BREAKING NEWS
Starbucks announced today that starting December 17, they will not sell coffee. They came to this decision after finding coffee grounds in a latte sold to a customer. A statement from the company reads, "Tumblr is not the only company that overreacts and completey misunderstands its customer base". The company looks forward to their future of selling overpriced mugs and bakery items. Insiders at McDonalds have been reporting hamburgers may be off the menu soon, as they look to compete with companies on the best way to kill their businesses. Wall Street simply posted on Instagram, "WTF" with one million question marks behind it. Meanwhile, Tumblr could not be reached for comment at the time of this article. The receptionist reported @staff was busy on finding female nipples, deleting scores of posts but not porn bots and their resumes.