I’m not looking for someone to fix me. Maybe to be there and pick up the pieces on occasion, but not someone to fix me. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t need fixing or if it’s because there’s no fixing me but I do know that I don’t want to put that on someone else. If there’s fixing that can be done to me, I want to be the one to do it. Not alone, I can accept help because why would I deny myself a helping hand, but this is my endeavor and my burden to carry.
They say third time's the charm. For him, it was. A choice made long ago made him leave chance one and then chance two which was born from a mistake that can't be taken back. His third chance was a shot at redemption, one he poured his all into.
The hard hand of his raising shaped him into the man he became. Ideologies and expectations led him away from his home to serve a country that had never been his -until he made it his with blood, sweat, and pain- that sent him across the globe, introduced him to brothers and strangers that changed his life for better and sometimes for worse.
Times on occasion, were bleak, a struggle. He was faced with discrimination and war more than once. All through that, he kept his head high and moved forward, even when he had to say goodbye to those he held in his heart -no more mother, father, brothers gone one by one of both blood and water- while as he let new people into it. When his body turned against him, complication after complication, he kept his head up and moved forward, not once giving up.
They say third time's the charm and for him, it was. It's kept him going after it was given to him.
On this day 22 yrs ago (and about 12 hrs earlier) I was born. I am increasingly grateful for that even on my dark days. There is so much I’ve experienced and learned in my short life so far, some good that I wish I could experience for the first time again and again and some bad that I cannot decide if I wish for to never have happened or glad for the things those bad experiences have taught me. Today didn’t go the way I was expecting at the beginning of the month. Today didn’t go the way I was expecting a week ago. Today didn’t go the way I was expecting when I woke up this morning. In no particular order I got my first tattoo (the Aries constellation), spent it at the Tucson VA hospital with my dad and some other amazing veterans, got many well wishes from nurses and vets alike (they’re all so kind), had some not so swell food but a much better tasting hamburger, had a mini party and was sung “Happy Birthday” to from my dad and two other vets who call me “ma’am” and “sweetheart” (and lovely people) shared my cake with nurses and other patients, dropped half of my birthday cake, cried because I spilled said cake and didn’t want to upset or disappoint my dad, started to read a new book, finally came to understand the connection between Bubba Gump Shrimp and Forest Gump, and gave myself a challenge. Today I became one year older (and I about birthdays that way just as much as I think about them as being one more year we’re closer to death, is that only me?) and I’ve challenged myself to try. Inspired by Dottie James, while I am 22 I want to focus on trying…everything. To be healthier all around (mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually), new things all around, to get out of my comfort zone, to be a better friend and talk about how I’m feeling with my friends even when I’m starting to go down that dark path, to write more and read more and learn more, to be better organized, to meet new people and not stay in so much. It’ll be hard, that I have no doubt but I want to give it my best shot. This time next year, I want to say that I’ve tried – maybe not succeeded at everything I’ve tried but that’s okay because at least I tried and that’s my goal this year. So, wish me luck. We’ll see how this goes.
Against all odds, I finished last month’s book before the day was done! Something I wasn’t actually confident I could do, but I am happy that I did indeed finish. Honestly, I’m enjoying this whole choosing a non-fiction book to read every other month. The thought of feeling like a failure by not posting my thoughts each month motivates me to finish my book and, much to my surprise, I’ve liked these past two non-fiction books I’ve chosen. Not only are they educational but they’re not as dry as I feared they would be.
Anywho, on to my thoughts on Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Powers of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker. (I very much recommend giving this book a read if you’ve got the time).
The thing that initially drew my attention to this book was the title. Not only does it talk about sleep but it also includes dreams (both things that are somewhat interesting to me). The way the book is set up is also very nice. There are parts that have chapters in them with subtopics inside each chapter. For someone who can get easily bored with non-fiction text, having all the subtopics was really useful in giving me easy to follow stopping points but also goals to reach that weren’t many pages away but a few.
One of the things I loved about this book was the voice. Even though Walker is passing along information, he includes jokes and personality to his writing which makes it even more fun to read. Not to mention, his experience and how he talks about the research he’s done gave me a feeling of awe. The voice he includes here makes me want to go to one of his talks (or a scientific talk in general which is something I never thought I’d say). Scientific talks sound exciting to visit with the way he talks about them. I don’t know why but something that I enjoyed was how he includes his own opinions, something that I couldn’t help thinking is very unlike textbooks (which I suppose is obvious). I don’t know why, but I enjoyed that. In addition are his footnotes. They’re not just references, some of them are additional comments. It was fun to read through the footnotes at the end of each chapter to see what else he had to say about certain things.
