NaughtyNeganJDM @naughtyneganjdm - Tumblr Blog

Jul 10

Threads of Desire - Chapter 20

Summary: After their devastating dinner experience, Negan goes home with the hopes of fixing things with Y/N. Not only has Negan let Y/N down, but she is once again hurt by Daryl when she discovers a secret that Daryl had kept from her.

Characters: Negan Smith, the reader (OC), Daryl Dixon, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61111030/chapters/234050556

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Drug Use, Smut, Sub Negan, Dom/Sub Play, BDSM, Smacking, Scratching, Unprotected P in V, Overstimulation, Praising Kink, Power Playing, Rough Sex, etc.

Notes: I wrote this a long time ago and edited it a long time ago. I just haven't had the time to really post it. This chapter is pretty filthy and it has a sub/dominant theme where Negan is very much the sub. Thanks to anyone that still reads. I'm trying to get this posted and up, life just has not slowed down for me. If you want to read the other chapters be sure to check them out here.

Hissing out, Negan stumbled his way up the stairs to his home. It had been hours since everything happened. After Y/N had run off, Negan had tried to catch up with her, but she was already gone. Strangely enough, Maggie was nowhere to be found either. Which he found strange. He assumed that she would have wanted to gloat about being successful in causing mayhem, but at least he was lucky that she wasn’t there.

With his eyes still burning from the alcohol that Maggie had thrown in them, Negan had headed back into the restaurant. An employee that worked in the kitchen attempted to help him wash his eyes out, but it was useless. The damage was done. Since they felt sorry for him, the restaurant gifted Negan with a pretty expensive bottle of whiskey. They blamed themselves for Maggie getting in like she had. What he should have done was said no, but he was sulking, so he accepted it. All he thought about was the expression on Y/N’s face when she left and it shattered him. Unfortunately, he drank more of that bottle than he should have. If someone was walking by they would no doubt know that he was drunk. Really, he had no idea how he made it home safely. Having this much trouble with the stairs made him look like a fool.

Huffing out, he was struggling to get the keys in the door. Swearing a slew of curse words under his breath, he just knew that once his mother got sight of him that she would be very aware of how drunk he was. Getting drunk felt like the only option at the time. His life went from perfect to horrible in a matter of seconds. All because Maggie was hell bent on destroying everything good that he had going with Y/N. And he didn’t want to have to go through all of that again with his mother when she asked him what was wrong. He should have called his mother and told her that he would be late, but he just didn’t have the emotional strength to do it. The only phone call that he made multiple times was to Y/N, hoping that she would answer. It was really no surprise to him that his calls constantly went into voicemail. Why would she even want to talk to him right now after everything? He understood it, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. So many emotions were flooding through him. Anger, sadness, worry…you name it. He had it right now. This was not how he was expecting his night to go.

With a relieved breath, he finally got the keys in the door and managed to unlock it. Pushing open the door, he stumbled into the house and felt overwhelmed. Thankfully no one was there waiting for him because they would have seen how fucked up he was. Carefully closing the door behind him, he was surprised by the lack of sound and how quiet it was. When his mother would babysit in the past, she would often be in the living room with Jordyn watching a movie until he returned. But? When he walked to the entrance of the living room, it was only lit up by the Christmas lights that had been left on. Everything else was off. Stopping to listen, he heard no movement. That was really odd. Jordyn usually always stayed awake waiting for him.

“Mom?” Negan called out, waiting for a response, yet there was none. Heading over toward the stairs, he realized all the lights were off up there as well. So his mother didn’t have Jordyn there either. Only a small light coming from the kitchen was on. Dragging his feet across the floor, he stopped at the entrance to the kitchen and huffed. That was empty too with no sign of his daughter or mother. What was going on? He had a conversation with his mother earlier about bringing Jordyn back home so where the hell were they? He didn’t imagine that she would just leave since he was so late.

Swallowing down hard, he reached in his pocket to pull out his phone. There were no alerts or notifications. That broke him. He wanted Y/N to call him, but at the very least he expected a call or a text from his mother. Unlocking his phone, he knew that the first person he should have called was his mother to figure out what the hell was wrong, but Y/N still weighed heavy on his mind. Dialing her number again, he waited, expecting to get her voicemail once more. Instead, he was met with a loud buzzing sound coming from behind him that made him jump. Looking over his shoulder, his eyes fell upon the cell phone that was at the center of the island in his kitchen. It was vibrating against the top of it and he swallowed down loudly.

Snatching the phone from the counter, he knew immediately that it was Y/N’s. When his call ended, the screen flashed over revealing that she had many missed alerts from both him and Maggie. Spinning on his heel, his eyes fell upon the window where he could see that the string lights he had put up in the backyard were on. With a curious tip of his head, he carefully set her phone back down on the counter. Heading to the back door, he pushed it open and just about stumbled down the stairs. Catching himself, he grasped tightly onto the railings so he didn’t fall. Damn, that was close.

“Are you drunk?” a voice called out while he straightened up his composure. Looking to the side provoked a confused breath to escape his lungs. Sitting beside the bonfire in his backyard was Y/N who had obviously turned it on to stay warm. Trying to steady himself on his feet, he kept a hold of the railing just to make sure he was okay. His heartrate quickened at the sight of her. She was still wearing the dress that she had on at the restaurant. The only difference was that she was wearing a coat since it was freezing outside. By the way she looked, he knew that she had spent a significant amount of her time alone upset. Her eyes were red and there was color in her face. Undoubtedly she had been crying, but right now? She was hiding that from him.

“Kinda,” he was honest with her realizing that there was a certain slur to his voice when he spoke. There was no kinda. He was definitely drunk. And she knew that.

“Did you drive home?” she was curious, drawing attention to the fact that she was smoking when she waved her hand about and pointed back toward the home. That surprised him considering in the past she had made it very clear to him that she didn’t like smoking and aimed to stop completely. The way she was so nonchalant about things made him ill at ease. When he didn’t answer, she threw her hand about and he released a long exhale. “You did, didn’t you?”

“I wasn’t thinking clearly,” he explained, realizing that he should have just called his driver to come pick him up, but he didn’t want to leave his car in the parking garage in that part of town. Taking small steps toward where she was seated, a familiar scent surrounded them and his thick eyebrows bounced up. “What are you doing here?”

“Excuse me?” she blurt out after taking a long inhale of what she was smoking, choking when she tipped her head to the side. “I think the answer to that is pretty obvious. I do live here you know.”

“Well, yeah…” he felt his throat tighten and in that moment he felt stupid for asking that. But in his mind? The last place he pictured her to be was here. In fact? He thought she would run off and disappear on him. He assumed tomorrow he would have to chase off after her and beg her for forgiveness, but here she was. When she released the smoke from her lungs, a nervous smile tugged at his lips. “Are you smoking weed?”

Instead of answering, she looked to the joint that was between her fingertips and gave him a tiny nod. Outstretching her hand, she held it out for him to offer him some. Thinking it over, he knew it was probably a bad idea to be both drunk and high, but after the day he had? He accepted it and moved around her to sit down on the patio sofa beside her. Dropping down with a grunt, he slid down in the seat and stretched out his long legs. Taking a long drag from the joint, he hissed when he released the smoke from his lungs.

“Where is my mom and Jordyn?” he wondered, bringing the joint back up to his lips to take another large hit before handing it back to her. Holding it in, he finally released it with an overwhelmed breath and she eyed him over. There were other things they needed to talk about, but that was probably the most important one.

“I called your mom when I left the restaurant. I told her that things were running later than we expected and asked if she would keep Jordyn until the morning,” she paused, surveying around the backyard and she was visibly avoiding looking at him in the moment. “I talked to Jordyn before she went to bed. I told her that we loved her and we’d do something nice tomorrow for her, together. And then I went upstairs to your bedroom and stole some of the weed from your drawer. I was stressed. Sorry for taking it.”

“What’s mine is yours,” he responded swiftly, shaking his head about. This was honestly too casual of a conversation for them and in his brain he knew that. They were talking like nothing was wrong. “I don’t blame you for being stressed. It was a really fucked up night.”

A tense laugh escaped her lips when she looked toward the weed that she had snagged from him, “You know, they have vaporizers for this kind of thing now. It’s supposed to be healthier for you instead of using the paper.”

“I already smoke, it’s not going to do much good in keeping me healthier,” he reached for it realizing that he was stressed enough so he definitely needed more. Hissing out after he took another hit, he lowered it down. Focusing on the smoke for a moment had him shrugging. “Plus? I’m just very old school.”

He went to hand her what was left, but she waved her hand about to tell him that she was done. Leaning forward, he put it out in the ashtray that he had outside for when he smoked. Looking back over his shoulder at her made her look away from him and he huffed. It bothered him that she didn’t want to look at him. And he was obvious in the way that he was desperate for her attention, “Thank you for what you did with Jordyn and my mother. That was the smart thing to do. I just…when you weren’t answering your phone, I didn’t think you would be here when I got back. I didn’t know what to do.”

“So driving home drunk was the answer?” she chided, showing her disapproval of the decision he had made after he drank as much as he did. With a frown, he dropped his head and reached up to caress at the back of his neck. It looked very much like a child that had just been caught doing something wrong. Blowing it off, she got more comfortable on the couch and sighed. “I needed time. If you were so worried about me, you could have just looked at the location app on your phone to see where I was. I didn’t take myself off of it. Clearly, it’s a very useful tool for people looking to find someone.”

“Shit. I didn’t even fucking think about that,” Negan cussed to himself, realizing that he should have looked there before he even came home. Then her being there wouldn’t have been a surprise to him. Sliding in closer to her on the couch, he could sense that she was uncomfortable with it and he frowned. One of the things he loved the most about Y/N was how she looked at him. Now he couldn’t even get her to look him in the eyes. “Listen…I know you probably don’t want to fucking hear it, but I am so fucking sorry. I had no idea that Maggie was going to show up like that.”

“No shit,” she snorted with a shake of her head, “I think it’s safe to say neither one of us expected Maggie to show up like that.”

A silence followed when she waved her hand about in the air dramatically, “You should probably take her off that app later if you don’t want her to be stalking you. Especially with her being so emotional and unpredictable.”

Giving her a nod, Negan had an intense urge to pull out a cigarette and smoke. That’s what he did when he was so stressed and nervous, but he just got done smoking weed with her. Doing that would probably piss her off. So instead he just approached the topic straight on, “Can we talk about what happened?”

