紫苑

[mxmories]

ᴇɴᴛʀʏ ɴɪɴᴇ: ᴍɪᴜ's ᴅᴀʀᴋɴᴇss

( mun note: this entry takes place after nami was shot and during the recovery process. she still has her stitches and miu is staying over in her apartment illegally to watch over nami

diary entry written with permission from miu mun ♡ )

- - - - - - - - - -

my injuries woke me up in late in the night. i don’t remember what the exact time was but it was at least past one in the morning. the temptation to take my painkillers was strong but i refused to rely on it more than i already did. the surgeon said the pain would lessen in a few days so i was determined to wait it out.

i looked to my side and watched miu sleep, gingerly pressed into my side. even through the darkness, i was able to see the vivid distress and anxiety that plagued miu even in her sleep. her usual smile, the softness in her demeanor, was no longer there. my situation and my condition has stripped away all of that.

it pained my heart to see her like this, but i knew there was nothing i could do. every smile miu gave me was forced, so desperately trying to keep her sanguine behavior, but every time her eyes landed on my bandages, i could practically hear her inner voice screaming at herself:

it’s all my fault. nami is like this because of me. she’s hurt because of me.

i never blamed miu for what happened. i would never. but i hated feeling so helpless. i knew miu’s worst enemy is herself, her own flaws, her own insecurities. it was something i couldn’t defeat, only keep at bay at best.

suddenly, i heard the hushed sound of hissing and growling in the room. i slowly sat up and my felt my eyes bulge out in horror at what i saw.

two neoshadows stood in front of our bed, their yellow eyes glowing menacingly. from their positions, i noticed they had their eyes set on miu, ready to attack her. for a split second, i was confused to why my neoshadows were so dead-set on attacking miu that i feared that i suddenly lost the power to control the darkness. however, the more i focused on my affinity to darkness, i gradually began to understand why the neoshadows were behaving the way that they were.

they could sense the darkness that was growing inside of miu at an alarming rate.

miu’s deep-rooted self-hatred, self-loathing, and disdain for the reality she lived in culminated an ugly darkness that resided inside herself.

it made the perfect fodder for the neoshadows who seek to devour the darkness inside of hearts.

but it didn’t mean i was going to let them hurt miu.

an inhuman hissing left my lips, eerily similar to the sounds the neoshadows were making. the neoshadows listened to me, no longer hunched and ready to pounce, but i didn’t stop until they sunk back into the shadows.

within minutes, the danger was gone. miu and i were left all alone for the rest of the night.

it’s the morning after as i’m writing this. miu told me to stay in bed while she prepares breakfast. i took the opportunity to write in my diary. it’s the first time i’ve ever seen the neoshadows emerge from the darkness without my command. whatever darkness they were sensing from miu was enough for them to act on their basic instinct.

i’m relieved i was awake when i was.

for now, i’m going to be more attentive and alert.

miu is fighting her own inner battles, and i’ll be fighting by her side, even if she doesn’t realize it.

i won’t let the neoshadows take her away.

[mxmories]

ᴇɴᴛʀʏ ᴇɪɢʜᴛ: ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴏsʜᴀᴅᴏᴡs

it’s been awhile since i’ve written in this diary.

i’ve purposely neglected to look at this collection of thoughts since it reminded me of the pain when riku passed away. however, in retrospect, the shock of riku’s death did trigger the return of my memories, where i truly came from, what i truly am, so i suppose that’s something. it has been a long, painful, emotionally draining process to comprehend my existence but i’ve learned that it’s better to just accept what i know without dwelling on it more than needed.

being able to seamlessly traverse between the realm of light and the realm of darkness has been very convenient but also sparked my curiosity. after all, while my memories of where i came from have returned, there are still lingering questions on how i became to be.

every night before bed, i take off my colored contacts that hide the yellow glow of my true eye color. they are the same color as the eyes of the neoshadows, lanky shadow creatures that reside in the realm of darkness. for some unknown reason, i’m able to command the neoshadows, though, i do have two possible ideas.

one: they see me as their alpha. their queen. for as much exploration i’ve done within the realm of darkness, the only beings i’ve encountered are the neoshadows. they never posed a threat to me but when i lead them across the border and into the realm of light, they were eager to attack any human within their line of sight. they seek to devour the hearts, the souls, of humans. why? i have no clue. but i’m a special case. i’m certain that i was born in the realm of darkness yet i have taken this form like a human.

