Welcome ladies, gentlemen, and non binary friends to another episode of What're Those?! The show where we answer the age old question: what the HELL did you place before me?
Knee Deep In The Passenger Seat (Deadpool x Reader)
Summary: You and Wade are trying very hard to keep your relationship casual, to stay friends while sleeping with one another, but things slowly start to drift away from being casual. (Female Reader)
Word Count: 4,924
Warnings: SMUT (Minors Do Not Interact). Explicit Sexual Content. Oral. Angst. Hurt/Comfort. Light Fighting. Mentions of Stalking (NOT between Wade and the Reader). No Y/N. No Deadpool and Wolverine Spoilers.
Crossposted on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58203475
A/N: NO SPOILERS.
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Knee deep in the passenger seat, and you’re eating me out
Is it casual now?
It was supposed to be casual. It had always been supposed to be casual. But after months of casual dates you two had gone on under the guise of friendly get-togethers, after countless sexual encounters that had slowly merged from chasing release to intimate explorations of each others’ bodies, after going from seeing each other once every other week to being at one another’s places every other day, it didn’t feel as casual anymore.
You had noticed this before because you’d always been observant, and had seen you two progress away from being casual one encounter at the time. But it had taken you until now to realise that your feelings for Wade had changed, too. As he peered up at you through half-lidded eyes, face buried between your legs, you realised you may have fallen for him. When he saw your expression he pulled back, lower face covered in your juices and panting heavily.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” You quickly shook your head, giving him a reassuring smile. “I’ve just been lost in thought, don’t worry.”
“I’m putting my whole Deadpoolussy into eating you out and you’re lost in thought?” He asked in a faked offended tone. “I can’t believe it!”
You chuckled at his antics and reached out to cup his cheek. “I’m sorry, alright? Keep going, you’re doing such a good job. I’ll pay attention to you now.”
“I fucking hope so!”
Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach
Is it casual now?
No more than two weeks after you had realised your true feelings for Wade his roommate had invited you over for dinner. According to Wade, Al had encountered you briefly so many times she wanted to actually meet you. And that was how you’d ended up sitting at his kitchen table, the three of you eating take-out with Al and Wade bickering back and forth to each other.
“I invite your girl over and you call me an old cunt? No manners with you!”
“You are an old cunt!”
“And you’re a little bitch but you don’t see me calling you that, do you now?” She bickered back at him, shaking her head and tutting at his grumbling before she turned back to you. “Is he like this with you, too? Don’t be afraid to put him in his place once in a while!”
Their bickering had dragged on for so long that it had almost lulled you into a small trance and you startled a little when you were addressed. “Huh? Oh yeah, he’s like this with me, too. But don’t worry I know how to shut him up.”
“Good.” Al praised you before pointing her fork at Wade. “Treat your girlfriend with some respect, Wade!”
This was definetely not casual. You two had never labeled your relationship and now Al was calling you Wade’s girlfriend. And you were trying your hardest to ignore the flutter in your stomach at those words. Next to you, Wade shook his head and laughed a little, putting a hand on your thigh.
“She’s not my girlfriend, Al. What we got is casual.” He explained, squeezing your thigh under the table and looked back at you. “Right?”
“Right.”
I know what you tell your friends
It’s casual, if it’s casual now
Then, baby, get me off again
If it’s casual, it’s casual now
“Hey, Yukio!”
“Hey, Wade!” She waved back just as excitedly before she grinned happily at you. “Hey, Wade’s girlfriend!”
Wade chuckled at that and touched your waist, pulling you close. “Yukio, she’s not my girlfriend. We got something casual going on and I think labels like that would make it way too uncasual.”
“Uncasual is not a word, you dumb fuck.” Negasonic rolled her eyes before nodding toward you. “And leave it to a dumbass like you to not make it official when he’s found someone that puts up with him.”
“She doesn’t mind, you twerp.” Wade replied and squeezed your hip a little tighter before looking back at you. “Right, Hon?”
“Sure.”
You pointedly ignored the frown overtaking Wade’s features as he heard your tone of voice because you knew you hadn’t sounded as casual as you’d wanted to. When Colossus came in, greeting you two you quickly ducked away from Wade to give the other mutant a pat on the shoulder, greeting him with a small smile.
“So, you called us over because you needed our help.” You stated, feeling Wade’s gaze practically burn into the back of you head as you looked up at Colossus. “What can we do for you?”
“Glad you ask.” Colossus said and stretched out his arm to show you where to go. “You two can follow me and I’ll show you.”