Shifting uneasily beside him, she turned her head slightly to eye him over and it made him feel weird that they even had to do this, “There is obviously a lot we need to talk about. I know that you’re upset with me, and rightfully fucking so, but I really don’t want us to break up after…”

“Break up?” she repeated what he said, interrupting him before he could say anything else. Her breaking up with him was all he could think about after she saw that video. So, of course that was the first thing he would talk about. “Did I take my ring off?”

Looking to her hand that she held out for him, he shook his head and let out a nervous breath, unsure of what to say next, “No?”

“I’m not breaking up with you Negan, and I’m not ending our engagement. I already told you yes. I’ve moved into your home and I gave advanced notice about giving up the lease on my apartment,” she told him the things that he knew to be true, but he was surprised that was what she was saying. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m angry and upset with you. I am. Do I think you’re an asshole? Yes, I do. Do I think you can be a manipulative piece of shit? Yes, I do. But I see that was more your thing in the past. Sometimes I know there are shades of the man you used to be somewhere deep inside of you. I see it in your eyes at times, but I acknowledge you’re different now from the man you used to be. The truth is? I love you. Very fucking much. I have loved you for a very long time. And you were a gigantic asshole when I started loving you, so it’s something I’m used to. It’s this nicer version of you that I’m not used to. But the most important thing is that I love your daughter, and I love you. So we’re going to work through things like we should.”

A relieved, broken breath escaped his lips with his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. Just hearing that had a rush of relief flooding through him, “Just like that? After everything? That’s your decision? I was…I was so fucking scared that you were never going to want to talk to me again. And if I did see you again, I thought you’d be erupting on me. I didn’t think you would be so accepting of things, I thought you’d be…”

“Crying?” she finished for him and his expression grew sad. His bottom lip was almost tremoring and she felt her chest tighten at the sight of him. He was in fact scared. She could see it in his face and body language. “Yeah Negan, I cried. Does that make you feel better to know?”

“Fuck no. I don’t feel better knowing that you were hurt,” he declared, placing his hand in over the center of his chest to defend himself. “The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. So no, I feel fucking awful to know that you were crying. Which is why I feel like you should yell at me or smack me…”

“What is that going to accomplish?” she huffed out, her face scrunching up in disbelief that he thought that was the way to handle things. Shrugging, he just knew that this was not the reaction he was expecting. “Is it going to make you feel better if I smack you?”

“I feel like you need to get out your anger somehow, so yeah. I think it would be a good thing,” he admitted, wincing when he felt the firm smack against the side of his face that he was nowhere near ready for. Reaching up, he placed his hand in over the area she hit. Damn, that was unexpected. She hit him hard and his flesh was burning. “Fucking hell…”

“Do you need me to do it again?” she inquired and he immediately shook his head, his hazel eyes looking as pathetic as ever when he locked his gaze with hers. “I told you that it made no sense hitting you or yelling at you. But now that we’ve got that out of the way, I’m going to give you time to say whatever you want. I think you need to consider it carefully because I have a lot to say after you are done.”

Fuck, he had so much he wanted to say, but that hit was still lingering. Where was he going to start? He just gave a nod and sucked in a sharp breath of air, “I think something you should focus on is the whole not telling me that you asked Maggie to marry you and have children with you thing. Why you felt the need to keep that from me.”

“I was worried if I told you about it, you would panic and decide that you didn’t want to be with me,” he was honest, finally dropping his hands down from his face so he could give her his full attention and not pull his stare from her. He wanted to show her that he respected her and he wanted to fix this. “You kept thinking that I would suddenly decide I was making the wrong decision with wanting to be with you. I thought you would assume that I was just having a momentary lapse of judgement and that I didn’t really want to be with you. Truth is? I fucking panicked. When you said you were surprised that I wasn’t already married to Maggie, I didn’t lie to you. I just didn’t tell you. There is a difference. I said that Maggie wasn’t the marrying type. And she wasn’t.”

“But you weren’t telling me the truth either,” she pointed out evoking his body language to change when he slouched forward in his seat. Taking a minute, she bit down on her bottom lip and muttered something to herself before speaking up. “What was it? Maggie is the type that men long for and I’m the type that your mother wants you to marry?”

“My mother does want me to marry you,” he exclaimed, shrugging his shoulders with his facial expressions getting a bit dramatic. That to him at this point in his life wasn’t an insult. “But you know what actually matters? I want to marry you. I am desperately fucking in love with you.”

A shuddering breath followed and she had to look away from him. She was doing her best to hold in her emotions and he hated that he had her questioning things, “I was just mouthing the fuck off Y/N. You are the kind of woman that men long for too. Sex with you has been better than anything I had with Maggie. You have drained my balls more in the last week than Maggie ever has.”

“Jesus Negan,” she snapped at him scoffing at the way only he could put his foot in his mouth so badly. “You make it sound so romantic.”

“I mean it! You fuck me better than Maggie ever had. With us? It feels like your body was made to be the opposite for mine. We feel like two puzzle pieces that have been missing and forced into another puzzle. And now that we’re finally together, we fit together so perfectly,” he hooked his fingers, moving them back and forth as he spoke. An amused sound escaped her and he knew that she thought he was ridiculous. “I crave you every minute of every day. Yes, I like sex. But sex with you? I never want it to stop. The way that you touch me…the way that you look at me…I’ve never felt something so right in my whole fucking life.”

“We have too much sex,” she suggested, biting down on her bottom lip only to pull the most pathetic sound from him. Releasing a muted laugh, she couldn’t believe he was upset hearing that. “We do, Negan.”

“We missed out on a lot of time that should have been spent with us having sex. We’re just catching up,” he tried to reason with her, but she rolled her eyes and leaned forward on the sofa trying to warm up some. “I never, ever made love to Maggie. She wasn’t romantic Y/N. And she would never be caught dead cuddling me at night. Nor was she loving with me. I yearn to be touched by you and not just in a perverted way. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before.”

Shakily reaching for her hand, Negan brought it up to his face and rubbed his cheek in against the center of her palm. A shuddering breath fell from his lips and his eyes closed tightly at the way it felt, “I have never felt for someone the way I do you. You have to see the way you make me crumble in the palm of your hand.”

“Negan…” her voice broke when he turned to press a tender kiss against her pulse point. Using her free hand, she curled her finger in underneath his chin to get him to look at her. “I need you to understand something. You are never going to lie or keep the truth from me again. You are going to be one hundred percent honest with me from here on out. No more keeping things from me. Or else this whole thing isn’t going to work. Keeping things from me is going to make things between us worse. Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am,” Negan licked his lips nervously, a muscle flexing in his jaw showing that he looked ill at ease about her reaction to things. When she lowered her hands, he let out a tremoring breath wanting things to be okay between them. “I’m being very honest with you right now and I promise I will always be from here on out.”

Swallowing down hard, she forced herself to look away from him and that strength that she had was slowly slipping, “As long as you understand that’s what it is going to take for us to be a good couple.”

She took her time to think about all the other things that were bothering her, “Are you…are you only with me now because you couldn’t get the things you wanted with Maggie?”

“Fuck no. Not at all,” he was quick to shake his head needing her to know that wasn’t why they were together. “I could see why you would think like that if it was Maggie that dumped me, but it wasn’t that way. You heard her, she wanted to eventually get married to me. But as soon as I realized there was still something between the two of us? I was hooked. It was always you that my heart wanted. I just got…stupid and fucking lost. I thought you and I were never going to have a chance. So? I just got used to Maggie.”

“But if Maggie said yes, you would be married to Maggie by now,” she pointed out, her throat tensing up when she turned on the couch toward him again. This was the most surprising thing to her. Because she was certain in the past that Maggie would have loved to rub it in her face that Negan wanted to marry her or have children with her, but Maggie never said a thing. “You have to understand where I’m coming from.”

“I do, but the world saved my ass Y/N. All I’ve ever wanted was to be a dad. A family man. I lost my first wife and I just…I longed for that,” Negan explained, placing his hand in over the center of his chest, stressing his emotions at the time. “I should have always known she wasn’t serious about the relationship though because she wouldn’t move in with me. She didn’t want to marry me. We wanted two totally different things in life. And I think that’s a great thing because I was meant to be with you.”

Fuck. She was emotional with his response. Her bottom lip tremored and he could see that she was shaking. That broke his heart to see. Extending his hand out, he curled his finger in underneath her chin to get her to look at him, “And as far as that video she showed you? You saw I was drunk. And I was trying to mouth off to impress my girlfriend at the time. I hate the man I was when I was with Maggie. I was an asshole, bigger than normal. I wasn’t in a good place for a very long time. It took a while for me to get to the place that I am now. But one thing I can’t deny about that video is how much I fucking wanted you. I wanted you so fucking much that it hurt and I didn’t understand why you weren’t making the first move. We had so much fucking chemistry. When Maggie started flirting with me, I knew it was wrong, but maybe I did flirt back in the hopes that you would do something. I just…I never expected it to go as far as it did.”

“It takes two people to have sex,” she reminded him and he groaned out, dropping his head into his hands. “I get what you’re saying Negan, but you could have told her no. That’s what I’m trying to stress to you.”

“I could have and should have,” he agreed with her, biting down on his bottom lip when he pulled his head back up from his hands. “Your best friend was flirting with me and I thought it would put a foot in your ass to make you do what I wanted. I thought I could control your actions and it was wrong. When I came over to the apartment that day to talk to Maggie, I thought maybe we would kiss a little bit. I didn’t think we’d end up having sex. I never went there with the intentions of having sex with her. Things just moved so fast. I was asking her about you that night. Where you were. Who you were with. One minute we’re watching tv and kissing, then the next she’s crawling into my lap…” he paused realizing that she was tensing up when he explained the first time he slept with Maggie. “I just wasn’t thinking with the right head. I should have been telling her no. I hadn’t had sex in so long that it clouded my judgement. When you walked into the apartment and saw the two of us together? I knew by the look on your face that I broke your heart. Any potential I had at getting with you? It was gone. When you apologized and went to your bedroom, I pulled her off me and went after you, but you locked me out. You wouldn’t talk to me. Hell, you wouldn’t even look at me for weeks. So I got with Maggie. It was stupid and it was wrong. But I realized I had no chance with you. Why would you ever want to be with someone who did that?”

“And why would you ever want to fuck someone’s best friend in order to get them to want to be with you?” she countered drawing him to huff out and shrug his shoulders. “Whatever Negan, we can’t change the past. But are you only with me now because I’m the perfect version of myself for you?”

