Love

Its my love story. The girl I still love and she does me back,but the story is quite interesting because its never going to end.

[nash-21]

She.

After a long time isn't? I know I know. I am in love so irregular with this. Didn't even thought that I would be in love again

This has been a just a ride I would have to explain each and everything. Here am I about what I felt.

Going to follow up with a story a girl who has a life of unexpected turns which she crossed with courage and now a independent proud women.

I have been always a person who believes in love always. Love is a different feeling. Makes you feel that there is someone in the world who is waiting for you to call you or is there at a place wanting you to be there for him/ her.

We both were in love in past were we didn't got the love we wanted or the commitment that is given to each other. My story and her story is different yet quite similar when it comes to getting hurt in life. She has been hurt from her friends and the then special person in her life were she was too much into him and yet the guy didn't realise this and left the picture (good for me ;)

She thought of killing her as she experienced love for the first time in life ending in this way which is long distance with so little talking and conversation with each other.

Love is quite funny sometimes. You are there for them but they aren't is that really love? For me it's not. Love happens both the ways. You being there for that person at the same time the person is there for you.

She felt heart broken and it was so intense that she couldn't bare thinking she would be alone in life. Her friends blaming her for all the fights they are having is quite unbelievable. Now knowing all these the guy left her. Obviously no one is like me ;D haha.

However she was broken and wanting to be around someone she can love and give the love to someone. She didn't fall in love for anyone till now until she did in 2023.

The pressure of her sisters marriage and her mom's health created so much undeniable situations that she wanted to be with someone who can act as a barrier for peace. However this time there was a guy who not only gave her pain but with that additional situations of fake account and abuse with words and a lot of things were he was dating with someone else. She being innocent cannot understand if he is telling lies and truth ( innocent she).

She being with her starting to talk to someone who is HANDSOME... COOL... CUTE... LOVELY... NAUGHTY.. and a LOVER...She felt good with him.. Felt life is in place.. Felt she can be loved.. Felt she can be in peace...The guy made a lot of efforts to express the love he has for her. Getting that love from him she felt in the top of the world. She is getting happy everyday until once day when she say him in person.

Instantly felt in love. However she told everything about the existing guy and finished things with him and coming to him.

After they saw each other magic happened. She left that love. Even the guy felt that someone loves her. Magic and full magic happened after that day. There was a lot to know about each other during that time. However the first impression was exact as the guy wanted as it was important for him to put that on her but he realised that it was not necessary as she never was into looks or anything however she likes stars with bodies...humm humm. However she loves the fact I workout and have nerves which she checked every now and then.

A lot to write about all these however one at a time. Just to finish this with one song dedicated to her. Ami bhaundule ghuri je amake bhasbe bhalo tar aakashe urii ami tor aakashe urriii <3

[nash-21]

One Night Conversation.

Hey. It's me again.

After a long isn't?

However I came up with a great story which I recently had with an amazing women.

Here is it...

She is a person my mom wanted me to talk to as she is a person my mom thought would l be the best for me. When I heard that I thought that she must have a reason so I took the number from her and messaged her.

The guts to msg her was kind of too hard because I didn't wanted her to be awkward regarding me or anything related to that. I send the msg to her by closing the eyes eventually she came back with a reply. In that reply she was as cold as coffee which made me realise that I made a mistake by taking the lead here. I thought maybe she is in this generation she will be okay to have a conversation but nope, she was completely different.

We had some conversation while she is giving me her one-line answers which kind of made me irritated caused I wanted to have a very good conversation but I couldn't.

Now yesterday I thought of asking her about the exam as she said she is having the exam. When I asked her I saw the state of mind she is in. I could feel that she is not happy and not feeling good about anything. After making her understand I didn't feel she understood anything while saying yes just to avoid the conversation.

I then asked her to read and wished her the best. Where she replied me with "kanna paache" (I want to cry). This triggered me and I quickly realized that she needs someone to talk to someone who can make her feel a little different or better. No sooner I asked her that should I call?.

She was shocked and was in dilemma who is he why should I talk to him he is a unknown person I never have seen him ever even had a conversation with him before, which is quite normal for any human being. I was being too comfortable from my end making her uncomfortable. However I didn't even gave her time to think much about this as I knew her situation and wanted to be with her. I quickly called her.

She took the call ( I am grateful to her) and the first thing she told to me that please do not talk about studies and I got scared because I thought maybe I pushed a lot and was confused what the say next. I wondered what to say for around 15-20 secs and then pushed a conversation to see how she reacts which she reacted normally. I made she don't feel uncomfortable at all so I related the story with me that actually happened with me and after that I saw her feeling a little better than before.

She was giving her beautiful smile for my jokes. To describe her.

Her voice is like cute and soft that even titanium will melt. Listening to her gave me smoothening in my ears. Trust me she also loved my company and started to have a lot of conversation with me. I was happy that I made her enough comfortable to talk about anything.

