My Ears Are Burning @my-ears-are-burning - Tumblr Blog

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Oh also, on top of being hard-of-hearing and wearing hearing aids, I've also experimented with he/they pronouns for the past couple years, so yeah.

#hear here #pinning heart #actually deaf #actually hoh #nonbinary #he/they #Figured it was relevant

(Not deafness-related)

The fact that both my parents are autistic (in pretty different ways even) is still wild to me.

"Oh, I think I might be autistic...? I wonder why I think that..." <== oblivious

#hear here #I honestly just realised it minutes before writing this post but I think I've been thinking it subconsciously for a while #I'd say “I don't get why I've never really though I was autistic” but I'm a stubborn kinda person XD #Seems this was the push I needed to /fully/ accept I am indeed autistic XD #(Ignore the Lil Hal icon; that should've been my first dead giveaway pfft)

There's sometimes the question of "If your deaf, what do you hear in your head when you think?" (I've heard it's a problem question, but I genuinely haven't figured out exactly why. Feel free to let me know ^^)

But here's another one: How many of us have not just detailed verbal thoughts in our head, but are good at emulating voices in our head?

#hear here #actually deaf #actually hoh #I'm (as of right now) imagining Ruby and Pearl's voices from Steven Universe in my head and they sound exactly like I've heard them #I'm kinda curious how many of us are good at this heheh

Hey, anyone have a good list of mods for games that add deafness/hearing aids/cochlear implants/sign langauge/etc.?

Games that include it by default are always nice to know of, but mods that add it to games? They're always more interesting to me for some reason

#hear here #actually deaf #actually hoh #I've been playing Factorio and Super Meat Boy recently (games that aren't relevant) but still wondered #Perhaps they'll be what I play next heheh

Random update of the year (it's been almost a year since my last post? Sorry peeps ^^''):

I followed someone new recently (and they seem like cool people), and it was pretty nice following a new fellow deaf person

But then I learnt that they're likely Australian too?

Peeps, it's hard enough to find media with deaf people (and most people online I follow/see who are deaf are American), but learning I'm following a fellow deaf Aussie?

Perhaps pride in one's nation can be flawed, but joy in sharing one's culture is so nice ^^

#hear here #actually deaf #actually hoh #I might not really know AusLan (I remember the alphabet.. most double-digit numbers.. and a handful of words at best ^^'')#But it's still a bonding point for me; most anyone who knows it will always feel closer to me than those who don't

Also, for those wondering, I'm still proudly deaf and proudly asking people to repeat themselves~

#hear here #actually deaf #actually hoh #Just figured I'd say~#But also it seems to be that time of year where my half-deaf (apologies) self comes alive for a moment #So yeah. I be here~

I read a comic recently that I wound up getting thoroughly invested in. It involved a world where people get powers that seem to sometimes disappear on their own, but otherwise people learn how to control them, and one such power is "Hyper Sense", specifically hearing.

Now, on the one hand, I love the casualness of how it's handled. This world also has "inhibitors" that can suppress these abilities, so naturally those with super hearing would no longer have them...except the two characters we see in it (so far) also have hearing aids and one canonically uses sign language, so their hearing, when their ability is suppressed, is equal to being deaf in some way. I find this a really interesting presentation that I haven't seen before, and I'm so for it.

On the other hand, though...? Part of me feels confused about how I feel about it. Like, "If his power weren't suppressed, he could hear so fucking much, right? And if it was controlled, his hearing would easily be better than average."

Part of being deaf (but not inherently so; I have to emphasise that) is that we can't control our hearing; sure, things are quieter for us, but there's so much difficulty in living in a hearing world that is out of our control. In a world where someone could hear more but they haven't learnt to control it yet, and are functionally deaf when that ability is suppressed? It's an interesting confusion.

I think I'll grow to unequivocally love this idea (that a super-hearing person would be deaf sometimes because their hearing is not under their control), but I'll need time to settle the idea in my mind.

#hear here #actually deaf #Feel free to ask about the comic; I'm currently in love with it~#Like there's a particular spoiler about the nature of these powers (specifically about how they disappear) that is wildly interesting to me~#But yeah. The way it handles this super ability is better than almost any that I've seen (and definitely better consistently)#But that it could potentially be a super sense once under control is befuddling my mind at the moment #Hence the post. Honestly just writing it has helped me but it's nice to have the thought written out

I don't know if I talked much on it before, but hard-of-hearing rep in media is so barren...

...but what feels worse? Deaf rep in general is so many league under blind rep. And I'll never throw blind rep under the bus, but how does media so often give random characters glasses but not even a single hearing aid?

Mind you, I kinda see it: The amount of people I see randomly with glasses far surpasses anyone I see with hearing aids. I could do a grocery shop and see 5-10 people with glasses, but it'd take 10 visits to even see one person with hearing aids (and it's usually an older person with age-related deafness)

I just...why is deafness so hidden compared to blindness, despite hearing being considered one of the most well-known senses alongside sight? It confuses me.

