My Friends Are Idiots.

Stupid and ridiculous things my friends say- for your viewing pleasure.

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Starbuck

On the morning of Sayer’s wedding

“Becca text me an hour ago saying she’s started doing her hair already and we’re all here just slobbed about”

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Lee

Me: "Did you do anything for your birthday, lee?" Lee: "Erm, I took our little un into town for her jabs." Me: "Sounds fascinating." Lee: "It was wank D, I fucking hate going into the town centre, it's a rate shite hole."

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Reidy

Reid: "Has Kyle told you about what he was doing Thursday night, Friday morning?" Me: "No." Reid: "He sent this girl about 20 cock pictures. I bet he regrets telling me now. I couldn't hold it in anymore, I had to tell someone."

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Kyle

"I went into the bank the other day and they said they'd give me a 120 grand mortgage, but I think I'd rather have a sports car instead."

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Kyle

Ben: "Why are you trying to shag her? Kyle: "I have low standards, have you met me?"

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Kyle

Talking about his adventures while away with the Navy. "The next day that was all round the ship, I had 3 ranks above me coming up to me asking how my £1.80 prostitute was."

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Laura

"You're male so your opinion is irrelevant, you're about as useful as a pile of poo on the pavement."

[myfriendsareallstupid]

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Starbuck

"I might go and have a wank in the public showers."

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Keighly

Alex: "Have you seen Jessica's baby on Instagram? It's so f-in cute." Me: "I have, babies don't really do much for me. I prefer animals." Keighly: "I prefer animals too because they are fur babies."

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Andy

"My throat feels like it's been raped by a black man with a barbed wire dick."

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Lee

Talking about the box of celebrations at work "Did he eat all the galaxys? That's up there with sleeping with our lass, what a crime."

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Alex

Digging into my bag of mini eggs Me: “How many of my mini eggs have you ate?” Alex: “Many, you should have taken them away from me” Alex gets up to leave* “and now I’m leaving so I can get away from them.”

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Starbuck

"You know when you start telling a story, Dave, I get a deck chair out, it takes you that long to tell it."

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Kyle

"Fuck me, look at all these women lining up for 50 shades of grey. I might just go and stand outside with a sign that says 'available'"

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Jay

Talking about smoking "I think it's funny how you can spend an hour a day with a piece of shit in your mouth."

[myfriendsareallstupid]

Kyle

"I got kicked out of a gay bar on Monday night after puking up in a urinal, then I went to that strip club and spent £900"