, and I am still going nowhere, career-wise. Lots of things in my head but proven to be fucking useless. Oh, well. Someone is going to die empty, unfulfilled, and quite sad.

[muthapsychosis]

It's 2020. New year's resolution? I guess old habits die hard. You gotta kill me before I denounce them. Change is for suckers.

[muthapsychosis]

10 days in Manila in a nutshell: expensive, exhausting, exhilarating.

Expensive: Grabcar or cab in almost every travel because it was hot and traffic.

Exhausting: Double booking of meet-ups with friends.

Exhilarating: Interesting goings-on in my friends' lives.

I need to travel to another place. Manila sucks.

[muthapsychosis]

Been reviewing with my kid for about 2 hours now. His maths exam is on Tuesday and the boy is in confounded confusion. I pity him because he got the bad-at-math genes from me. I'm nearly crying in frustration because the sweet boy is a bit stupid in the subject. Just like his mum. Deeply frustrated and afraid for his future seeing him like this.

We are even doing SPED classes now because the child psychologist that we saw in October advised that he will need learning intervention. I guess I am still in shock to know that my kid is not developing at par with his contemporaries. The doctor ticked far too many boxes that point to possible learning delays. I still don't know what to do about it.

[muthapsychosis]

Opinion | What Happens When Women Stop Leading Like Men

Jacinda Ardern, Nancy Pelosi and the power of female grace.

In drawing on women’s wisdom without apology and pushing that wisdom forward into positions of power, we can soothe our world and, maybe, even save it.

During thousands of years of civilization, women have evolved to deal with the intractable perplexities of life and find means of peaceful coexistence where men have traditionally found roads to conflict.

Women have learned and taught lessons about how to cope with seeming impossibilities in ways that men traditionally — and to this day — have not.

[muthapsychosis]

I have not slept.

It's Monday morning now. In a bit I will cook breakfast, wake up my kid to prep, and then bring him to school. Goddamn night shift work still suck.

[sisterispsychotic]

“You must go on adventures to find out where you belong.”

—

(via thatkindofwoman)

I need to do this.

[muthapsychosis]

Jesus, I need to do it again. S'bout time!

[sisterispsychotic]

“I’ll never know, and neither will you, of the life you don’t choose. We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore.”

—

Cheryl Strayed (via quotewhore)

Yes. I want to cry.

[gothicnerdchick-deactivated2019]

[sisterispsychotic]

“That’s how you can tell that you’re filling yourself with the wrong things. You use a lot of energy, and in the end, you feel emptier and less comfortable than ever.”

— Glennon Doyle Melton (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[muthapsychosis]

Mum used to sound like this. She still does. And better. 🙃