#hear here #Seriously. If I wanna see someone with glasses? Just put a random show or movie on and there we go #If I wanna see someone with hearing aids? I'd have to scour lists of either actors who wear hearing aids (not even just deaf)#or movies that feature deaf characters.. and considering how few even come close to notable?#Is there even such thing as “a major character who wears hearing aids” in media?#Deaf rep is rare enough...but I just want someone who isn't even fully deaf. Just someone who's hearing levels make hearing aids usable #I'll have to settle for scraps for now.. but I dunno. I guess I felt like venting

Been silent (heheh), but I'm still certainly alive (and just as deaf as always~)

#hear here #actually deaf #actually hoh #I've never forgotten the blog but I rarely have anything new to add to it so here's my “I'm alive” alert~#It's funny how even after however long of having those same thoughts of “let's deafen myself” existing #It remains the same.. and I'm not even upset over it. As a funny thought~#But yeah. Figured I'd give a quick hello~ ^^

Kill my ears right now, please

#hear here #cw: self harm ideation #Honestly I just have no idea how to stimulate my ears in a way that doesn't result in deafening myself that satisfies me right now #But I just wanna blast myself with satisfying noise as though I was being blasted with jet engine-level of volume #(While still being actually clear noise like listening to a well-produced song)#How do I even do that honestly...?

Something weird for me to think about:

My hearing will never be similar to hearing people.

As a fun fact, I've been wearing hearing aids since I was 2. Because of that, it was my norm hearing-wise for almost 20 years. 20 years of hearing through hearing aids as though it was the same as average human hearing.

Turns out, a few years of thinking made me realise it's plain not. A few more years again, I realised the statement at the top.

My hearing aids? They're useful tool. They let me get by pretty well with hearing people (and my hard-of-hearing siblings~). I may still ask "what'd you say" often, but not nearly as much without them since it helps give me enough extra sound to understand them.

But I spent years thinking "My hearing aids let me hear like normal people." (verbatim; I've even got a few comics using that exact wording), when the fact is that was never possible.

My hearing was never going to be like a hearing person. Hearing aids are pretty amazing; the idea that, with a bunch of materials combined in a specific way, you could amplify sounds that "fill in the missing pieces" for a deaf person? It's incredible.

But it's like scaling a small art piece. It's already lacking the details you'd expect from pieces drawn large to begin with. Scaling it up to look like a larger piece still comes with the absences indicative of its nature. It's just less obvious because another tool is smoothing out the "blanks".

It'd be one thing if I thought of my hearing as being less sensitive from the get-go (or at least a few years in; I've been deaf my whole life), but the fact that, though I was deaf from birth, I never thought of "deafness + hearing aids = normal hearing" as a falsehood until a few years back? It's a strange thought.

If there's one thing that brings a massive amount of solace, though?

"My hearing is different to everyone else's"

That I'll never be close to those whose hearing are within statistical standard? It's just not important. How I experience the world hearing-wise is unique. Even compared to other deaf people, there might be a handful whose hearing is similar by measurement, and that's not accounting for brain differences in how the processing developed.

My thoughts on my hearing may be wide and varied - and I've had some pretty self-destructive thoughts on the matter - but knowing that my hearing really is unique to me? There's something special about it.

#hear here #actually deaf #actually hoh #hearing aids #I mean hearing people technically have unique hearing too due to the nature of how biology develops and how no two people are the same #But being within 0.01% of measurable hearing? Any hearing person could find someone physically who matches that #Me? I'm lucky I met my siblings that are close~ish and their own hearing experiences are very much different to mind still #So yeah. Fun thought

Minor Complaint: Capitalism took away the story-telling of captions/subtitles.

I mean, there's often incorrect captions. Words that are missing, sentences that are shortened, rewording to make things cheaper.

But where's the descriptive punctuation? The accurate word choice fitted with creative formatting?

I'm reminded of a well-known series that creatively described sounds, and how it was described as a cool and interesting thing.

And I wonder: How many captioners want to tell the story accurately? How many want to enhance the story through creative grammar? And yet, there's no chance to share that because they'll get sacked if they do?

It's not just a deafness issue, but seriously? Why don't we caption-enjoyers get to enjoy the creative direction the vocal-enjoyers get to experience?

It's frankly unfair (and I blame capitalism)

#hear here #actually deaf #actually hoh #Maybe it's me as a creative type (artist.. writer.. musician.. and programmer/game designer-to-be)#But it takes so much for movies of a creative persuasion to be made. That even they can't get captions as a part of this?#It's just plain unfair

my-ears-are-burning

Anyone else wanna tear out their inner ears and become completely deaf instead of partially? No-one else?

my-ears-are-burning

For anyone worried about this, no need to worry; hearing is still like it's always been

#hear here #Just a little reassurance for anyone hanging around~

Anyone else wanna tear out their inner ears and become completely deaf instead of partially? No-one else?

#hear here #actually deaf #hearing aids #actually hoh #cw: vent #I'm getting better at managing these feels but somedays are hard #Sounds being really annoying despite being deaf? Can't hear others because deaf? Suffering both is exhausting.#Please reply if you feel similar. I really do wonder if anyone even feels similar in that same way #Being deaf but wanting to be more deaf due to complex feelings I mean.

A bit of a stranger post, but: Has anyone learnt that ears in general just...aren't even really noticed? Besides earrings, ears just wind up being hidden to the average person's awareness.

I haven't exactly met enough people to really know the truth behind it, but from the few people I have known beyond meeting them? It's something they just don't genuinely think about unless prompted about (and that includes anything around them, excluding earrings).

No wonder people don't know anything about deafness.