i have a conscious.

i have feelings.

i have a soul.

things the neoshadows do not have yet i can control and manipulate the darkness

two: at one point, i was also a neoshadow, so therefore, the neoshadows see me as one of their own. it would make sense considering they have never once attacked me when i look like a human and i’m fairly certain i have a heart. but they’re willing to be controlled by me, ceasing their primal instincts if a human is in their presence if i command them to stop.

but regardless of what the answer is, i try not to think about it. i don’t think it matters. not anymore.

i’m shion but i’m also hamasaki nami.

that should be enough for now.

[mxmories]

ᴇɴᴛʀʏ sᴇᴠᴇɴ: sɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ

written on: november 22, 2018

riku has started to vomit blood. he is so much thinner due to all the vomiting. nothing i feed him will stay down. there must be some sort of virus or infection that’s causing all this to happen... but everything escalated so fast that even if i took riku to the vet now that’s he’s too frail to protest.... i’m certain it would all be in vain.

riku...

why didn’t you let me help you sooner? 

why?

why?

why?

why?

why?

riku scratched against his cage, his signal saying that he wanted to be let out. but unlike his usual swift, rapid scratching, it was long and lethargic, a sound i would have easily missed if i wasn’t already observing his condition.

i gingerly took him out from his cage since he couldn’t crawl into my palm like he usually does. as i held him with both hands, he simply laid there almost completely still, the subtle rise and fall of his body from breathing the only indication that he was still alive.

i gently shifted riku onto his back and rubbed his soft, furry underbelly because it’s something he always loved. but this time i was more cautious, wary, and tender with my touch. i didn’t want to upset his stomach any further. i wanted to at least distract him from the pain, distract him from his suffering, because i wanted to do something.

and maybe i did

perhaps it was an hallucination but it looked as if riku was smiling the more i rubbed his tummy.

maybe this is a sign that things will start turning for the better.

written on: november 23, 2018

he’s gone.

[mxmories]

ᴇɴᴛʀʏ sɪx: ʀɪᴋᴜ

riku doesn’t want to go to the vet. 

he knows when i want to take him because i reach into his cage to take him out and he struggles to escape every time. he kept biting my fingers as he writhed in my grasp, and even though it didn’t hurt too much, he wouldn’t stop flailing until i let go. i couldn’t hold him any tighter without hurting him so i let him be. he looked happier crawling and burrowing in his cage when i know he hasn’t eaten properly for the past fifteen hours. all i can do is give him water because it’s the only thing that he can digest and no immediately vomit back out.

i’ve never felt this helpless before.

why won’t he let me help him?

it breaks my heart, even more so seeing kage sleep by riku’s cage.

kage knows. riku knows.

 it’s me that refuses to face the truth.

[mxmories]

ᴇɴᴛʀʏ ғɪᴠᴇ: ғᴇᴀʀ

i’m not hallucinating.

my eyes are definitely a more vibrant yellow that before. it’s to the point where its eerie glow pierces through my colored contacts. i had to order several new pairs that would be dark enough to hide these eyes of mine.

but it’s not just these eyes of mine that have changed. there’s... something inside of me. or rather, every fiber of my being is calling. calling out to the darkness that is beyond this realm i live in. i haven’t used the corridors in a month and it feels like my body is going through withdrawals, as if it’s desperate to be surrounded by darkness. not the kind that happens when you turn off all the lights in your place. i mean “true and absolute darkness”. the darkness that exists in that other realm that allows me to use its pathways as shortcuts to other parts of the city, the country, even the world.

i’ve been denying my body that sensation of being cloaked in darkness that my body summoned a portal on its own in the middle of the night while i was asleep. it was only thanks to kage barking and growling that i woke up and realized what i had done. i was terrified. i could hear voices coming out from that portal that i spawned in my bedroom. even kage, who typically has no issues using the corridors with me, was growling at the portal, teeth barred. he only displayed such behavior if there was danger. he must have sensed something malevolent coming from the portal that night. then again, i did too. i felt that if i left the portal open any longer, something would have emerged from it. i don’t even want to think about what would have appeared.

it’s gotten to the point where i suddenly don’t feel like this body is mine anymore, almost as if this body has a mind of its own. yearning for the darkness it obviously wants. it’s suffocating. will something happen to me if i don’t use the corridors any time soon? will something happen to me if i do use them? 

i feel like i’m at a dangerous crossroad where either choice may result in me becoming a different person, and that scares me.

i don’t know what to do.

no one can help me.

i have to deal with this on my own.

somehow.