“Perfect!”
Colossus left and you followed him, silently cursing yourself for how you’d failed at keeping this casual, for how you’d now probably outed your feelings for Wade to him. But you kept following Colossus, glad that whatever he needed help with would at least keep you and Wade occupied for now. Behind you Wade happily said goodbye to Yukio and you couldn’t help but smile at the sweet way he always interacted with her and how caring he was toward Negasonic, as well. After saying goodbye to the other teen you heard his footsteps picking up speed as he followed you.
Dumb love, I love being stupid
Dream of us in a year
Maybe we’d have an apartment
This was bad. Wade slowly sat up in his bed, swallowing thickly as his eyes flicked back to you, fast asleep next to him. He knew it was less than casual to let you stay after having sex but he’d always been one for rash decisions and when he’d had you panting in his arms, revelling in post-orgasmic bliss, he hadn’t really thought twice about letting you stay -- not that he often thought twice about things.
Now he was sitting in the dark, trying to make sense of his dream while the subject of said dream lay beside him. And really, a dream of you two living together in domestic bliss seemed way too Disney-esque for him but he couldn’t help but let himself enjoy the thought for a few seconds before he caught himself. There was a reason he’d wanted to keep this casual. As self sacrifical and overdramatic as it made him sound, he knew you were too good for him and the last thing he wanted was for you to settle for him.
Wade’s self depreciating thoughts were interrupted when you turned around to wrap your arms around his waist and he felt as though he was in a sappy romcom, about to get whisked of his glass slippers by his prince charming -- or in other words he felt happy. Gingerly, he lowered himself back down and wrapped his arms around you.
This was supposed to be casual. And he didn’t know why he couldn’t keep it that way.
Knee deep in the passenger seat, and you’re eating me out
Is it casual now?
Your pretty eyes flicked up to look at him, gaze full of adoration, and Wade felt his insides turn the way only a knife in his stomach could make him feel. Cursing under his breath as you bobbed your head along his length, one hand squeezing his balls just the right way and the other grabbing onto his thigh. And now the tables had turned because he was so deep in his head that he couldn’t even properly enjoy this.
You gave him a questioning look, eyebrows furrowing as you started moving faster, obviously trying to get a reaction out of him and Wade brought a hand down to grasp at your hair, moaning lowly as he tried to will his thoughts away.
“You’re so good at this, fuck.”
A proud expression overcame your features as best as it could with a dick in your mouth and Wade groaned when he hit the back of your throat. Your hand let go of his thigh and he watched as you tightly squeezed your left thumb in your hand in what he knew was an attempt to fight of your gag reflex -- he’d have to ask you sometime whether or not that actually worked.
“You’re so fucking good at this, like you were made for it, like two American and one Japanese tourists were made for being sewn ass to mouth to-- to each other!”
A small amused huff of air through your nose made Wade look down, finding you rolling your eyes with such an affectionate expression, like you always did when he made a dumb joke, that he felt his chest clench more than his hole did when he saw you naked. And in that moment he realised what he was feeling.
He was in love with you.
Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach
Is it casual now?
“Remind me again why your mom invited me over for brunch?”
“I was on the phone with her and I needed to get going because you were waiting for me. I made the mistake of saying that I was meeting Wade.” You explained, parking your car by your mother’s place. “Now she thinks we’re dating and I can’t stand her bugging me about meeting you anymore.”
Wade didn’t even find it in himself to correct you, to tell you that you two were in fact not dating and that, coupled with the fact that he was actually going to have brunch, made him feel like he was in a cheesy romcom and not an action movie. Instead he patted you on the leg and then got out of the car, waiting for you to lead the way.
Your mother seemed excited to meet him, pulling him into a bone crushing hug which was almost tight enough that it made him happy to have regenerative powers. But he had to admit that the brunch was nice. The food was good, your mother was friendly and never commented on his looks or his vocabulary. And when your hand came down on his tigh which he knew was to reprimand him for a particularly inappropriate joke by squeezing it in warning he couldn’t help reaching down and taking it. Yet he pointedly ignored the look that you gave him.
“You have an interesting humour, Wade.” Your mother coughed, having chocked on her drink because of his joke. “But my daughter isn’t any better, so I guess you’re a nice fit.”
“Mom, I told you, Wade and I are not dating.”
“By the sound of it you’re doing all sort of less innocent things with him, he holds your hand, he pulls back your chair for you and he comes to have brunch with your mother.” She said, amusement on her features as she shook her head. “And you young people nowadays don’t call that dating or a relationship?”
