if only @myonceuponamal - Tumblr Blog

TEXT 💬 JAL

Jay: Hey, is there a spell for finding out who started a rumor? Today I heard someone whispering about me having "a thing" for Jordan which both isn't true and totally ruins my rep. I mean, she's hot, sure, but it's more of like one of those "My heart says 'no' but my dick says 'YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!' things, you know? So I really want to find whoever started saying shit like that and just talk.

Jay: And by talk, I mean knock some sense into them.

Mal: If you're asking because you think it was ME, think again! I know better than to think you'd go catch heart feels for anyone, especially someone who can't keep from blabbing everyone's business like Jordan.

Mal: I'd start with people who don't know you well enough to know better? Or with Evie. We all know she's soft and romantic, maybe she's hoping if she makes up enough crap about our love lives she can manifest it into happening.

#text #text:jay #jay

TEXT 💬 MALVIE

Evie: Mal, do you have any idea as to why I woke up with ketchup packets in my bed? Or, at least, I hope they were ketchup packets, because otherwise something else that's red and sticky ended up on my clothes. Either way it's a disaster and bad news for my favorite robe, so you need to go shopping with me as soon as possible! Sorry!

Mal: Uhhh no clue on the ketchup packet front but I was definitely eating strawberry fruit snacks in your bed... Did you have your space heater on or something? You probably melted them.

#text #text:evie #evie

TEXT 💬 DAL

Doug: Hey, awkward question, but were you there when I got knocked out after I stepped on a rake? Because Evie says you were but I told her you probably weren't because if you were, why would you just leave me there?

Mal: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Mal: For future reference, if it WAS me, what does Auradon expect me to do instead of point, laugh, then leave?

#text #text:doug #asudoug

happilyevieafter:

Don’t knock blue! Blue’s one of the best colors ever or else I wouldn’t wear it – also, Ben manages to rock the blue and yellow somehow so it can’t be that horrific of a color combination (even if I do wish the yellow was somewhat more pastel and less mustard, but I digress). The Knights could be silver and blue, maybe! That would be just darling. I guess it’s fair, cheerleaders are very distracting, especially when they look like me. I’m not giving you any ideas! Your wicked little brain can think of things well enough on its own without any help from me, thank you very much! Excuse me, but why do you say that like it’s so impossible?! You’re a gorgeous girl, even if you could let me brush your hair more often, and you’re so interesting and talented, anyone could be enamored of you! Even a handsome prince like Aziz. I’m not saying you have to reciprocate but you have to admit it could happen!

Blue is only fine because without it, there would be nothing to mix with red to make purple. And I guess I use it when I’m painting, you know, real stuff and not just tagging ugly, sad walls that need my help becoming more interesting. Blue and silver sounds a lot better than blue and mustard, you should make that happen. People are way more likely to take your fashion advice than mine, although honestly? Sometimes I really don’t get why, my purple and green deserves more credit than it gets. My wicked little brain also likes to have scapegoats ready to go, just in case... although I guess getting you in trouble isn’t nearly as fun as it would have been in the past, bummer. I don’t want to be gorgeous and interesting and talented! I want to be intimidating and badass and scary, which I guess some people could still be attracted to, but like... they should be cowering in fear instead of making it obvious, jeez.

#dash #dash:evie #evie

jayonthefield:

Hey, if any of us could get her to change that, it’d be me – you don’t think I’d be able to get her as close as a nine foot pole, even? Cause I’m considering being seriously offended if you don’t. Do frogs or lizards come in pink? Eh, we can paint one if they don’t and give it to her, as a royal gift or whatever. Should we wait for her birthday? Imagine her opening that in front of a ton of people!

One, why would you want to? Two, no, I don’t think it would be you. In fact, I think you’re so gross that she’d up your pole to eleven feet, even if she kept everyone else at ten. I just genie searched and it seems like they do? I don’t really care enough to find out if they’re real or if they’re Photoshopped, though; try asking me again if they come in purple and maybe then I’ll dig a little deeper. If we can’t find a pink one and we have to paint it, though, who knows how long the paint can actually stay on. Maybe we need to use something a little... stronger?