We started around 12:00am and we didn't even realize that it was 3:00. We nearly talked around 3 hours in the first ever conversation we had. I felt so good after the talk that I even messaged her expressed the gratitude for her I have for her.

To say how she was she has humor. She was giving me a quite a challenge with that even called me a desh drohi. The level of freeness we had amount each other in just hours of time was commendable.

We had a lovely time and once of the best interactions till now.

I look forward to have more conversations with her as her laugh and smile make me happy :)

[nash-21]

Jack shit.

After a long time I know :')

However...

Right now I am living a life of loneliness. I know that I can change a lot of thing by going into a relationship however I don't know a lot of things are going through my head when it comes to being in a relationship.

Were in one page I can see that there are people who are happy in a relation I have seen people fighting like anything being together. Also cheating is something which comes with that.

Right now my condition is something related to a bridge. Standing all alone only having legs to support.

It feels lonely tbh. It really feel lonely as there is no-one to talk to.

I do have people to talk to however the same people do not call me back to have a conversation with me. Now a days were people wants each other there are no one to talk to. I don't feel talking to other people as I hate people who ignore me. I know I am a person and a normal human being however right now I am I want to be around people and talk to people as I think I can be of a very great importance in people's life.

Only my parents are the people who are there for me. Non are there to talk to me in terms of friends. This is crazy in terms of making your networking strong as most of the people here talk in telegu. Also connecting to someone and understanding them and then get to know that they will be leaving in later of your life will make another setback.

Even my mom is dilutional. I don't know what she thinks how she thinks and what she wants. When I told her that I will be sending the money in. She told me not to. I have no reason why she is trying to act the same way she is acting with my sister.

I hate being in that place. She fights with me without any reasons.

Now that being said I am in a place were I have literally no one other than god who wants nothing from me and just wants love from me.

God please be there with me as you are the only person I can rely on as there is no one I can trust or open to as everyone is just looking after them no one else.

[nash-21]

Applying the P-hook!

Okay I am back. Yes these days were kind of lazy as I didn't wanted to write.

However, I really want to let myself know that I am going to become a billionaire in the next 4 yrs.

Why is that?

I know what life is right now. I have to think a lot to spend money. I am trying not to spend much money as it will take a lot of effort to get that money back. I am not even thinking about the relation which will get wasted.

Adding to this. We started to talk as normal we used to however I have realized that she is taking advantage of being alone. She clearly said me that we cannot meet in Hyderabad as she has to meet me with her sister. Also that she is making arrangements for surat so that I will come and meet her. Funny part is she is saying this in a way she is doing a favor on me to meet me. Which I replied her in we will not be able to meet anymore if we do not meet in hyderabad as I will not be able to meet you in surat. And also when she said me that to meet me with her sister I said no to that completely as well. You know what that means?

I am over her!

I do not need her..I do not have any connection with her anymore. It's just lust that takeover me however not anymore.

Realisation is very important than anything else. I realised this thing yesterday that maybe she is a person I will surely want to be around however will never run after. Denying her that I will not be able to go to surat means that I am over her. Also the possibility of meeting her will be nil from now on. It's the same I had another girl in the past.

After I clearly asked her that I will not meet you in that white dress I took a stand for myself. I took my stand again yesterday were I felt that I am more important than anything.

She was the only person who asked me not to come to surat when we talked last about this. She clearly said that I will never ask you to come in here were I wanted to come there like anything. She just clearly said a no to that. When she could have met me because of her coaching. Now when she asked me I said that I will not be able to.

That's called as Karma!

When you hurt me in the past by saying completely no to come there. And after 2 months she is a completely new person where she wants me there. This time I said a complete no without giving a reason.

Giving a reason will justify my actions which I do not want anyone to know. It's my thing and I will deal with it. I never said anyone I will never.

However now when the karma is set. She got what she said no to. Only because I showed the value of myself by not having a conversation with her anymore. Not complaining about anything and by having the same relation with her as I had in the past. She also understood that I valued myself over her and nothing can be done.

In this way every boy should value themselves and should look into them rather than complaining about someone else as complaining will not result into good however if you accept and move on then the people will run after you as you didn't gave them the value they deserved.

This happens to every girl in the world. And now I know the trick to make people run after you is having a good life and building relation. So that you will not need them at all.

OR

Have a high standards in life. Don't run after them. Make them run after you. How will that happen? Just enjoy your time. Do not give them the importance they want and they will surely run towards you.

Thats It. ;D

[nash-21]

Learnings!

So here am I again writing. Things are good right now. I am at my home. in my leaves. So I got know one thing. She is such a person that she wants me to meet me in the same time she says that she cannot meet me. I told her very clearly that we will not be able to meet anymore as you will come in a family function so eventually you will not be able to meet.

