A Black Gay Man's Journal

[mytruthisinlove]

To be Black in America is to be constantly gaslit and denied your humanity. What I find the most perplexing is that when we explain how we have been pained and wronged, the American majority does not seem to comprehend. We explain everything so plainly and anyone with common sense would be able to make sense of what is being communicated. It's baffling to me that Black people are being denied their innate humanity, but the group of people responsible for the greatest atrocities against humankind are people of European descent. Maybe it's the fact that the accountability is too much for the fragile mentality of the liars. White supremacy is a lie. If they were so damn great and superior why did they have to take from other nations to enrich themselves? Why didn't they do their own work? They could NEVER survive the conditions that those who were enslaved endured. The time for niceties is over. Out of self love, we will stand up for ourselves. All of the microaggressions will be clocked right then and there. I promise myself that I will stand up for my self and own my Blackness. This not a declaration of war. This is a reclamation of my right to comfort and safety. I have been miscommunicating to many of my YT loved ones how to treat me. It is my responsibility to clean up the mess I made. I won't be one to uncomfortably laugh through inappropriate jokes about my skin color out of wanting to keep the vibe high. The vibe isn't high if jokes about someone's physical appearance can't be corrected without someone getting offended. The highest vibration is to be in full authenticity. If those whom I call friend cannot support my authenticity, then it's curtains. I can't keep feeling like I'm being stifled. The world already wants to stifle me and so I can't have my loved ones stifle me too. Honestly, I'm tired of being lied to by the government. I'm tired of dealing with this muffled rage. I'm not proving my fucking humanity to a muthafuckin soul, and that's on everything! I'm done cowering in fear of retaliation. I can protect myself. I MUST protect myself. I AM human. YT people are NOT the standard to what humanity should be. History tells us that YT people are NOT admirable people to look up to unless you aspire to harm masses of people. They are the savages they try to make other racial groups out to be. They have twisted history to frame them as the good guys. NO MORE! In this age of information, we can see for ourselves what is true. That's why they are making such an effort to get rid of the unflattering books that tell the truth of America's history. Ban all the books you want. You will not mold these children in to low intelligence workers. The children will know the truth. America will be made a fair place to live. The white supremacy is dying. There's no hiding it.

[thoughtstherapy]

Subscribe on YouTube

[abouangelazrael-deactivated2024]

[southernmermaidsgrotto]

There's levels to ancestral connection, and you shouldn't skip any of them.

Take this as your reminder to first of all, spend time with your spirits, without expecting anything in return. Heavy on that last part. You don't make and maintain a genuine connection with someone just by showing up to their doorstep every time you need something from them. Treat them as people because they are. Your people. You should care for them as much as they care for you.

Be it ancestors (specifically direct blood lineage or adoptive family, any deceased human relative) or ancestral spirits (in general, that is, all ancestral allies and hereditary connections not just your ancestors). Just make time to hang out. Walk up to their space, a cup of your favorite drink in hand, give them their preferred drink and just chat. Don't ask anything in return. If you have an altar for them, do that. But it can be just going to visit their graves and giving libations and flowers, and telling them how your life's going, sharing memories together, remembrance, or just to listen. It can also be going to the beach or a river, and same thing, pour a drink and talk to them, and listen back. It can be your plant allies, while you're watering them, or putting eggshells or honey or sugar water or other good nutrients and fertilizers on their soil. It can be visiting your ancestors in dreams, and spending time with them there. There's so many ways to do this.

The second level to this is letting them sit in your body too. Listen. Become familiar with how they make you feel. With the signs of their arrival and presence. With the signs they communicate with and what they mean to you. With how they let you know they have a message, or that they're in for a visit. And let them in. Dance to your grandma's favorite beats. Sing your grandpa's favorite songs. Make a family recipe and share a meal with them, enjoy it for them and with them.

Ancestral reverence isn't just the big rituals and they're not the most important aspect of it, it is the everyday coexistence, in your little but constant everyday ways.

Do as you do but also as they did. You're an extension of them and they're an extension of you. They not only walk with you, you carry them within you.

Honor that.

[mytruthisinlove]

For my birthday (New Year’s Day), my cousin took me to New Orleans. It was on that trip that I came to accept something that I had been trying to refrain from acknowledging. I have social anxiety. As a spiritual person, I’m very careful to watch the things that I say in order to prevent myself from creating more problems in my life. I’m actively working to alleviate if not eradicate this issue. I won’t limit myself by this, because what’s living on the inside of me is MUCH greater than this issue. We were walking down Bourbon Street, and the number of strangers there were along with the fact that I had to walk with our bags to get to our AirBNB since we parked so far from the location. I felt like anything could have happened and I felt like I was a target for a crime to be committed. We went to a very good AYCE Sushi restaurant which was the highlight of the trip for me. Ultimately, the trip wasn’t as enjoyable as my cousin would have liked for it to have been, but I’m grateful for the experience. No one has ever done anything of that magnitude for my birthday before and I felt special and valued. New Orleans brought something to perspective for me and I have more inner work to do in order to be my best self.