There is so much information included in his book that I’m kind of blown that I’ve read all of it, that it’s contained into less than 360 pages (at least that’s how big my copy was). I’m shocked by how important sleep is and how it has its toes dipped into so many aspects of our lives. I knew before that sleep was important but Walker reveals just how important sleep truly is. It’s not just conjecture but there’s been so much research and studies done to back up this information. I won’t lie, I’ve annoyed my sister talking about this book a little bit (though maybe I’ve approached her at the wrong moments) and even called my dad to share some of the insights I’ve gleaned (and to inform him that because he’s an older person that he should make sure that he’s getting to sleep earlier to make sure he’s getting enough sleep). My eyes have been pleasantly opened to new things and I’m incredibly happy that I’ve learned all of these things. It may be a challenge but I want to try getting more sleep and to remember the things I’ve learned from this book. I also plan on passing on information to my friends in hopes that I can help them if I notice them cutting back on sleep. I will also refrain from pulling all-nighters as well. Now, I only need to buy a copy and I will be entirely content.
April is here! April is one of my favorite months, definitely in the top 5 though I’m not sure where. One reason might be because my birthday is on the 19 but it’s such a nice month. I love April. In honor of my love for this month (and to spoil myself a little bit) this month’s book is Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. I’ve wanted to read this book since I discovered it and even bought it when I saw it by accident at B&N. I’ve held off reading it though and my waiting is now being rewarded. I’m excited!
Not going to lie, I almost forgot that I had a Tuesday Thoughts due today. I don’t know what happened. Sunday, I told myself that I would write out the post on Monday and somehow, it’s Tuesday evening and I nearly forgot. Happy International Happiness Day (even if it is almost over). I hope that you did something that made you happy today. Onto my improvement of March.
This month I haven’t really been improving on something big or splendid. Since November I’ve been in a writing slump (I blame rushing to finish writing a book so I could start a new project for NaNoWriMo which kind of went done the drain when I got super stressed out that month). At the beginning of the month, I noticed that I was starting to get my motivation and inspiration back. So, this month I’ve been trying to write every other day (because realistically I’m not going to be writing every day). I’ve found, that going old school and writing with a pen on paper has been … therapeutic almost. There is just something about writing on paper with a pen that gets my creativity flowing. I recommend, if any of you find yourself having a creative block, try going the traditional way and using paper and a writing utensil instead of a computer or technology. As great and useful as technology can be, sometimes we just need to go a little old school. I think it engages my brain a little more and there are fewer distractions.
While I’m talking about writing, I also want to include that the story I wrote last year is the one I’m working on again right now; writing new scenes I think I want to add and rewriting some scenes that don’t sound quite right. It’s a nice process. I’ll have to find the time to type everything up though, which I’ll admit is the only part I loathe about writing on paper. Oh well, we can’t have everything.
But until the sun burns us to dust
We dive into oceans of old
We swim under skies of centuries
Until our home galaxy becomes maelstrom and maker
We light candles and watch fireflies dance
We breathe another day. And burn on
Another month is here and I’m relatively excited for March but just as excited for it to be over. March is kind of a difficult month for me but at least the month will end with my sister being as old as I am for a couple more weeks.
A couple days ago on Saturday I finally participated in the 24h read-a-thon by Zoe! I was unbelievably happy to finally be a part of it and started and finished The Song of Achilles and Idol. I also got started on Renegades and ended up finishing that up yesterday. A total of 1,096 pages were consumed by this unremarkable lady and I’m so proud of myself. Also got a couple books off my TBR and am 10 books away from this year’s goal of 25 books. With the way things are looking, I might have to up that number.
Anyway, onto the reason for this blog post today, my thoughts on The Nowhere Girls by Amy Reed.
I really liked The Nowhere Girls. The shift in point of views was nicely done and not an unnecessary choice. There is such a difference in the lives of the three girls that I looked forward to each girl’s point of view to learn more about them and to know what they got up to. The unfocused POV shifts were also great. It helped, at least in my opinion, to drive home one of the beliefs of The Nowhere Girls that the story or experiences aren’t about one particular group but about girls as a whole. Also, it gave me an insight into some of the more minor characters.