Now she says that she wants to me as I asked her not to. Now I am understanding the real nature of girls. When I was asking her so much to meet me she completely denied me like I am not a person to her. She rejected me like I am a shit. However after we talked after 2months she is now wants me to meet and after I asked her that we will not be able to meet because you will have to be there with your parents and its better not to meet me she says now that she want's to meet. Even she has problems she will meet me. Isn't it not normal? She wants to meet me feel me do everything just because I am pushing her away? I know this is not normal. Also that I have lost feelings for her and that I will not stick around as I used to after knowing that she will be there in my state. Funny part is that I will become something by then. I'll be a proud man. She is a person I will want to stay away as she always pushes negatively to everyone she is around.

I really don't want to talk to her anymore. Once I know the intension of people I stay away from them just for my sake. She is a beautiful person however I will not be able to be in contact with her as she is a opportunities she wants ATTENTION.

Right now she wants someone to talk to her. That is why she is messaging me. I am pretty sure she is also talking to someone else as well as for them taking attention from anyone is more important than anything else. Once I started saying that I do not care about your parents as my situation is also not good she started saying more about her family. I really do not understand what is the issues with these ladies.

Now she wants to meet me and wants to spend time with me. Funny thing is she is ready to do everything which she didn't wanted to do 2 months back. Only because I shifted her away. I will stay away from these people as they are toxic as fuck. They can change like chameleon. They changed the color like anything else.

I do know I am saying a lot of things against her but this is something which I saw for the first time. I have learnt from it and now I am not texting her at all. Staying fully away from her. If she wants to talk to me I will surely do ending a conversation in a good way. So that I can get back her whenever I want and she wants so that she can never be my enemy as in my life its very small for making enamines.

Your heart should be as big as a ballon.

Thank you for writing this. This will keep a memory of what issues and things I went though till I become a billionaire.

[nash-21]

LIFE AND FIGHT TO BE AT A DIFFERENT PLACE.

Hi, I am back here after a long time. I know I know it's inconsistency however this is something which was needed to find the right frame of mind I have right now. There has a lot happened these days as there is no one to talk about this I am going to write.

Writing is something which helps me evolve as a person. So here my rants again..

There was a lot of prep going on before my sister's marriage. However they decided to get married when she was staying with him in his place. Out of no where we were shocked that how can she decide to get married without talking to someone in our home. However they decided that and I was all alone in Kondapur. No body to talk to all alone.

She decided to shift the place from Kondapur to Nacharam just because she wanted to get married and the people who will be going to come will have a place to stay near his place. Fair enough she was thinking about her and her partner however she didn't think about me at all. I was all alone all these days with no one to help me or talk to me. She asked me to go to Cuttack with her just to help her getting married to god first so I did went there.

Then I planned to go to Durgapur to visit my Nani ma. And he went to do the shifting. There was a lot of chaos there however not going to write about that here at all.

But the shifting was done. We all went to nacharam and then I had to change the address which I did and the address was change to nacharam only because of her marriage I struggled like anything.

I used to stay in the cab for than 2 hours to each the office and didn't had courage to take a room near the office as the rent is quite high nearby. However I was complaining about that to everyone on call and was feeling depressed. That is the worst phase of my life.

Right after shifting I didn't wanted to be there as there was nothing there. Just a residential place to stay. However my mom and dad came to stay with us that right and she arranged everything in my house. Then it was like yes we can stay here. I was still traveling during that time however I was getting used to it now.

I didn't wanted to but I had to as I was not getting any place at all. I was continuous looking at rooms and everything but I was not getting any of it. Then all the guest for her marriage came in and it became a room of full of people were the room was getting so hot that we cannot even understand. People were crazy in her marriage but after that she had a fight with my mom in her marriage because of which I was not able to concentrate or enjoy her marriage as I wanted to as there was so much chaos.

Then after her marraige she came home and she fought with my mom which is the wrost part. Me as a person was so depressed that I can't even say. Feeling like running away from that place and say somewhere else. However I wanted to do my duty and took my parents to my home in Cuttack with respect and asked my sister to take some time away. Sometimes distance makes things alright. I went in my offs and only slept. I did nothing much sleeping as I was so tired with all these. I couldn't do anything. I cannot shout to my mom neither my sister. The same case was with my papa.

After I came back I planned everything and I changed my place away from her and now I am staying in a different place close to office in less amount of price. To be honest staying here is the best decision I took as I do not want to be around all these mess. I don't want my energy getting wasted on something which is worthless.

I planned and executed it. Now I am here which means I can do what I can think. No one helped me to find a room for me. Neither anyone helped me to stay away from them. Everyone was there to listen to my rant that my commute hours are getting higher however no one did anything for me. I did everything for myself. Even my job it's all me. Not a single person helped to get this.

I always used to listen people saying.