...

[mxmories]

ᴇɴᴛʀʏ ғᴏᴜʀ: ᴜɴᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴᴛʏ

it’s been almost two months since i was kidnapped.

my life has significantly changed since that night. was it for better or for worse? i can’t choose which one is more prevalent over the other, however, i can say things are certainly different. no longer do i live near hongdae but now i reside in the dongjak district in a larger apartment than my previous place that is accompanied by a view of the han river. i now have a pet dog, a kuroshiba named kage, something i’ve always wanted. i released a new collection of fanart in my store that has been receiving overall positive reception. i went on a trip to mexico with aiko and have been spending time with my friends whenever our schedules allowed us to, eating many delicious foods and drinking many nights away in pure bliss.

and yet this sense of normalcy hides the literal dark turn my life has taken.

i’m now a part of an underground business run by a single man that sets anything on fire and burns it to the ground if someone pays him to. in the beginning, i felt terrible watching buildings burn and cars and buses exploding, knowing fully well i indirectly allowed them to die but now i’ve become numb to it all. it’s almost as if i’ve detached myself from feeling any sort of empathy in order to stop feeling guilty. not only that, i’ve been practicing summoning portals and exploring the corridors of darkness, trying to figure out its origins and why i have a connection to this realm of darkness. there’s a lot of questions i have but no sources that will lead to me answering any of those questions.

i know i’ve changed a lot since i was kidnapped and awakened this new power of mine. i’ve become a convincing actress, hiding my true feelings and intentions behind a convincing facade that is my smile and having better control over my feelings. i’m even swearing a lot more in korean, a habit i hated doing in the past yet now it’s almost part of how i speak on a daily basis.

these days, whenever i wake up in the morning and stare into the mirror, i almost don’t recognize my reflection that’s staring back at me.

it’s very faint, almost unnoticeable, but those eyes are slowly losing their light and being replaced by faded fog of darkness.

are the corridors of darkness finally affecting me?

or is this me embracing the darkness?

i can’t seem to tell...

[mxmories]

parcsite:

Out of every description, ‘presentable’ is the last thing that would come into mind at the sight of him. The rosy bruises and fresh cuts defy his youthful features. Because the rumors are true indeed — blood was shed for money. Perhaps it was best to leave it all in the past. Perhaps.

He quietly slips inside, shutting the door behind him once his eyes meet hers. He beams a warm smile in her direction as he’s more than relieved he caught her awake. “He–” cut off by none other than Gaeul, himself. Thankfully, he’s able to hold out the bouquet with his left hand. Gaeul’s single eye emerges from his right hand, blinking rapidly as if in the midst of absorbing the view before him. “You’re hurt.” he finally speaks once he catches sight of her condition.

“She is. Why do you think I brought her flowers?“

“To woo her.”

“..At a hospital?“

“You do make odd choices, Hanjae.”

And there goes the duo. Once again, bickering back and forth in front of her ever so shamelessly.

The gentle, inviting smile that graced her visage slowly turned into an expression of utter shock as Hanjae stepped further inside her room and into the light, revealing his injured state. Numerous questions began to reel inside her mind, most involving worry and curiosity, but both her and Hanjae were cut off by Gaeul who commented on her own condition nonchalantly.

“Yes, I am...” was her answer although it felt on deaf ears and hand when the two began to quarrel. It was a sight she missed watching, a notion that almost bewildered her considering she was initially terrified of Gaeul upon first seeing him. But the strange parasite grew on her and she grew to like its relationship with Hanjae despite knowing Gaeul was only intrigued by her powers, moreso than Hanjae. 

She cleared her throat loud enough for them to refocus their attention on her, a smile returning to her face as she spoke. “Thank you for the flowers and for this unexpected visit. It seems like the both of us have been through quite a lot since we last saw each other, huh?” 

