alyssa leslie

a digital journal documenting my sources of inspiration meaning behind url

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often I am just a blurry outline of a shadow

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“The Two Kinds of Decay” by Sarah Manguso

In the final chapter of the book, Manguso writes: “There are two kinds of decay: mine and everyone else’s.”

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“Tal Uno” by Barrie

Your band’s doing better than my band I’ll go to your show but I’m not gonna dance You broke your wrist and got a cast on your hand covered in peace signs Your sister cut your hair and she gave you bangs, what’d she do that for You’re semi precious and kind of reckless, I think you’re better on your own I got your message, I left my necklace, I got the picture on my phone Don’t you think that you can do better Don’t you think that you can do better Your car won’t start, you need a ride You work at eight called me at nine But I don’t have your number in my phone anymore I saw you walking on the side of the road alone You’re semi precious and kind of reckless, I think you’re better on your own I got your message, I left my necklace, I got the picture on my phone Don’t you think that you can do better Don’t you think that you can do better I’m giving you up, I’m giving you over I’m giving you up, I’m giving you over You’re semi precious and kind of reckless, I think you’re better on your own I got your message, I left my necklace, I got the picture on my phone Don’t you think that you can do better Don’t you think that you can do better

A dreamy intimate song where the speaker is at odds with someone they once had a close relationship with (as indicated with the little details in the verse). I know exactly the kind of person being described throughout this song. There speaker is frustrated with the subject while grieving them and this relationship; but the speaker is also apologetic, believing they’ve failed the subject through some shortcoming of their character. Lots of complicated emotions capture beautifully in this great breakup song.

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intimacy w the self

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A Monologue on a Shower Curtain Dave Eggers, 2011

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“The Unfolding” by Megan Pinto

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basement of an antique store in the city is asking questions about self reflection

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“Ambrosia” by Rosie Tucker

Chewing on my fat lip, contemplate the cool whip  Cover dish and chill for a while  You got money stress so I pick up the check I check my balance as I lean to one side

And I am older every second Than I’ve ever been Right now & now & now I want you more with every second Than I ever did Right now & now & now 

Ambrosia, dish of the gods gets Covered in cool whip, shoved To the back of the fridge Black tank top, middle of autumn Nothing is different  Just cause you wish that it is

But the end is closer every second Than it’s ever been Right now & now & now I want you more with every second Than I ever did Right now & now & now

Ducking out a cool rain, listening to Coltrane I grew up the place where she died Payin my respects while awaiting your texts I think I love you in all possible lives

Ambrosia’s turning me honest Sweet as they come but I’m not the one that they miss A vision covered in cool whip Nothin is simple just cause you wish that it is

(favorite lines bolded)

I love the specificity of the details that outline each verse. I feel like I’m being told a whole story through the metaphor of a salad dish. I love the in-line rhymes as well.

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taken on a walk with my Matthew…two different lights, two different moods in adjacent rooms. the contrast of color was so striking I had to stop. it makes me wonder about how we can be so close to each other, only a thin wall apart, and experience such different things. we may not even be aware of what’s going on right next to us.

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messages in the same bathroom

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from “Guts” by Kimberly King Parsons

This is how you write about love. Parsons doesn’t overdramatize; she takes the ordinary and acknowledges how even the slightest nuance of daily life becomes affected by such an intense emotion. By resisting dramatizing the intensity, she brings it to life.

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I love how one thing can appear as another, how the light outside is transformed by the window, into a square shape, projected onto the ceiling. The source of this light, just outside, has affected the inside of this room, the ceiling being modified. There’s so much inspiration here for me—ideas about what it means to be shaped, contained, projected, distorted.

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This I love: my hand and wrist in a coat splayed across a photo of a summer scene. The light hitting the book is artificial, yet it looks like the sun streaming in. Has me wondering about appearance vs reality. Taken while exploring the book section of Rough Trade.

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from “So Much For That Winter” by Dorthe Nors

I adore this for its simplicity. The first two lines are in immediate contrast: winter/spring; a conflict that returns on line six with sweet/bitter; and finally, with running shoes/wool socks. This opening list paints a picture of a person in conflict with themselves and the world. Someone who is insecure, in doubt, but also fierce, brave.