It's important to execute planning is nothing without execution. Thats true however people do not know what will happen if they execute and they fail. However I planned something and now I am here without getting failed. I executed what I have planned the day I reached nacharam that I'll not be here my whole life. And I'll stay near my office so that I can be in contact with everyone and my fitness.

That means what? I can be in a different level if I execute things and now I know what will happen when you execute things you plan. I also know I will have to plan and I will only have to execute it. No one is going to execute it for me. They will just know my success story. The effort and everything will be given by me.

From now on I have a thing that I'll be around positive people and spread positive vibes to the people. If I am happy I'll keep people happy. As people in my office say that anyone who is my girlfriend will be so happy as I am always happy and keep smiling. That is my motto from now on to be smiling always and keep negative things away. Feelings will come when I have my love intact with that person. Not to think about that much now as its time for me to shine.

To be the best.

[nash-21]

Goa

So the story starts from the day I realized that I have 4 days offs in one go. Now that was unwanted, and the offs was given to me by my office. I was happy at the same time I was thinking were should I go were I can enjoy myself. I started wondering if someone in my team has off as the same time and got to know that she has the same offs. So I started making plans with her. It was in that moment that I realized we can go there and enjoy and come back. Now we planned everything but eventually it was all in vein as we thought it would not be easy for me to go for the trip as there are a lot of factors involved and she was not confident in me. Eventually I the last day came and everything was still unplanned so we thought it will not be possible to finish this trip so we took it light and let it go. When we came back from office we had talk and realized that this is not going to work at all.

She called after a hour or 2 were she told me to book the tickets and I was like are you sure you want to go right? She said yes and we booked the tickets. At evening I was late to the stop were she asked me to come as I took the metro late. I was shocked because she was literally shouting at me because I was late. She was telling me she will go away home and I was like just left the metro station and it was long way to reach her stop. I got down at Ameerpet and then I took the wrong metro and started going to other side of her station. Realized it was wrong I went down and then took the right way. After I reached the stop I went down and then went to the bus stop. She was standing there and we sat inside the bus. We were taken to a spot were the bus will left. We were happy as at least I reached in time and she was there

We sat inside the bus and the bus started moving. We were so happy. With that I was like I would get opportunity to see a new city. I got to see a new city we went to different clubs and beaches. It was quite a good experience. We took another day and came back by flight and then we went back to our homes.

Now my side of the story

I was irritated by her voice. God!!!!! it is irritating. She was so selfish that I have never seen someone more selfish than her. She only think about her. I never have realized that someone like her even exist in the world. Funny part is we didn't took a selfie in the whole trip. One point of time I was like why the hell I came here with her. Shouldn't have been in this place with her.I was so desperate to go back home so that I do not have to take her responsibility.

I was there with her the whole trip and get to know that she thinks that it's my due diligence to be with her. Everything was okay till the time she said I want to work in some place where there is not much of work and in future I will get married to a pilot, business man or a doctor so that he can provide for me and if I have a business man then I can also take his half part of the business or start a business with him. Shit!! I was like shit I shouldn't have been in this place with her. She is a opportunist she looks at the opportunity and grab it. I was like I would never ever talk to this type of people who wants life to be easy. I hate people like that. I want people who wants to something in there life were they want to do something on there on not just to enjoy. My sister is like that and she inspires me to be like that.

After this when we came back to the office I wanted to go away from her and stay away from her as she started to ask more of her doubts to me which I didn't wanted to answer. I stopped talking to her as she gave me vibes that I couldn't take.

This was my side of story.

[nash-21]

QA Interview/ LIfe

I had Qatar airways interview yesterday. Giving it after almost 1yr 3 months. Long time isn't? Yes, it is. But I was preparing myself for the last week knowing that fact that I may or may not get selected. Funny part is I didn't push myself the whole week as I was having night shift. And the morning schedule was to sleep. Eventually Saturday came and I was ready to prepare the whole day. I was busy gathering things the whole day and night like lie and stuffs. But after that I started preparing and then my test was taken by the person, I stopped writing about. She took my interview and asked a lot of questions. Not only that it was kind of something which I always into my girl. She was trying her best to make a better person. I gave the interview my confidence was at next level. Matter of fact I was kind of nervous, but it all went away after the interview. Now after that I slept and got up next in the morning. Then again my interview was taken for last questions. I then got myself ready and left for the interview. When reached there I saw people who didn't look so smart but was there. Unfortunately, I didn't get selected even if I answered every question correctly. But I was happy knowing the fact that I was at my best in the interview, and I have improved from the last time. Seriously a lot changed in me I came to know about myself. How I can improve in every aspect in my life.

