I laughed like a crackhead
I was in one of those “we’re taking your money because you’re an idiot who pays for increasing the difficulty level of the exam that you won’t be able to clear anyways” institutes, preparing for NEET (no I’m not doing MBBS). You remember that weird-awkward-person, who doesn’t know how to walk, sit and look at things making the person in front of them, feel one of these things:
c. Scared that there’s something wrong with them
Yes, the same person who either overshares or turns on the mute mode, in the name of talking. I am that person. SO, like all the annoying assholes, my classmates thought that it was a great idea to harass the teachers and nice people like me, by forcing the teachers to sing a song on the teacher's day. I know I know what you’re thinking: it’s just a song, moreover, it’s understandable that the teachers are mortified but why the heck are you pretending to be a victim here? Well, my teacher ( a 40-year-old who teaches chemistry) chose a romantic-Bollywood movie song, the song was “Jug jhumeya”.
While he was singing, the entire class was listening with the full concentration--90% of these idiots would have cleared NEET if they paid 40% of this attention to the lectures--and me who was sitting in the middle row, in front of him, ON THE FIRST BENCH, laughed out my “screeching and wheezing like a dying cat, rolling on the floor, crying ugly tears, punching your desk, banging your head on the desk and clutching your stomach” laugh. The entire class was silent except for yours truly. And my professor looked at me, losing my shit but he didn’t stop singing.
I was not laughing because he was a bad singer (he was okayish). I WAS LAUGHING BECAUSE THIS SONG IS RIDICULOUS AND I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO LAUGHS IN SERIOUS SITUATIONS. I felt like an asshole.
Oh, and did I mention that I also blush when I should not be blushing? As expected my body doesn’t function like a normal human being, you will find me blushing even when I’m vomiting. You may think, it’s okay to turn into an inedible gross looking tomato. NO, it’s not. At least not in a situation like this one, when people around you equate blushing to liking someone. I fucking blush for no reason at all. Half of the time you’ll find me sitting in a corner, looking at my phone, blushing hard and you'll think that I’m having phone sex. Ha, you wish, most of the time I’m looking up the books that I can read, reading memes related to books, or reading some murder mystery.
I’m pretty sure that no one even remembers this, let alone my teacher ( he wouldn’t even remember my name), but will this knowledge stop me from getting embarrassed and torturing myself, whenever my disturbing brain goes “but do you remember what happened in season 2, ep 17 of the shitty experiences of Tejasvini?”
This happened three years ago and I still wake up at 3 am in the morning because of the nightmares I have about this incident. This memory like every other embarrassing situation I have created for myself and comes back to me in random places— when I’m pushing the poop out in the middle of the day, taking a shower, planning how Kim Taehyung will fall in love with me, planning what I’ll do in situations that are never going to happen, thinking about depressing things like why don’t we have Barnes and Nobel and Victoria’s Secret where I live, Marrying Kim Taehyung, Thinking about why my poop looks dark brown, farting, applying random DIY beauty scrubs I see on the internet, talking to myself, more pooping, convincing myself to join a yoga class (don't worry I won't let those sexy + healthy people of Instagram ruin me), imagining myself as a bad bitch princess, planning my Oscar-winning speech, creating an outline about my life success story (I LIKE TO BE PREPARED, trust me nothing is worse than stuttering when someone asks you to tell them about your life. there are enough celebrity interview to prove this), lying in the bed and staring at the ceiling— they knock on my mind-door and make me cringe and cry. Then, like an idiot, I overthink the situation for 2-3 days and try to enjoy my non-existent life in the breaks my third-degree --torture inducing-- voice takes to re-charge itself.
ANYWAYS, do you remember when you were eating an McD ice cream and how you spilt it all over yourself in the middle of a street? I wonder what that hot guy over there might be thinking about your stick-hands and frizzy hair covered in ice-cream:)
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