[lazyyogi]

How to Meditate

Assume a comfortable position with your body. The most recommended posture for meditation is seated cross-legged. This is because it balances support for the body and wakefulness for the mind. However, you can lie down, be seated in a chair, or adopt another similar posture. The main emphasis for meditation posture is that it allows you to focus your attention on the meditation without getting distracted by the body.

Close your eyes and breathe naturally. 

Focus your attention on the space directly ahead of you and slightly upwards as the spot between your eyebrows. In sanskrit, the word for meditation is ‘dhyana’ and it essentially means ‘to pay attention to.’ There are many meditation techniques around but what they all depend on is the application of attention. Here, you want to be gentle with your attention. Do not strain your eyes but be relaxed and attentive. If looking between your eyebrows is a strain, try aiming toward the tip of your nose instead.

Do not deliberately imagine or think about anything. Remain composed, relaxed, and attentive to the space between your eyebrows. The purpose of meditation is silence and stillness. However, there is a difference between actively thinking and “having” thoughts. Here the instruction is to refrain from actively thinking. This does not mean thoughts should be suppressed from arising. In meditation, your attention can be focused and relaxed and without thought. Then a thought might arise out of nowhere. This doesn’t mean something bad or wrong happened. You do not need to push the thought away in order to “preserve” or “get to” inner silence. If you do not follow the thought by thinking about it, then it will leave the way it came. If you do follow the thought and find yourself engaged in a train of thoughts, gently bring your attention back to the spot between your eyes and refocus with a calm breath. In this way, you free your mind from the compulsion to chew needlessly on phenomena appearing in your consciousness. 

Set a timer. Do not get up until the timer sounds. Along with thoughts, many feelings may get churned up during meditation. Some of those feelings may be angry, anxious, energetic, or restless. Do not allow them to control you. If you simply remain seated and attentive with eyes closed, you will be victorious over any thought or feeling that arises. It takes more doing to quit a meditation than to see it through to its end.

Common Issues

My thoughts just don’t stop. They can even get more out of control. What am I doing wrong? For your whole life, and perhaps others before it, your mind has acquired many habits and imprints. When you sit for meditation, those mental phenomena begin to enter your conscious awareness. That is how they “leave” or are “dissolved.” This doesn’t mean you forget important things or knowledge but rather the limits you have unknowingly placed on your perceptions are being released. At first, this can be overwhelming. It is not a sign of something wrong, it just requires you to apply sustained effort in the meditation practice.

How can I stop my thoughts? All you can do is rest your attention and refrain from deliberate thinking. Be patient with your mind and reign in your attention as often as necessary when you find yourself lost in thought. Once rested and focused, your attention simply witnesses whatever thoughts appear. They will settle into silence in their own time. Moments of silence and contentment will occur and deepen. 

When meditating, I keep having an emotional experience of pain, sadness, obsession, anger, jealousy, etc. How can I make it go away? Like thoughts, these emotions are also imprints in consciousness that you have been carrying with you unknowingly. Your body is physically activating pathways associated with experiences that are not actually happening. In meditation, those pathways are allowed to burn themselves out. You cannot push them away or escape from them. All you can do is give them the space to be there. Like watching a thief, you bear witness to them so as to no longer lose perspective to them. They too will dissipate in time.

My body parts go numb when I sit for so long. What can I do? It’s fine to stretch out and massage your limbs if necessary during meditation. Try to keep your eyes closed and attention focused when you do. 

I feel sleepy when I try to meditate. Why does this happen? When the mind is not being actively engaged, it can be in the habit of going to sleep. Whenever you feel sleepy during meditation, get up and splash some water on your face and go back to the meditation. If you haven’t been getting enough sleep then forget the meditation and take a nap or go to bed early. 

Can I focus on my breath or something else instead of the space between my eyebrows? Meditation’s key is application of attention. Attention can be applied to the flow of breath, an image, or a mantra. However, as you practice, your awareness will settle down into increasing silence and stillness. Using the space between your eyes is a silent and still point of focus. Whereas using the breath is a moving point of focus. This has its own benefits and use too. Having practiced several forms of meditation, I like to recommend this way since it worked for me best. That said, feel free to explore in order to find what works for you. Whatever you decide, I would suggest practicing that technique for six weeks to get an appropriate sense of its value.  LY

[demonseye7-blog]

This is my life path. What’s yours? Do you even know what it is. If you do. Hello again. If you don’t. Do you even know who you are. Have you realized who you were yet. Well go find out!

#lifepath7

[sashacoki]

This is the right way to prevent backache

[globalriseofblackpeople]

(Sorry it’s sped up )

There is only one disease “mucus “

How Dr.Sebi cured every diseases . And his death

AIDS , diabetes , cancer , hiv , etc

[mytruthisinlove]

03/06

Here I am wondering around

Listening, and hoping for a guiding sound.

I just sit in Limbo.

Thinking that inspiration is just gonna burst through my window.

I feel stupid

Like who would really do this?