I was happy that I improved a lot as a person. Last year was a roller coaster year for me. Once I got to her jo everything was changed as I was put into the picture with a lot of people. Not only that it was just a dream come true for a me. I shouldn't say this but the reality is this. Now I have everyone around me who wants my attention but to be honest I don't want to give it to anyone as when I needed everyone no one was there. When I was saying all these things to Kirti she got irritated that I am sharing things to her which is negative. I could sense that and when I said I am cutting the call she said fine. I took care of myself that time. Manisha left me like a hanging balloon. She blocked me because she messed up in life. She treated me like anything like I do not exist. Everyone treated me like shit. Why I'll be there for them? Gifting me things doesn't take away the pain. Nobody was there when I was in pain. I was only the person who took care of myself. Now when things are good, I am going to enjoy that keeping in mind that I have to make m parents proud. That is.

[nash-21]

Life has its own way of living life in. For me I have certain kind of life which I always look forward to. Let just say that I have to take life as it is then I am always the person who takes it as it is. Manisha came back in my life and as far as I know she has changed. She told me a lot of lies before but now she is saying the truth and she is saying this after we had a fight that I want only the truth from you. If you ever lie to me that is the last day we will talk. But I am getting a feeling that she is been talking to a lot of other people were she is been taken into a lot of other things. I do trust her but sometimes I feel like she is hiding things from me. Though it doesn't matter much now as we are just friend but I just want to something. If she is going to make me her best friend and want to get everything that she needs to get from a boyfriend eventually she will get married to a person who is not me. What is the use of even staying with her when she is going to get married to someone else. Matter of fact she wants everything as a girlfriend now but she'll be doing these things to her husband and I'll be like left alone like I was before. Does it worth it to risk your life like this and then get betrayed by them like this? Kirti did the same thing to me she left me and now she wants her to get her up in the morning. Okay we were friend but that doesn't mean she'll ask me to get her up. I have decided to take myself away from her as much as possible because she is a wonderful person with that she needs to understand that all these things will not work in life when she will get married to someone else. Also, I even don't know if she only talks to me. she can talk to a lot of people and maybe she shares all these to them as well. Funny part is I am still in this situation were I was before. My father said if you go into all these then your career will go away as you'll be thinking about what she is doing and constantly thinking about her all the time without thinking about yourself which will harm your career and yourself. I have decided to mind my own business and live the life I have always wanted live

[nash-21]

Trip for 1 week :D

I have been into a lot of happy moments, but this was something I have never seen before. I never have been too happy in because all the pressure that comes with when you get a job. Everything apart me before leaving for the trip there was people who were getting fired from the job. And I saw my friends getting fired and their sad moments. It took my mood to a different place. I was not in mood when I came back home as that day only one of my friend got fired, even though she was fired I was feeling like maybe the next person in the list is me. But everything came to be positive, and we were not fired from the job. I know this is something we should be ashamed of but thing is what it is. I was not feeling to be in a vacation mode but still I took the flight to Dehradun and seeing my family happy my mood instantly changed and I thought that I should let go of things there in my heart and move on as this is the best thing to do. I went for rafting and when I dropped myself into the ganga, I felt everything in me is gone. The pain the pressure the aloneness everything related to myself and things happening in my life is just gone. I was the happiest person in the world. Lord ganga took every pain in my body. I felt so good I can't even express myself here on those chats. Now when we finished our rafting, I was dead tired and wanted to sleep I even got cold but still we went to bus stand to see the bus timings. Even if I was not feeling good, I pushed myself to go there. After I came back, I took medicines and went to sleep.

I was feeling good next morning and we took the bus to Joshimath. It took 8 hrs. to reach there. It was cold there. We were shocked how much is the temperature difference. We took out our cold dresses and wore them. It felt good to be in such a beautiful place. I never seen such a beautiful place in my life. It was mesmerizing.

I took a small time out and went to the terrace and sat there and was listening to "bhola hai bhandari" it was so matching the essence of him being there in that place gives a different feeling. Later I came to know that it was the place of krishna or narayan but I felt he was there in those mountains looking at me. I was listening to his song and was meditating looking at the black mountains were I can see the white part at the back. The feeling was something I never felt.

After that day there wasn't a single day we had rest. We had plans one day after another continuously. The next day we went to auli and there we enjoyed so much. We did the trekking to Auli. That is approximately 8 kms. After reaching there we went to gurson bugyal. That is a place were we find snow. After reaching there we took chair car to phase 2 were my sister took a horse to the top. We started to trek from there to the top. On the way we met a couple at the age of 74 coming back from the top. We took blessings from them as they are quite inspirational for all of us. We did all the trek and reached that specific place after trek of 1 hr and then after reaching there our hands became cold we ate Maggi there. I was so cold that even if we were holding that Maggi were weren't feeling anything. It was different feeling all together. After having maggi we decided to go more up so we did the trek to more 4 kms and after that we decided to move back as the chair car will get closed at 5pm. So we started to go back. After walking around 1 hr we reached there and took the chair car back to Auli. We had some food and then we went walking to Joshimath.

