if youre reading this then i havent deleted it from my queue which means ive succeeded in killing myself
lemme give you a moment to like put your hand over your mouth or cry or smth i dont know
okay this post isnt about my reasoning for taking my life and all its ~~potential~~~ im letting my reasons die with me, cause im afraid of being judged for them h aha how messed up is that this is all being typed just for the sake of it
mom + dad: i wish you wouldve noticed. but its not your fault, i promise. i know you loved me, and i love you too. im sorry for doing this to you guys.
elissa: i love you. youre my best friend and youre such an amazing person and youre going to be so successful and i love you. never stop writing, please, please. never forget to treat yourself with kindness.
jamie: i am so sorry we wont have our apartment together. that we wont run to each other in an airport or something, that i wont sing you to sleep again or snapchat you ridiculous things at 5 AM. you give me such happiness and i really really love you. thank you for being my QP, no matter how short our time was together.
hope: im so sorry. you were always always there for me when i reached out to you, you always knew what to say, and for that i thank you. you are so lovely and dear to my heart and you possess such incredible beauty. i adore you. ive always adored you. im sorry i wont get to see you be a mother, get your phd, im sorry well never drink together. you know i love you.
to those lovelies in hsph; thank you for everything. good group, best family.
to those who will say, “i wish i had gotten to know them better”, and to those who might romanticize me and erase my flaws because im dead; ew no dont.
my name was julia louise buencamino and my gender neutral name was lee. i was 15, assigned female at birth, and i identified as nonbinary(surprise mom and dad ive known i was trans since i was 13). panromantic demisexual, as of this moment, so yes dad i made out with a girl. (two. hi kristin and cheese!) (yall can bury me as a girl because i know how queerphobic this country is but know that i was never comfortable with being seen as one.)
i loved the ocean. i made glittar jars to calm myself down. i loved my hair and my laugh. i loved to act and sing. i started tumblr in 2012, roleplaying for rise of the guardians as sophie bennett. i loved, i loved, i loved to read. sometimes i was happy with my body, sometimes i hated it with every fiber of my being. i was not a girl. i cant pick a favorite character in haikyuu because i loved them too much. i stayed on twitter until 3 AM at least three times a week. i self harmed. i was here. i was too cowardly. and now im gone.
be kind to yourselves.
