Need A Life? Yeah, Me Too

[archbudzar]

[needalifeyeahmetoo-blog]

BIG MOOD

[needalifeyeahmetoo-blog]

WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY

[needalifeyeahmetoo-blog]

You flash into my mind at the worst times.

I don't mean sex.

Though that happens too and it's not very helpful.

All of a sudden I imagine he's you holding me

Kissing me

Caressing me

Wow

and then I snap back and I feel guilty,

but the guilt is fleeting and you pop right back.

I'll admit. That's bad. But sexuality is complicated and combined of so many things.

Hell colors turn me on sometimes.

I'm sure he thinks about other girls, other moments from time to time. I'm just using me resources!

So I don't feel so bad.

Not for long anyways.

The worst moments aren't sex.

It's the time before.

When I'm with you in a more controlled setting.

We're laying on the couch.

I can't blame lust

Your head on my chest.

Or hormones

I kiss your head.

Or secret intangible desires.

Nuzzle your cheek,

So I breathe in

but it's him and my brain doesn't understand why he smells wrong.

Why he smells like you.

Then I open my eyes.

I'm not disappointed,

I really like you,

my brain just keeps snapping to him.

I don't know why.

At least I don't think I do??

Though deep down I'm really scared I do.

But don't worry. It's not you.

[needalifeyeahmetoo-blog]

Every time I get into a relationship I immediately start to find a way out

Am I happy? Am I safe? Am I content?

Yes,yes,yes

Then I'm not in love. Love means pain and hardship and working to make it work.

Being supported is foreign and I push it away. I search for the thing that would be hard to make work.

Do I really have feelings for someone else? Or am I just so afraid of these feelings?

Then conveniently that guy I never really stopped talking to hits me up. We don't really hang out, but I see him a lot.

We talk, we laugh, but are we really friends? It's complicated and I never ended it, so you make it more complicated.

Says he wants me

I say no, you had 5 months , I have a boyfriend.

Why didn't I just say no?

Because I need the excuses to justify. To him or me?

I make a vague crack about how we'll see in May. Because I know we'll break up I may.

I'm not even trying to pretend like we have a future.

Your friends make fun and say you love me. I'm really afraid you do. Because maybe I do, but I'll never say it or no, because we're done in May.

[linda-belcher]

me, with tears in my eyes: time to make a joke

[partysloth]

every stand up comic before a set ever

[notdeadbabies-deactivated201603]

[milkworts-deactivated20160210]

[breastforce]

when ur mental illness starts acting up

[exceptionals]

when ur clothes are slightly different shades of black and dont match

[rajsko]

[needalifeyeahmetoo-blog]

It's ridiculous and selfish of me but I want someone to do something for my birthday. Not even a big thing. If just like 1 person to do something instead of me making all the plans to do things.

[needalifeyeahmetoo-blog]

I know you're lying about being sick. I'm so angry. You're prolly with someone else. I hate being this paranoid. But it's more likely for you to lie than tell the truth.

[needalifeyeahmetoo-blog]

In a life of black and white You are gray You drag me into a colorless space Gray engulfs me until I'm numb My heart pounds and my head is dumb The only color in your face I long for the gray to replace A decision to be made You ask me questions To tell me I'm wrong Listen to music I'm not allowed to sing along

[needalifeyeahmetoo-blog]

I started crying in my bathroom and I couldn't figure out why. Now I feel nothing.

[needalifeyeahmetoo-blog]

Drunk since 2. Rocking that day drink with F, yaaaas!! Got deep.

[platform-nine]

[spookyjams-deactivated20120923]