[mxmories]

starter for @svlanaceae

Concealed in the very back of a dark alleyway in Seocho, Nami shivered. Despite the thermal undershirt she was wearing, the jacket that she layered over it was nowhere near enough to shield her from the Seoul winter temperatures. however she knew it was necessary given the circumstances. She was out assisting Jongwoo on one of his jobs he received. As usual, she was simply his escape route, a way for him to effortlessly flee the crime scene almost without a trace, and currently on standby by the border that separate Seocho and Gangnam. The male was somewhere in Gangnam, prepping a gas leak throughout a building that was the headquarters of some rising tech company; she didn’t know the details. With a shaky exhale, she glanced down at her wristwatch

3:00am.. Jongwoo oppa should be finishing up--

Nami didn’t complete the thought as a large, booming explosion happened from where she was. She couldn’t see the building on fire but she could see the area across the border lit up, smoke filling the air. Guilt stabbed her conscious, hoping no one was hurt, but she forced herself to shake it off and imagined the pick-up location in her mind, raising a hand and summoning a swirling portal of darkness. Ominous sounds were coming from the portal but it didn’t faze her, not anymore. She was about to step into the portal when she thought she felt a presence behind her, whipping her head around for any trace of movement. Silence was the only thing that greeted her and after awhile, she reluctantly shrugged it off and stepped through the portal to enter the corridor of darkness. Before it closed, she gave one last glance behind her to see if there was anyone there.

[mxmories]

parcsite:

for @mxmories

Roses were so fucking boring. Boring, bland and plain, and he swears he could go on violating the flower, but he was left with no choice today. A disappointed sigh comes with a scratch on his temple, almost glaring at the sight of the pink roses in front of him. Nami’s special, how dare he give her something plain? 

Yet he was left with no choice. The flowers surrounding him were of no worth to him either, and roses, as much as he thinks they’re plain, almost every girl out there adores its beauty, that he’s left with no choice but to purchase it and fake admiration for his gift. 

He exits the shop and is later on found in front of her door, gently knocking several times to notify her of his arrival. 

Nami exhaled audibly through her nose as she relaxed back against the numerous pillows behind her. She mentally chastised herself for having to ask the nurse for another dosage of pain medication again, but the pain was too much to bear. However, she still hated to be a bother for, a burden for the staff in charge of her. She wished she was still comatose. At least she wouldn’t be able to feel the the sharp pain in her chest from her broken ribs. 

Another sigh. Perhaps she was being too hard on herself. It was a horrible habit of hers unfortunately.

Quiet knocks snapped her out of her thoughts, surprising her as she wasn’t expecting any company. “Come in,” she called  before a quiet gasp slipped past her lips once she saw who was behind the door, even more surprised when she saw what was in his hands. “Hanjae... you’re back.”

[mxmories]

ᴇɴᴛʀʏ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ: ᴋɪᴅɴᴀᴘᴘᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏʀʀɪᴅᴏʀ ᴏғ ᴅᴀʀᴋɴᴇss

when they say that life is like a roller coaster because it will always have its ups and downs, they never talk about just how drastic the shift from good to bad can be. to experience three days of living hell right after christmas only to then wake up in a hospital a few days after was a surreal feeling. to be blissfully happy one moment and then suddenly fearing for my life in less than 24 hours. 

i began to feel uneasy when i could feel someone watching me the day after christmas. no matter where i went in public, i could feel someone’s eyes watching me wherever i went and the feeling only disappeared when i was locked behind the safety of my apartment. although i soon later learned that my door’s electronic security lock would mean nothing. when the same spine-chilling feeling continued the next day, i knew that i was being targeted for some reason. there was no way for me to prep for whatever was to come so i did what i could. i left my hedgehog in the care of my friend and hid all my precious belongings away. but nothing prepared me when my place was broken into during the middle of the night. i never anticipated so many people to take me hostage and some time during my struggle, i was drugged unconscious.

i woke up in a building that appeared to be abandoned for a long time. the men surrounding me had their faces covered. i was so scared. just writing this down, recalling the moment, is making my heart race and my palms sweaty. the one that seemed to be the leader mentioned they were going to use me to get to someone, an arsonist named “axel”. i fervently told them i knew no one like that. the leader made a phone call, getting a hold on this axel and threatened them that they would kill me if axel did not agree to meet them in this building within 72 hours.