#dash #dash:jay #jay

TEXT 💬 MAZZY

Dizzy: Am I the only one who thinks Taylor Swift needs to start making songs about yearning again? I'm not sure she gets me anymore! All of her songs are so specific now, I can't pretend they're just pages from my diary!

Mal: I'm sure there are plenty of people who agree with you, but I'm not one of them. I think she peaked with 'I Did Something Bad,' although since you guys STAY making me listen to her, I guess that murder song on Evermore's pretty good.

#text #text:dizzy #dizzy

happilyevieafter:

I know, I know, the tourney uniforms are so not cute, but if you insist on being all rough and tough, you might as well bring pride to our school while you do it! And ROAR doesn’t have cheerleaders, so you should definitely do tourney if you do either, thank you very much. That’s so not fair! If I blamed you for everything Dream Mal did or said, we wouldn’t be friends anymore! And don’t worry, I’d never try to get you to be a cheerleader… even if you would look adorable in the skirt… but that’s just something to think about. Hmm, I suppose Auradon does teach better manners than that, but that’s all the more reason not to stoop to his level! Unless he could be hoarding the strawberries to get you to talk to him!!! Think about it! Everybody knows about how much you like strawberries; maybe it’s an ice breaker! Maybe he likes you!

To be fair, nothing here is cute. It’s all blue and yellow; it doesn’t even make sense. The mascot’s a knight; shouldn’t our school colors at least be like... grey, if they’re not going to be purple and green? And probably a good thing, too; can you imagine the cheerleaders screaming and distracting people with swords? That sounds like a recipe for disaster, and not everyone can handle disaster as well as us. Wait, really? What’s dream Mal doing? Is it cool? Not that I’m looking for ideas, but... just in case. You can keep the cheerleader skirts all for yourself, E. No one would trust me if I went out for cheerleading anyway, they’d think I was up to something. You think... Aziz... likes me? Sometimes I really wonder about that brain of yours.

#dash #dash:evie #evie

jayonthefield:

True, I am missing those little screams of hers. I don’t think that girl would touch a lizard even on accident though. She feels like she’d think they’d give her warts or something. Or is that frogs? Because whatever, it’s the same thing. You could always paint another lizard purple and put that in her desk.

It’s a good thing I know Audrey would never touch any of us with a ten foot pole, because if there was even kind of a possibility that she would, I’d be traumatized by you talking about liking girl’s screams. You’re right, though, it is frogs, but Audrey would probably assume lizards were the same. Even if we gave her a pink one to fit her color scheme. We could pretend it was just a nice, fun gift we wanted to give her as a peace offering, though; pink lizard, panicked princess, we might be onto something here.

#dash #dash:jay #jay

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happilyevieafter:

Mal! If you want to shove people, join the tourney team with Jay, Ben, and Carlos. It’s very rude, everywhere else, but you know that. Have you ever considered asking Aziz, very nicely, for some strawberries? Asking nicely gets me most of what I want, I’d recommend it.

Me? On the tourney team? For a second I was going to call you crazy, but that’s actually really not the worst idea you’ve ever had. It’s either that or ROAR; it would be good to get more sword practice in before the pirates get here and start accusing us of being rusty. Definitely not cheerleading, though. I had a dream once you tried to convince me to be a cheerleader with you and I’m pretty sure I woke up mad at you the next day, even though it wasn’t your fault Dream Evie lost her mind. And uh, no? Isn’t it like, Aurado commons sense to leave some for other people? You’d think we’d be the ones hoarding things, not random princes.

#dash #dash:evie #evie #//she's such a grump lol

jayonthefield:

Go with Audrey. Chad might think he looks good in leather and try to steal the look from us and that’d be fucked up. Also, Audrey might be hot with horns and I deserve to know.

I was leaning towards Audrey too; I feel like it’s been a while since we heard her scream about anything. I thought about accidentally letting my lizard mom out of her box on Audrey’s desk in a class, but... baby steps. I don’t want her to accidentally murder Maleficent, you know? The horns should be enough trauma for now.

#dash #dash:jay #jay

Is it considered rude to shove someone into a wall? Because Aziz took the last like fifteen strawberries at breakfast this morning, and I didn’t get any.