Nathmarc month day 27: Anonymous love letters
AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16491026/chapters/39336511
Whew, I… I caught up. o__o I think the ending of this one is a bit weird/abrupt, but I didn’t know what else to add, soooo. It also turned a little more angsty than I had planned, but oh well. 8D (Nathaniel and his stupid misunderstandings-)
Sorry for the huge-ass spam today! But I’ve caught up now so from tomorrow on everything will be normal again, heh.
@nathmarcnovember
The first time he received one, it was on Valentine’s Day. Which was maybe not so weird if you looked at it from a general point of view. But for Nathaniel, it was. Because he had never ever received a Valentine’s letter in his life. And he was not the type to. He was not attractive. He was not popular. Girls didn’t like him. Boys didn’t like him either, probably. At least, not in that way. And Nathaniel hadn’t really minded. But then, when he opened his locker on Valentine’s Day, and a red envelope fell out of it, he’d blinked a few times, thinking that maybe, someone had put it in the wrong place. When he picked it up, however, his name was on it.
His eyes had widened, and he had taken the envelope home, before anyone could made fun of him.
Inside, there was the sweetest message Nathaniel had ever seen, and his heart soared.
Every day, I get lost in your ocean eyes.
And I feel lucky every time I am able to see your smile.
The way it makes your eyes glitter in the dark.
It causes my heart to flutter.
I love watching you draw, because it makes you carefree and soft.
Lost in your world of thoughts and dreams.
I love the way it’s hard to pull you out of there.
And the way you blush when you realize your absence.
I love how quickly you can move from shyness to determination.
Like the waves of the ocean.
I hope to continue being able to see those ocean eyes.
And discover more about them as I stay by your side.
Upon seeing the letter signed with a simple ‘X’, his heart dropped, and he put the envelope away. Because he was pretty sure someone was just teasing him. This couldn’t be a serious letter. Yet something within him stopped him from throwing it away. Instead, he hid it. And tried to forget.
Until he got another letter, about a month later. Again in his locker, when he was about to go home.
Do you remember the letter your received on Valentine’s Day?
It took me a lot of courage to send it. And I thought it would be enough.
But something inside me, tells me it isn’t.
I am sorry for not telling you who I am.
Because of this, you might think of the letter as a prank.
But it isn’t. I mean every word I’ve written to you.
Because I am unable to forget about your ocean eyes.
Unable to think of anything but the tiny lights within them.
Sometimes, they’re dimmed.
And I find myself, always waiting.
For that one moment they will appear.
Like glitters on the ocean when the sun is shining.
The rays of sunlight touching the water.
Warming it up, making it shimmer in glee.
I want to be able to be your sun.
This time, Nathaniel hadn’t been able to wait until he got home, and he was blushing brightly as he quickly put the envelope away. Lost in thoughts, he closed his locker and walked away, right into Marc as they bumped into each other.
‘A-h, sorry!’ Nathaniel quickly called, blinking, his face still red.
Marc smiled softly. ‘Don’t worry.’ He moved a little closer, a concerned look in his eyes. ‘Are you alright, Nathaniel?’
‘Y-yeah, perfect! I just, uh- nothing. Let’s go work on the comic!’
He didn’t notice Marc’s trembling hands as they walked off together, because he hid them well.
***
The third time, Nathaniel noticed his heart jumped a little in excitement as he saw a familiar red envelope sticking out of his locker. But he put it in his bag, taking it home, wanting to avoid a situation like earlier with Marc. He didn’t notice the writer boy was looking at him from a distance, chewing on his lip.
A fourth, a fifth, a sixth, a seventh.
Each and every a bit more personal, a bit less abstract. They were stating specific details, and it made Nathaniel wonder who could’ve written them. It had to be someone close to him, but he couldn’t think of anyone at all.
He stopped thinking and just waited for the next one.
The next one took a while, and Nathaniel felt relieved when that red envelope finally appeared. Only then he noticed how much he was looking forward to them, making him feel warm and fuzzy inside.
This one was a little different. So he frowned a little when reading.
This will be my last letter.
I feel a little guilty for taking your time without you even knowing who I am.
So I have decided to give you some hints so you are able to identify me.
I am scared to be rejected, so this is why I always stayed anonymous.
This is because I know my feelings will not be returned.
Yet I hope to continue giving you hope.
Because I want you to know how important you are.
How much you light up my world.
And that I hope that one day,
You will find someone who does that for you as well.
I tried becoming your sun.
But you should be allowed to discover your own.
I don’t want to take that away from you.
I apologize for stealing your attention.
And that I meant every word.
Nathaniel dropped the letter, a wave of sadness raging in his body. Then it slowly, steadily turned into anger. Because this person, whoever it was, was giving up so easily, chickening out, because they were scared. Scared to be rejected, without even being sure that is what would happen.
Maybe it was a prank after all.
And now they felt guilty, so they just decided to stop.
They were even too much of a wimp to admit it.
Because surely, these little hints would never happen.
Nathaniel tore the letter to pieces, and turned his attention back to his sketchbook.
The other letters however, he was unable to touch.
A day later, he was working on his comic with Marc, when suddenly, the writer boy spoke out of nowhere.
‘…you know you… Y-your eyes…’
‘They… are very p-pretty… Especially when you’re drawing… They light up a bit… Reminds me of when the sun s-shines down on the… on the ocean…’
Nathaniel tore his gaze from the sketchbook to look at Marc.
Marc was avoiding his gaze.
But now it became clear that-
Nathaniel got up, his hands trembling, his head full of words, full of thoughts, but he didn’t want to voice them.
Didn’t want to hurt Marc even after he betrayed him like this.
He packed his sketchbook and walked away, feeling a pair of apple green eyes on his back.
‘I thought you were different. Guess I was wrong after all.’
It was not because of the words, but because of the way his voice had sounded. So broken, so fragile, so small and soft. That Nathaniel turned around after all, his eyebrows furrowed, and then he saw.
And he didn’t know what to do, frozen in his steps.
‘I’m sorry…’ the boy whispered. ‘I shouldn’t have… I knew… I knew it was wrong… You’d never.. think of me… like that… after all…’
Marc wasn’t looking at him, and his body was small, cowered, trembling slightly.
Nathaniel didn’t understood what was happening and he didn’t remember how to move his legs.
‘…’s okay… I understand… you’d be disgusted… ‘s okay… you don’t have to… see me again…’
Possibly the person he trusted the most-
Then why the hell didn’t he believe him?
Nathaniel relaxed, and he blinked, twisting his mind and his thoughts, trying to find the truth he knew but was too scared to grasp.
But Marc was still crying and he had never seen him so small, and Nathaniel wanted to be there for him-
And then he saw, that that was more important than anything in the world.
So finally, his legs moved.
And he ran towards his friend, wrapping his arms around him, holding him close.
‘Shhh, it’s alright. We’ll talk later, okay? Everything is fine. I won’t leave you. Just let it out for a bit.’
And Marc cried in his arms.
Nathaniel chose to believe and accept the words in the letters.
It was two weeks later that Nathaniel decided to write a letter back, now that he knew the identity of the sender.
Thank you for your letters.
You told me I should be allowed to find my own sun.
I’m still searching, but I think I am on the right track.
A few months later, Nathaniel confessed his feelings. And Marc cried some more, but this time, they were tears of happiness.
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