i was tied up and physically abused for 2 days. by the third day, i was bruised all over and they broke several of my ribs and my ankle. they wanted me to scream over the phone, for this person to know i was suffering. i wasn’t given any food and very minimal water, just enough so i wouldn’t die.

but later that third day, axel appeared in the large room where i was held captive. he, too, wore a mask. he managed to take out the guards at the entrance and navigate his way. the one in control demanded that axel remove his mask because he already know axel’s identity. axel hesitated but complied when his eyes flickered in my direction. my jaw dropped when he revealed his face.

it was jongwoo oppa.

but he was different from the oppa who was my friend. his eyes were cold, merciless, filled with quiet rage that was igniting to something dangerous. jongwoo oppa and the ringleader talked. all i could really gather was that as axel, jongwoo oppa messed with these guys and their plans at some point and through careful and thorough digging, these masked men figured out axel’s true identity. they saw me hanging out with oppa one day and decided to use me as a means of revenge. 

one of the men interrupted the conversation to mention he could smell gasoline. jongwoo oppa began to laugh. a cold, sadistic laugh. that’s when several explosions blew up around the building and flames quickly engulfed multiple rooms around us. everything happened so fast. oppa pulled out a gun and shot every single one of my captors before quickly cutting the ropes that bound me. he whispered that he was going to get me out of here and let their bodies burn in the fire. but one of the men was still alive and shot oppa through the leg, causing the both of us to fall to the floor. jongwoo oppa shot back and killed the man for certain. 

the fire was spreading to where we were and the both of us were inhaling too much spoke. oppa ripped a part of his shirt to temporarily bandage his wound on his leg but neither of us could walk properly and not fast enough to escape the burning building. he cursed and punched the ground angrily in defeat and i was crying. 

i didn’t want to die.

i didn’t want to die.

not here.

not like this.

that’s when i heard a voice in the back of my mind. i can’t describe what kind of voice it was... only that it was telling me to “use the darkness”. i was so confused but the more i listened, the more i began to understand. i extended out my hand, palm forward. that’s when a portal appeared in front of us, a portal of black, swirling darkness. oppa questioned what i just did but i snapped at him and told him that we had to support each other through the portal. he put my arm around his shoulder and helped me through the portal. i had no idea where we were going, simply hoping we were going to escape the building and survive.

darkness was all around us. we kept walking through this corridor of darkness and eventually spotted a light at the end. but the entire time i felt... strange. my heart was racing and i was breathing heavily. i could tell jongwoo oppa was feeling the same. the more we walked, the more lightheaded i began to feel. my body was weak from the lack of food, water, and the abuse i suffered. i didn’t know how much longer i would last but we were so close. the moment we stepped through the light i lost consciousness. the next thing i know when i had awoken, i was in a hospital bed. 

i’m slowly regaining my strength back although the pain is unbearable without painkillers. i haven’t seen jongwoo oppa since he helped me through the portal. but something told me that he was the one who informed my friends my location so they could take me to the hospital.

i’m doing what i can to recover as soon as possible. the support and love from my friends are what’s helping me get through all this. but i can tell they want to know what exactly happened to me and i don’t know if i can ever explain it to them.

and this new ability i was able to use to escape... it saved my life and jongwoo oppa’s life. but it scares me. i’ve been too scared to try and summon another portal yet i know one will appear if i really try to call another portal.

just... what am i? why do i have these powers?

i don’t understand.

[mxmories]

ᴇɴᴛʀʏ ᴛᴡᴏ: ɴᴀ́ᴛᴀʟʏ ᴀsᴀᴋᴜʀᴀ

i finished talking to nát on the phone. she called me up two hours ago to check up on me, complain about her life as a grad student at snu, and threw her usual witty responses here and there. getting calls from her were rare since we normally communicated through text so i was rather surprised but still happy despite it being out of the blue. it gave me a sense of security knowing nothing has changed between us.

it’s been over a month since i told her my secret. she is the only person i have ever confided to.

despite her personality, nát is more perceptive that she lets on and she saw through my smiley facade that i plastered on my face that day. she was unexpectedly serious, caring, a side i rarely ever see. perhaps that’s why i broke down so easily in front of her and began pouring my heart out. the weight of the things i’ve done, the people i’ve killed and manipulated for my own selfish reasons were too much that day; i had a moment of weakness. i didn’t want to show it to anyone yet i couldn’t help but break down in front of nát.