We decided to do born fire as it was a dream for all of us to do the bonfire and then we asked them to make some lassi with weed in it. After I had it I felt everything is going here and there. It was shocking. I slept so that I don't do anything nonsense. I was going to through a lot of things. One of the things was I felt shiv was coming in me. I could look him in me. It was a different feel. I never felt the way I felt that day. It changed me completely after that day. In the mid of that night sayan bhai was in trans and was acting wired. He was thinking that some ghost got into him. He was not sleeping at all. So I went on him and forced him to sleep. Anyhow we all slept and got up next morning.

We went to badrinath the next day. It was quite religious of a trip. I felt so good going there. After we came back we had to sleep early as we had bus in the next morning. We slept and got up the next morning for the bus. We reached rishikesh and directly went to the bed. That day and the next day was rest for us. We enjoyed the stay there. We went for rafting again the next day and then I went to trivani ghat for the arti. It was such a good feeling spending the last day in a religious way. A lot of people came there. Felt good. I came back by walking a long way. Then took an auto to tapovan. I reached hotel and went directly to bed. Took some pizza that my sister bought for me. After sleeping I got up next morning. Sayan bhai left next morning and we left after 2 hours, Reached HYD.

Trip Finished.

I really never felt the way I felt in my life ever. It was a eye opening for me and not only that now I can work and control myself in all possible ways. Got one thing to do the way I used to talk I won't talk anymore. I will work and will talk only when it is a break.

End

[nash-21]

Auli

Going to Auli in the next 3 days. Excited as fk. Not only that but I love to just release all the pressure I have to the mountains and come back with happiness within. Just be happy for whatever I have and the love I will be getting from my people who will never leave me. Just want to live the way I always wanted to without nobody. I something things all these are just a momentary thing. We saw that in the hotel that he got married to a girl in his village and is with his girlfriend in Hyderabad wasting life of both of them. And the funny part is the girl is still with him not realizing that she cannot do much about this.

I miss her a lot sometimes because she made me believe that yes I can love again but sometimes they just come and go just to make you realize that you deserve nothing right now but to get hurt if you choose to be with someone. I often go to her insta and see her photo and come back wishing she could have texted me once. If I do she will give excuses that why didn't she. I really do not want to make her life anymore difficult. whatever happened has happened for good but their is nothing to turn back but to look forwards. And the only thing that I can see forward is going for the trip. Just listen songs and look at the scenery and just live in the moments. Realize all the negativity and leave all the pressure you have there and come back with a different person.

One more thing is that I have to put myself first now when it comes to love someone as I believe loving someone is all about putting yourself first and rest of everyone else at your back cause they will come back to you.

I want love to be natural. Everything happening naturally. Nothing pre-determined only and only natural. The exact word will be automatically. Nothing can beat that. And I think not someone from the office cause they will make a chaos when you leave them or around the team culture as they will surely say all these things to other teammates and things won't go as it should go.

Thats it. Just wanted to express what I am feeling and what is going around me as it has been a lot and I think it is something which should be expressed or else it would go through you head and don't know what will happen.

End.

[nash-21]

Learnings

I have been going through a lot lately and being in this situation I can get that their is lot life left in me and it has been a lot time I am not with someone. The funny part is I am driven towards being with someone so much that it is taking me off the charts now. There are people out there who always wants to be with someone. In my office boys as well as girls are running after girls. Literally everyone is running after someone or the other. I feel looking at them I am also becoming like them which I really do not want to become at all. I really want to have such a lovely of conversation that everyone can relate to and make there life a better place to live in.

I am feeling lonely lately and have been thinking about the people I had in my life and I really miss someone who played a very important role in my life. She made a different person altogether. I think that if she wouldn't haven their in my life I could not have learnt so much things that I really have learned. I often look at the photos and feel like what would have happened if she would have been there my life could have been totally different.

Just heard that my brother's best friend had a breakup. She is 35. Imagine if she is not getting true love in her life how can someone get. Nowadays everyone has become so selfish that nobody thinks about anyone. The guy she was with left him because the horoscope said she are not a match. I feel I being at the age of 22 thinking about life so hard what about her?

She just got shattered by the only person she was doing so much for. Sometimes you just get shattered by the only person you love. That obviously makes you stronger but will make you like a rock. I feel her and I feel her situation as I was also in one. Now I think I am in a better place being single as I do not have to think about someone loving me or being with me or getting married to someone. I can be myself and focus on myself at the same time.

People in my office running after girls or vice versa feels like everyone just want something. I know I look good, better than before but to be honest I want someone to love me as well I feel this when I see my sister getting cozy with his boyfriend. This feeling is something which I already experienced so I know how it feels. It really feels so good.

I have decided to not to run after someone from now on because everyone is committed nowadays and you really cannot do much about them. I really do not want to break someone's relationship and be the reason they left their loved one. I know there are a lot of girls who are single and looking for a relationship but I have a question.

What will you be proud of when it comes to be proud of?

Nothing?

