from the seed to the sower

kelsey foster. central arkansas, usa. {love, health, & happiness} this is my creative space. i share, i write, i wonder. all are welcome to join, contribute, or simply take. student of the universe | explorer of the self

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nostalgia 

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What Am I?

After reading a bit of Eckhart Tolle and having many conversations with my mom, it seems to me that I have discovered a few things I am not:

I am not this body. I am not these thoughts. I am not my past. I am not my mistakes. I am not the sum of my pieces. I am not my mood. I am not what I have in material things. 

It seems that we tend to define our self worth on tangible things and events of the past, but we don't have to be. The mind is a powerful force and can have a lot of influence on our perception. Eckhart Tolle talks about how we find our essence in consciousness and being in the present. Essentially, we don't have to be anything other than a living being. The very act of attempting to discover who and what we are requires use of the mind. When we step out of that paradigm - one of thinking, one of analyzing and defining, and instead, step into consciousness, many things that were once thought important soon fade away. 

This concept is very new to me, and requires a lot of energy to actualize in my life. Nevertheless, it is something I am working on and feel could bring a whole lot of enrichment to the world and its inhabitants.

For anyone interested, check out The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and let me know what you think. Cheers, Kels

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Frank Ocean

just somehow always hits that sweet spot.

Bless you, Christopher Francis. 

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it's funny how things change.  when i started college, i saw the whole experience in a negative light. college seemed to put a damper on my ability to actualize my identity and talents due to the time and energy commitment it demands. the dull general education courses weren't helping much either.  however, i now feel that college is place abundant in opportunities and enrichment (of course, it still has some drawbacks as well). one must simply look for these things in order to reap the benefits. for instance, i was able to study abroad for five months because the opportunity was available. i'm also currently involved in some pretty sweet student organizations that are in-tune with some of my core beliefs. but if i hadn't actively sought these things out, i wouldn't have discovered them. i believe it's all about perspective and personal motivation: "be the change you wish to see in the world" -Gandhi. from my stance, once you focus on the things you wish to experience, you can actively seek those things out and become closer to your personal goals/aspirations/beliefs. 

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sometimes, all you really need to conclude your night is some pizza & beer.

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being alone

Been thinking about a lot of things lately, especially with the New Year and time of reflections and resolutions.  One topic in particular that's been on my mind is being alone. This doesn't equate to loneliness, which implies feelings of isolation. I'm referring to simply spending time with one's self, or engaging in solitude.  Up until lately, the idea of being alone has been somewhat anxiety-producing for me, though, I'm not sure why that is. Now that I've had some experiences abroad and am back in the states wrapping up school, I feel there is nothing more suitable for me than being alone. The fact that I can acknowledge this past insecurity of mine and now desire it reveals much to me about my personal progress. I'm really looking forward to becoming more in tune with my self through solitude and reflection. I should note that "being alone" seemingly has a negative connotation; one of detachment. But I don't mean it in that way. I just mean that I'm going to spend a lot of time with myself, focusing on school and my small, personal goals. I hope that I find comfort and centeredness during this time, so that I may more clearly see what I want to do in the next chapter of my life.

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something tells me i'm going to have an unquenchable travel thirst as soon as i get back home. there's so much i've yet to see! ah, i can't wait till i graduate and can get out of the country again. love, love, love getting out of america.

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we learn so much throughout our life; i've particularly learned so much in my 20's (so far, that is). 

a relative of mine, who is in her 30's, told me that our 20's are for being selfish. take that in whatever way you wish. personally, i believe this is a time for personal growth and understanding. 

that being said, i can't fathom eternally committing to someone (marriage) or investing all of my energy into children. some people may be able to handle it, but i know i could not. i've also never experienced that soulmate-burning passion for anyone either. perhaps that is the deal breaker? i cannot say.

all i know is, there is still so much to figure out about the world and myself. i have only just begun. 

<3

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my heart goes out to one of my childhood friends, alexa mena.

i haven't connected with her in a number of years, but she's been on my mind today.

rest in peace, alexa.

<3

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The Land Ethic:

"Land, then, is not merely soil; it is a foundation of energy flowing through a circuit of soils, plants, and animals. Food chains are the living channels which conduct energy upward; death and decay return it to the soil."

-Aldo Leopald

An awesome quote from one of my classes' readings. The reading continues to talk about treating the land and all of its biotic parts as an entity in itself, rather than as economic interest. This is fascinating. 

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the internet

a wonderful thing about the internet: how much information we have access to.

a terrible thing about the internet: the overwhelming amount of information we are exposed 

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let's be honest. does anyone really know what they're doing in their 20's? as soon as i feel like i have a grasp, grounding, or any sort of foundation about anything (including parts of myself), something or someone comes along and completely changes the circumstances - causing me to start back over at ground zero. it's this process of being ungrounded time and time again that is really causing me to gain some perspective & insight, but at the same time makes me wonder if anyone really knows what in the hell they're doing.  it seems that we're all just trudgin' along & doing the best that we can. figuring out this world in a way that makes the most sense to the individual and how they've come to know this world. though, it'd be nice to feel some sort of solidity in my personal beliefs and ideas. just so, you know, i'm not aimlessly existing out here. i definitely can't vouch for the 'ignorance is bliss' concept in this situation. not yet, anyway.

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i am grounded; i am humbled; i am one with every thing.

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defoliants exist dioxin for instance denuding trees and shrubs and destroying people and animals

by spraying fields and forests we achieve fall and death in the middle of the most luxuriant summer

-Inger Christensen

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I'm coming to realize how much of a rhythm there is in my life. People come and go based on their own flow; I let people in and out based on mine. There are a few who will always be present, even if their tempo isn't always consistent. No matter the context, timing, or other odd variables, my inner voice will remain regular and strong; her voice, ever-present. the more i channel this voice in a positive way, the more the other parts of my life will seamlessly flow together, no matter how fleeting they are. 

self-love seems to be the key to all of life's wonders. 

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anybody else diggin' Drake's new album?

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well, although i've only been in new zealand for 2 1/2 months, the end is fast approaching. i've got four weeks of classes and then finals, so roughly a month left in school.  i'm feeling quite reflective at the moment. it feels like i just got here, but in just a month, i will be moving out and finding a new home. i'm not really looking forward to going back to the U.S., as one could probably imagine. i see a busy and hectic life ahead of me when i start back at my home university. hell, i don't know if i'll even have enough money to go back to school, but i guess we'll see how it all plays out.  there are definitely some things i could have been smarter about (i.e. budgeting & organizing trips better), but i can definitely say this experience has been worth every penny and all the energy i put in to getting here. i've made some awesome friendships, ones that i hope will continue long after i'm off this island. i've gotten somewhat of a better grounding of myself. i've been challenged and tested. i've experienced traveling alone. basically, i've just had experiences here that i probably wouldn't have had back in the U.S., and i know they will stick with me for the rest of my life. it's refreshing to have these cultural experiences, and i highly encourage anyone interested in traveling abroad just to fucking do it. it's incredible, empowering, and eye-opening.