Things My Family Says

[myfamilysaythings]

Nobody:

Sib 3, closes the fridge and shows me a mint and a Kiss, puts the mint in first and then the Kiss and goes: Mmmm, mint chocolate

[myfamilysaythings]

Me to him as he does this: What is wrong with you?

Him: You eat wet bread!

[myfamilysaythings]

Nobody:

Sib 3, closes the fridge and shows me a mint and a Kiss, puts the mint in first and then the Kiss and goes: Mmmm, mint chocolate

[myfamilysaythings]

Reason # 1 anemic girls shouldn't be the main character

I just finished dancing around the house to my "Nostalgia" playlist and now I feel sick 🤢...like dizzy, shaking, queasy, headache...the works

[myfamilysaythings]

My sister and dad have a zoom meeting today and so they’re both wearing the company shirt. But they’re wearing blue shorts too because why not be comfortable? And my dad walks away from the computer to talk to me.

Dad: your sister and I are both wearing white shirts and blue shorts. What do you call that? Parent daughter…objectives?

Me: ??????

Dad: *smiling and waiting *

Me: goals??!!! Do you mean goals?!

Dad: yh! Father-daughter goals

[myfamilysaythings]

I meant to say I have a chack but instead I said I am a chack

Sib 2

[myfamilysaythings]

Teens these days learning these intricate Tik Tok dances and going viral. When I was a teen…the only dance my friends and I learnt was the Hoe Down Throw Down. Picture a bunch of teenage girls dancing awkwardly in the back room of an office.

WE ARE NOT THE SAME!

[myfamilysaythings]

Seriously, tho...we are not the same...Can someone teach me how to Whoa?

[myfamilysaythings]

Teens these days learning these intricate Tik Tok dances and going viral. When I was a teen...the only dance my friends and I learnt was the Hoe Down Throw Down. Picture a bunch of teenage girls dancing awkwardly in the back room of an office.

WE ARE NOT THE SAME!

[myfamilysaythings]

Took us three or four tries in the kitchen to get this one right:

What do you call a condescending customer?

[myfamilysaythings]

Patronizing

[myfamilysaythings]

Took us three or four tries in the kitchen to get this one right:

What do you call a condescending customer?

[myfamilysaythings]

Note to Self

Next time you're constipated and your aunt suggests drinking some prune juice and eating some mangoes... it's not the best idea to drink three glasses in a span of two hours and follow the third with two mangoes UNLESS.... you have no more appointments for the day and access to a toilet that you're comfortable getting up close and personal with. Otherwise... you gonna have to manage three things: 1. Control your breathing - no quick breaths or deep ones 2. Don't you dare fart - I repeat don't you dare fart, unless you are sitting on a toilet 3. Try not to jump up off the toilet when you hear your belly making noises like them water coolers when someone just filled their bottle

[myfamilysaythings]

Brothermans...if you ever decide that a grand gesture or public proposal is the way to go....you best believe I’m about to dump you then and there...cuz if you don’t know me by now...

[myfamilysaythings]

THERE IS A PUPPY’S HEAD ON MY PALM I REPEAT, A PUPPY’S HEAD ON MY ...AWWW SHE MOVED....AHHH NOW IT’S ON MY KNEE!!!!

[myfamilysaythings]

After a conversation about drinking

Sib 3: I’m less interested than you in alcohol

Me: You’re right. I use hand-sanitizer.

Sib 3: Yh I have zero-tolerance. *walks two feet* 

Also Sib3: I’m nothing if not a hypocrite *squirts hand sanitizer on hands*

[myfamilysaythings]

FLOW [a local internet service provider] only have speed when their drivers on the road.

Sib 2

[drbkuodds]

Brush and Floss Twice a Day

[myfamilysaythings]

Just a friendly reminder :)

[myfamilysaythings]

“I stand for nothing.”

Sib 3 while standing

[myfamilysaythings]

It's not about not poisoning yourself. We poison ourselves all the time. It's about not dying.

Sib 3