Muttering something under his breath, she could hear Negan releasing a few curse words saying something about Maggie, “Negan?”

“Every version of you is the perfect version for me. Maggie is just a bitch that was trying to get under your skin,” Negan scoffed, hating that Maggie so easily persuaded Y/N to think negatively about herself. “What had me hooked on you again was the fact that I just realized there was an actual chance between the two of us and it reminded me of all the feelings I had back in the day for you. I have been yearning for you since the first moment we started spending time together. You were that one thing that I wanted but couldn’t have. And I wanted you so fucking bad,” he admitted, his face scrunching up when he explained to her his true feelings. “You were and you have always been what I’ve wanted. Whether you were sad, angry, grumpy, sarcastic, pure, sweet, loving…I just never thought I was someone you would want to be with after I hurt you. And when I thought there was a chance again? All those feelings just fucking hit me. I wanted to have you. I needed to be with you and to be yours.”

Going to reach for her hand, he saw her slide it further up her thigh and he stopped himself from touching her, “You have no idea how much I longed for you. Even when Lucille was alive, I knew it was wrong. My favorite part of my week started to be the time I spent with you. I loved it when you would stay after and it was just the two of us. I was so fucking addicted to being near you, touching you…”

Biting back a shuddering breath, he knew that he sounded like a horrible person saying these things, “I just had a daughter and the most important thing to me at that time was her. And I did love Lucille. She was my first love, but you? I think you were meant to be my soulmate. I know that sounds fucking stupid, but every chance I got, I wanted to be near you. Nothing has ever made me feel as good about myself and things as you do.”

Realistically, he recognized that he didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but he was desperate to have it, “You promise you aren’t going to dump me?”

“Yes, Negan. I promise I’m not going to dump you,” she assured him, licking her lips and stretching her hands out over her knees. “But, you do realize that you really don’t deserve me, right?”

Well, shit. That made the panic set in.

“Very much so, yes,” he agreed with her, his raspy voice growing broken with the way she looked. Even though she was doing everything in her power to remain strong, there were still tears burning at her eyes and he knew that he upset her. “You’re better than me in every way.”

“And you do understand that if you lie to me or you ever cheat on me, we’re through?” she stressed to him provoking him to nod immediately. Clearing her throat, her jaw clenched and he could sense that she was angry. “Tell me that you understand. Say it.”

“I understand,” he repeated what she wanted, sliding in closer to her on the couch. “I promise you, I won’t lie to you or cheat on you. I fucking swear. You’re it for me. I don’t think you realize how much I’m in love with you. You’re all I want. You make me so fucking happy. You are what I’ve wanted for so long and now that I have you, I’m so fucking scared of losing you because I love you so fucking much.”

“Well you’re going to work on making it up to me for the rest of our lives,” she proclaimed to him, licking her lips drawing him to nod again. “I love you and I will do anything for you, but no more of this manipulative behavior. I’m letting this go, but I’m going to make you work for it. Do you understand that? Do you realize that you are not going to get off easy for this?”

“Yes ma’am,” Negan lifted his hand to brush his fingers in against the side of her face and he was thankful that she was letting him touch her. Leaning in, he went to kiss her, but she pulled away from him just enough so their lips couldn’t come together. Yet, his breath was still hot over her lips and it had her sucking in a sharp breath of air.

“Apologize,” she demanded with a stern expression, giving Negan a small nod when he tipped his head back to stare down at her. Something changed in the expression over her face and it made his heart skip a beat. “I’m in control right now and you need to do as I say. Tell me that you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” he tried to kiss her again, but she placed her hand in over the center of his chest to keep him from her. It sent a rush through his veins realizing that her pupils were dilated and he found himself desperate. She grasped at his squared jaw, her fingers digging firmly into his flesh. Sucking in a long breath of air, Negan grimaced and nodded swiftly. “I’m so fucking sorry. You are everything to me and I could never stand to lose you now that you are finally in my life.”

Dragging her thumb across his bottom lip had him panting, his lips parting with him pressing a kiss against the pad of her thumb. Dragging his tongue out against the tip had her smirking and grabbing a tighter hold of his face, “Beg me to forgive you. And make it good.”

“Please,” he panted trying to kiss her again, but she made a tsking sound and shook her head. Biting down on his bottom lip, he slid down onto his knees in front of her and caressed at the back of her legs. His thick eyebrows were expressive, his hazel eyes pathetic and pitiful. Lowering his head down, he nestled it in against her thigh. Cuddling into her, he wanted her so badly to understand how he felt about her. “Please forgive me. I was such an asshole. I was so undeserving of you. You are too good for me, but I love you so fucking much.”

Placing kisses through the material of her dress at her thigh, he felt her fingers caressing through his thick hair and he whimpered, “You mean everything to me. Please forgive me. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Caressing at the back of his neck, she took her time to stroke her fingers through his hair. He really was miserable at the idea of her being angry with him. He cuddled his head in against her body, needing to have that closeness. The way he rubbed his cheek in against her thigh showed that he was willing to do just about anything to prove that he longed for her forgiveness.

“Show me how sorry you are,” she breathed out with an excited breath escaping Negan’s throat when he lifted his head up to stare out at her. Now, she wasn’t extremely direct with what she was asking for, but he got the hint. Licking his lips, he hooked his arms around the back of her knees and pulled her to the edge of the couch. It was freezing outside but the bonfire was giving a nice contrast of warmth. Realizing that she was being his dominant in the moment, he was completely open to it. For so long she had no control with things and had to follow along to whatever someone told her. Now she had the power and he was willing to give every ounce of it to her.

“Yes ma’am,” his hands pressed up over her knees, working to get the material of her dress hiked up. Dropping his head down, he began depositing wet kisses over the inside of her knee. Starting to kiss up over the revealed flesh of her thigh, Negan’s big eyes lifted to watch her reactions. Seeing her watching him expectantly had him groaning out. A rush flooded throughout his veins. No one had ever truly been his dominant other than Lucille. Sure Maggie had been bitchy with him in the past and demanding, but never like this. And it thrilled him. Getting the material of her dress pushed up near her thighs, he tugged her in closer to him and released a growl. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“You’re not doing a good job showing it,” she stated provoking him to drag his bottom lip up and over the length of her thigh. Teasing his kisses up further, he hovered his lips in over her core causing her to shudder. Depositing kisses over her panties had her tipping her head back and closing her eyes. “You can do better than that.”

Working his fingers up to the waistband of her panties, he tugged at the material. Lifting her hips, she helped him pull them down her body. Their eyes were connected and the way she was looking at him fueled him. Shoving the material into his pocket, he was quick to bury his head back between her thighs. Dragging a long line up over the length of her sex with the warmth of his tongue had her purring out. This isn’t where he thought things would go, but he wasn’t about to complain. Circling her clit with the tip of his tongue, he took his time before dragging a line back down toward her entrance. Repeating the same motion several times had her moaning out just loud enough for him to hear and he growled against her body. Her fingers were stroking at the back of his head when he started suckling at her sensitive flesh. Wet sounds filled the air with him pleasuring her and it was a unique contrast of heat considering they were outside during the winter.

Something like this was not what he expected from her. The way she was caressing at his scalp and digging her fingers into his short hair had him yearning so desperately for her. He wanted to pleasure her. He wanted to make her come again and again to prove just how sorry he was. He would do just about anything for her to prove it. Slurping and nipping at her flesh had her mewling out and it sent a chill right through his body straight to his manhood. Grunting, he strengthened the strokes of his tongue over her sensitive flesh and it caused her thighs to tremor.

“Wait,” she panted, tugging at his hair with a wet sound filling the air when she got him to tip his head back. Looking up at her with his big eyes, he licked his lips and she shakily got up. Disappointment flooded his features assuming that this was over when she pushed her dress back down over her thighs. Instead of acknowledging him, she moved around him to turn off the bonfire. Once she was done, she grasped firmly at his shirt getting him to stumble up to his feet. Wiggling her finger, she motioned him to follow her. Quick to oblige, he allowed her to drag him across the backyard toward the door. Once inside the house, she stopped and shoved her hands into the center of his chest. “Back on your knees.”

Obeying, he lowered down carefully to his hands and knees. Keeping his stare locked on her when she moved to the island at the center of his kitchen had his heart skipping a beat. Licking his lips, he waited for her instruction. When she gave him a nod, he crawled across the floor. Finally reaching her, he lifted up to his knees. His heart was hammering, a warmth flooding into his face. Caressing up over her legs, his head tipped back and his breathing grew loud. How she looked at him was fueling him more than he could have ever imagined. Sure, the pure, innocent version of her was a turn on for him, but this dominant side? It did things to him, turning him on more than he could have ever imagined. Starting at her knee, he peppered wet, open-mouthed kisses over her skin. Her breathing hitched and he knew she liked this whole thing that she was setting up. His hands continued their path up toward her dress to work it over her hips again. Curling his arm around her waist, he pulled her in closer to him and rest his head against her lower abdomen. Sucking in a sharp breath of air, his eyes closed at the sensation of her caressing at the back of his neck. It was a tender caress, one that he didn’t expect to have from her after the day that they had gone through. Humming out, he started to press kisses through the material of her dress. Lowering into position, he went back to work with his mouth covering her most intimate parts. At first, he just kissed at her flesh. He wanted to work her up to things. Take his time. And then gradually he started to drag his tongue flat along the length of her sex. When the sounds she made grew louder, he started suckling at her folds.

Caressing up and over her thighs, he squeezed at her fleshy bottom and hummed, having her hips arch up closer toward him. Hearing her moan his name was like music to his ears. It told him he was doing something right. Focusing on her clit, he suckled and teased the sensitive bundle of nerves with his talented mouth having her tremoring against his movements. Keeping up with the same force, he felt her fingers hooking into his hair. Forcing him closer to her body, he moaned against her flesh drawing out the perfect cry from her. Soft moans were falling from her with him shaking his head from side to side. Hearing her response to things only fueled him more. Squeezing at her flesh, he felt her grasping tightly to him and by the way her body tensed up he knew that he was bringing her right to the edge of an orgasm. She trembled and grasped tightly to him as he continued through her release, cherishing the sounds that followed.

