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[naimosthoughtsblog]

It’s chaotic inside my mind.

No, my mind is the chaos.

Feels like a room full of all kinds of voices. And somehow, I’m expected to carry it all gracefully, like it doesn’t pull my hair strings down every waking moment.

It’s heavy. So unbearably heavy carrying this much noise inside one soul.

Sometimes I wish I had a soul that understands me. I wish I could lay every tangled thought on a table, and have someone finally look at it without fear. Without calling me “too much.” Without trying to fix me into something easier to hold.

[naimosthoughtsblog]

I miss you.

I wish I could just say those words and you’d understand me.

I wish I could utter your name once, and you’d hear everything I’m unable to explain.

Like you still know my mind. Like you still know me.

It’s been forever, love,

but you still show up in my thoughts like we never ended.

I gulp at the mention of your name.

My heart still skips a beat at the remembrance of you.

My eyes widen whenever I stumble across your posts.

My breathing quickens whenever I write about you.

My body betrays me every single time you cross my mind.

Every part of me reacts to you.

You still have me wrapped around your finger.

You’re still my weakness, baby.

And I hope there’s an end to this torture someday,

because I hate how my own body still chooses you

even when my mind is begging it not to.

I shouldn’t be thinking about you this much.

Loving you feels like self-sabotage.

And I don’t want to live like this anymore.

[naimosthoughtsblog]

I felt at home with you.

Whenever my overthinking mind frightened me,

I ran to you.

Whenever my chaotic soul carried

more questions than it could hold,

I ran to you again.

Even in the smallest moments,

when I needed help with ordinary things,

you were always there.

Always ready for me.

Always gentle with me.

Always calming the storms

that lived inside my chest.

But tonight, I am afraid

and you are nowhere near me.

It feels like you took my light with you

when you left.

Your name slipped beyond my reach,

and so did the warmth it carried.

Now everything feels quieter.

Dimmer.

Colder.

And for the first time in a long while,

I do not know where to run.

[naimosthoughtsblog]

If only wanting him

was enough to bring him back to me.

If only, with a single thought,

he would appear beside me

like he belonged there all along.

If only the ache of missing him

could travel through the night

and settle inside his chest

the way it settles inside mine.

If only my soul could call for its light

and he would brighten for me again.

I wish longing were louder.

Louder than distance.

Louder than pride.

Louder than anger.

Maybe then

he would come back to me.

[naimosthoughtsblog]

I miss you.

I miss us.

Tonight feels longer than all the others,

because my mind repeats your name

with every breath I take.

I wish you could see

how restless your silence has made me.

I long for your attention.

I crave your presence.

Please, let us move past

this suffocating distance

and return to what we were.

I want you here, my light,

my dearest.

Let go of your anger

and come back to me.

I promise I will run to receive you

with arms wide open,

my whole chest aching

to pour out all the love

I have kept for you.

Come back to me,

my Noor.

[naimosthoughtsblog]

I’m hurting.

And tonight, all I want is for you to feel me

the way a crying child wants to be held.

I know I ruined us.

Or maybe I ruined the version of us

that could’ve survived

if fear had not spoken louder than love.

This was never supposed to be

how our story unfolded.

Not with silence.

Not with distance.

Not with me standing at the edge of you

too terrified to jump.

I let my fears win.

I handed them the pen

and watched them rewrite everything soft between us.

I wish I had been brave enough

to let you in.

Brave enough to embrace you

without wondering what it would cost me.

Brave enough to let you see me

completely,

the trembling parts,

the aching parts,

the parts that loved you

more deeply than I ever knew how to confess.

So let me tell you this now,

my dearest,

I am sorry

for every feeling I buried alive,

for every moment I turned away

when all I wanted

was to stay.

I still do not know

if I am confident enough to love.

But somewhere inside me

there is a heart learning

how not to run from love.

And I hope one day

I become brave enough

to place my soul in your hands

without fear of what you’ll find there.

Because if I could,

I would open my chest like a window

and let you look inside me,

so you could finally understand

that even in my silence,

even in my distance,

even in my fear,

it was always you.

[naimosthoughtsblog]

No one warns you that writing about people is a form of preservation. You think you’re just documenting a feeling, then months later you reopen a page in your journal and realize you gave temporary people permanent homes.

Tell me why I reread those pages and find myself remembering everyone I’ve written into permanence. People I no longer love, people I no longer know because all of us have changed so much, people who probably forgot me entirely while I accidentally immortalized them in metaphors and stanzas.

Why does someone insignificant become literature simply because I loved them loudly for a moment? Why is someone who hurt me still alive in a paragraph I wrote at 2 a.m.? Why does the boy I barely recognize still exist because I once compared his laughter to the dawn’s touch on a sleepless night?

I’m genuinely considering taking those poems down and ripping those pages out of my journal. Because why should someone continue existing in my art when they no longer exist in my heart?

I guess this is the cost of writing honestly. You give people a kind of forever they never deserved.

