Thoughts?

[mypersianrug]

It’s warm today

I go for a walk and notice the alleys

It feels quiet

The way it used to be.

There’s grass between the road and sidewalk

Evening Wind in my face

I hear nothing but my shoes and the birds

[mypersianrug]

i'm feeling nervous can't really express has the tension built up from your weight on my chest you help me feel sometimes it's nothing at all the covers over my face my back against the wall i'm alone in there my body numbs it out don't want to do this again filling me with doubt

[mypersianrug]

Time passes slower when I’m alone and it intimidates me to fill it with something that will satisfy me

I’ll think I’m barley getting by sitting on the edge of the Mississippi with my knees to my chest

I don’t know if this is helping

[mypersianrug]

i used your towel after my shower it was the only one nearby and i dont really mind.

[mypersianrug]

i dont quite feel right id like to hide in lace curtains But

i cant escape the cars outside my window are loud and time does not stop for me. my cat plays with the wasps in my window i tell him hes delusional and i turn on the velvet underground and smoke a joint.

[mypersianrug]

my hair is so dirty haven't washed it in days i think next week i will ask for a raise this sweaters been eaten by moths in my closet when i get my next paycheck i'll buy a silk bonnet feeling light headed i sit down for a while entertain my old boss who acts like a child

[mypersianrug]

just met a boy i think he's so cute embarrassed myself cause i cant tie my shoes he makes it look easy i feel insecure cant help but miss the way that things were don't have to impress no reason to fear just writing silly poems that no one will hear

[mypersianrug]

my back to the wall eyes on the door getting advice from the bugs on my floor

[mypersianrug]

my lips feel dry and cracked its been so cold and ive spent this january pressed against his. sometimes i get goosebumps i remember a moment he wants me i don't need him he asks me to stay i go home i'm independent i want him i don't know what i want but i press my lips on his he is beautiful and i want him to read his books and drink his coffee what more is there to life? what more is there to life i go home i'm independent and he wants me and i see his face often in my thoughts

[mypersianrug]

therapy is expensive doctors office too my brother often reminds me i need to eat more fruit cant remember yesterdays outfit mean i haven't got a clue these trousers are too big and my cat pissed in my shoe 15 dollars an hour rent is through the roof can't call in sick at work can't afford fucking fruit

[mypersianrug]

will i do this for the rest of my life?

my mother would say "you worry me sick" my stomach is empty no food in my fridge if only she knew i've learned to share my portion of dinner it's only fair my friends the bugs they keep me sane or else i'd be in so much pain

[mypersianrug]

a new kind of sad

i walk around with a furrowed brow constantly analyzing my lips in a frown thoughts far from pleasant they leave me bitter and tomorrows interactions i have yet to consider my teeth are clenched as i open the blinds a train of thoughts crossing my mind draping the laundry my lips start to quiver it's about damn time i feel something but bitter

[mypersianrug]

a solution

Theres a centipede under my baseboard he keeps me up to date today seemed extra blue he says his lover has been untrue. Just to spare his feelings I crouched down and said "mine too" but i have no lover i can't stand another poor centipede has no clue

[mypersianrug]

we haven't been getting along today. i think we want different things. it was fine until you cut my back i yelled we sat on the floor and you didn't look at me. i noticed it was actually pretty quiet when i sat still enough. our problem cannot be fixed. i think we want different things. you got up and sat on the bed above me like it was nothing. i got up to write this like it was nothing but a story to tell. our problem cannot be fixed and it's not nothing.

[mypersianrug]

a few ideas

i threw up on the concrete of a park and ride this morning. i am happy to be home, my body hurts i eat brownies out of the pan without cutting them i consider writing to my brother to explain myself more accurately but i realize again that my attempts to explain my feelings can still be misinterpreted

[mypersianrug]

this morning i giggled

i wish it weren't true

as weird as it is

the hallway smells like you

its really been a while

i forgot your band name

what happened?

[mypersianrug]

dinner

open the fridge look and see waiting for my appetite so patiently noodles eggs soup or cheese better now than later wish it weren't up to me perhaps if i tried looking once more a pizza would appear behind the pantry door it smells so good i'll bet it tastes so nice if only i had a damn appetite