I will not be proud of anything other than being in a relationship. Do I really think making my partner proud is more important than making my parents proud?

No.

Will you partner be with you till your death?- No. So why to make them proud when there is no guaranteed of someone being with you?

Will you parents be with you?- Yes. So they will be with you till your death? Yes they'll never leave like you partner will do. If that is the thing then why not to make them proud? This is the mistake people make treating there girlfriend like everything.

I thought I would go with someone but that didn't work thought so but its better than it didn't work as it could have been hurted both of us later in our life. Now I think if I make a living of myself and be very admit about my life I am sure I will be at least proud of myself at the end of 26 that I have money to take care of myself and my family.

I am sure people who are in a relationship now will be sad as the girl they are with will surely leave her because of money and fame whatever you can say. Nobody wants to be with a good guy lol.

But I want to be happy and I will do things which makes me happy and will never stop loving myself at all no matter what.

[nash-21]

Life and its way of living it.

Life has its own way of living like the way it should always live but for me it has been a ride and I am still 22 and lot to learn and face in the world. Till now I have been into challenges with life,relationship, and family problems but now I can say that I am growing enough to actually face real life challenges. Real life challenges is all about how to get rich and so rich that you can take care of yourself and your family. When you get mature you realise that making your parents proud is the most important job in the world for you. So I always have been into this were I always thought about myself but now I love the way I am. I am also happy about how I am training myself in everything to make my life a better place. I was in a very bad spot when I was in with someone but realise it later that its all about how you actually make you life liveable. People may be with you or leave you but the ultimate aim for you is to make a life habitable as it is more important than anything else in the world world. Just also want to say this that maybe life has its own way to teach everything so either teach yourself and learn from people and apply in your life or just make the mistake and then learn from it. Right now I am very clear that I want to be single and why I am want to be single. I love the life I have right now I love the way I am right now. I am going to be more better with time but right now I am giving everything to fight with myself to make a life happy place for me. Its fun to have a competition with yourself as you are trying to improve everyday.

[nash-21]

One more light

I can see light. I feel that I can do something. I am coming back to my schedule were I do my exercise and the work I used to do everyday. The impact of she going has been there but now I am more stronger than ever.

So I started liking someone and I feel that I can be with her. But she is a lot of emotional person to deal with. I called as Nobita in my office but I have no Shizuka. why do I like to be around her? I don't know but I feel she is good from heart and I can be around her and be happy as well. The only thing I am scared is the friendship which we have will go away if I say it to her. I'll be vulnerable to her and I really don't know how can I handle that. She love interacting with other people which I don't do much. The things are lot different then I really thought it would be. But I like being with her, her touch, her presence everything. She was crying yesterday and I felt so bad I really wanted to hug her and wipe her tears but I really cannot do that as she is not mine. I know I am being this chipku but this is what I feel when I am near her.

I don't if she'll read this but I really want her to read this. If she reads this she'll know how much I want her presence in my life. The only thing which is killing me is she'll go to USA in next 4 months. I feel very sad about this as I can't stop her as I want her to succeed really badly as she wants it badly but what if she could have stayed here?

I could have been with her long ago as I ignoring the feeling I had for her for a long time but yesterday I felt no I cannot hide it inside my heart and regret my whole life. She is finding someone in my office and even likes someone which I felt is nothing wrong but she should do it knowing someone already likes her more than anything. I just don't want to be her boyfriend. I just want to be her everything. When she cries she finds me, when she is sad she finds me when she is happy at that time as well. But I want to be with her when she is at the lowest part of her life so that I hope we can enjoy the happiest part.

I really want to hold her hands when we go out for walk we unknowingly touch our hands but it feels electric I don't know why. She had her past even I have it but why for the first time I started liking someone?. She is unique, She is true, She is honest her eyes tells that. She is devotee of lord krishna which says she'll never cheat anyone.

She once told me that she likes me in black. So I wear black when she comes to office. I know I will never accept this doing for someone else but I did. Funny part is she will never understand as she has so many friends that she treats everyone as a friend even me. I know I am just a friend to her but for the first time I liked someone from my end and it is true. I really don't know how will I say this to her but I really want to. She is a innocent soul and understand nothing which is something I don't know what to do about. What if she came to me and said that she liked me. I know she'll never do as she doesn't feels for me and I can completely understand that. But I want her to know this that she is so beautiful that anyone including me will fall for her.

She always say that nobody will look at her or nobody will like her something like this but I want her to know that she is too beautiful and even from inside she is someone I always to be with a cute little soul who is trying her best to be happy. I really she hope our friendship is still intact after she comes to know that I like her. I know she won't break the friendship but I really hope nothing changes.

[nash-21]

Keep diggin!

