My Mixed Up Thoughts

Just needed a place to talk and Vent. So this is just a random blog of my life, thoughts and everything else.

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Goodreads Book Giveaway

No Longer Holding Back

by Kerra Nicole

Giveaway ends November 13, 2024.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

[mymixedupthoughts]

Goodreads Book Giveaway

No Longer Holding Back

by Kerra Nicole

Giveaway ends November 13, 2024.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

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“That’s right, honey,” he said. “Fuck around and find out.”

- The Pram by Joe Hill

When I read this to myself I kind of feel like a badass. Is that weird. Like don't mess with me I could kiss ass. But no I can not kick ass. I think its great to feel like a bad ass sometimes. You need to feel powerful and non stoppable sometimes. But not like reckless kill your self stupid bad ass. Not that trying to kill your self is bad ass because trust me that is not. When people find out that you have tried to kill yourself its like they see you as a completely different person.

October 4th 2024 3:01pm

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So here is an update because it’s been awhile. My home flooded from the hurricane. Yep hurricane Helene . That damn bitch also flooded my car! Yeah. 4-6 inches of water. My lawn is full of ruined furniture.

Got a new car and got to do some shopping!! So I guess bright side and glass half full. Right? Who the fuck knows. I am just so over it all! Florida sucks!! To many hurricanes and it’s so damn expensive!!

10/04/2024

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Do you remember your first boyfriend?

I do. He was my first kiss, hand hold, Make out sesh my first in bed. He kissed me on the bus ramp. I had butterflies in my stomach. He reached out to me the other day. It kind of hit a nerve. He was the first boy i went out with. I was so sad when he broke up with me. That was also the next day after we had sex. It was like wow i cant believe that he would do that to me. I was nothing to him. He wanted me to work for him in a non profit thing. All i could think is I don't trust you enough to do that. Is that bad?

I feel like trust is important even when at work. You have to trust someone. I don't know. Its just crazy.

7/25/2023

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Hey I survived! My grandmother only insulted me like twice. That is not bad for a whole week. We did a lot of things last week. We went to the beach, the Movies and played games. We did Dominoes and monopoly. I came in third for dominoes. My husband kicked my but and them uncle B too! Grams kicked my but at monopoly. We also watched the O.C. Now I will tell you she would watch it without me. That irritated me. So now I’m a little lost in what is happening. I have just given up on that show. I will have to find another show to binge.

I missed work last week too. Woke up Wednesday to an upset stomach, followed by a lot of vomiting. Then my whole body felt like I had been hit by a truck. Every muscle in my body was aching. I slept for two days. Even went to the eye doctor. 20/20 vision baby. My eyes are perfect! 

Now being back at work, I have a ton of things to do. Voicemails, mail, books, Payment processing and all that fun stuff. I really just want to be home. I have a butt ton of laundry that needs to be done. The dishes and the floors. Still Need to change the sheets in the kids’ room again.  Sometimes I wish that my husband made enough money so I could be a stay-at-home mom. Cook, clean and take care of the kid. That would mean I’d have to learn how to cook. I could learn though. I would be the kind of person that needs a fire extinguisher nearby.  I still remember when I was about 18, I was only making toast. I don’t know how but my toast caught fire. The alarms started going off and smoke everywhere. Luckily my husband (Boyfriend at the time) took care of it and saved the day.  

Just saw a butterfly! Thought I'd add in a little Picture to symbolize that. These are cute. Maybe even cute enough to be a tattoo? I want so many tattoos. What I really want is a full leg sleeve. That would be amazing.

7/10/2023

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Today wasn't too bad. Went into the office. Went home early. Changed the bedding for grandmother. She had a late start this morning. She has had trouble breathing today. She also brought donuts. I love donuts! I shouldn't be eating any donuts, but they are so hard to resist. ❤️ she also gave me a compliment. It threw me off. She said, "You look nice." It's nice not to hear anything negative from her.

We had a family dinner, then a show for one of our cousin. It was about things that live under the sea. It was cute. The jellyfish song was my favorite that they did. There was this one girl who I thought did the best. She was confident and really into it. I feel like she would make a great actress! Her facial expressions with each song, and always smiling. She's going places!

Getting in there was rough. Grandmother is using a walker sit thing. So I was pulling her in it to the front gate. It got caught on part of broken concrete and flipped backward. So now she has a busted up arm. Nothing broken, just some cuts. Nor like normal cuts. You know how old people have like that thin skin and it tears easily. Lots of blood, and it looks bad. She said it didn't hurt. She is 74 years old. I'm surprised she didn't break an arm or a leg.

We were supposed to have a pool party with family this Saturday. However, the kids that were going to be there have something called hand foot, something or another. So they won't be there. We are going to have a ton of leftovers from Boston Market. That's what we ordered, and trust me when I say we ordered a ton. We ordered enough for 45 people. And now it's down to 6. I'm actually glad that we will not be swimming. I can not stand swimming on my period. I feel all bloated and gross.

So, instead of swimming, I believe that we might play dominoes. It is my favorite game of all time!! Then maybe a movie after.

I completed everything on my list from yesterday except for the kids' room. I did that today.

