Psychotic Thoughts

My personal feelings and how I feel sometimes

[my-inner-thoughts100]

I’m tired of this life, 26, and still don’t have anything figured out. As soon as I step one foot forwards pushes me 3 steps back…

[coral]

“No words can explain the way i’m missing you.”

— All I want is to tell you I love you. All I want is you. (via coral)

[my-inner-thoughts100]

&

[my-inner-thoughts100]

The end of a friendship

We were best friends, or so I believed. I gave everything I could to you, a friendship a shoulder to cry on, a bed to sleep on when you were scared, arms to hold you as you had your night terrors, and advice. Amazing advice to help you out, but just like a child it went one ear out the other. This past year and a half has been the biggest waste of breath for me towards you and the worst mistake I could make to constantly forgive you, when all you did was take but never give. I gave you love and support through everything from problems at home and at work to relationship advice and there was plenty of that. And what did you give me? Materialistic things that really had no actual emotions or meaning behind it, or empty promises that you would do better... but you didn’t.at a certain point we were friends, to beat friends, to me being your parent, to me being a disappointed parent, to strangers once more. This chapter has taught me nothing more than there is no sense in trust in women, bc you’ve destroyed that for me. Now I will constantly doubt if the new woman in my life will fuck me over as you have. You say I’m petty for finally confronting these doubts I constantly have had for that last couple months but I say I’m facing my fear of confronting that I have truly wasted my time. I should’ve listened myself to true friends who gave me advice to drop you but I continued to fight for you saying you were a good person, but can you really say that about her. Slipping back into old habits and then coming to complain to me that your life is a wreck when you put yourself in that situation. These last few months and this new woman in my life has cleared me with all reasonable doubt of what woman who truly cares should act, and none of what you did for me was the same. You are what ppl call a chapter in their life bc you were something others could learn from, and were somewhat fun to hang around, but no one wants you in the end of their book with them. I’m angry from the words we exchanged, but I’m also disappointed when I tried to give you one more word of wisdom and you called me petty when you would send me snaps of the person I told you to drop and I blocked you for it. She has no interest in me your supposed best friend and I have no interest for her your millionth girlfriend/fiancé. I’ve gone through the worse emotional pains for you, and what do I get back? “Thank you, next”, a short and brief short answer with no context behind it, and you already know I hate that. It shows where our friendship was, and it shows the difference on who cared about the other more. This will probably be the last thing I add to this about you, but I will say this, whenever we talked and you said you missed and loved me, did you mean it? Bc I now feel like those were all empty words to keep me around in your corner bc you knew you were losing me as a friend. Goodbye and I hope we never meet again.

[my-inner-thoughts100]

forgive but never forget

happy new years, or so I thought. it couldve gone all fine, but one too many and your in the toilet. I do everything for you, there is not a time that i dont care about you or whats happening to you. i gave you everything a woman would want in a man but it seems that its never enough.you almost had sex in my bed and i was so angry but i let it go. you promised that you were going to stay so i could watch you, but you left. after i had told you that if you leave our friendship is over and to not come back, and you left without a second thought. as if what i did for you all this time meant nothing to you. it hurt it really did. i forgave you but its gonna take time for me rebuild after that. i want you so bad but, you dont want me and it hurts.

[my-inner-thoughts100]

Learn to let go

Exactly how the title is I am head over heels for a girl that is now completely gay. She used to be bisexual but as time passed in she realized she only liked women and I’m over here dedicating everything I have into her but I guess that’s what I get for being lol be struck so easily. She know bc the other night I drunk texted her about my feelings and it’s was stupid bc I knew I never had a chance with her but I still do love her. Fml right? I’ll never find the right girl, and I guess that’s why nice guys will finish last bc douche bags like Palmer can hit it but me? I’ll never lose my virginity to anybody. I’ll prolly die alone at this point

[my-inner-thoughts100]

Chapter 1

HOOYAH NAVY!!! So I joined the military, and what better time to do that when we’re at the brink of war with korea. I don’t fear death per say, but I do fear the oblivious unknown. To be just empty and not have any thought or feeling, it scares me. I still feel partially unwanted in this world, but I’ve learned comradery, and to build that relationship with these people who depend on me just as much as I depend on them to survive feels amazing. I’m not gonna put to much hope into it yet, but I see myself have a future for once other than an empty space of nothingness.

[my-inner-thoughts100]

Beginning

Sometimes I think to myself “Should I even stay?”, a thought that always runs through my mind when I do something stupid, or disappoint someone important to me. But who am I kidding, I don’t have the guts to take my own life because I fear death more than anything else. A unknown oblivion that leaves you in a endless loophole of hopelessness. My life is a never ending question of should I stay?, or should I end my misery, and peoples time with me? I’m constantly confused of what to do for my future disappointing even more the people who look at me and expected more of me. “I’ll never be good enough for them” that one thought almost pushed me over the limit, but yet I didn’t because I was too pussy to do it. I’m real fucked up in the head, but I put this fake smile up because I’d rather take it on my own than let someone else know my despair.