I just want to remove people from my writing the same way I removed them from my life😭. That's it😭

[naimosthoughtsblog]

I’m drowning.

Just i’m clutching onto a branch right now

but it’s weak

I think it could break any second.

And when it does

I’ll go down with it.

Does it ever get better?

Because this,

this is hard.

It’s draining

and it feels like it wants to take me with it.

I feel like I’m in a deep hole

screaming my heart out

but not a single soul can pull me out.

Oh God

What do I even do?

[naimosthoughtsblog]

In Your Absence.

How am I supposed to forget you?

How am I ever meant to let go of us?

What do I do with all this love still overflowing in my heart?

What will this silence do to me?

I don’t know if I can endure your absence any longer.

It’s suffocating, your absence feels like it’s breaking me.

My heart still races at the mention of your name.

The nights are longer now, and unbearably lonely.

And tonight, I ache for you,

for your love, for your presence, for what used to be us.

I wish I had a pigeon to carry you my love letters,

because everything in me still wants to reach you.

[naimosthoughtsblog]

I've lost my spark.

It’s so unfortunate, so deeply unfortunate that I feel like I’ve lost my spark.

I used to be so full of life. I loved trying new things..smiling at strangers, playing with children, loudly complimenting gorgeous girls from across the street🤭😂. I used to hold little “fashion concerts” in my room after school and take pictures whenever I felt pretty. I braided my hair on weekends. I cycled with friends. I went on walks. I held sleepovers almost every other weekend. I used to whine to my favorite dancehall songs😭😂. I did my makeup just for fun and made cute TikToks. I had long conversations with people, real ones.

I was… alive. Not perfect but open and curious. Soft in a way that wasn’t afraid of the world.

But now, I don’t pick up calls. I don’t reply to texts. I rarely go outside because it gives me anxiety. Seeing new faces makes me nervous. And when I have to go out, I hide behind my niqab.I stay in my room most of the time. I don’t take pictures anymore.

And somewhere along the way, I started choosing comfort over connection, silence over expression and isolation over being seen.

What’s even sadder is that I’ve slowly shut out my friends. The small things that once made me happy don’t excite me anymore. Now, all I do is scroll endlessly. Post a few articles. Keep up with streaks. Read a novel once in a while. Listen to Lana del Rey's all day. And sleep. Not because I’m rested, but because it’s easier than feeling everything all at once.

I don’t recognize this version of me anymore. I miss the girl who felt alive.

But maybe the truth isn’t that she’s gone. Maybe she’s just buried under fear. Under overthinking. Under the quiet weight of becoming someone new without knowing how.

Because I’ve noticed something, I still feel deeply. I still crave connection. I still want more for myself. And that has to mean something. So maybe this isn’t the end of me. Maybe it’s just a pause I didn’t choose.

But I’m still here. And I want to get through this phase. So I’ll start small. Maybe I’ll go for a walk this evening. Maybe I’ll let the world see me again even if it’s just a little at a time.

[naimosthoughtsblog]

The torture of feeling things deeply.

Some days, my mind is a storm, and my heart is the ocean. And I don't know which one will drown the other first. I think too much, feel too much, and sometimes I wish I could just float along with the current. Life would be easier if I didn’t notice every word, every possibility and every shadow. I could follow the paths others have paved, live by the examples already set, maybe even be lighter. But I can’t. I won’t. I need to see everything naked, with no sugarcoating. I need to feel it all intensely, without pushing the hurting parts aside. I need to forge my own way, even if it burns. Every thought conflicts. Every feeling aches. It’s exhausting, sometimes even unbearable, but that's all mine. And maybe that’s the price of wanting more than ordinary. The struggle, the depth and the chaos are all part of what makes my difference real. Yess, it’s torture. But maybe that’s what it takes to carve a life that’s wholly my own.

[naimosthoughtsblog]

You wanna know how bad it hurt me?? Well, I stopped praying to God!

[naimosthoughtsblog]

Ew

[naimosthoughtsblog]

The dreams I have of you keep merging with the life I must live without you. I won't survive this.

[naimosthoughtsblog]

I wish loving you came with instructions. Especially the part that teaches me how to stop.

[naimosthoughtsblog]

I would’ve drunk poison from his cup

and still whispered, “It’s okay.”

Because that’s what love does

it binds, it blinds.

And when I think of him,

my chest folds in on itself,

and my heart, my poor heart

screams his name.

I couldn’t ask him,

so I ask the heavens…

is this love, or is it torture?

[naimosthoughtsblog]

It takes bravery to stand in your own fire. It takes courage to silence the noise and do what you love. To chase what ignites your soul .To face the weight of self doubt , fear and the endless replay of "what if" . Stop labelling every choice as right or wrong. Just live. Get that piercing, confess that feeling, block that toxic parent, confront your arrogant neighbour, submit your resume,try on the tight dress, read that book, breath, step, fall, rise...let yourself exist fully,wildly and unapologetically. Because there's so much more to life than what scares you.