“Good?” he slurred against her flesh with a tiny smirk tugging at her features. Shaking her head, she released a shuddering breath and he went to grab a hold of her hand. Having her stumble to follow him, she denied him when he tried to lead her up the stairs. Struggling to move into the living room with her, he picked her up and braced her on the arm of the couch. Easily he managed to get the jacket off of her. Working to undo the zipper of the dress that she was wearing, he was quick to pull down the straps to reveal her breasts to him with a bounce. A breath caught in his throat. It would be an understatement to say that he wasn’t obsessed with them, but right now this was about her. To keep herself from falling she kept her arm hooked around Negan’s shoulders while his kisses tampered off over her breast focusing on the taut nipple. Reaching between them, his fingers traced a line back and forth over the length of her sex before sinking two of his fingers into her body. Working to thrust his fingers in the way he knew that she liked, he attempted to kiss her again but she shook her head.

“You have to earn that,” she declared with a simple tsking sound. Huffing out, he gave her a nod and then helped her work the dress from her body. Dropping it on the ground, he made sure that she braced herself on the couch before dropping to his knees again. Keeping up with what his fingers were doing, his tongue returned to her clit lapping at her body. A groan vibrated against her flesh with her fingers stroking at the back of his neck. “That’s it…”

Determination flooded throughout him while thrusting his fingers and hitting her g-spot just right. Lifting his gaze just enough while he pleasured her, he could see that her head was tipped back. Her breathing was labored and her body shuddering with what he was doing. Clutching tightly to the back of his head, her fingers tugged at his hair when a wet sound followed and he hummed out. Most of the time making her squirt would cause him to be arrogant, but not this time. He was proving himself to her. Showing her how sorry he was. He wanted her to feel nothing but euphoria in the moment. Especially after all the sadness she went through.

Giving her a moment to catch her breath, he stood quickly and curled his arm around her waist. Leading her over toward the couch, he lowered her down onto it. Pulling her hips right up to the edge, he got himself comfortable between her thighs and went back to pleasuring her. This time not having to be told again.

“Fuck Negan,” she lifted her head to watch him while he took his time going down on her. It looked like he was enjoying himself, but he was determined. He was giving her what she demanded of him. And he was going to keep going as long as he could. Negan was always a giving person, but this was different. Visibly he liked being told what to do and being in the submissive role. Grasping tightly to his hair seemed to fuel him more while she purred out his name. “That’s it. You’re doing such a good job.”

Closing his eyes, he focused on the sounds of her breathing. Wanting to draw things out, he concentrated on the way he touched her and caressed up over her body while his mouth continued to pamper over her sensitive flesh. Dragging lines over her body and drawing out shapes, he listened to her. Wanting to do as she pleased and provide her with as much bliss in the moment.

Cooing out, she started to rock her hips against his movement provoking a moan to escape his lips. Pulling his mouth from her body, his long eyelashes fluttered to an open and he let out a tremoring sound. Her thumb traced over his bottom lip and he took her finger into his mouth.

“I bet your cock is hard, isn’t it?” she questioned and he gave her a small nod with her adjusting her positioning on the couch in front of him. Sliding back, she tried to catch her breath when she motioned him to stand. “Take off your clothes.”

Standing slowly, he felt the ache in his knees from being in the positions that he was in. This wasn’t normal for someone his age, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t about to show her that he was in pain. Working his suit jacket off, he let it fall from his body and to the floor. Slipping out of his shoes, he set them aside and then started to work open the button-down shirt that he was wearing.

“Keep that on,” she instructed staring at his body that was exposed from the buttons being completely undone. Unhurriedly working open the belt, he pulled it from the loops and dropped it at his feet. Undoing the button in his pants, he was swift to slide the zipper down. There was something in the way that she was looking at him that sent a chill down his spine in the best of ways. Hooking his fingers into the waistband, he pushed the material down so that it pooled at his feet. Standing before her in his black boxer briefs and the opened button-down shirt made her smile. It was a wicked smile and one that he wasn’t used to. “Sit down on the coffee table.”

Following her instructions, he sat on the edge of the coffee table across from her. Leaning forward, she caressed up and over his thighs giving them a tender squeeze. Palming up and down over his thighs had him spreading his legs out further. After a moment, she smiled and rested back on the couch staring out at him with an expression he couldn’t read.

“What kind of sex do you still want to have with me?” she was curious, extending her leg out to tease her toes in over his manhood through the material of his boxer briefs. “What’s the first on your list?”

“I look forward to a lot of things with you, but we have all the time in the world together to try new things,” he braced his hands on the table, resting back enough to give her space to tease him. By her expression, he could tell that she didn’t like his response. “The one I’d really like to do? Maybe I’d like to have you come to my lecture hall. Take a seat in the front row like you were my student again. We can roleplay a little. I could have my way with you the way I always wanted to back then.”

Giving him a nod, she bit down on her bottom lip and hummed out, “Do you still want my ass?”

“I want every part of you,” he alerted her with a tip of his head, sucking in a sharp breath of air with the way she centered in over his body. “But I want you that way when you are relaxed. So that way we can take our time and you can enjoy it.”

“Did you ever show Maggie your bisexual side?” she was curious and it had him huffing out wishing that they weren’t talking about the woman that gave them all the trouble she did tonight. “I’m just curious if she played with your ass.”

“No. Maggie would have been uncomfortable with that part of me,” he explained, looking down toward his lap to see her pull her foot away and he frowned. “Does the idea of playing with my ass turn you off?”

“No,” she snickered, biting down on her bottom lip and releasing a small rumble of a sound. “I actually like the idea of you being my bitch. Begging and whimpering like a desperate puppy. Pegging you would make me quite happy. I like the idea of you as my submissive.”

“Well, I’m available whenever you’d like,” he reasoned with her, his eyebrows bouncing up with him sucking in a sharp breath of air. “I’m willing to do anything you want, whenever you want because I want you happy.”

“Pull out your cock, but don’t touch yourself after you do,” she requested, nodding down toward his groin. With a smirk, he gave her a nod. Lowering his hand, he pushed at the material of his boxer briefs to get them down in the front allowing his erection to spring free from behind its cotton prison. Swallowing down hard, she smirked and bit down on her bottom lip. Her eyes were centered on his erection that twitched with anticipation. “That looks painful.”

“Well, he’s…excited,” he responded, dropping his head to look at his rigid manhood that was resting against his lower abdomen. Sucking in a sharp breath of air, he didn’t know where this was headed, but there was a warmth flooding throughout his body. “You make him very happy.”

“Touch everywhere but there,” she ordered and with a snicker, he braced his weight on his left hand when his right started caressing across his chest and down over his abdomen. Groaning out, he pushed at the material of the boxer briefs to get them off. Kicking out of them, he caressed in over his thigh and toward his bare hip. His cock twitched and it made her bite down on her bottom lip. “Will you be a good boy and listen to me? Do whatever I say?”

“Yes ma’am,” he assured her watching her wiggle her finger to point for him to take a seat next to her. Doing as he was told, he carefully stood up and lowered down in next to her. Raising her hand, she traced her fingertips over his lips and he took his time to take one of her fingers into his mouth sucking faintly at it. When she pulled away he groaned out and watched her drop her hand down to trace her fingertips over the length of his masculinity. But it was in a teasing fashion. Moaning out, his eyes rolled back to a close and he knew she was fucking with him. The warmth of her breath covered the side of his neck and he felt tiny kisses being peppered there. “Please.”

“No, not yet,” she refused what he wanted, snapping her fingers to get his attention. Behind heavy eyelids, he stared out at her and his abdomen sucked in deeply with his breathing. “Go get the lube.”

“It’s upstairs,” he whined, attempting to reason with her. That wasn’t a good answer for her though. The way her head bobbed about showed that she didn’t care. Pulling himself up from the couch onto shaken legs, he rushed to move from the living room to the stairs. It was hard running up the stairs with a raging hard on, but he did it. He haphazardly pulled open the drawer of the nightstand when he got into the bedroom and grabbed the lube. He honestly didn’t even think about closing the drawer when he made his way back down to her. By the look on her face he could tell that she was amused with him. Moving in beside her, he swallowed down hard and watched her reach for the lube. Opening the lid, she squeezed some out into her palm and curled her fingers around his shaft near the tip. Moaning out, his hips arched up and he could see her smile. “What are we doing?”

“I want you to fuck my hand, but I want you to do it slow,” she announced, her eyebrows arching in curiosity when he snorted and released a frustrated breath. “I thought you were going to do whatever I told you.”

“I am! I am!” he promised, his hips arching up slowly realizing her fingers were curled enough so she could caress over him with every thrust he made. Taking his time to lower his hips down, he watched her closely as he lifted his hips once more having her fingertips focusing on the ridges of the sensitive tip. “Can I please kiss you?”

“You really want that, don’t you?” she noted with him licking his lips while also giving a desperate nod. “Will it make you happy?”

“Very happy,” he answered with a whine, looking down to watch his cock pushing and pulling back in the grasp of her hand.

“Then no,” she refused provoking him to whine at her denial once more. Pulling her hand away had him frowning as she stood from the couch. “Get on your hands and knees.”

Tipping his head to the side, he didn’t know where this was headed, but he did as she requested. Getting on her knees behind him, he could feel her reaching around him to curl her fingers around his cock again. Realizing what she was doing, he huffed out and bounced his hips forward before pulling back. Wincing out, he felt her free hand smack firmly over his ass to the point it left a stinging sensation. But honestly? He liked it. Another firm thwack had him bucking up harder against her palm. Several more spanks had him moaning out and he couldn’t believe the way she was making him sound so pathetic, but she was.

“Please. Please…” he pled when she pulled her hand away from his body and snickered against the side of his neck. The way she caressed at his small bottom had him sucking in a sharp breath of air. Everything felt like it was spinning. His body felt like it was on fire and he was breathing loudly. “Please let me come.”

“Lay down on your back Negan,” she instructed him, finding joy in the way that he begged. Taking his time, he lowered down onto the couch. Turning, he made sure that he was on his back and his Adam’s apple bounced in his throat. Carefully moving in over him, she got comfortable resting on her knees. Curling her fingers around his erection, she did slow strokes over it having his moan grow raspier. “You do have the nicest cock I’ve ever played with Negan. You of course know that though.”

Teasing her finger at the tip, she collected the precum that was there and hummed out. Adjusting her hips, she moved in just enough to grind the length of her sex against his shaft causing him to drop his head back. Sucking in a sharp breath of air, he wondered if she knew what she was doing to him. Driving him crazy and making him desperately yearn for her. Moving in over him she continually rubbed her body up over the length of his shaft and back while she braced herself by placing her hands over his chest.

“Someone shouldn’t be gifted with such nice hands, a beautiful face like yours and such an addicting cock,” she dragged her right hand up to faintly smack at the side of his face getting him to moan out. “It makes a person arrogant. Too arrogant.”