Sitting here hoping and waiting

When I really should be moving and shaking.

Give me my time

Put me in the right frame of mind.

I say all of this without any involvement

On my part

In reality, I know I'm one of the keys to solve it.

My art.

[mytruthisinlove]

The things I'd give for you to see me and really see me.

When will you warm up and end this cold?

It must be cold, because every visual contact makes the temperature drop to subzero weather.

When will I know relief?

When will I have complete clarity on our stance?

You'd make me feel like you were interested, and now things seem like they've changed.

Have you found someone else in my absence?

Did you really even see me in that light?

Did you think that I was willing to be used as a blow up doll just because I was young?

I despise what you've done to me.

The worse part is there was hardly any effort on your part.

The minute you started behaving uncharacteristically around me, I jumped to conclusions.

Maybe I was onto something and I just was removed before you could sink your teeth in.

Maybe God was trying protect me.

Who's to say for sure?

All I know is that I have caught feelings and I'm not a fan.

This constantly thinking about you thing is not the business.

I'm better than this.

I was focused and then the next thing I know you're in my training class, you're standing behind me, your whistling when we got out of training. You start conversation with me and even reveal some of your playful nature. I'm surprised...

Caught off guard would really be the word for it.

That's all right if we are supposed to be together than it will happen. I pray you're the one. Only time will tell.

[mytruthisinlove]

5/28

If you want me, take me. Wrap me up and take me far away from here. Show me new things, better things. Speak to me, involve me. I used to entertain foolery and ask You to make a space for people in my life who were never designed to fit. Give me discernment. Allow for me to see through the guises of other people. Reveal new things. Use me in a major way. Help me to love more. Help me to let love radiate throughout my whole being. I will let the past hurt go. I will cast out worry. I will be unstoppable. I will be everything that I dreamt of being with Your guidance and tutelage. Lord if he is meant to be in my life, then it will happen and it will be a mutual desire and never one-sided. I think about him a lot, but we're unequally yolked. He wants to hoe around, and i want commitment and a partnership. Some people slip in to the perfect love, some search for it, and some work for it. In time, love will come to me in the truest form. I will wait for that time. I will be listening for Your guidance in the midst of waiting. I will work on being proactive while waiting. Well if I misses my chance or it was never my chance to take, I'll accept it. Lord I trust you more than anyone else. You are worthy and have proven yourself to be time and time again. I trust You.

[mytruthisinlove]

Breathe me in, breathe me out

I keep it in

You keep me out

I want to know you more

But I'm scared of what I might find

I want to show you more

But I'm fighting my mind.

I want to be sure you're the one

So I won't waste my time

What have I done?

Everything seems to fall in line

How did I get here?

No one was getting this attention

Then you appear...

Now you're the only thing my mind'll mention

How do I know it's you I can trust?

How do I know your intentions are just?

Do you even think of me?

I know my actions or lack thereof may be misleading

I've heard about you.

I don't want you to do to me what you did to them.

I'm not those other men

The shit that slides with them, won't with me

I just need to see what it is you want with me

Or do you think I need saving and you pity me

I just wear this face to deter foolery

I'm very happy

I'm very content

I'm not burdened.

Now what's your intent?

You tryna do this or nah?

I'm not gonna be your new toy.

If that's the case you find another, boy...

[mytruthisinlove]

Where have you been?

What state are you living in?

Am I seen?

You used to look at me and your eyes would gleam

Teem with excitement and the purest of joy.

The sparkle and eagerness of a little boy

That's what was blazing through your eyes.

I saw the sunrise.

I saw the light.

The bright pure light.

Something was different though, something was off.

Out of this light came a voice so soft.

"I am Creation. I am your Source.

I've been watching and watching and lately, you've been off course.

Know this, I am not ashamed nor am I upset.

Know that greater and greater is still waiting for you yet.

I am Divinity with never before seen serenity.

Through Me, you have access to bountiful amenities.

I love you and I'm always near

The unknown may be scary, but trust Me and there'll be nothing to fear."

[mytruthisinlove]

Please wait for me. I've been away for a while. But I'm trying to get to get back to You. Thank you for your patience. Thank You for being limitless, and thus, through you I am also limitless. Thank You for loving me. Thank You

[mytruthisinlove]

Talk to me nicely. I have enough trauma. We don't always understand or immediately see the purpose in our struggling, but that doesn't mean that there is no purpose. In reality, we all have to struggle because in adversity is when we get stronger. We go through hardships to get us into the next level in life and to appropriately handle the struggles that come with the next level.

[mytruthisinlove]

I've been running from you for so long. I say that like you aren't me. I guess it's all part of the delusion. I take different avenues to satiate you and keep you quiet. You're the final key to me loving myself completely, and yet I'm ashamed of you. I want no parts of you and yet need every bit of you. I'm starving you and you're acting out of pure necessity to survive. I don't blame you though. Despite your starving, you still continue to grow. I wish I could give you what you want but the time isn't right and I'm not ready. We'll be better one day.