Dreams of Smoke and Ink

Multi-Muse Hatoful Boyfriend RP Blog. Current Muses: Nageki (main), Nanaki/Hitori and Sakuya. Official Member of Hatoful Datemate Main blog to triangulartechnician.

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

Gifs with black backgrounds are from Orange Mushroom.files on wordpress

Gifs with white backgrounds are from Conserver’s Demon Slayer tutorial on wordpress.

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

This is the Main Blog of TriangularTechnician

If you’re an SU blog and I’ve liked/followed you, that’s where you can find me. This blog is currently not active.

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

Considering they haven’t remembered the fact they have a birthday, this day is pretty much like any other.

[moa810-deactivated20190315]

Happy birthday Nageki!

[dpdlapis-lazuli-deactivated2015]

Reblog this if you're glad you followed me

[schrodingerskanny]

“One grows tired of hearing the same phrases over and over again. I’ve received too many ‘you need to stop thinking about it’s and ‘It’s not your fault’s in my life, so I can sympathize with you. Anyway–”

“Don’t resent Spierce for bringing me into the loop regarding your situation. The two of us, at least, are attempting to cooperatore to reach a common goal, and that requires honesty.”

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

Their smile disappeared.

“I understand but they weren’t her secrets to tell. I spoke to her, trusted her promise not to share. Now she could have put me and those I care about in danger so... I am going to resent, even if it is just a little bit.”

[schrodingerskanny]

“Don’t we all feel that way about something? We believe in this illusion of a perfect situation, a perfect action to take, a perfect outcome– that just goes against basic logic. Emotions aren’t logical either, so it’s no surprise we feel like we could have done better. In the end, we don’t know.” Unless you’re a timejumping Esper aware of the different paths reality could take, but that’s kind of irrelevant right now.

“You’re– welcome. It’s just how I think about this.” 

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

They merely nodded at her first set of statements. They knew that well enough, had dwelt on it for a long time. However wondering if they could have done something better...it was a thought they couldn’t get away from. Especially now they had seen the suffering their death had caused.

“Well you’re the first to think like that so...it’s a nice change.”

[schrodingerskanny]

Hi-? Hiyoko, Hitori? She had read up on both of them thanks to Spierce and her notes, but Akane figured it wasn’t the best time to bring that up. Nageki hurt; it didn’t take someone like her, skilled at reading people (or birds for that matter), to see that.  “I agree. What you did wasn’t wrong. Your sacrifice was necessary.” Once again, Akane was reminded of herself. It wasn’t like she had to commit suicide for the greater good, but she was sacrificing her happiness, her life, her future, all for the safety of humanity. Sometimes she found herself wondering whether the pain of her duty, the weight of this burden and all the other timelines swarming through her conciousness were worse than death. Then again, she was incapable of truly dying, and she had this responsibility to carry. Fading into nonexistance was not an option. 

“You are a victim of circumstance.” Just like Akane. “Life didn’t do you a favour. There is a difference between feeling guilty and bearing the blame. Your guilt is justified, and no one should tell you you shouldn’t feel any. You witnessed these deaths, and even if it wasn’t your intention, caused them. However, you don’t bear the blame. Dr. Iwamine does. That’s why you need to rid yourself of the idea that this was your fault.”

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

For some reason they couldn’t help but smile. Perhaps it was because she wasn’t treating them like a chick who immediately needed to be told everything was fine and they should feel fine. Not that they didn’t appreciate being fussed over occasionally but... this was good. This was better. She wasn’t telling them they were wrong for being guilty like the others did. 

“I will always feel there is something else I should have done, something more, something better...especially now I have seen what my actions have caused, but...Thank you. For not treating me like some innocent chick who doesn’t understand their own life. It’s...welcome.”

[schrodingerskanny]

“I do know who it came from, yes, and I also know what it caused. To be quite honest, it does sound odd to me. There seem to be a multitude of birds who couldn’t care less about the extinction of the human race, so why you?”

“Then again, maybe our species doesn’t matter all that much. I assume that as a living being, an intelligent one at that, observing another’s death is quite traumatizing. It’s understandable why you wouldn’t want that. But to go as far as to burn yourself; that’s remarkable. You must have suffered a lot. Emotionally, that is. I understand how it feels.”

