Always defend your right to heal at your own pace. You are taking your time. You are allowed to take your time.
Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
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@narcissismawareness
Always defend your right to heal at your own pace. You are taking your time. You are allowed to take your time.
Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
your abusers do not define who you are as a person. you may feel like its your fault but it is just them being manipulative. it is not your fault for being hurt. you do not deserve pain.
Psychologia
Wow, literally all of that “Emotional Hot Buttons” segment describes me.
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excuse me, im too busy coddling str8 men and making them feel better about themselves and tricking myself into thinking im doing my share to dismantle hypermasculinity by helping them talk about their feelings to realize that these men are using me and could care less about my well-being :))))))))
oh shit that me.
I can’t think of a better way to revenge someone who tried to break you, than to live and love life more without them.
Innocent Mwatsikesimbe, Live & Remember (via melaninspice)
i really wish everyone had good hearts and good intentions for others. honestly.
PTSD also affects rape, trauma and abuse survivors; children and adults.
10 Types of Emotional Manipulators | NEW VIDEO (Nov 20)
Advice for people in their 20s from someone who’s just entered their 30s....
1. Don’t waste time being fearful: go for that job that you’re certain you’re not gonna get. What’s the worse that can happen? You are rejected, but you gain interview experience. Self-doubt is really a waste of time.
2. Live in the present. Yes, it is important to plan for the future, but it is easy to put off living until it is too late. Make sure that you have no regrets about what you should have done. Do one exciting thing per year.
3. Know your worth. This applies to both work and relationships; never sell yourself short. No job or romance is more important than your self respect. Also, charge for any unique skills/services that you can offer.
4. Don’t be afraid to leave bad situations. I left a stable but draining teaching job in order to protect my mental health. Even though this was a big risk, it was the best decision I ever made. NOTHING is more important than your mental health.
5. Most 20 somethings feel that they are underachieving. This is normal - especially in today’s financial climate. Don’t feel bad if you are still living at home and cannot afford to rent/buy. I’m 30 and still living at home, saving to buy.
6. People will disappoint you, but most of the time, it’s not about you. Everybody has their own demons and traumas that make them behave in certain ways. If somebody disrespects you, assert your boundaries and keep it moving. Also, examine if there was anything you could have done to avoid the situation. But DO NOT let it eat away at you.
7. In love, nobody owes you anything. Even if they made a promise, they are their own person…Everybody has the right to change their mind and to leave a situation which is not beneficial for them. This is hurtful and hard to accept, but it is the truth.
8. Learn to enjoy your own company. Your 20s can be a lonely time as your social sphere narrows, due to employment, finances and exhaustion. Use this time to find out more about yourself and do the things that you enjoy. There is something liberating about eating at a restaurant alone.
9. Be kind, don’t gossip or overshare. I am still working on this one. It is really difficult to be kind and positive in a world full of annoying people. However, your attitude will influence how you are being perceived. If you are unkind, people will laugh at your jokes but they will never trust you. They will never trust you not to treat them as you treat other people. Remove yourself from toxic people, and only share negativity (sadness/anger/depression) with a therapist and one other person that you trust. If you overshare negative feelings, you may be stereotyped as being full of drama. Furthermore, people will want you to stay in a negative place because it’s entertaining and makes them feel better about their own lives. Just don’t do it.
10. You cannot win every battle. Within conflict, it is tempting to try to force others to agree with your perspective. However, most people are set in their ways, and find it difficult to change their views and behaviours. This is especially important when dealing with toxic family members. You may never get the apology and empathy that you seek, so it is important to accept that every battle cannot be won, and gain validation internally, rather than externally.
lol I really needed this
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I will thrive
The silent treatment is a brutal form of abuse—one that pins you against your own mind. You declare war on your intuition and everything that you know to be true. Once your identity has been sufficiently eroded, the abuser can use this final technique without any chance that you’ll leave them. Instead, you will torture yourself, carrying out the remainder of the abuse for them. They will leave you alone with your thoughts, planting subtle hints and suggestions over social networking to encourage your paranoia. You will run through everything you’ve done in the relationship, blaming yourself for your feelings & emotions. You will wake up in the middle of the night, heart racing as you hope for a text from them. Nothing. You log into Facebook and see them chatting away with friends and exes. They’re not unavailable—they’re ignoring you. You will be expected to understand that they cannot talk for days on end, despite texting you on an hourly basis in the beginning of the relationship. You will begin to feel that you are on “probation”, despite having no idea what you’ve done wrong. You may become passive aggressive, drafting out long emails about their changed behavior and complete lack of contact. You might even feel strongly enough to suggest a break, but you will never follow through with it for more than a few hours. You will think you can out-ignore them, remaining calm and collected like nothing is wrong. But they will always win this game. Because they do not need your attention—they have already found someone else. When the abuser begins ignoring you for days, it means they’ve found a new target. Otherwise, they would continue focusing all of their efforts on you. But now, you are just an obstacle. They’ve found something new and exciting—your emotions are just a bothersome speed bump in their latest romantic venture. They will never tell you this. They will just continue to read your desperate text messages, ignoring you without another word. They will lash out and accuse you of being obnoxious, delusional, and clingy. They will refuse to discuss anything over the phone or in person, unless it happens entirely on their terms. The abuse is no longer covert. Their contempt for you is unmistakable. The “cr*zier” you become, the more evidence they have to gain sympathy from their friends and new target. They use your increasingly unstable reactions to groom the latest victim. But despite all of this, they will not dump you. Not yet. They’re saving that for the right moment.
Jackson McKenzie, Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People (via cannibal-rainbow)
“Note to self: Every time you were convinced you couldn’t go on — you did.” via little-miss-tragedy
self harm alternatives
let yourself cry
draw on your skin with red marker
go for a quick walk
scribble recklessly on paper
rip up a newspaper or magazine
write a positive letter to yourself
take a bath and pamper yourself
start a journal and get creative
cuddle with a pet
write a list of things you like about yourself
splatter paint on a large piece of paper
chew a piece of ginger root
pick a random subject and research it
reorganize something in your room
make a recovery playlist