beanlover

16 ,ed acc, chronic ajpw player, my TikTok is imnotok903 if anyone wants to follow me I'm more active there, art college student. Hw during Ana: 63,3 kg Lw:41,7 kg my bmi was 14,7 Cw:57,8 Gw:(in hopes that my dr will let me stay home) 47 kg Gw once I turn 18: 40 Height: 170,6 cm

[mybrainisded2]

I get horrible migraines when i fast, like tf why is my body so weak.

[mybrainisded2]

Omg I haven't visited tumblr in so long TOT. Started binging like 3 months ago after my last inpatient thing and I've gained a bunch. I'm at 57.9 kg now and I need to lock in, my BMI is 19.9 send help. Fasted yesterday and I'm doing a 557 cal omad today then gonna fast tomorrow. Got into my first choice art college and I'm starting there on Tuesday. Lowkey don't think anyone here remembers me anymore but eh it's fine. Also stopped taking my depression meds (200 mg sertraline) and I think that's making me like weirdly energetic bc I’ve been pulling all-nighters almost every night and I feel like being off my meds made me more annoyoing.

[mybrainisded2]

Ello people

anyone up for coaching me??

[mybrainisded2]

How tf do i go back to hating myself????? Like why THE FUCK DO I NOT HATE MY BODY RN IM IN THIS WEIRD ASS PHASE OF KINDA LIKING MYSELF. Currently on max 1000 calories but mostly staying at 600-900. Not doing steps. What the hell is wrong with me?? Seriously. And i look forward to eating and shit i just hate it. I was 48.4 kg yesterday morning, bmi 17.1 i miss ana sm. I looked like semi ok before and i love how you could like see my cheek bones pretty well, hoping i get to that point again someday.

[lavender-luvv]

Do it for the “omg you look so skinny” 🥹

[bambirexicxxs]

the urge to never eat again and the urge to eat the whole kitchen and the urge to overdose on pills all on a wrestling match inside my brain after each minor inconvenience

[mybrainisded2]

Guys sugar free slushies are a thing 😋 HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT THEY EXISTED SRSLY

[odethelobster]

[mybrainisded2]

Why do i keep binging on gum lol?

[tooth-is-going-insane]

[tooth-is-going-insane]

[mybrainisded2]

You Back?

Oop this is from like two months back srry dude, I am now 🤷‍♀️

[mybrainisded2]

Yo. It's the person that sent you a pic of their cat like four moths ago. Hi. Hope you're doing well, i have more pictures of the little fellow

She is utterly uninteligent and i love her. K bye see you in another four months

Lol thanks, thats funny I remember you :3

Cats tend to be unintelligent, mine eats a bunch of random stuff and occasionally runs into walls still luv him tho

[mybrainisded2]

Idk im back for now ig

I’ve been maintaining my weight for a while now and idk if i srsly want to relapse bc i don’t feel motivated ya know? I mean yeah im ugly and i hate myself but if i do this im gonna be back in inpatient in a couple of months and gain it all back so. I started restricting to under 1000 cals (might seem like a lot to yall who have been doing this for a while) a few days ago and it’s just so fucking easy why the hell is it so easy to just starve yourself? I don’t feel sick enough to be anorexic, when im in inpatient i can just eat all the food i never have to take the supplement drink things and i feel like shit for being able to do that. I could 10000% recover if i wanted to i mean hell I’ve been eating 1800 cals for like 2 months now and I’ve maintained aand not purged. I think I want to relapse i mean i have already relapsed but im not really feeli it rn, im not that same person from a lil less than a year ago who looked at herself in the mirror and saw a fat teenager instead of the girl in front of her who weighed 41,7 kg and had a bmi of 14,7. ik that I’m not fat rn and that a normal weight for me would be 52,5 kg and im 51,3 kg. I just don’t feel like a fucking person without ana. I feel horrible for not hating my body like tf is wrong with me?!? I know that if i stop controlling my eating im gonna go back to cutting and that’s not good either and it fucking hurts so uh yeahhhhhh.

[mybrainisded2]

Gonna stay off of tumblr till i can relapse cuz it feels wrong to look at thinspo while eating normally

[mybrainisded2]

I hate this

[mybrainisded2]

How are you lately pooks?

Eh idk 🤷‍♀️ my art block is 100% gone, still hv to gain 5 kg to get to a bmi of 18.5 srsly alrdy look like shit. I ate a 30 cm sub today. yay? Idkkkkk 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i js wanna stop doing this but I’ll lose it when they lemme out of the clinic. Am i the only one who kinda wants there to be a ww3 or something so that i could starve in peace?? Sounds weird but like 👍. My aunts pregnant YAYYYYYYYY IMMA GET ONE MORE COUSINNNNNN. I hate this im full 24/7

Wieiad as a weirdo in recovery (til i can relapse):

I don’t even wanna know the cals tbh guessing somewhere around 2000-3000👁️👅👁️😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