the words came out like vomit, spilling out for nát to hear without any room for pause for her to interrupt. i left out the bits of my past such as akiyama-san’s murder. for someone’s whose expertise is a subject so logical, by the end of my ramble i anticipated that i would come off as crazy and mentally unstable. there was no way of proving to her that my powers are real without using them on herself, but that was out of the question. i wasn’t going to do that to my friend. she ended up surprising me once more by comforting me that she believed me, even without proof. and even if she was lying, it calmed me down. all my anxiety and nightmares kept building up inside of me, i guessed i just needed to let it all out in some way.

after that, everything went back to normal, like how we usually were. she never asked for proof of my abilities nor brought up the subject again. whenever we met up, there would be times that i would catch her expression softening towards me. it wasn’t very nát-like at all. but i suppose it’s her way of saying that she still remembers what we talked about.

the cynical part of me is still wary of the fact that i confessed my secret to someone, even to a close friend like nát. humans are far from perfect. no matter how small the percentage is, there’s always a chance someone will betray you. but i’m trying my hardest to change that way of thinking. to not let my past experiences control me and place trust in the friends i’ve made here in seoul. i trust that nát will keep my secret safe because we’re friends.

but... if i ever sense that she will tell my secret...

i will have no choice to wipe that conversation from her memory...

(( this entry has been written with permission by nátaly’s mun ))

[mxmories]

ᴇɴᴛʀʏ ᴏɴᴇ: ᴀᴋɪʏᴀᴍᴀ sᴏᴊɪʀᴏ

it’s almost been 6 years since i’ve moved to seoul. 

6 years since i was last in japan.

6 years since i committed my first murder with these powers of mine.

his name was akiyama sojiro. he was a 31 year old bachelor that worked at UNIQLO’s IT department located in the heart of tokyo. several news stations covered his mysterious death as the search for suspects always ended at dead ends. from what i could tell from his public social media and interviews from his coworkers, akiyama-san was well-liked and a diligent worker, often winning awards and marks for his contribution to the company.

however, the only akiyama-san i knew of was the drunkard that attempted to force himself on me after pulling me into some alleyway in ikebukuro, dragging me all the way to the back where no one could see or hear us. he reeked of alcohol and unpleasant body odor but the only thing on my mind was escaping. i wanted to get away from him. i didn’t want him to touch me. i didn’t want anything to do with him. but he wouldn’t stop. i tried to escape his grasp but it quickly dawned on me what he wanted to do and that he wasn’t going to stop until he got what he wanted. even thinking about it now causes my body to shudder in fear and disgust.

my only option was to knock him out and wipe out his memory of me. i didn’t want to risk him finding me again. but i was a small, weak girl. there wasn’t anything i could do. when he managed to push me down onto the ground and began to spread my legs apart, i cried and screamed for him to stop... even though i knew he wasn’t going to. my hand pressed against his face and i screamed with all my strength. he made a gagging sound before falling to one side, completely limp. there was no response when i prodded his body with my foot. there was no pulse or heartbeat. his eyes rolled back, only showing the whites of his eyes.

somehow, i killed him.

i fled from the scene and seamlessly melded back into the crowd of ikebukuro while doing all i could not to collapse to my knees and cry until i returned to my apartment.

after his body was found, the cause of death was brain death. i came to the conclusion that i killed him by wiping out all of his memories, his sense of self, somehow leading to brain death. it was the only possibility to cross my mind since i could only create and destroy memories. i fled the country within two days after manipulating so many people’s memories and pushed my body to its limits. my travels lead me to seoul, south korea, where i now call my home.

i wanted to write about this in my diary in hopes that i am one step closer to overcoming this trauma. i no longer want this experience to control me and make me afraid to return to japan. i miss my home country so much but those awful memories continue to resurface and control me. one day, i’ll be able to put the past behind me.

----------

i found an interview of akiyama-san’s mother crying on the 5th anniversary of his death. she said she will never be at peace until his murderer has atoned for murdering her son and that the pain never dulled and she always misses him.

even after what he was trying to do to me, even if it was an accident, did i still have the right to take away his life and create suffering for those connected to him?

i don’t think there’s an easy answer to that question.