“Mom, don’t start with this again.”
“I won’t, don’t worry, Pumpkin.”
“Oh, I’m so using that nickname against you.” Wade joked, giving you a grin and his smile only grew when you rolled your eyes affectionately. “I love finding new ways to annoy you.”
“I’ll get you back for that, Wade.” You smirked before turning back to your mother with a small smile. “But thank you for dropping it, Mom. We’re not in a relationship and that’s that on that.”
“I just wonder what else you two would have to do until this would constitute a relationship.”
It’s hard being casual
When my favorite bra lives in your dresser
“Come back to bed, Hon.”
“I have things to do.” You chastised Wade weakly, averting eye contact with him because you knew you wouldn’t be able to resist him for long if you turned around to look at him, splayed out on his bed with his legs spread invitingly. “Have you seen my bra?”
“The one you were wearing when you came over? No, I haven’t.” Wade shrugged before pointing at his dresser. “But you got another one stashed in my dresser.”
Once more you were reminded of how quickly you two were leaving the territory of a casual relationship, of friends with benefits, because when you opened the drawer you saw that not only was it one of your bras but that it was your favourite bra. You only realised that you had frozen when you felt a pair of arms wrap around you from behind and a head came down on your shoulder.
“If you’re just going to stand there like a pony figurine in a mason jar you might as well come back to bed.” Wade joked, leaning down to nip at your neck. “And then I can really make you feel like a figurine in a mason jar.”
“If you make one more cum jar joke, I will kick you in the balls.”
“You’re grinning as you’re threatening me.” Wade laughed softly, poking his finger into your side accusatory. “Don’t even pretend that you don’t find me funny.”
Rolling your eyes affectionately at his antics you resigned yourself to the fate of Wade dragging you back to bed. Maybe being in love with him wasn’t so bad, maybe it was fine to feel not only aroused by his touch but also feel your stomach flutter. If only you had the balls to tell him how you felt.
And it’s hard being casual
When I’m on the phone talking down your sister
Unbeknownst to you, Wade was having the exact same crisis that came to and acme the night you two had to help your sister. She’d called in a panic, crying on the phone and going on about how her ex-boyfriend had broken into her apartment, demanding her back, and how she had just about managed to lock herself in her bedroom. Before you could assure her that you were on your way, she screamed on the other end of the line, screeching about how her boyfriend was trying to break down the door.
The line went dead and you let the phone sink into your lap, eyes looking up at Wade’s concerned face in the armchair opposite you. You didn’t let him get a word out before you were on your feet, rushing to put your shoes on. He came after you, pulling on his boots and asking you what was happening as you made your way down the stairs to your car. Quickly, you explained the situation and he grabbed your wrist before you could get into the car.
“Let go of me. I need to help my sister.”
“I know and you will. But I’m coming with you.” He said, shushing you with a finger to your face when you opened your mouth to argue. “When you’re hooking up with the Merc with a Mouth, you get the mouth but also the mercenary. Let’s go!”
Within the next ten minutes, you were at your sister’s place and as soon as you’d made it to her door, Wade was pushing you aside to kick it down. You found her ex-boyfriend Hunter by the door to the bedroom, hammering on it and you watched as Wade marched over. He grabbed Hunter around the throat and pulled him away, slamming him into a nearby wall. It didn’t even occur to Wade that beating up your sister’s stalker and making sure you both were safe was the furthest thing from casual he could think of because Hunter grabbed onto his arms in anger and startled him from his thoughts.
“Who the fuck are you?”
“I’ll be the last fucking thing you see if you don’t leave that woman alone!” He snapped at Hunter and you almost gasped in surprise when Wade pulled a knife from hs pocket, flicking it open and holding it to the other man’s cheek. “Go on, test me!”
Snapping out of your stupor you rushed over to the bedroom door and knocked on it. “Sis, it’s me. Open up the door. Wade’s got Hunter under control, so you’re safe.”
When your sister opened the door, you saw the tears running down her face and you immediately drew her into a tight embrace. Hunter tried to get lose but Wade flicked the knife around and stabbed him in the thigh, making the man howl out in pain. You turned your sister around, getting your body in between her and Hunter.
“Will you leave her alone or do you want to find out where else I can shove my knife?”
“Get off me!”
“Not good enough!” Wade slammed Hunter down to the floor, his knee pressing him down. “Hon, tell him that I’m not joking around. Tell him what I did to the last guy who thought it would be a good idea to stalk and harass innocent women!”