“Again, please,” he implored of her, giving a sturdy nod when he was referencing to her smacking him. Doing it again, he moaned out once more and realized she wasn’t doing it too hard, but it was enough to leave him with a pinging sensation at his flesh. Dropping his head, he forced himself to watch her giving him a pussy job and he was enthralled with how things were going. “You’re right. I’m so fucking arrogant.”

Going to reach his hands out, he stopped himself when he realized that he wasn’t given permission, “Can I please touch you?”

Giving him a single nod, she purred out when his palms covered her breasts cupping them in his grasp, “You’re just as perfect. You’re gorgeous. I love your breasts. Being inside of you is like fucking heaven. You’re so…fucking…” lifting his head up, he watched the movements her body made over his and with the lubrication that was over his cock already this actually felt really nice. “Tight. You should be just as arrogant as me.”

“I don’t know if anyone could be as arrogant as you Negan,” she cooed out, tipping her head back at the sensations this was drawing out from inside of her with the way the tip of his cock rubbed against her already sensitive clit. Lifting her hips up and away from him had him pouting and she shook her head. “You are something else.”

Reaching for Negan’s belt that he had deposited, she worked to wrap it around his wrists to tie them together. Forcing them up over his head, she gave him a wicked smirk and shook her head, “Now don’t move them. Okay?”

“Yes ma’am,” there was that repeated phrase he had continued to give her throughout the night. Bracing her palms at the center of his abdomen, she caressed up over his body toward the center of his chest and then back again. Teasing her fingers through the hair that covered his body, she smiled at his reaction to things. Negan wasn’t used to being the one not in control. But he seemed to really enjoy it. Reaching for the lube again, she poured a small amount onto the tip watching it drip down over the length toward the base. Tossing it on the coffee table, she worked to caress her hand over his manhood to spread it evenly. Lifting up enough, she moved in over him and led the tip to her entrance. “You’re mine, you understand that, right?”

“I’m only yours,” he hummed out, his moan falling from his lips when the vein at the side of his neck grew more prominent. Lowering down over him, she allowed just the tip to enter her and she braced her hands back in over the center of his chest. A loud, raspy moan escaped his throat and she knew that he was already incredibly sensitive. “I don’t want to belong to anyone else. Just you.”

Angling her body in a comfortable way, she started to roll her hips over his length having him a panting mess beneath her. Lifting up, he tried to kiss her, but she still wouldn’t allow him, “What’s more important to you? Kissing me or coming?”

“Kissing you,” he replied back, without even giving it a moment’s thought. That impressed Y/N to hear. Especially since she knew how much Negan loved sex and how much she had already overstimulated him at this point. Lifting up toward her, he was yearning to have her kiss him. “Please…”

“If that’s what you want, then absolutely,” she agreed, grasping his thick jaw between her thumb and index fingers. Pausing her movements, she brought their lips together in a long, drawn-out passionate sweep that had him whimpering out against her mouth. Tipping her head back, she hovered her lips just over his and smiled. “You really are my desperate little thing, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he lifted just enough to pepper kisses at her bottom lip, thankful to be able to finally kiss her again. There still seemed to be some teasing coming from her, but he didn’t mind. His breathing was broken with the warmth of her body surrounding him. But he wanted to focus on finally being able to kiss her. It was just hard for him to do so since he still had his arms back over his head. “I love you so fucking much and it hurts when you won’t kiss me. You’re everything to me. Fucking everything.”

“I believe you,” she caressed her hand in over the side of his face, allowing him to kiss her again and again before starting to move her hips over his in steady movements. What he really seemed to be addicted to was having her kissing him and it worked him up more than she expected it to. Moans started to vibrate against her bottom lip when she felt him tensing up beneath her. With an amused rumble, she pulled herself away from him with a whimper sound escaping his throat. Stopping him from reaching his orgasm had him panting as she pulled her lips away. Dragging her tongue out across her bottom lip, she looked between the two of them to watch his rigid length aching for some kind of release. Wincing out, Negan wiggled uncomfortably beneath her and she let out an amused sound. “You said kissing was more important than coming.”

“I did,” he hissed out, his hips bouncing up like a pitiful thing beneath her. Warmth radiated over his erection with her just faintly hovering her hips over his. Taking her time, she caressed up over the center of his damp chest and then back down toward his abdomen. Beneath her he was trembling and she liked having this kind of control on him. “Fuck me…it hurts.”

“How bad?” she inquired, sliding her hands back up over his body brushing her fingers through his damp hair.

“So bad,” he was honest with her realizing she found enjoyment in hearing that and he didn’t blame her. Amusement flooded her features and her pupils were dilated with lust. Even if she was fucking with him, she was physically enjoying this as much as he was. Lifting up, he nipped at her bottom lip drawing her to smile when she pulled back. “Can I just point out that you were doubting that you were fucking perfect for me? Right now? You’re being everything I’ve ever wanted and more.”

“Tell me that again later when I haven’t let you come for quite some time,” she hushed him, meeting his lips in a drawn-out kiss that had him humming against her lips. Fuck, that thrilled him to hear even though he was already feeling the need to come. “You’re in for trouble tonight and you’re not going to like me very much by the end of the night.”

“I can’t wait,” he assured her knowing that he would be hurting later, but he looked forward to it. Sucking in a sharp breath of air, he watched her fingers dance over the length of his cock toward the sensitive area where the tip met the shaft. At least she was finding a way to take her anger out and make herself feel better. “You like having me beg, don’t you?”

“Is it that obvious?” she lifted her head, crawling back in over him. Situating herself, she leaned forward and curled her fingers around his wrists to keep them in place. Which really didn’t bother him because having her breasts in his face was a sight he enjoyed very much. Raising up just enough from the couch, his tongue outstretched to draw circles around her nipple before suckling at the flesh. Bouncing his hips up toward her had a tsking sound flooding the air. “Slow down. We’re playing my game right now Negan.”

“Yes ma’am,” he slurred, dropping his head back against the couch. A louder moan escaped him when she smacked at the side of his face again. Having her do that to him sent an ache right to his cock that surprised him. Arching his back up toward her involuntarily had him growling out. In most of his relationships, he had always been the dominant one. Having her be the dominant one? Fuck, it was amazing. Sucking in a sharp breath of air, he felt her lips tamper off over his jawline and toward the side of his neck. Gradually she released his wrists, caressing down over his arms and toward his chest. A wince escaped him when her nails faintly scratched down over his torso. Truthfully, he loved the sensation it left him with. “My body is yours to do whatever you please with it. I’m fucking yours. All of me.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” she cooed out, allowing her body to unhurriedly lower back down over his. Tipping his head back, he let out a groan at the sensation of her warmth enveloping him once more. This time she teased him. Letting him fill her completely, but she didn’t move. No, not even as her eyes slammed shut and her face twisted with pleasure. “Sometimes you need to be put in your place Negan.”

“Fuck…fucking…” he lifted his head when the walls of her pussy squeezed tighter around his cock leaving him to whimper. A muscle in his jaw flexed with his lips parting. His thick eyebrows furrowed and she could tell that she was really putting him through the desperation of wanting to come. “Please...please fucking ride me.”

Stroking her fingers through his short salt and pepper colored beard had him turning his head toward the warmth of her hand. When she dragged her thumb across his bottom lip, he took it into his mouth again nibbling and then sucking at it. Gifting him with the slightest of movements had his raspy moan flooding the living room. The movements were slow only allowing a tiny pull of his body before she lowered back. His heart was pounding away inside of his chest, his skin on fire while he continued to suck at her thumb. By the time she was steadily starting to ride his cock, it had his breathing broken and he was shaking beneath her.

“You are such a good boy right now,” she hummed, dragging her thumb from his mouth and lowering down just enough to steal a wet kiss from his lips. His tongue eagerly brushed between her lips against hers causing her to purr out. “Do you want to come?”

“Yes,” he spoke softly, dropping his stare to watch the way she moved over him. Watching his cock disappearing time and time again inside of her was a sight he loved. Part of him in the past never thought she would be able to so confidently take his dick like she did but damn he was happy she could. “So much.”

“Are you almost there?” she breathed out, riding him harder eliciting crude, wet sounds to follow. There was a euphoric haze in her eyes and he could tell that she was enjoying this. Desperately nodding, he knew that she didn’t need to be told. She knew his body better than most of his previous lovers. He was tensing up, the muscles in his lower abdomen flexing and his cock throbbing inside of her. Placing her hand over his lips, she covered his mouth tightly and then pulled herself from his erection once more. A groan vibrated against her palm when her eyes locked with his and she forced him to look at her. With her free hand, she reached down to pinch at the base of the glans to get him to stop from coming. His body tremored and in his eyes she could see that he was pleading with her. She was edging him like he had done her in the past. “It’s hard being the one overstimulated and pulled right to the edge of an orgasm, isn’t it?”

Nodding his head, his body felt like it was on fire when she finally released his cock. The room was spinning. She was forcing him to come down from the high that he got from being so close to coming. Laying down beside him on the couch, she started pressing kisses over the center of his chest. She wasn’t going to let him come. Not yet. She was going to drag that orgasm out, but his cock was aching. Taking his nipple between her lips, she pampered his body with the warmth of her mouth and tongue. Teasing him was working. His body was numb, his veins flooding with a rush of hot liquid warmth. Nipping at the nipple drew out a moan that vibrated against her palm. Catching her own breath, she knew that her own body couldn’t keep up with this much longer. There was a heat that had rushed to her face. Her muscles were tremoring too, but she couldn’t let Negan see that side of her yet. Drawing lines down over the center of his abdomen after releasing his mouth, she reached the base of his cock and his hips arched. Tenderly tracing over his swollen cock had an addictive sounding moan falling from his throat. The veins along the thick shaft were more prominent and the tip was a dark shade of red. Once her fingers swept in over the frenulum area, he was making a sound that she had never really heard from him before and it had her smiling.

“I think you’re someone who is used to getting everything you want without really working for it. Because you are so fucking pretty,” she whispered, leaning in to start pressing kisses over his jawline urging him to tip his head back. Leaving tiny bites along his neck had him moaning out loving every bit of this torture. “I think sometimes you need to start begging for the things you want.”

Dropping her hand she caressed at his testicles releasing a hum of approval from him. Lifting his head to watch her touching him allowed her easier access to his neck where she deposited wet kisses near the prominent vein that was there. Chills flooded down his spine and he knew that every part of him was aching with the yearning to have a release that she was keeping him from.