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

“Because humans are people, just like birds are,” was their very simple answer, “It was murder. And all those humans... I-I murdered them. They were confused, scared, screaming... They would have had friends, family, loved-ones...who never knew what happened to them. Dae abducted them for daer ex-experiments...or maybe dae tricked them...just like dae did with Hi-” 

Their voice wavered as they cut themself off. It hurt to talk about this but... no one had ever tried to have a conversation about it  before. They liked expressing themself... They had been pitied and told it wasn’t their fault but...that had always seemed rather empty. They had wondered if anybirdie had understood or simply just wanted them to stop crying. They stared at their own knees.

“I had to burn. I had to. The virus was in my body and the only way to get rid of it...No one else should die, no one else but me who was a danger to everybirdie... that’s why I did it. I wasn’t wrong.”

[schrodingerskanny]

“Well, she informed me of how you got into the position you’re in now. Of the fire, the facility, the virus. But what I don’t understand is why you’ve cared about what happens to the human race in the first place.” “Is it just compassion? Are you that… good at heart?”

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

Ah... Well never mind then.

“If you know all of that, then you will know who that virus came from and what it caused...what I stopped eventually. Is it so odd that I would want no more humans to get hurt? If there was something, anything I could do, and I didn’t do it...”

They tailed off into silence. Perhaps they were good at heart, perhaps they were simply guilty. They would let her decide. It was easier to let other people choose how to think of them.

[schrodingerskanny]

“Wait for a second.” Hold it right there, Nageki. “I don’t think I– properly understood you. You care about this because I’m human?” Wasn’t that odd? The dove was concerned about a species that differed so much from their own, and maybe even about a person they hardly knew nor trusted. Truth be told, in Akane’s eyes, that was a likeable trait. They made this situation their business, just like she had. “I don’t undestand why, Nageki.”

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

“Yes. I meant what I said. If you don’t understand why then...Miss Spierce has not told you everything she knows about me...or about daem. I suppose that’s interesting.”

And somewhat of a relief. Though perhaps she would still want an explanation.

[schrodingerskanny]

“That’s– good. You should allow your emotions to run free. Bottling them up will do no good.” Akane, as distant as she was, spoke evenly, scientifically, as though the feeling in question wasn’t anger, let alone one directed at her. “You are reasonably upset, and even if you weren’t, feelings don’t follow logic or common sense.”

"However, I don’t necessarily need your trust. I only happen to be here to tell you what you already know.”

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

“They weren’t bottled up, I simply didn’t have any...not until I got the memories of my life back. “

They buried their hands in their too-big cardigan. They considered passing through the floor to end this conversation but decided to say one more thing. They hadn’t had a conversation with anybirdie for so long. 

“I know that as well. Unfortunately, sometimes I want to express what I’m thinking. I have the stupid wish that maybe things would be better you weren’t human. Then I wouldn’t have brought myself to care about all this.”  

[schrodingerskanny]

“As I have no use blurting out anyone’s secrets, I will guide yours, too, should I come across them.” Since Nageki seemed to be on humanity’s side (or so she guessed from the fact that they didn’t like Shuu), their secrets would die with her. “I’m not saying you are supposed to trust me. I don’t take it personally, no, I understand your wariness. I don’t trust just anyone either, and I’m aware my actions concerning daem have been very questionable in the past.”

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

“I can’t trust someone who has been too close to daem. I know I’m not a threat...and I can do nothing to help or hinder anybirdie.”

They fisted their hands in their sleeves.

 “But I'm still going to complain about it... I sat emotionless for years but now I can’t help but feel. Nobirdie has to pay attention to me but I believe I have grounds to be upset.” Their tone turned firm and decisive, as if they were making their mind up there and then.

[schrodingerskanny]

“Well, you can’t force her into doing or refraining from doing something, can you?” She’s never spoken with them so seriously before. It had always been a fake giggle here, a feigned laughter there, but now wasn’t one of these times. “If she makes a decision for herself and of her own accord, that decision being to trust me, then who would we be if we interfered with that?”

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

“I know I can’t do anything. But if she endangers h... no.”

They turned away. The damage had been done and they couldn’t do anything. If Miss Spierce decided to share information about Hitori... well their trust would be lost but who cared what one small ghost thought?  

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

thesixthplayer

replied to your

post

:

“Miss Spierce no…”

it’s the right thing to do

“It’s not. I told her things. Things that put people I care about in danger. Things she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone else but...those things were helpful.”

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

“Miss Spierce no...”

[xavimuses-blog]

“…That is concerning. This year, I can hang around, though. No murder, at least.”

[nearingdreamsend-blog1]

“I didn’t mean to,” they hastily explained, “Dae found me because I was visible... I mean... Thank you but...  I don’t want to get in the way though if you have parties or other social things to do.”

They did not enjoy thinking on the experience much but it was hard not to.