I also finished Kyle XY, and they did leave me with a cliffhanger. So, it's not cool. I was actually enjoying that show. I started a new show called The OC. So far, I like it. He gets arrested for stealing a car. Then his mother, who is a drunk, kicks him out. He ends up at a lawyers house. Then a house burns down, and fights happen. I believe lm on season 1 episode 6.

I still haven't finished my book I started. 🙃 i really should. But I just can't seam to bring myself to sit there and read right now.

June 30th, 2023 7:06 pm

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Well I got what she needed for school. I have to go pick her up in 15. I love going to get her. She always gives me a big hug when she see's me.

Then to get the rest of the house work done before grandmother gets here! I have a feeling I will be up late tonight then up early tomorrow. That is my life. No sleep. Eh I guess I'll Sleep when I am dead.

I don't think that I will be able to finish Kyle XY though. That's a bummer. I mean I could just blow off cleaning, but then it would be a never ending week of insults. I could do all the cleaning and getting everything ready. Have a smaller chance of fewer insults maybe none. Even though none would be a miracle.

Well, wish me luck!

June 29th 2023 4:05pm

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I have been watching Kyle XY. I used to watch this show with my mom years ago. I don't think we ever made it to season three. Most of season one and two I remember. Season three is wow. It's also the last season. I just hope they don't end it with a cliff hanger. I have been watching this non stop. At work and home.

I am still stressed about the grandmother coming for a week. Tonight my husband will be going grocery shopping, while I clean out the fridge. Then all the last minute cleaning up. I also need to have my daughter clean her room. That is were grandmother will be sleeping. The kid is excited because she will get to sleep in her tent in the living room. She loves sleeping there. Not sure why.

Today is also the day that I can get my daughter uniforms on sale for 5$!!! Now that is exciting. They can be so expensive. Hopefully, I get what she needs.

June 29th 2023 10:13am

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June 28th 2023

So, I have realized that you all if anyone reads this that you have no clue what date it is. I doubt I have any readers yet, who knows! So, from this point forward I will put the date. I am sorry. I am new to this whole blog thing. I was looking at other blogs early this morning. I love reading about your all's life. I just love typing things out it is just so therapeutic. I have a therapist, but this is just different. I can just let it all out. That to me is so freeing. Is that how everyone else feels too?

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I am beyond stressed. People can take things out on you when it isn't your fault. Seams unfair. Am I right, Or the nit pick, or tease. Now teasing isn't always bad. I get that. Why do people use other people like a punching bag. That just gets my blood pressure to sky rocket, then I start to shake. Last I cry, on the floor of the bathroom. Luckily, they only yelled at me over the phone. I would hate for them to see that in person.

I am already stressed because my grandmother will be coming for a week. She is picky. I mean, mean. She reminds me so much of Emily on the Gilmore Girls. She will say things that I believe should be kept to herself. Like when I have a messy fridge, that's not underwear, She's starting to sound whinny. My stomach and my blood pressure are very agitated. You would think that I would be used to it. I mean I grew up in her house. But yet here I am stressing. Why cant I think more like Lorelei Gilmore? In when her mom says things she just turns them into jokes. I'm just going to tell myself, " Think like Lorelei". Repeatedly!

It's not that I don't love her because I do. She's my grandmother. I do have a few good memories, that usually end bad. But they start good! Like once when I was about 7 or 8. She and I made Homemade Eclairs. That was awesome. But then I had to open my mouth and say I cant have one until I eat dinner. That was the rule. She then decided top yell at me saying I should have spoke up sooner and well its to late eat it and go to bed. Like hello I'm 7 or 8 you are the grown up. I should have to remind you to feed me dinner. But yet it was my fault. I always feel as if everything I do isn't good enough. I'm not good enough.

I have that same feeling when I get yelled at by anyone. It just come crashing in like a wave.

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Who remembers those smiley face fries from school? Well, I will tell you I found them in the grocery store. My daughter absolutely loves them! Just seeing her smile makes me so extremely happy.

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Has anyone read The Wrong Family. At first I was like damn this is slow. But the ending I was like woah. So worth it.

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So now that I have introduced myself. I shall tell you a little about my week. First, we got a puppy! He is so adorable. 😍 Then our washing machine broke. This was stressing me out because I do not like washing clothes by hand. My grandmother made me do that when I was young and nope! Not for me. Luckily, I have the best husband, and he fixed it. 😌 Yesterday I got home and our ac was not working. Now it is summer, and I live in Florida. It is hotter than hell. It was 80 in the house. Okay. 80. I didn't even cook dinner because it would have made the house so much hotter. The ac people could not come out and fix it. So we ended up sleeping in different places last night. I slept in the lazy boy recliner, and my husband C and my daughter N slept in the garage. There is a tiny ac unit in there. Luckily, today they came by and fixed it right up. So I'm one happy camper!! I don't actually camp though. FYI

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Today is the day that I start my own blog. Now I will not share my name or anything like that. But I will use letters. So, that being said Hi, I'm K. I am married with a little girl. I just really wanted a place I could vent and type up my thoughts. Maybe even complain a little.