Her kisses started to lift back up over his jawline and he took advantage, turning his head toward her to meet her lips in a kiss that left him humming against her lips. Tipping back with a smile, she gave him a nod and then dragged her tongue out against the inside of his bottom lip. Sucking at her tongue had her purring out. Curling her fingers firmly around his shaft, she started stroking his body getting him to nuzzle his nose in against hers.

“Please…” he whispered against her lips, leaving tiny kisses over them. By now his hands were going numb with them being tied up and stretched up over his head. Behind heavy lids, he looked to her and he looked incredibly needy in that moment. “Please let me come.”

“Not good enough,” she refused, looking down between them as she focused on the sensitive tip. His body twitched when she crawled in over him again after allowing him that cool down time. Pressing her body in close to his allowed the warmth from her to radiate against his length, but nothing more. Using both of her hands she continued to stroke over his cock, amused with how he strained beneath her. “You’re really going to have to do better than that.”

“Fucking hell, please,” he whined, his face twisting with something she’d never seen in him before. “Please? I’ll do whatever the fuck you want, whenever the fuck you want. I am totally and completely yours. Just fucking please let me fucking come.”

“Good boy,” she tapped the side of his face, reaching up to unhook his wrists. When they lowered down, he gave her a certain look before swiftly rolling her onto her back. Adjusting her, he worked her thighs upward so she could hook her legs around his waist. Bracing his left hand on the couch, he shakily reached between them to help lead his cock back into her with ease. In unison they moaned out together when he lowered in closer to her. Burying his head in against the side of her neck, he loved the way that she wrapped her arms around his shoulders to cling to him. What he should have done was just pound away because that’s how much he hurt, but he wanted this to be more personal. His thrusts were slow and drawn out, meticulous in the way he moved. His body was trembling as he found himself lost in her with every forward thrust he made. Her cries were quiet, vibrating against his earlobe. A wince escaped his throat with her dragging her nails slightly down over the length of his shoulders. “Come inside of me Negan.”

“Yes ma’am,” he slurred, tipping his head back enough to bring their lips together in a passionate kiss. Bucking up against her, his thrusts grew more prominent with her whimpering out his name. His arms were shaking when the first hint of his release started inside of her. Burying his head in against the side of her neck again, her fingers clutched tightly to his hair. Everything felt so much more enhanced with how much she had drawn things out. Continuing through with his movements, he whimpered out when he felt her pussy squeezing around his cock when they shared their final orgasm together. Clutching tightly to her, Negan was eager to hold her in his arms while she stroked through his damp hair and over the back of his neck. “You are every-fucking-thing to me.”

Pulling his head back, his hazel eyes gazed into hers with him stroking his fingers over the side of her face. Shaking his head, he swept his thumb in over her jawline and let out a tremoring breath, “I would be fucking lost without you. Now that I’ve had you there is no one else for me. No one.”

“You don’t have to keep begging Negan,” she assured him with a weak smile, lifting her head to look down toward where they were still connected with him going soft inside of her. “I have a pussy full of your come and you came a lot.”

“Be serious for a moment,” he begged, rolling his eyes realizing she was being more like him in the moment. Reaching for her hand, he hooked his fingers with hers and bit down on his bottom lip. “I mean everything I said. You? You’re everything I want and you’ve ruined me for everyone else. I love you so fucking much.”

“Are we officially trading roles here?” she teased him, noticing that he really wanted her to be serious in the moment. Squeezing her fingers with his, she lifted up enough to brush her lips in over his in a loving sweep. “I love you too Negan. I hear everything you’re saying and I believe you.”

“I’m happy that you do, but you need to know that I promise I’m gonna keep doing everything I can to show it,” he assured her, eagerly kissing her back before resting his forehead in against hers. “You and my daughter are the only things in my life that mean anything to me. The rest of the world could just fucking disappear, but as long as I have the two of you? Then everything is right in the world.”

Urging him into her arms, she held tightly to him acknowledging that he was emotional in the moment. Cuddling her head in closer to his, she hadn’t expected things to end this way, but she didn’t hate it. It was very sweet and passionate in the way he held her. And this was a side of Negan that she definitely could get used to being around.

----

Having alone time had become pretty scarce these days. Between being so busy at work and spending the rest of her time with Negan and Jordyn, Y/N rarely had moments like this. So she was cherishing it. It was the day before Christmas Eve and she was left alone to wrap Christmas presents. Negan and Jordyn were having a special daddy-daughter day that had already been planned long before Y/N had started dating Negan. They had tickets to something and this was a day that Negan had always heavily pampered his daughter since Lucille had passed away.

Even though she had wrapped Maggie’s Christmas presents for people months in advance, she was very far behind with things that she had gotten for people. That’s why this time was nice for her. Since she was living with both Negan and Jordyn now, she had bought more presents than she probably needed to. She was just desperate to be part of this family in the right way. Even though they both made her feel very loved, she went above and beyond this Christmas. And she was very aware of that.

Everything was sprawled out across the floor and the living room was a mess. For the last few hours she had buried herself in this. Tonight would be a late night for Negan and Jordyn, so it also made sense to busy herself with things. There was no stress or worry. Since everything happened with Negan that night, he had been incredibly doting. More than he ever had been and that was a lot. Most of their time was spent with Jordyn, but when they were alone he was always very pampering of her. Everything was working out surprisingly well.

The only thing she had started to question was what she was going to do with her time after finishing the presents. There were only a few left and they wouldn’t be home for hours. Since her back was starting to hurt, she assumed a shower was in the near future followed by maybe some dinner. But she was getting ahead of herself.

Reaching out for the bag beside her, Y/N felt a breath catch in her throat when she pulled the item out. It was the painting that she had commissioned Daryl to do months ago for Christmas. This was originally supposed to be her one and only gift for Negan. She had asked Daryl to do it when Negan was still dating Maggie. It was a painting of Negan and Jordyn together where she had carefully selected the photo and gave it to Daryl. Seeing that painting brought up a lot of emotions for her that had been locked away for a while. Many times since she had met Negan, Y/N had always been invited to Christmas with Negan and his family. And while some of her time was spent with them, her night always ended with Daryl. Daryl was a big part of her life and she hadn’t seen Daryl since Maggie had punched him that day. This would be her first Christmas without Daryl since he had been in her life. And even though she hated to admit it, it didn’t feel right. Not having Daryl in her life just wasn’t normal for her. It felt strange.

Sighing, she took her time to observe the painting wondering if it would be wrong to give Negan this as a gift now. Especially after all the trouble that Daryl had caused her and Negan when they got together. Biting down on her bottom lip, she considered her options and chose to still wrap the painting carefully. Even if Daryl was an asshole, the piece was beautiful and she had no doubt that Negan would appreciate it.

Finishing the presents, she got up and went over toward the tree to try to find a way to fit the rest in. All it took was some readjusting to get them under the tree. But near the back of the tree something had caught her eye. Extending her hand out, she grabbed a hold of it to see that it was a present that Jordyn had wrapped for Maggie. Swallowing down hard, she swiped her thumb in over the package and realized that it had probably been there since they had put up the Christmas tree. Of course Jordyn would have gotten something for Maggie, but then it made her also wonder if the presents that Negan had gotten for Maggie were there as well.

It would be silly to think that things wouldn’t still be lingering that surrounded Maggie. Everything moved so quickly that erasing Maggie from this family was not going to be something that would happen anytime soon. Just like the idea of Daryl wouldn’t leave her mind. He had been her best friend for so long and she knew that he was a big part of her. Just like Maggie was a big part of Negan and Jordyn’s life.

Setting the present down on the coffee table, she got up and cleaned up the mess that she made. But no matter how much she tried to push the thought of Daryl aside, she knew that she couldn’t. This would be the first Christmas in eight years that Daryl wouldn’t be a part of. The idea of that didn’t sit right with her. Especially after all they had been through together.

God, this was going to be a bad decision. Looking to the time, she knew that she was capable of doing it but wondered if she really should. There were some presents that she had gotten for Daryl too that she had wrapped. Even though it was against her better judgement, she decided it was for the best to give Daryl his gifts and go to see him. Something like her getting with Negan shouldn’t have ended their friendship completely.

Heading upstairs, she got dressed for the cold weather and then left after closing up the house. Truthfully? It took longer than it probably should because several times she tried to convince herself to go back to Negan’s. Tell herself that somehow this was a bad idea, but she knew it was the right thing to do. In her heart at least. Talking herself into the apartment building and onto the elevator was even harder. Considering the last time she was in this building was when Daryl threw her around and hurt her, well that made things complicated. This would be a sore spot for her and she realized that.

Walking out into the hall once the elevator opened had her pausing. Memories of Daryl throwing her against the wall across from his apartment weighed heavy on her. There were so many good moments that she shared with Daryl here, yet that was the one that lingered. That was the one that she was remembering so vividly. Even now she still recalled what it felt like when he smacked her like he did.

“Stop,” she demanded of herself, looking down toward the bag that she had Daryl’s gifts in. She didn’t know what she was doing here. Other than she wanted to make things right somehow. Christmas was a special holiday and Daryl shouldn’t have been alone. Not after all they had been through together. And wasting the gifts she bought for him would have been stupid.

Coaching herself to Daryl’s door, she stopped in front of it. Thinking over the plan in her head, she tried to make this easy for herself. What the hell would she open with? Considering their last interaction was Maggie punching him and Guy threatening him, maybe it would be for the best if he spoke first. Hell, even if she told him that she missed him, she doubted he would care. Anything she tried to come up with in her head just didn’t sound right. Maybe it was for the best for her to wing it. Especially since the Daryl she knew now wasn’t the one that she had grown used to over the years.

Stepping forward, she knocked and waited. There was nothing on the other end. No sound. No music. No shuffling around like she’d often hear when she came to Daryl’s home. Attempting once more, she realized that he must not have been home. Contemplating if she would leave the gifts, she stopped when she heard the sound of the elevator coming up to the floor. For a second, she thought it could be Daryl but released a surprised sound when she saw the woman that was in Daryl’s painting that he told her he had been commissioning. The same woman that had showed up after Daryl had hit her. Waiting, she didn’t know what to do when she realized the woman was pulling out keys and she had her hands full with what looked like groceries.

It took a minute until the woman finally looked up and saw Y/N there. Surprise filled the woman’s eyes as she approached Y/N who was frozen. The woman held her hand up and motioned Y/N to wait as she started to open Daryl’s apartment. Swiftly moving through the apartment, the woman set the groceries on the counter and Y/N could feel her heart hammering inside of her chest. Was this Daryl’s new girlfriend that he had met through the commissioned painting?

