Diary of a Quiet Strom

Ink and everything i never said out loud.

[n0thingbutme]

Are dads always like this?

I can't even name the respect i have for her, She always said, she is here for us only, She didn't get love in her childhood house and now not even husband house, I am seeing her, rubbing legs of my sibling, Checking his forehead again and again, Worrying like it's end of the world, It's past midnight and she is awake, Why?, her child is sick, You know what hurts me most when I look around? My father; wondering why? He only has relation with food, Wife, children doesn't matter to them, How can he sleep so soundly when his own child is barely holding, I don't have words for him, Day by day; my father making me understand again and again that he doesn't deserve our care, You know, when my father gets sick; we always had unable to swallow a bite down our throat, And tonight, i see him sleeping so soundly without a worry in a world, Are dad really like this? I have always seen other's father, I don't know, i should call him my father or not, He doesn't see that to me.

[n0thingbutme]

Call me weird but I can gaze at sky as long as it exists.

[n0thingbutme]

Wrong Bus

If you read this ..you would not call me sane, Curious?, I can sit in bus as long as it is moving, Normal?, You can call me dumb also because I take mostly wrong buses even when I have been commuting for a long time, And you know what normal people do, get off instantly, And what I do is sit there calmly and not let them think that I am stupid that I took the wrong bus, I simply travelling 3x to my actual way, And yeah sometimes -- I intentionally do this Because I like to be with myself -- sometimes quiet and sad, I love seeing night lights, moving cities, Yesterday I took almost 3 buses wrong ..but that's fine, I literally felt so good when I was seeing outside of my window, Normal people want to go home early and rest, But not for me; early house means chaos, I reached my house 2.5 hours late, Well, this little lie doesn't harm anyone.

[n0thingbutme]

Now, longer routes somehow calm me down. All call me weird for that.

[n0thingbutme]

I am not loud like them. Being loud isn't wrong. Loud isn't in me. And somehow I saw that loud one get the things and attention. Genuinely, I try but feel guilty I am fine Quiet

[n0thingbutme]

Sometimes I laugh at myself for how stupid I am. I cry over my own imagination when he stays and chooses me

[n0thingbutme]

I wonder what she is made from

I wonder what she is made from She married at an early age because her family just wanted her to see off She came to her husband's house with hope that she will get what she didn't get at her house She greeted everyone with respect and politeness But what she got Husband with cold and careless heart Beaten her up after hearing things and admitting what others said She endured After a year, her daughter was born Symbol of obligation and marriage, not love or care Again she was beaten up. Why? Because of society's obligation of submissive wife Again two sons born and again it was pure symbol of obligation Again beaten up She stayed – why? Because of her children and obligation to fulfill the duty of her title and society On what cost? Bruises? Disrespect? Sleepless night? Depression? Not loved? Is this cost valid? Shame on that society which makes her suffer all out of obligation Shame on that man who ever thinks that Man? Sorry… he is a coward. Shame on that father who failed to make his daughter trust him Shame on that husband who taken her for granted I wonder what she is made from

[n0thingbutme]

Oh god! How do I explain the feeling of looking at clouds

[n0thingbutme]

How do i tell the people with comfort family, that I intentionally go home late.

[n0thingbutme]

Unreachable

Now it seems pretty unreachable for me They said, you need to have some specific type of standards for meeting someone, What do I do if I don't have?, How would I even able to say that, things which are normal to them is luxury for me?, How would I even present myself with the background which they read in books?, How would I tell them that I don't have that normalisation which they talk about?, How would I tell them that I don't have a good dressing sense like others have?…maybe it's money, How would I tell them that I don't have fair skin?, How would I tell them that I really want but can't meet these standards?, How would I even tell them that I wanna say a lot but can't because of these standards?, Would i say "i come from where you wouldn't want to go"?, People say that I am nice but when it's come to standards, i am the last in that, People say that these standards are just myths but they act on that, Books tells something else that you wouldn't have to be perfect but here…people say different, Book read by all but somehow doesn't leave the lasting or understanding impact, Why is it so different? They say society made this but society made from what? I say I am not affected but my chest aches so bad, Now it's unreachable to me

[n0thingbutme]

I feel so little, when somethings are normal for them but luxury for me.

[n0thingbutme]

How stupid is it. I say comforting words to others, while secertly hoping that someone would say same to me.

[n0thingbutme]

I thought we were close until you treated me like a stranger today.

[n0thingbutme]

Keeping people away is better for mental health.

[n0thingbutme]

I don't know but why i don't feel like myself with them again.

[n0thingbutme]

I don't know why people make me feel like that i don't know anything. Is it really necessary to be perfect at everything? I do accept that i am an average.

[n0thingbutme]

World can't be seen same from all lenses.