growth in progress

[mybrainjustexploded]

I thought explanation of emotions was the key

That certain words would unlock another’s understanding

Of perceived inequity

And in turn I’d be free

Never could convey the way

This added to my dismay

Never gained validity

Of my existence or of me

This started pendulum’s swing

Playing aloof to grappling

Power to wield, the power to control

Held over by those taken a fool

If tables turned I would be whole.

This understanding took its toll

[mybrainjustexploded]

i’m finally awake this is a double blade seeing the truth means seeing my mistakes seeing the hurt I’ve cause from mine seeing selfishness made me blind

feeling the love i have inside

[mybrainjustexploded]

surrender

Accepting my defeat, it feels at times

Admitting I’ve made me to you “mine”

Forgetting before the intertwine

Remembering then i wasn’t I

At least not yet realized

You cannot say the same and somehow that invokes my blame

And shame at who I was

And shame at who at times I’ve become

That somehow past low self esteem is something I can label we,

Since I do not share myself that you cannot share someone else

That promises set in stone transform

That stone itself is not exempt

From the illusioned permanent

That I as this am a flicker in time

That anything at all is anybody’s “mine”

[mybrainjustexploded]

Noted the arrogance of many

Hidden within

Confidence turned vanity

Feeling intention for attention

A craving I’m akin

Fading with each feed, appetite grows greed

Hell to mistake want for need

A Truth I’ve come to concede

[mybrainjustexploded]

Detachment first came easily

And as time went, necessary

Protection in essence

Denial in presence

Lacking love and acceptance

This detachment was cold

A severance from self-

Imposed isolation

My love for you formed an attachment

Which uncovered others

My detachment had been a desperate facade

A show of indifference to fool myself

A stifling of emotions dammed by guilt and confusion

Whose flow overwhelmed me with fears

Clearing daily with understanding

To rebalance the stream

[mybrainjustexploded]

I can be so blind, when sights restored I urge to close my eyes

But this is necessary and by design

[mybrainjustexploded]

So quickly temptation to turn back occurs Luring minds words unsure Instinct versus awareness Perceptions to blur

[mybrainjustexploded]

Why do you mourn A loss that wasn't yours Wasn't a loss at all Why do you weep For how things used to be Your vision of me? Why do you cling And push and choke Until we broke

[mybrainjustexploded]

how does this cycle keep fooling me? this is not the right question to ask how do I let this cycle get a grasp?

[mybrainjustexploded]

Lost in sense Relentless Sex and texture tether Confused seduction whether you believe it or not to be true It used to have me too

[mybrainjustexploded]

Is it tragedy? To find something clear in this confusion To find illumination in illusion Come to realize the catch of time A moment’s memory before conclusion It is sublime

[mybrainjustexploded]

Entertaining the eternal, a tango with time What do you do with yours? What should I do with mine? Overwhelmed and paralyzed Clinging to the idealized in hopes of perfection 

Physical and spiritual redemption

A dualistic perception 

[mybrainjustexploded]

Perfection plagues my perception Refusing each reflection Discontent selection With physical, Impression

[mybrainjustexploded]

but minutes are money and trivial takes my dimes and prime in exchange for what? a petty paycheck? just to pay rent? for a short break, just to retake?

[beacch-demon]

Peaks and dips this ego slips Slighter Fades with the waves Wades and wanes Only remains

[mybrainjustexploded]

Through the love you've shown I've in turn learned to know The most precious gift anyone could give To love and let live You may not recognize the impact of your presence Learning love for myself in present tense Learning this to love you in every sense Still have a long ways to go My love for you will always grow

[mybrainjustexploded]

is this distraction or healing? am i a distractor? have i been distracted? have i been relapsing? sucked into my selfishness how does it always finesse back how does it distract?