Lilith in Aries/1st house
this is intuitive astrology. meaning that i’m making these notes based on what i intuitively pick up about this astrological point being merged with these signs. take it with a grain of salt and understand that you might not relate to everything that i get from your placement 🖤
your anger, direct expressions of emotions (positive or negative), and assertion towards your needs/desires were rejected. now you come across as stoic/unreadable in first impressions or when you’re around people who you’re not entirely comfortable with (whether these people are complete strangers, family, friends, coworkers, etc).
your instincts were suppressed. this gives the energy of you acting on your impulses and being shunned and shamed for this - especially during your childhood. nobody tried to teach you healthy ways of dealing with them.
as a result of the suppression of your anger, you come across as calm (even in situations when you feel the complete opposite), until something tips you over the edge - leading to a drastically aggressive and (perhaps) violent nature. it’s years and years of bottled up anger spilling out.
lilith in aries/1st house always reminds me of the people who were shamed the most during their early years. you could’ve even had a parent who negatively reacted to you when you were just a baby due to your instincts to cry when you needed something (for example).
when you’re suppressing your lilith energy, you deal with chronic fatigue. this is because you struggle to just go after things in the moment that you want to take action. you stall yourself and then lose the impulse to do what you wanted to do in the first place.
^ this may also be the reason why you feel as though you can no longer feel true excitement about things.
you can swing from a complete lack of spontaneity to too much spontaneity to the point of self destruction. you were never taught how to merge your natural spontaneous nature with rational decision-making. people just told you that your rash actions were “bad” and never gave you advice about how to exert that energy in a healthy way.
you trigger boys/men (insecure + immature men) the most. because they’re threatened by the masculinity that they see in you - especially if you’re a woman or a gay man (someone who immature, ignorant men believe “should” have less masculinity than them). they automatically see that your strength and ability to defend yourself is stronger than theirs.
you either completely reject your anger or completely embrace it - but may struggle to express it in a healthy way if you haven’t yet integrated lilith into your personality.
may have experienced other people (especially boys, men, and/or your father) abusing you (physically or sexually). experiences of someone violating your body in some way due to their own weakness regarding not controlling their anger/instincts. the same exact shit that they shamed you for. you’re a reflection of everything that they are (that they’re ashamed of). but it’s easier to vilify someone else than to vilify themselves, right?
others of you have probably just experienced unnecessary aggression from those people.
you could also swing between extremes regarding expressing your sexuality. either completely suppressing it to avoid shame (as you’ve probably been shamed for expressing it before) or presenting yourself in a completely sexualised way as a source of rebellion towards the people who’d vilify you for it.
some people with this placement get their vitality through being shocking to people and riling people up. through triggering people - whether that’s purposefully or just through how they want to present themselves.
others try to avoid this in certain aspects (whether it’s through a lack of defending themselves, completely covering themselves up and dressing modestly, not expressing what they truly want to, etc) so that they don’t have to deal with people’s negative reactions. but people are still going to find an issue with your lack of expression. it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. it always is with lilith.
when you finally embrace your lilith nature, people could perceive you as always looking angry or intimidating. especially in first impressions. this comes from lilith’s lesson that she learned earlier in life: that anytime someone views you as weak, they’ll assert their power and dominance over you. so you learn to become that way yourself: powerful and dominant.
^ when you finally drop this first layer that you meet people with, you’ll see people testing you. trying to overpower you after they’ve gotten to know you a little bit. they’ll mistake your gradually more open nature for you letting your guard down. they view you as weak in that moment. until you assert your defensive nature again to put them back in their place. they won’t try this with you at first, but as soon as they see an opening of - what they perceive to be - “a weakness”, they’ll try to dominate you. at this point, reasserting yourself is when they realise that they shouldn’t fuck with you again.
don’t let anyone get away with treating you like you’re able to be dominated. when you do, it’ll get worse. defend yourself. always. otherwise people will think that they can continue to overpower you. and the more you act like that type of behaviour is okay, the more you feel powerless. when you finally step into your power again, you’ll react in an extreme way to regain power from all of the times that you’ve felt disempowered due to that person. so don’t let it get to that point. stand on business when you need to. always 🗣️💯
^ and don’t mistake that for always being defensive. only bring that out when people are dumb enough to try you.
you may have also been shamed for focusing on yourself. called or treated like you were ‘selfish’ because of this. always being conditioned to never think of yourself and what you need. to just put others before you. that’s also another way that people drain your power and personal vitality. focus on yourself THE MOST. because when you don’t, people will constantly tug on your energy and start acting entitled to the energy that they know damn well you should be giving to yourself.
^ due to this, you’ll probably face negative reactions from people who feel entitled to being co-dependent on you when you finally decide that you want to focus on and prioritise yourself. fuck them. they benefited from you neglecting yourself and that’s why they’re mad that you’re putting in place boundaries. people expect you to forget about yourself too much. and they don’t take into consideration who you are as a person and what you need.
