Stepping into this big role is one of the hardest thing I ever had to deal with so far. Dealing with people of different types on personality is really something.
The first personality was someone who is the I-know-this type of person, at least that is how he started. He was the the one with me, when this opportunity was opened. We started working with the same rank and role until this movement was given. It was not so hard, because we already built some sort of a relationship together, and we were really open towards each other. It was a smooth relationship. He had no problems opening up to me, s I am to him. He knows me as a person and professionally, that is why, I would say, I did well on my first stint.
Here comes the next personality, she is the quiet type but when you ask her something, she would give her heart out. Which was what I liked about our relationship. Because of her openness towards me, I was able to help her out because I know what her needs are and I know where she is coming from. She came from a group where she was not really treasured, but I am happy that, despite that, she never really had grudges over them, I guess that is what made our relationship smooth-sailing.
The next personality was a little bit more like the first, except for the fact that, he was not as strong as the first, he was the type who gets easily affected by other people’s opinions, he does not open up to me as much in terms of what he is feeling inside the office. Although, during tight situations, he would say something. I tried to mold him and hone his skills, but there are times when he would insist on doing things on his own, I would let him be, he needed to have his own mark in the office and not just really a copycat of me. On the latter part of his stint, there were changes in him which I cannot control because it was the time he was given different priorities and that is when his performance deteriorated. I tried to still help him but he got into this, I would like to call them “ clouded group” because their thinking has always been clouded for a lot of reasons. I then felt like he was really sticking with this group and he was happy with them, and he was getting influenced by them too. The days went by and I know he is already so into this new group, there were a lot of changes in him and even if I try to pull him in, there were resistance on is end already. I would like to think the relationship was just average.
Welcome the new personality. She is the shy and passive type of personality. She has got the most unique personality amongst all. I would like to call our relationship like stretching-a-rubber-band. Why? Because at the first few weeks, I tried to pull her in and make her feel welcomed, everyday, I would initiate the talk, I would ask if she wanted to eat, I would ask her if she wanted to do this and that. I would always initiate. Until eventually, I noticed that she wouldn’t really want to engage herself, that our relationship was really built on this rubber band scheme, If I stretch it, it will extend, but the moment I release it, she goes back. Then came several incidents of her wanting to do things on her own, away from me or us. I let it go, thinking, maybe at times, she would want that space, in turn, I tried to do things on my own too, separated from her or us too. But everytime I would attempt to do the same thing she does, which is being on my own, its like she is waiting for me to engage her, and sometimes I feel like, is this not supposed to be a two way traffic? Or this really the job of a leader to always initiate? Forever? So, there it goes, either I pull or she gets away, or if not we get civil, more of let-us-talk-on-a-need-to-know-basis. The relationship feels like a push and pull relationship and I would be like to be honest that I am feeling quite tired of it. There are several things going on inside my head, 1. Could it be that the relationship is just new, I mean its a few days away from 4 months, 2. Could it be that she is not comfortable with the type of leadership I have for her 3. Could it be that she just happens to be too stuck with the previous group she was with.. The next couple of things I have in mind, I hope is not the answer.. 4. Could it be that she just cannot blend well this team 5. Could it be that her personality just cannot seem to work well with mine.. The last 2 things I had in mind, I hate to say this, I hope is not the answer because if that would be the case, this team may suffer and the possibility of re-grouping is crossing my mind. I want to continue engaging her, but is it wrong that I am feeling tired? Is it wrong that I would ask her to initiate too? I really am getting tired. The push and pull is getting to me and admittedly, I dont want this kind of relationship to continue. I want a more open, a more shared type of relationship.
Leadership problems. Sigh.