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bother you, I was just looking for Daryl,” Y/N called out to the woman who was still facing away from her. There was no response and Y/N cleared her throat wondering if the woman had heard awful things about her from Daryl. Stepping in closer to the door, she didn’t know how to respond or what to say. “I’m really not trying to bother anyone, I just had some presents for him for Christmas that I wanted him to have and…”

Again, she was met by silence which dumbfounded her. The woman shuffled through the apartment and Y/N considered leaving. Especially since this whole thing felt awkward between the two of them. Swiftly, the woman had pulled the winter jacket that she was wearing off and tossed it aside. Beneath, the woman was wearing one of Daryl’s oversized t-shirts and that made it clear as day for Y/N that yes, this woman was in fact dating Daryl. Or they were at least sleeping together. But from the keys that she had without Daryl being home, Y/N was certain this was his girlfriend. Biting down on her bottom lip, she stepped back to leave when the woman waved her down and shook her head. Huffing out, the woman bounced in place as if frustrated looking for something. A moment later, she did something with her hands that made Y/N pause and shrug her shoulders.

When the woman’s eyes fell upon something, she held up her finger once more and grabbed a pad of paper. Heading to the door, the woman waved Y/N in, wanting her to come into Daryl’s apartment. Things felt odd and Y/N didn’t know if she should, but the woman was hooking her arm around Y/N’s arm to politely drag her in, “I’m sorry, my name is Y/N and I just wanted to give Daryl these.”

Starting to write something down on the pad of paper had Y/N sucking in a sharp breath of air. Waiting was the best thing she could do at this point while she stood at the middle of the apartment with this stranger that she only knew of from the painting.

“I know who you are. Daryl has told me a lot about you,” Y/N read aloud when the woman lifted the notebook to show her what she had written. A rush of embarrassment flooded throughout Y/N’s body when she realized the woman was deaf and wasn’t ignoring her at all. Suddenly, she had the urge to apologize profusely. The only thing that Y/N found strange is that this woman was aware of who she was, yet Y/N had no idea who she was.

Holding her finger up, the stranger motioned Y/N to wait while she wrote something else down.

I’m Connie. Daryl will be home soon.

Was that name supposed to be familiar to her? Because by the look in Connie’s eyes, it looked like she expected Y/N to know her.

“I’m so sorry about everything, I feel like a total asshole. I didn’t realize you were deaf,” Y/N started to apologize profusely, keeping eye contact with Connie since she felt like a total asshole from the beginning. Connie was watching Y/N’s lips trying to determine what she was saying and it made Y/N feel guilty. Connie waved her hand about and offered her a welcoming smile that made it seem like it was no big deal that Y/N wasn’t aware. Yet? There was still some confusion between them like Y/N should have known that Connie was deaf. “I don’t mean to bother you. I was just hoping to see Daryl so I could drop these off for him.”

Going to sign something, Connie realized that Y/N was clueless unfortunately when it came to sign language. Writing something down had a lump growing in Y/N’s throat. Connie was a beautiful girl and she seemed to have a lot of positive energy to the way she was responding to things. Hell, she didn’t blame Daryl for moving on fast. He was angry and he deserved to be happy too. She was just surprised.

Not a bother! I’ve always wanted to meet you! I’m happy we finally could. Daryl is just getting supplies for Christmas. We’re having my sister over to announce the news.

“You wanted to meet me?” she repeated what Connie had written, pointing to her own chest. Connie gave an excited nod and a big smile. That brought forth a lot of guilt for Y/N. Connie somehow knew who she was, yet Y/N didn’t have a fucking clue who Connie was. “I’m sorry, I don’t know…what news?”

And that’s when the most confusion flooded over Connie’s face. It made Connie’s eyebrows furrow and it was clear that Connie expected Y/N to know what she was talking about. At first, Connie went to write something down but then rethought it. Instead, she just held her left hand out bringing attention to the ring that was over her finger. A breath caught in Y/N’s throat realizing that it was an engagement ring and she felt a warmth flooding to her face.

Attempting to gather the words to say something, the sound of the door to the apartment opening was heard and she looked to see Daryl freezing at the entrance. Every muscle in his body was tense with Y/N holding onto Connie’s hand and he grew incredibly pale. When his eyes connected with Y/N’s, his face scrunched up, his lips parting, but no words were coming out.

“Wow,” Y/N ignored Daryl in that moment and gave a big smile, nodding her head about. “That’s a beautiful ring. Congratulations!”

Now that was what she was supposed to say. This woman that she had just learned was Daryl’s fiancée seemed like an amazingly kind woman and she deserved respect and positivity. Knowing that Y/N said that lit up Connie’s face as Daryl stumbled into the apartment with what he was carrying. Hurriedly moving into the kitchen, Daryl set everything down and dropped a few things. Fumbling to pick them up, he approached them and wiped his hands off on the front of his jeans.

“Hey…what are you…what are you doing here?” Daryl’s words came out in a slur, a sense of fear in his tone when Y/N gently lowered Connie’s hand down. Shifting on his feet, Daryl pointed between Connie and Y/N. Clearing his throat, he waited for an answer and seemed to panic when he didn’t get one immediately. “What did you talk about while I was gone?”

“We just got introduced,” Y/N was honest, pointing at her chest and then toward Connie who gave her another inviting smile. Having Daryl paranoid in this moment had Y/N questioning a lot of things. “I’m just pleased that the two of you are happy. I wanted to drop these gifts off for you for Christmas because I still had them hanging around at my place.”

Right now there was an urge to run, especially with how angry she had become with Daryl. But instead she hid it, wanting to be the best version of herself in front of Connie. Any anger she had toward Daryl? It wasn’t Connie’s fault.

Connie was writing something down for Y/N and Daryl was nervously gazing upon it trying to see what Connie was writing.

“Stay for dinner,” Y/N read aloud when Connie held it up for her to read. With her chest tightening, Y/N took in a long breath and shook her head. Daryl looked like he wanted to die on the spot and she knew the last thing he wanted was her there. And truthfully? She didn’t want to be there right now either. “Oh, I appreciate that very much, but I have to get back home soon. My fiancé will be back soon with our daughter and I don’t want to make them worry.”

“Your fiancé?” Daryl repeated what she had said, his blue eyes narrowing when she lifted her hand up slightly to show the ring that was on her finger. And there it was. A flash of anger flooded into Daryl’s face and he huffed out.

Connie politely took Y/N’s hand in hers and gazed upon the ring with awe and motioned Y/N to wait until she wrote something down again.

I would love for you to stay. We can share a celebratory drink. I’ve heard about you for years but have never met you.

“Years?” Y/N choked, looking to Daryl who gave her a pleading expression. Hell, this was all starting to make sense. Why Connie was so eager to be around her. Why she was so open with Y/N and comfortable in Daryl’s apartment. “Connie, I promise you I will make time for us to get to know one another. I just don’t want Negan to worry when he gets home. I didn’t tell them that I would be gone. But it was so nice to meet you.”

Connie seemed defeated, but realistically, Y/N didn’t know what Connie actually knew about her. Because she was certain Daryl didn’t tell her that he had been sleeping with Y/N for years. That wasn’t the attitude that Connie gave off. Y/N said her goodbyes to Connie and was very polite when leaving, shaking her hand once more.

Making her way out of the apartment, Y/N’s body felt hot and numb at the same time. Her heart was pounding away inside of her chest when she headed for the elevator. The sound of Daryl calling out to her made her turn on her heel as Daryl swiftly approached her.

“We need to talk,” he suggested with a huff, tension flooding his body. Pausing, Daryl looked back toward his apartment and grumbled something under his breath. That was him making sure that Connie didn’t follow. Talking to him was the last thing Y/N wanted to do right now. Instead, she held out the bag that she had brought for Daryl and motioned for him to take it when he turned back to her. “What are you even doing here right now?”

“It’s almost Christmas and I was finishing with wrapping the presents I bought for people. I got those for you months ago and I wanted to bring them here. I realized that this would be the first Christmas in eight years that we didn’t spend together. And I thought we should try to fix things between us,” she confessed realizing that lying about things would be stupid. Pointing toward the bag after he accepted it, she snapped her fingers and shrugged. “So yeah, just enjoy those. Have a nice Christmas.”

Turning away from him caused Daryl to scoff, “That’s it? After everything, that’s all you want to say? You’re just gonna leave?”

“You really want to do this?” she was curious, stopping to look back over her shoulder. Bobbing his head about, Daryl was incredibly pale but clearly didn’t want things to end there. Huffing out, she turned on her heel and shrugged. “Okay, fine. My brain is focused on how Connie just told me she heard about me for years. What did she mean by that because I’ve never even heard her name until today?”

“It’s complicated,” he stammered, visibly trying to come up with something to say, but he wasn’t doing a good job. Forcing himself to look away, Daryl shook his head and frowned. “I don’t know what to say. I never thought this day would come.”

“I know you’re a man of few words, but I find that hard to believe. It’s been years you’ve been doing this and you have nothing to say?” she snapped, finding herself getting heated in the moment with her anger growing. Daryl got nervous with her raising her voice, so he looked again to make sure they were alone. “How the hell did she know who I was, but I have no idea about her?”

“Cus’ I had to have some kind of excuse for when I wasn’t with her,” Daryl whispered under his breath, appearing almost ashamed that he had finally been caught in something that he had been doing. “I was with you so much. So I told her I was with my best friend.”

“The truth? Why do I have a hard time believing that?” she snarled, folding her arms in front of her chest, noticing the red that flooded into Daryl’s cheeks. “So you told her that the two of us were fucking quite frequently over the last few years?”

“Course not,” Daryl grunted under his breath, his jaw flexing when he swallowed down hard. He seemed offended by what she said. “I don’t understand. Why do you care if I’m engaged? You have an expensive ass ring on your finger and you’re engaged to your prince fucking charming.”

“I don’t care that you’re engaged, I care that you hid that you had a girlfriend from me. I’m upset because it sounds like you were hiding Connie from me so you could keep fucking me on the side,” she declared, emphasizing certain words to express just how angry and frustrated she was. “How long have you been engaged to her, Daryl?”

“A few months,” he admitted, his blue eyes finally locking with hers again and he seemed cold to her answer.

“A few…” she felt a lump growing in her throat and she found it hard to swallow down. Learning that made the world feel like it was spinning around her. “A few months? And how long were you dating her before that?”