Holding your crying sister tighter you fixed Hunter with a determined stare. “I can’t tell you the details because I don’t want to traumatise my poor sister but let’s just say it wasn’t pretty and that guy isn’t pretty anymore, either!”
“I’m sorry.” Hunter cried out, face covered in blood and tears in his eyes. “I won’t talk to her again, I promise. Please, believe me!”
Wade pulled Hunter off the floor and dragged him to the door, throwing him into the hallway and making him collide with the opposite wall. “If I hear that you as much as looked at her again, I will come and find you. You don’t want that.”
Hunter nodded and scrambled off the floor, running down the hallway and Wade slammed the door shut, pulling up a chair to hook under the handle and barricade it. Then he turned back to you and your sister, finding her still crying and you trying to comfort her.
“I’m being serious. If he harasses you again, call me. Your sister can give you my number.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“I’m so glad my sister’s boyfriend is a damn mercenary.”
Wade caught your eyes for a second and shook his head. “I’m not her boyfriend. This is a casual thing.”
“But you must have already been staying at her place to-- to even know what was going on and-- and you came over with her to help. How is that casual?”
“It just is!”
The look of hurt that crossed your face wasn’t lost on Wade but before he could speak up you did. “What’s your problem?”
“How can we keep this casual when I’m going to brunch with your mom, blind Al invites you over for dinner every-- every week, when you keep clothes at my place, when-- when I can’t stop thinking about the way you look at me?” He rambled, catching himself a little too late and shaking his head. “Fuck, I can’t do this anymore!”
You stared at Wade for a few long seconds, a range of emotions passing your face, from hurt over anger to hopelessness, and he felt terrible for making you feel like that. He was in love with you, as cheesy as it sounded, and he’d made you feel so horrible. This was the exact reason why he couldn’t be with you. He made you feel like that.
“What are you saying we should do?”
“I need some space.”
And I try to be the chill girl
That holds her tongue and gives you space
Giving Wade space was the hardest thing you’d done in a while, harder than taking down a crime syndicate, harder than fighting bad guys that wanted to take over the world and harder than stopping an alien invasion. Everything reminded you of him, from the spot on your kitchen counter he’d always sit on, over the way your passenger seat was always all the way back to allow for either of you to sit in the leg room and the shoes he’d left in your doorway the last time he’d come over, to his smell that still lingered on the pillow he used when he slept at your place.
You were so in love with Wade and being without him was tearing you apart.
So on a particularly lonely evening, with rain pouring down outside your windows, two weeks after you two had separated, you called him up. You tried to sound casual as you suggested coming over for sex, but you knew he would likely see right through you. As casual as you tried to make this hangout sound you knew the weight behind it. But he still agreed to come over, his voice sounding as casual as ever as he said he’d be over in half an hour.
Your doorbell rang only ten minutes later.
And this whole thing started again, the two of you sleeping with each other, promising one another that this time it would be casual because neither of you wouldn’t want to ruin your friendship. But you knew it was a damn lie and you just waited on how long it would take for things to fall apart this time around.
I try to be the chill girl
But honestly, I’m not
The fourth time Wade came over after you two had started your strange kind of relationship again was when he knew this would be impossible to keep casual. You tried your best and he could tell but it wasn’t just you who made it impossible. He had also missed you a lot and now that he was back with you he felt his feelings only growing.
Everything reminded him of how much he was in love with you. From watching you make breakfast in his kitchen, over the grin you flashed him whenever he made a dirty joke to the way you held onto him when you slept over at his place.
He tried to keep things casual but he knew he couldn’t and it became clear when your mother invited you two out for dinner so he could meet your father. And once more, at your mother’s insistence, you’d agreed.
“Why would you say yes? We just agreed to try to keep this casual and you tell your mom I’ll meet your father?”
“I’m sorry, you know how she is. It’s just dinner at the diner downtown. It’s casual.”
“It’s not!”
“Because you can’t keep it casual! My parents have had dinner with casual friends of mine too many times to count, so why can’t they have dinner with you and me?” You snapped and he glared at your accusation that this all was his fault, even though it partially was. “If you don’t want to come to dinner with me and my parents then don’t!”
“This is making it impossible for me to keep it casual!”
“No one is fucking forcing you to come to dinner!”
“Good, because I won’t come!”
