Where was Victor during episode 12?
You’ll remember how Victor briefly disappears for a while during the second half of episode 12. We know there’s a lot at stake, we know what happened the night before. We can only imagine what his headspace must be like. Yet, we’re never given an explanation to his whereabouts.
To me, it’s actually pretty obvious:
Is it unreasonable to think so? Not to me, considering the events that transpired during the course of the episode. Hear me out!
All throughout the episode, Victor and Yuuri are always seen together in frame. Even if their expressions are subdued and it’s obvious they’re both in pain.
This fact remains true up until the moment when Yuuri finishes his record-breaking free program and Victor offers him this kind of pained smile.
We know he’s happy for Yuuri, hell, he’s proud of him. He went and did what no one, especially Yuuri himself, expected. He overcame his fear and his self doubt, and he proved to the whole world what Victor already knew from the start.
However, there’s also the fact that he knows their time together is limited. Yuuri told him, literally the night before, that he was planning on quitting. Even if Yuuri agreed to postpone that decision until after the event was over, it’s still a possibility.
Especially since Yuuri’s just told him, literally seconds ago, that he actually expects Victor to compete again. Even if Yuuri doesn’t quit, their dynamic will definitely change. They won’t get to spend every day together, like they have for the past eight months.
Victor tries to appear normal, asking reporters to take his and Yuuri’s picture, cheering for Chris, etc. But the truth is Victor is hurt, very much so. And he’s frightened of what the future will bring. We know he’s a master at hiding his true feelings. He’s been doing so for years.
Right after this scene, while Yuuri is busy doing interviews, Victor sneaks off to talk to Yakov, and he immediately announces his decision to come back to skating, without waiting to hear what Yuuri’s decision regarding his own career is. He’s running away from the pain, and trying to throw himself into his old routine. This is safe, after all. This is what he knows, what he’s good at.
But he breaks. His smile is strained, his expression unreadable. He holds onto Yuri in desperation. He doesn’t want Yuuri to quit. He doesn’t want him to leave his side. He’s so proud of him, and he wants to continue being his coach, watching him grow.
But he’s defeated. His posture isn’t fitting of the champion, the living legend. His shoulders are hunched, he feels so powerless, so weak. And he’s literally clinging to Yuri in desperation. He doesn’t know what to do.
Right after that, we see Yuri, Lilia and Yakov emerge. But Victor is nowhere in sight. Even Yuuri realizes he’s missing, and it pains him, because usually Victor is right there, by his side. It would seem natural for him to share this moment with him, right? He just smashed a world record!
Yuuri rushes to watch Yuri skate, and Victor is still nowhere to be found. He’s always been there, he’s also his mentee, in a way. Yuuri knows Victor cares about him, so why isn’t he watching? Where is he? He’s literally nowhere in sight!
It isn’t until the award ceremony is over that Victor finally reemerges. We’re given no explanation to his whereabouts. He seems normal, in fact. Happy for Yuuri.
So, I ask again. Is it unreasonable to think he actually pulled a Yuuri from the first episode and locked himself in the bathroom, where no one could find him, and cried his poor, wounded heart out? Not to me!
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