Why Do They Wait?
Why Do They Wait?
With each sexual harassment, rape or sexual deviant revelation there seems to be a common question: Why did they wait, why didn’t they say something?
Let me share a story with you, picture you have been going about your every day life.
Your husband is in the military and is overseas and you and your six year old child are in the house that you and your husband rented before he was deployed. You are a young mother who does not drive but goes to the store and other appointments, walks her daughter to school and walks to pick her up. Your neighbor and her live in boyfriend are always friendly, he mows the lawn, he takes you and your daughter to get groceries. To show your appreciation you invite her and him both over to dinner a few times and they gladly accept.
One day, you are in your front yard and the male neighbor says their bathroom is broken and needs to use the restroom quickly, the mother says “ok go ahead.” ( A ploy later to be found out to unlock the bathroom window.)
Later, late in the night, your child wakes up and hears a male voice coming from the other room. She’s young and thinks it is her daddy back home from the Navy. She yells out, “Mommy is Daddy home?” She rapidly yells back for you to stay in bed and go back to sleep. The child obeys her mother’s words but lays in the bed and wonders why she can’t speak to her daddy. She hears her mother in a muffled type of sound but doesn’t move.
Not sure how much time passes but when she does see her mom, she sees tears down her face as she pulls you close to her and is getting you dressed, you are asking “why, where are we going.?” She just tells you to please just get dressed but you are watching her face filled with tears and see that she is shaking all over.
She takes you with her to the living room and dials the phone, she is calling the police and you are not sure of the words she says at that age but to this day, you remember them. “Please hurry, I was just raped.”
What you remember after that is policeman in the house, your mother crying and an officer having you in another room and then you are crying that you just want your mommy. They ask you questions about what did you hear and you tell them, “you thought your daddy was home, but he wasn’t and you went back to bed, like your mother told you.
Your mother and you are taken in the police car and go to a hospital, you as a child are separated from your mommy and you are afraid even though your mommy tells you it will be alright just wait with the officers.
The night is long and you remember early that morning, being taken back home, within about an hour, your daddy is brought home, you had no idea they had flown him in because of what happen to your mom.
This horrible incident took a toll on my mother’s life, even though this awful man was arrested and sentenced to eight years and did about four of them. I learned more about what happened to my mother when I was a teenager because it was NEVER spoken about ever again in our home. I was able to see court records via an adult friend later. I had no idea that this horrible man who violated my mother, had told her to either keep me quiet or he would rape me! He tortured my mother with the constant threat that I was next and she was pleading with him to please don’t hurt me. My mother lived in constant fear and for most of my life I didn’t understand the complete effect of what happened to her. She never liked to be alone, she didn’t like to go to even her doctor’s appointments, grocery shopping etc(my dad always did the shopping, I never knew that was the reason). Yes my mom reported it to the police which was so brave but for those she did tell, the negative responses or questioning her actions took a toll. Her holier than thou church questioned her and how could she let this happen, the man’s girlfriend told the neighborhood that it was my mom who was leading him on and that is what she got! Those few friends she had stayed away as if there was something contagious. I finally got my mother to talk to me about it, when I was around 30 years old and I’ll never forget her saying, “maybe I should have just moved us and not said anything.” I thank God my daddy was a strong and loving husband and never waivered or made my mom feel guilty but she forever blamed herself for not seeing any signs.
So I write this to say when people say, “why did they wait, why didn’t they say something?” Well they’re saying something now and the fear of having your life dragged through the mud because you do speak is overwhelming for some and they chose to try to bury it but they live their life in a prison of torment, doubt and shame within themselves. So please, think before you victim blame for taking so long to speak up!
G. Robinson