“I really don’t see what the…” Daryl went to say something more but was quickly cut off by her. She didn’t want to fuck around. She wanted answers.

“How long?” she demanded an answer, but it was one that Daryl was afraid to give. Which only made her feel worse about the whole situation. “How long have you been hiding that woman from me Daryl?”

“Two years,” he finally spoke up drawing her to let out a broken sound. “She only moved in a few weeks ago. I was really considerin’ whether or not I was gonna actually marry her. But when everything went down with you…”

“What the fuck?” she let out a hesitant laugh, her emotions overwhelming her. “That can’t be possible Daryl. Because if that was true that means that the two of us were fucking while the two of you were together and dating. That means that the two of us still had sex when the two of you were engaged.”

“That is what that means,” Daryl nodded his head, biting down on his bottom lip and releasing a frustrated breath. “I got tired of sitting around waiting for you to pick me so I found someone else. I thought giving you up would be a whole lot easier than it was.”

“How the fuck did you pull this one off? You’re a lot of things, but a good liar was never one of them,” she snapped at him, her hands falling to her waist where she rest them at her hips. “Not once had I ran into that woman until recently. How did you manage to keep her away for so long?”

“She didn’t live in the city. She’s a journalist. Big back where she lived. Someone just gave her a job out here. When I was with you, I told her you were going through a lot. And when I was with her? I did a good job hiding her when you were busy. Which was easier than I thought it would be,” Daryl rambled on, taking a while to gather the strength to say everything that he did. “You were busy a lot.”

“So that’s how she knows me, yet I have no idea about her,” she waved her hand about pointing over toward the apartment that was behind Daryl. Was she getting too worked up? Probably, but this was a moment where she was doubting her morals and everything she believed in. “I never wanted to be a fucking cheater Daryl. I have been beating the hell out of myself over the fact that I cheated with Negan because it was the one thing I never wanted to do. You knew that. You even made me feel fucking horrible about it when it came to Negan, but you were cheating with me that long?”

“That’s what you’re mad about?” Daryl snarled, his face twisting with anger and frustration over the idea that she was upset about being a cheater. “Being a cheater? Like it even fucking matters. Yeah, you were a cheater Y/N. Big deal. You ended up doin’ it with Negan anyways so who fucking cares?”

“I care Daryl. I care!” she reasoned with him, pointing toward her chest and shaking her head. “Do you know how much the two of us have slept together in the last two years? You were dating someone. Someone who seems incredibly fucking nice.”

“She is,” Daryl shrugged his shoulders, huffing out and trying to think of what to say to make things calm down, but he was never very good with his words. “She’s amazing. But you…I don’t know. I couldn’t let you go. Not until I realized you were raw dogging Negan. You really shouldn’t be upset. No. Cus’ you’re engaged to Negan. This should mean nothing to you.”

“This means a whole lot to me Daryl,” she stressed to him, stepping forward. Her body was shaking and that made it worse. “It means for the last two plus years, I’ve been the person I never wanted to be. I didn’t want to be a fucking cheater. I could have gone after Negan years ago, but I didn’t because I didn’t believe in that shit.”

“Negan wouldn’t have fucked you years ago,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes at her comment still showing that he thought she was pathetic.

“You’re missing the fucking point,” she yelled at him, shocking him that she was getting so worked up. “We were fucking around on a person who seems incredibly good and nice. Connie didn’t deserve that.”

“Does it really matter if you didn’t know?” he responded, his nose scrunching up in disbelief that she was so upset over the fact that he was cheating on his girlfriend with her for years. “We’re not even together. It would be one thing if you ended up with me, but you didn’t. You’re with Negan. This shouldn’t matter to you.”

“Oh, so you think Connie would be okay with you begging me constantly to have sex with you while she was engaged to you?” she was blunt in the moment and Daryl’s body language changed completely. “Do you think she would be okay with how many times we’ve fucked over the last two years?”

“Don’t be a bitch,” Daryl stressed to her, his throat tensing up when she spoke like that. “I know you’re upset, but dragging her into this and telling her things…”

“Do you know how much shit you gave me for being around Negan when he was still with Maggie?” she reminded him of the way he treated her, a rush of red flooding into his face at her recalling the moments. “You treated me so fucking bad for doing it. Because you knew that was never the kind of person that I wanted to be. And you mocked me. You called me a slut. You said horrible, awful things about me.”

“I called you a slut cus’ you were with Negan a few days and you were letting him creampie you Y/N. We screw for years and I always had to wear a condom, but him? Well you just let him spread that fucking seed,” Daryl’s voice grew louder with her eyebrows bouncing up in surprise. “You are dirty and tainted now.”

“Wow, you’re something else,” she snickered, reaching up to pinch at the bridge of her nose. “Do you know how many times you actually begged me to let you go bare?”

“Yeah, so what?” Daryl commented, shrugging his shoulders and throwing his hands up. “What do you want me to say? It don’t change what happened. What could I say here to make it better?”

Silence surrounded them and she shook her head. Turning on her heel, she stepped away and could hear him moving in closer to her, “Yeah, I slept with you when I was dating her. But she wasn’t in the city. It was a long-distance thing. I met her at a bar and I liked her. And she liked me. She saw something in me that a lot of people don’t. I even started learning that sign language shit. I got a long way to go, but…”

“Then why did you fuck around with me?” she blurt out, refusing to look at him since she was so upset with things. “If you cared about this woman and you knew how I felt about cheating, why keep things up?”

“Cus’ I liked ya both. She made me feel special. And you?” he searched for something to say, biting down on his bottom lip. “I never stopped being in love with you. She was the back up in case you never did something.”

“But you’ve been engaged to her for months,” she replied, hating to hear his excuses. “I was having sex with someone who was engaged. Do you think she would be okay with what you did? To know that she was the back up?”

“No,” he answered, his stare turning into a glare when he met her eyes again. “And you’re not gonna tell her about it. Cus’ you’re too nice of a person. And cus’ you’re happy. If you do that, you’re one hell of a shitty person.”

“Oh, I’m the bad person. Just like I was the slut,” she repeated the things that he had said to her, reaching up to cover her eyes for a moment in attempts to calm herself. “I came here to try to make things right with you. I still wanted you in my life and this is what I find?”

“So what? You got everything you want,” he reasoned with her, pointing between the two of them. “You’re with Negan. You’re engaged. We’re no longer fucking. What’s the big deal here?”

“Do you have any idea what you did to my mental health? The way you made me second guess every decision that I made with Negan because I felt like such a piece of shit,” she sneered at him, her head tipping to the side. Her heart hurt discovering the truth about Daryl’s life that he had been hiding from her. “I thought that I didn’t deserve Negan, but that was your way of doing things Daryl, wasn’t it? You’d get in my head and make me feel like shit so that way I did what you want. Meanwhile you have the perfect woman on the side.”

“Are you done?” Daryl snorted, waving the hand about that he was holding the bag she had given him in. “Yeah, I did what I did. And if you had picked me, I would have done whatever I had to do. But you didn’t. So this meltdown? It’s ridiculous.”

“You are not the man that I thought you were,” she stated to him, looking beyond him to the door realizing that the woman that was inside of that apartment would never know the real version of the man she was engaged to either. “Here I was feeling guilty about not having you in my life because I actually loved you, but you are someone I never thought you were.”

“And you’re not the woman I thought you were,” he countered, circling his fingers in her direction to get her to back down. “We’re shitty people Y/N. I’ve accepted that a long time ago. Good people don’t do what we do. You’re just gonna have to learn to live with it. We’re all willing to do a whole lot of bad shit in order to be with the people we love.”

“Well, I don’t want to be that kind of person anymore,” she alerted him with a simple shrug of her shoulders. This was a bad idea and she should never have come here in the first place because she just felt worse about the person she was. “Have a nice Christmas Daryl. Congratulations. I hope you’re very happy with Connie. My only intentions coming here today were to try to fix things between us. I can see now that’s very unlikely to happen. I just didn’t want to have a Christmas without you.”

Pushing the button for the elevator, she wished it would be faster as Daryl moved in beside her, “That’s nice. But what made you think I wanted you to be part of my Christmas? After everything? Why do you think I’d want you back?”

“Well I guess that was my mistake,” she recognized, avoiding looking at him because she knew he would only trigger her. Moving around Daryl who was blocking her to get into the elevator, she huffed and stopped for a moment. “If you aren’t ashamed of yourself Daryl Dixon, you should be. That woman in there is engaged to someone she doesn’t know. I know that because the person she thinks she is engaged to is the same man that I thought was my best friend. She deserves to know what she’s getting herself into before she marries you. I hope you’re man enough to tell her what you did. Because if you don’t…karma is going to bite you in the ass. I get that you think it was no big deal, but it was wrong for me and I think it would hurt her. I would have been okay with you finding love somewhere else and I would have supported you the whole time. Because all I ever wanted for you was for you to be happy.”

“You know what would have made me happy,” he grumbled under his breath with the sound of the elevator reaching the floor his apartment was on.

“But in order to make you happy, I would have had to give up everything that made me…me,” she reminded him, realizing that he had an image of her that he thought was perfect. He thought he was in love with her, but he was really in love with the idea of her. “If you would have just told me and decided you were going to have a life with Connie from the start, I bet you’d be really happy right now.”

“And what would you have done?” he pushed, looking toward the gift bag that he was still holding onto that he really hadn’t even given much thought until now.

“I would have supported you,” she assured him, shaking her head and biting back the emotions that she was feeling so deeply right now. A lot of what was going through her head wasn’t good. She was disappointed in not only Daryl, but also herself. She prided herself on not being a cheater. Hell, she stressed to Negan that they couldn’t get together until he left Maggie. But here she was all along screwing around with Daryl when he belonged to someone else. “And I feel like I would have loved her too. Because she seems like a very sweet person.”

Nothing came from Daryl, which didn’t surprise her. An awful sound erupted from the elevator that was obviously freaking out over the fact she hadn’t gotten on it to leave, “You can keep the gifts. It’s a watch since you were always so late to things, but I guess that makes sense now. And it’s a new brush set. I’d have no use for them. Merry Christmas Daryl.”

Getting on the elevator, she heard Daryl release a frustrated sound, but today was the day she was finally giving up on Daryl. As much as it hurt, as much pain as that gave her, this was someone that was not meant to be in her life. Even though it was hard letting go of things, she knew that she had to. Otherwise, she would never allow herself the space to heal.

----

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