My IVF story

Hi! I'm Hayley I'm 23 and I reside in the uk with my incredible husband,soul mate and best friend. We met aged 15 and have been inseparable ever since. TTC for 3 years and married since 24/11/2010. This is my honest account of our struggle to concieve and our journey to parenthood. var sc_project=6501291; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="608feb48";

[myivfstory]

I'm so glad I found you again! Your time will come soon beautiful. Hang in there xxx

Thank you sweet pea :) xo

[myivfstory]

It's never going to happen, I'm beyond broken.

[myivfstory]

If's

If our little dot had stuck around I'd be celebrating Christmas 5 months pregnant, the dream is getting further away.

[myivfstory]

Update

I still feel lost, my body has been failing me in every way possible and AF has gotten more fierce since failure - just what I needed.

I know that hubbs and I said we'd take a break for a while to be us again, this break has been welcomed by us both! It's so nice to not be thinking daily injections and follicles but more date nights,holidays and redecorating. Occasionally I'll be reminded of the heart ache when friends that never wanted children are on to their second unplanned pregnancy or I just feel a spark of hope when AF is late which seems to be happening a lot recently, I don't think that spark will go away, and maybe I don't want it to because that'd feel like giving up.

Even though I'm enjoying the break I can't help but worry about what the next step is when we finally feel ready, my biggest fear is financially it's way out of our league and that really, really scares me.

I came across a book called 'Is your body baby friendly?' it's meant to help after miscarriages and ivf failures, I've been so close to ordering it a few times but I'm holding back I guess because I'm a teeny tiny bit in denial.

This is just a brain dump from someone that lost hope 3 months ago..

[myivfstory]

mylittlemonsterandme replied to your post: Today my rheumatologist said “well now...

I hope it happens for you soon. I think of you often (hopefully that isn’t creepy….haha) xx

Not creepy at all, so lovely thank you xo

[myivfstory]

Today my rheumatologist said "well now that you're not planning for a family" I'll always be planning you idiot the feeling of wanting to be a parent doesn't just disappear after a failure.

[myivfstory]

donotlookback08 replied to your post: AF

Totally normal! I had a crazy 42 day cycle after first ICSI

AF eventually arrived 7 days late, I think it's fair to say our body's go crazy after all the meds and poking around! x

[myivfstory]

I just wanted to say that I think not only the journey you are going on is amazingly brave, but the fact you give everyone else so much support by documenting it. I read your other blog too, and I think you and your chap are a very lovely couple and deserve a wonderful family together and I am certain through your perseverance you will reach your goal. Until then, as ever I shall keep my fingers crossed for you. All the best, xxxxxxxxxxxx

This is such a lovely message to receive, honestly the support we've had is overwhelming thank you so much! xo

[myivfstory]

amiracle4us replied to your post: AF

yes it can be late/early/short for a few cycles after bc of all the drugs, BUT they also say some women are more fertile the cycle after IVF as well.

I would love to think it's the latter (how ironic would that be!) but I have every AF symptom under the sun, I've been forum reading and it seems a lot of people have very late periods after a failed attempt. Back to waiting..again..lol.

[myivfstory]

AF

AF is late by 6 days, I've never been this late. Is it normal for this to be happening after icsi?

Is it just me that spends half my time wishing AF would not show then the other half wondering where it is? haha.

[myivfstory]

I feel so bitter about pregnancy announcements, I hope this feeling fades as I really don't like feeling like a mean person. How can it be so natural to so many people, why am I empty.

[myivfstory]

I've been reading your other blog for a long time and when you linked to this I stayed up stupid hours of the morning reading every single post. I can't even begin to put how I feel into words, I'm just so so so sorry you both have to go through this. I seriously can't even begin to imagine the extent of pain this has caused you both. I have faith you'll have your little miracle one day, and he/she will truly be just that.

Thank-you for this it's beyond kind. I never thought we'd receive half the support we have and honestly we are both so thankful for messages like this! When we loose hope it's really nice to know that others are still keeping it for us x

[myivfstory]

hey :) I've followed you for a long time now, and I just wanted to let you know that I think you and your husband are going to be the best parents when the time is right. Don't give up on your dream, I know you'll get there soon :) xx

This is so so lovely and kind, thank-you so much! The support we get means the world to us both xo

[myivfstory]

Update

I couldn't face going to the clinic for the test, they weren't pleased but eventually agreed to allow me to have my bloods taken at my local Dr's surgery under the agreement to inform them it's urgent. My surgery really don't get the whole urgent thing so the soonest they could fit me in is Friday, 8 days after the original test was meant to be done.

After 7 days I have now stopped bleeding, AF normally lasts around 5 days for me so the extra 2 days was the confirmation needed for hubby and I to know it's over. We had a few days of feeling extremely sad/lost and then I realised that I don't want to let the sadness of infertility take over our  lives, we NEED to keep moving forward.

We're having a break for a few months, I need to get back on my enbrel so I can walk comfortably again and we need to have fun and enjoy being a young married couple. We plan to contact the pct because we feel that the first attempt should in no way have counted as a full cycle as we didn't even get past the meds. I really wish we had some frosties but we don't, that would have always been the next step and I never considered that we wouldn't be able to freeze the embys.

So from here we're going to see what the pct come back to us with, we're pretty sure it's going to be a no to another icsi attempt but I feel they need to know we're not happy, with everything I've put my body through to get to this point I feel like one of chances was completely stolen from us. We've discussed using donor sperm and we think that's our next step, it's been a lengthily discussion and all concerns were raised by me and not hubby he's so cool and level headed about everything he's amazing. We like the look of a private clinic a few hours from where we live, there's a future there somewhere I'm sure of it..

[arthrmyalgia-blog]

Please reblog. Awareness is important, not only to help eradicate stigmas and encourage further research, but also to encourage more people to enter the profession of pediatric rheumatology to help give children with JA the medical care they require.

[myivfstory]

Thank-you

For all the love and support, you guys are truly amazing.

[myivfstory]

Hubby rang the clinic this morning as I really couldn't face it, I keep bursting into tears when I least expect it and thought it'd be better if he called. The nurse said she could understand how stressful it is and advised putting my feet up and carrying on with everything until Thursday. Hubby asked if I should keep on with the pessaries she said that if it becomes worst then I can stop, we're a little confused as they're saying keep everything as normal but then I can stop with the pessaries?

The bleeding has gotten heavier throughout the day although it's a different consistency to what it'd normally be but I'm putting that down to the hormones and procedures my body has been through. Today A rash developed on my boobs, my back is hurting real bad as is my pelvis which baffles me considering both my hips are false. I think my body is torturing me with symptoms that two days ago I would have taken as a good sign and well now..yeah.

I wasn't going to go on Thursday, I can't sit there like we have so many times before but feeling completely devastated, I can't walk past the giant wall of success stories and baby pictures. I spoke to hubby about it and he supported my decision but after discussing it futher I realised I've got to do every last little thing so I know I did all that I could, I'm going to carry on with my pessaries and I will go to the appointment even though I know it'l make me feel awful.

I've read success stories about ladies heavily bleeding and still getting a bfp but honestly I know we wont be that lucky.