Today I got to know something. I know I try to give every knowledge that I get but this is something very personal. I am in a postion like no one would be. I am happy that I am in this position but what to do everything is here looks like formality. I really do not know how to explain this. Today I got to know that she is been posting photos in her account and the funny part is I am very happy that she has started moving on. The only regret that I feel is I made her my best friend who will never leave me. I should be ashamed of myself judging people so easily and I wouldn't thought they will come back to us so hard. I feel like she used me and did a scam. She didn't love me at all. I think she made me a fool by saying that she loved me. But I always used to feel that she was talking to someone else. I hate tht feeling to be honest. I had to feel that way as I know what I used to feel when kirti used to do that. I miss her now the way she provided me the security and protection for love has never given by someone.

I saw her not accepting request of my sister. I was shocked she never accepted her request. Now I feel like she is just a person I would never want to be with. I guess she is been doing this with a lot of people. I was right in this matter that I do not trust her at all. God..Thank god I am saved. I really hope karma doesn't hits her hard. If it does she'll understand how much I was important to her. But till that time I will just smile and be happy at the same time.

Why do I hate her now?

Because she played me. She played with my feelings. She made me feel like I am not at all important. Now I feel maybe all these was just to meet her so that she can feel satisfied using me. There was no love. How can I be so wrong?.. Now I believe love makes you blind. She didn't love me at all. Thanks to her now I will make my life so good that the person coming to my life will work or not will be on her hands. I will make so much money that I will never look back at what type of person I was with. Thank you god for making my life full of struggle as it is making me more stronger. I want to be more stronger and want to show everyone that how I can become a person who will be respected in every aspect of life.

Also thanks to her I know what type of girl I want in my life. She is a perfect example of what type of girl I want and what type of girl I don't.

Manisha one thing to you. That is piss off! thanks for going away and never coming back. You do not deserve my love. You deserve someone who will love like the way you love someone..just to leave them lol.

[nash-21]

In life everything matter until It comes to your own self. For me life is all about challenges and I forgot that I loved challenges and fight to get everything. I hate to say this but I didn't had a purpose in life. Right now I do have a purpose to get a better myself. To fight to be THE NISHIT I always wanted to be. In this process I might forget everyone and maybe myself as well but this is what it should be. You should forget everyone when you trying to find yourself. Likewise I took around 1month to forget someone just to realise that she didn't deserve my love or the love I provide.. The person who deserve the love will come to me one day. In this process I will fall in love with many people or maybe not but its all about hit and trial. If the trial doesnt work then maybe arrange but then at the end its not nesessary to actually get the job done. Its not at all like that. Loving someone is just a part of your life not your life. You miss them, you miss talking to them but that doesn't stop you to become someone who you want to be. Life is all about that. I just want to say one thing. Life is too big to have such small things to take care of. Moving on is just a small part of it and the basis you moving on is letting things go. I didn't knew until I got to see a situation that someone who were in love let go of each other just because the guy has no plans for future. Another example is the people get apart of each other just because they had to get married at thr age of 23. LOL? Are you serious? So young? Nowadays no one is permanent and now I got to know its nothing I can do as he will take care of it if I really need to be happy he will make me happy.

I have gone through a lot of the last 2 months. And I think I do not deserve it at all. So its my time to learn and be in a learning mode for the rest of my life. I just want that someone who loves me comes to me and try me. If I feel we can worth a shot I will take it for sure. If not I'll back off. But non attachment should be the focus of mine at all cost no matter what. I am gonna everything as much as possible. I am going to make so much money that nobody can disrecpect my mom at all. I am sure I am going to that.

I am coming back to the nishit I was and I more than happy that I am becoming like that as my focus is still there in fitness and being healthy and then spirituality and then money. I am happy my mom and my dad is proud and I want to make them more proud and that i my purpose of life. So that I do not called a black sheep again.

I AM NOT A BLACK SHEEP ANYMORE! :D

[nash-21]

Company matters.

Company really matters why? The reason why I said that is because there are a lot of things to consider as the people you are with is more important than any thing else as it sets your mentality in a whole different way. The matter of fact is you think things in a way your people around you thinks. Let give an example.. I was there with a person sitting who has lazy and used to transfer things to other person and not serious about doing his own job. The other person was lazy and only wanted holidays and didn't wanted to work. So I also became like that and it was so influence that I didn't even think that it is important to do your job first and then your time talking to other person.

Funny part is I was also becoming like one of them lazy,not serious of doing the work and what not. Eventually when I sat beside a person who works well and know the work I got to know the difference that you can be motivated to do the work everyday and do it in a fun way. The best part is you can just enjoy the work and not wait for a holiday. I really did not wanted to a person who waits for a holiday or just doesn't do the work in a manner and want holidays. I really thought working is a fun. It is fun when you work with a kind of people who loves to work and take the work sportingly and as a challenge. Now when I see I can see that the lazy attract lazy and people who work in a manner want to work like them. Now I know whom to work with and who to actually be around with as it is important to work with the same kind of people as they will make a difference in your life not the people who are lazy and ignorant.