pandemic, ugh, pls stop!
Hey, Tumblr!
It's been such a really long time since the last time I'm blogging but this quarantine really fucked me up.
When the first time COVID-19 announced to the world, the 'LOL' just came to my mind. Like, how the fakk can the virus spread by touching people? Really out my mind. Even when the corona appears to my country, and my campus put sanitizer everywhere, I take it as a joke, that HAHA really comes from my mouth, I even want to refill my own sanitizer because it's really stupid, at that time.
I'm the one who really YEAY when school and college are off so I can fuck off from all the committee and organization that I joined in. I can save money, I don't have to interact with a stranger or even people that I hate. I do love social distancing and quarantine like for months!
But UGH, not today.
I used to have a life plan to do hikikomori, which is the act of total withdrawal from society and seeking extreme degrees of social isolation and confinement. As an introvert, I THOUGHT the moment that I spent with people is really bothering me. Like, I do love alone, people just drain me.
THEN I'M WRONG. Super-very-wrong.
I've been thinking on the last month of 2019, I need to do my best act with people on campus, because this is gonna be my last, so it needs to be well spent. But being distancing was also OKAY because I hate people.
It was. Now, I really miss everyone, literally everyone, even that girl with the voice that really annoys me every time she opens her mouth.
The time that I spent just to wait for the class with my friends, the time when I went to Bandung just to run away from the organization that really waste my time, even every small talk, the smallest one like say "hi" to everyone that I met, I really miss them a lot.
And another thing that I regret is, I used to hate to take photos. All the memories just in my mind, and sometimes I write it in the diary but it's not breakeven, I really hate this situation.
My parents did not allow me to hang out with my friends, but day by day I just get crazier, my anxiety gets worse, I can't even do easy things that I used to do in minutes. They told me to hang out like 1 time a week, but it's not like that. Even I want the person, but I also want the situation.
People say you don't know what you've got until it's gone.
Like yep, I just realize now. This makes me so sad.
I've been spent a lot of time chatting with my friends, having a talk by phone, and even meeting with friends that close, but it's really different. Like everything so different and I really hateeeee everything.
Now I'm on my 5th semester, next semester gonna be my 6th. I really wished A LOT that class is offline. But sadly, the class gonna be online. UHHHH. I really shock when I read the announcement. Even it's offline, I only have little time to spend with my friends, but WHY it needs to be online? I really miss the moment of studying together, the laugh that I can see front my eyes, the gesture of people, even the smell of the body. I lost like half of the interaction because all this syittt distanttt:’(
There's always a rainbow after the storm, I know it would be. But this time is just getting harder day by day, I really don't know what to do to make me feel better.
I really wish this pandemic can over with a happy ending, and I can through this thing. I wish every hard step that I made today really worth in future.
See you!~