The heavy female presence in the story was also one of the things that drew me to the book. However, this book isn’t romance heavy which is another thing that drew me in. Many books I read tend to have a major/semi-major subplot revolving around romance. The Nowhere Girls doesn’t. Without giving any spoilers, there is a minor subplot dealing with romance but those hints in the main characters’ lives are great and I loved them. We get to see a possibility of what could be and the start of something without focusing on it or revealing what does happen.
Another thing that I liked about this book was the characterization. There’s a wide variety in the cast that just adds to the story along with the different types of relationships and connections between characters. I especially loved the three main characters and their uniqueness not only in the book but in literature. They aren’t your classic Caucasian, good-looking teenage girl. You have Grace who’s mother who heads a church, the new girl, a little on the heavier side, and trying to find herself to Rosina from a Mexican family who wants to separate from the cycle that can be found in more traditional families and just wants to be herself to Erin who has Asperger Syndrome, doesn’t know how to connect with others, shaves her hair and doesn’t change up her wardrobe to hide her beauty with a barely there father and a mother who’s just trying to know her daughter. Of course, there are multiple other characters we get to meet through these three. It’s great.
The final thing that drew me to this book was the subject matter. I haven’t come across many books with controversial subjects (e.g. rape, drugs, homelessness, etc.) so I love reading the ones that I do because they are some real issues in the world today. Not only that, but the messages in this book are so powerful as is the plight the girls from Prescott, Oregon. It moved me to see how hard these girls fought, not just the main characters but everyone. Let me not forget to mention the hotlines and phone numbers Amy Reed includes at the end of the book are also nice. I don’t know, I just like when books like this include phone numbers or websites that are helpful and relate to the story.
For March I want to try to read Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Powers of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker. Since I’m borrowing from the library and there’s a bit of a hold line on it, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get this book read by April 3 but here’s to hoping.
It’s another “improvement” Tuesday for this girl. So, I’ve been thinking the past few days about what I’d like to improve on and I realize that I’ve kind of already started a new improvement. First of all, though, the procrastinating is doing kind of better. I had a rough start and didn’t do much improvement in January but since February started I’ve slowly been doing better. Let’s hope this streak keeps up and I keep pushing ahead, there’s a lot of things I’d like to add to my schedule but to do that I need to make sure I can get all my other obligations done first.
I know it’s the middle of February (well more like the end but technicalities) but my improvement goal for February has kind of been my health. I didn’t realize it at first but since the start of February, I’ve been trying to eat better. I’ve got a few limits such as not being able to cook (like in a kitchen) and not having a big budget for food but I’ve been doing my best. I’ve attempting to eat salads each day and just the other day I bought some bananas (one of my least favorite fruits) and have been eating those. I’m hoping that with the next paycheck I can buy some more things to put in my salad to spice things up such as carrots, baby tomatoes, garbanzo beans/chickpeas and maybe more fruits and yogurt too so I can have that for breakfast. If anyone has any ideas for some healthy meals that don’t involve any cooking please let me know! <3
Since the start of February, I’ve also been attempting to get more sleep. It’s very hard because I have insomnia most nights and struggle to sleep and then I hate waking up late on the days that I don’t naturally wake up early. Either way, I have been trying to put my laptop away earlier even if it means laying in bed for a couple hours doing nothing. It’s not been going super well so far but I’m going to keep trying. Now that my sister has the phone I can use the flip phone that I use as an alarm and I am hoping that will also help me to get to sleep earlier by having a set time to wake up. I just have to stop hitting snooze.
That’s not all though! Much more recently (as in last week) I started working out. They’re pretty small workouts since I tire out easily and am pretty out of shape, but it’s been fun (after I’ve had time to cool down and no longer hurt from the immediate workout). It kind of hit a snag a few days in when I tried to break in my new Adidas and have some nasty blisters on the back of my ankles. I started up again yesterday but had to put a pause on it today. My left ankle isn’t doing super great blister wise so hopefully it won’t but hurting tomorrow. I’m actually sad not working out and it’s a very good feeling. I may also be working out (besides wanting to get into better shape) just to spite my friend and sister. Being told I don’t need to work out because I’m not fat kind of just makes me want to workout more because it’s something I want to do so I’ll keep doing it. I think however, that I’ll be keeping this up for a while and will try to do some workout like thing every day (after these blisters heal or at least stop hurting) whether that include focusing on a certain muscle group or doing yoga. Also, the goal is also to get more flexible on top of everything else.
Are there any goals you’ve set for yourself for February? Something you want to improve on? How are you doing? How are your new year resolutions/goals holding up?
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