@myarmscanonlyreachsofar - Tumblr Blog

recovery #04 (vacuum)

today i missed you so much i left the vacuum running for fifteen minutes just to lie beside it and cry

old plates

it doesn't feel like you've been gone for very long when i close my eyes and can still hear your voice like it was something that never left even after you did

and when i look down at plates that still take up space next to my bed from the last meal we ate it doesn't feel like you've been gone at all

#writing #poetry

fever

when you were gone i was left with a fever cold air kissing hot skin knowing that part of you was still inside me as you drove away one last time

#writing #poetry

heat death

i want to love you until the sun destroys every bit of our universe until you're sure that our ultimate fate was to keep trying and you're convinced of the existence of a god that modeled your freckles in the sky's image creating little universes on your body that i would want to explore infinitely

#writing #spilled ink

how empty

i almost gave myself a panic attack thinking about how empty the world feels without someone like you in it

time lapse

i lied there on the couch and wondered what it would be like if i never got up. if i had lied there forever, not just until i died, but long after. if that one section of existence, continued existing, untouched.

and was viewed through a time lapse so that when the world observed me and my chest expanded in one last build up before wasting away it would look like one final breath.

#writing #poetry

mattress

i still smell you tucked away between every thread that holds together the mattress i fell in love with you on

#writing #poetry

glass

today i almost drank glass a large piece the size of my thumb waiting patiently at the bottom of the vessel it chipped off from and i keep thinking if it hadn’t of been water and if i weren’t looking down if i hadn’t waited for the ice to melt i’d be dead.

#writing #poetry

6:43am (a morning spent thinking of a life without you)

tonight i walked through a field that used to scare me more than i scared myself and thought of the last time that i felt hopeless sixteen in my fathers car wondering how an artificial light could make me feel so empty and if it looked as dull pouring from street lights as it did shining from my tiny arms on days when the world was too loud and my voice was too small

i wish i had known you then about your mind and how it perfectly mimics my own or how good it felt to lie in this field knowing it was never death that interested me it was the idea of an opportunity to follow a cold breeze that promised to take me anywhere but here

you thanked me for curing you for saving your life when you thought nobody could and reminding you that people are worth loving and worth holding onto but i’m left with a knot in my chest asking why this feels so much like leaving and letting go

treat me like a stained mattress rest your body on my body let me feel the weight of your existence so i know what purpose feels like and i’ll lie patiently, waiting for a kiss three seconds to prove to you that the biggest mistake of your life was jumping before the building collapsed

i’m sorry you thought it couldn’t work because i’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life than to prove that it could

#writing #poetry

wonderful

i can't describe how wonderful you are but the most selfish parts of me still wish that you weren't and wish that you were as flawed as everyone else on this planet and that your flaws would transcend far enough to reach me in ways that would help me miss you a little less because sometimes i miss hearing you admit that you want to taste me and sometimes i still think about being tasted and you holding me in your mouth and gripping these sheets.

#writing #poetry

these quiet seconds of still nothingness

i often remember you as a voice something that would repeat the dirty phrases you learned from me as if being with me wasn't something you did as much as it was something you were taught to do

but now, as i lie on my back i'd like to dedicate these quiet seconds of still nothingness to how much courage it must have taken to fit myself inside of you and ask if i ever thought about getting back together

because i was never that brave

#writing #poetry #spilled ink

thirty eight days

today i heard your voice for the first time in thirty eight days and every part of me wanted to be angry

but when you picked up the phone you sounded so tired like someone who hadn't slept in those nine hundred hours and my only instinct was to respond like someone who still loved you even if it didn't feel natural

#writing #poetry #spilled ink

roots

at noon i stumbled outside to pick an orange from the tree anything that will plant a seed in my stomach that can grow outwards infinitely until my nerves become as grounded as the roots.

#writing #poetry #spilled ink

the creaky wooden frame of a window i dreamt of falling out of

i sat in bed listening to the wind as it pressed against the creaky wooden frame of a window i dreamt of falling out of and in my half conscious state i closed my eyes and smelled coffee and thought about how much i love your lips and how much i love the wind because when it blows through the trees it makes the world feel so dramatic and my life feel so meaningful

#poetry #writing #spilled ink

los angeles

someone’s coming over tonight from the town that you live in and they’re taking the roads you would have taken if i had just said yes to the desperate tone of your voice at 3am all those nights i spent hearing your words from a tiny speaker when i could have tasted them from your mouth

#poetry #writing #spilled ink

lauren

when 4am sinks deeply carelessly into our bodies you can hear it in our voices so phone calls that started off so loud and nervous become soft spoken and delicate angelicness and you no longer feel like strangers

#poetry #writing #spilled ink

a book of blank pages

my entire life is a book of blank pages representing the things i wanted to tell you but couldn't.

#poetry #writing #spilled ink

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