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SOMEONE PUT THESE BY THE STAIRS AT MY SCHOOL

nostalgah

Nostalgah

wordsnquotes

Nice people don’t necessarily fall in love with nice people.

Jonathan Franzen, Freedom (via wordsnquotes)

How am I supposed to just love myself?

I would just like to stop seeing your face every time I go to bed. And I’d like to stop wishing you were back in my arms, giving me kisses. I’d like to stop imagining all the fun we would have had this summer. I’d like to stop thinking of you kissing someone else, holding someone else.

I want to stop thinking of the guy who started it all 3 years ago, or how he’s dating my friend now. I want to stop thinking about what we could have been. I want to stop thinking about how she got him, and what she did better than me.

I want to stop feeling like it was all my fault. That I wasn’t trusting enough, that I wasn’t pretty enough, or skinny enough. I want to stop thinking that it was my lack of confidence in myself, and I want that “if only I was a better person” feeling to go away. I want to tell my friends without them saying “me too,” or, “It’ll get better.” I want them to stop agreeing with me when I say, “It’s been so long, I should be over it already,” because what I really mean is, “I still miss him so much, and I’m not over it, and my heart hurts.”

People always say that you have to love yourself before you can love and be loved by others. But I don’t think I love myself yet. I think I’m soft and pudgy, I think I’m scared to graduate, I think I hate my hair, and my asymmetrical lips. I bite my nails and I dwell on everything. I worry about things that no one ever worries about. How the hell am I supposed to love myself? There’s no step-by-step guide to loving yourself.

I skipped lunch last week on purpose. I’d try breakfast, but it’s not a big enough meal.