Listen to many, speak to a few @myheartunderconstruction - Tumblr Blog

Dakota Johnson - How To Be Single

I’m trying to realize I’m better of without you

I want to hate you

I believe that there are three things that you need to keep your life balanced. First of all, health. I don't mean just health as in being healthy, but also mentally stable. Second of all, welfare. Ofcourse money isn't going to fullfill everything in your life, but it's important. It's crucial if you want a home, food, an education, well the list is immensely long. Last thing, but certainly not least, you need is love. Love as the love in friendship, your family and your partner. I'm so grateful that I have a home, that I can go to college, that I can help other people and that I'm healthy. But there is only thing that I'm missing, love from a partner. I know it sounds corny or even a little bit stupid but I don't care. I miss the tenderness and the feeling that I mean something to someone special. I don't only miss it I crave it. I felt that way a year ago. A year ago every single thing was different.

I've had a crush on this particular guy for like 2 years, but I never pursued it. But a year and a half ago I saw this guy at a party where families also could attend to. At the party we first didn't talk, because I was actually dating someone. Nothing serious ofcourse. Later that night I was on the dancefloor and he was sitting in a chair next to my best friend and her brother, and he was looking at me. I saw that and I wanted to get my groove on. That didn't go as planned because I stepped with my heel on the foot of the lady behind me and I fell on the floor. My crush just laughed at me and I was embarassed. A second had passed and I started laughing too. A few months had passed and I wasn't dating anyone, so I started a conversation with him on Facebook. He was so genuine and funny, I instantly liked him. Normally that doesn't happen to me, but he was just different. After a short period of time I asked him why laughed at me at the party a few months ago. He said that he doesn't remember because he was drunk, he is speaking the truth because he was pretty tipsy at the party. But he asked me how I could forgive him. It was simple he had to buy me my favourite drink and snack, Ice Tea and Oreo. A couple of days later my parents held a barbecue at our place and my aunt and uncle also came over. My uncle shares the same surname as my crush. I was playing with my nieces and nephew and we were texting. He asked what I was doing and I said that I was playing with my angels and that I love them so much, I also call them by their surname. So he asked "oh that means that you love me too?" that made me smile. I responded by saying that I first have to see him to conclude that. Suddenly he asks me out on date. Just like that. I ofcourse said yes and went to town to see him. We were sitting in a café and this waiter comes and asks us what we want to drink. My crush said that he wanted a coke and that I will have an Ice Tea. I blushed, I really did. We talked for hours and I was beginning to be so hooked on him. After that we went into this night shop, and he bent down and grabbed two packs of Milka Oreo. He looked at me and asked me "do you want me to buy the whole box?" I was swooning. He actually remembered my stupid demand to forgive him. I was joking ofcourse, but he obviously wasn't. When I wanted to go home he said to me that he trusts me with his whole heart. After our first date everything was just so perfect. He was so perfect and I fell for him, hard. I didn't believe that kind of attraction even existed, but it did. He made me feel so special. I fell in love with him. He and I were made for each other. He wasn't embarassed to have me by his side. But after a couple of months he just stopped talking to me. I was in shock because I thought that something had happened. He made excuses why he couldn't talk, and that never happened. He always talked to me. I understand if he wants to go out with his friends or if he needs to work, I really do. But to drop me like that, out of the blue? That I don't understand. I tried to talk to him after that but he was avoiding me. My best friend said to me that he doesn't have a girlfriend or that he dropped me for some girl, she knows that because her boyfriend is the best friend of my, former, love. So I kept asking myself what the reason was. Up until this day I don't know the reason. Something just snapped in him. I still wish him the best and that he finds someone that will help him, even if it isn't me. I just want him to become better and be happy. Because I know he is in a bad place now.

I want to hate him so I don't keep asking myself these damn questions and stop thinking about him. But I don't hate him, I love him. I've tried to talk to him but he has changed. If he ever wants to speak to me again I will only ask him one question,

"Why did you broke the heart of the one who loves you more than herself?".

#i want to hate you #hate #love #broken #broken love #exbf #ex boyfriend #heartbroken

#euphoria #travel #bus #bosnia #sarajevo #launchora #story #love story #reading #short story

decayful

You know what sucks? Being the one who always cares more.

im tired of being not cared about (via awakebutinadream)

fleurdenoirceur-deactivated2019

If I cry in front of you, I’m really hurt. I hate crying in front of people. I feel weak, like I’m begging for attention and sympathy, and I’m not this kind of person

(via al-amriki)