I fucked you in the bathroom when we went to dinner
Your parents at the table, you wonder why I'm bitter
He still showed up on time, wearing a brightly coloured button-down. The look of sheer surprise on your face made him almost laugh but he didn’t, still upset after your fight, though he didn’t know what he was even this upset about. He knew that it was most likely because he would never dare to take the next step, too convinced that he was no good for you -- after all, who would want to date a mercenary with a ton of emotional baggage that killed people? But he also felt bitter because he knew that he had been so adamant about keeping this casual that you would never take that step, either.
But the dinner went by nicely, without anyone asking strange questions and with your parents eventually getting distracted talking to an old friend they’d just happened to meet at the diner. He felt your hand on his thigh, creeping upwards, and raised an eyebrow at you to which he only got a small smirk. It didn’t really surprise him because you two had fucked in public bathrooms many times before but never at a restaurant, so your interest in this made part of him rear up in interest.
So when you excused yourself to the bathroom, he waited a few more minutes before declaring that he would get another drink and on his way to the waiter he made a detour, sneaking into the bathroom after you. And before long he had you propped against the wall, one leg hooked over his waist as he pounded into you. One of your hands grabbed onto his neck while the other covered your own mouth. He kept quiet by biting and nibbling on your neck, leaving deep purple marks and making you glad you’d worn a turtleneck that day.
“Come on, come for me.” He urged you on, placing kisses up and down your neck. “Come on my dick, like a good girl.”
You whimpered quietly at his words before taking your and from your mouth, letting it join your other hand on the back of his neck and pulling him in for a deep kiss. Strangely it wasn’t the quiet praise you mumbled against his lips as he hit just the right spot or your sweet kiss that broke the camel's back. It was your nails gently carding down the back of his neck that did it, making Wade once more very aware of how he could never have you.
It was a fate he was choosing for himself -- he knew that and he didn’t need any of the readers calling him out on it -- but it was nonetheless upsetting. You gasped in surprise when he pulled out and set you down, letting your skirt fall from where it had bundled up around your hips.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this anymore and I know I’ve said this before but I really can’t. I’ve tried and I can’t.” He shook his head as he dressed himself again, watching you do the same. “I can’t keep this casual.”
“Wade, please don’t leave.”
“This is for your own good.”
“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me.”
“Just get out of here, you dumb animal!”
“If you fucking pull a ‘White Fang’ on me now, I will lose it.”
“’White Fang’? I was quoting Spongebob!” Wade defended himself but then shook his head because this was not the discussion he wanted to have. “Let’s just end this.”
With that, he left and he felt his heart actually ache for you as he heard your footsteps hurrying after him, calling out for him to stop. He heard the tears in your voice as he left the room, as he ignored the staff threatening to ban you from the diner for hooking up in the bathroom and as he heard your parents calling after you to stop you from leaving. But he kept going, knowing this was better for you or at least convincing himself that it was. And when he got into his old run-down car and pulled out of the parking lot, he saw you standing by the entrance, crying your eyes out.
I hate that I let this drag on so long
You had never been a quitter, never one to back down from a fight and you knew it wouldn’t surprise Wade when you knocked on his door not even half an hour later. He opened the door, opening his mouth to tell you to leave again but you dove in to kiss him, grabbing his head with both your hands and pulling him close to your body. And to your surprise he kissed you back for a fraction of a second before he shoved you off again, shaking his head and waving his hands around. But you didn’t give him a chance to speak because you were faster.
“I love you, Wade!”
“You’re fucking with me right now, aren’t you?”
“No, I’m not.” You said sternly, grabbing his hands and making him look at you. “I was such a damn moron letting this whole casual thing drag on for so long because I was too much of a pussy to tell you, but I love you.”
Wade blinked at you and opened his mouth to speak before closing it again, then repeating the process a few more times. If this situation hadn’t been so serious you would have laughed at how you had successfully managed to shut him up. But the quiet was making you nervous so you spoke up again.
“Please, just say something. I can handle rejection, too. But please, say something.”
“I love you, too!” He almost yelled, blinking in surprise at his outburst before quickly continuing. “But we can’t be together. You know, I don’t want this to be some stupid romcom cliche but this really is for your own good. I’m a mercenary, even if I’ve saved the world or some people a few times, and I’m terrible with feelings and you’ve seen yourself how bad I am at communicating.”
“So what?”
“So what?”
“So what if you’re bad at communicating, you’re bad at feelings and you kill people? I still love you and I want to be with you, for real, without anything casual. Please, let me decide for myself what’s good for me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Never been more sure of anything before.” You smiled, looking back at him. “Does that mean we’re no longer trying to just be casual?”
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