asdfghjkl. blog. 365 day kinda thing.

[neeksaur-blog]

March 26 & 27.

Welll. March 26, I had practice & then work. Kind of a lame day. Work was horribly tiring and disgusting. I was sent out to do garbage and cardboard, only to discover that the usual exits were closed, SO I had to go to the one in the northeast end of the mall downstairs. Not only did it smell like shit, I also had to keep picking up the cardboard off the ground because it kept falling off the trolley. Once I got to the doors to the cardboard/garbage, there was a line up because the compactor was full. Instead of just putting all the cardboard and garbage away at once, I had to organize it seperately on top of the compactor where everyone else's crap was. & it gets worse. The cement floor was covered in garbage residue which leaked through my shoes, and to my skin. UGH aserdtfyhuijok;ljgyutdrsxyfykgugblhnfjkveandknfbffbdnhmj,yumtsrtjeha. It was just so disgusting. I felt so disgusting. Thank goodness I had a second pair of shoes, cause I ended up soaking my contaminated shoes in soap water, leaving them to dry in the washing station in our store bathroom. In fact, they are still there now. Aside from that gross story, I realized that TODAY was the 26.Wednesday. The 26th of March. And my flight? My flight is on the 29. This entire month, I've been telling people I leave on Saturday, because that's when I thought my flight was! BUT the 29th is Friday! SO I LEAVE IN LESS THAN 3 DAYS. I'm excited (-of course- I mean..I haven't been to La in 2 years! I just can't wait to get out of Calgary, and just be with my cousins & go to the beach, and shop...and all of that good stuff.) but I'm also both scared and stressed. Scared, because I'll be taking the plane and switching planes by myself. Stressed, because this means I miss Friday's big session, and I have nothing prepared for OTTN which is the day I get back. Yeah this whole mixed emotions thing doesn't work well for me...

But anyways. I guess today wasn't THAT bad. I'm just getting by.

March 27.

 I had practice after school, and I hung out with a former friend (-well...I guess we're not "former friends" any longer after tonight haha, back on that friendship boat). It was weird because we got along really well, and we had a good deep conversation which went on for a good 2-3 hours. I haven't really hung out or had a real conversation with this girl since grade 10. Seeing her side on everything definitely made me more sympathetic towards her. She made me realize  and question a lot of things. How can two people be so alike but different at the same time? & how can we become so apathetic towards people? We all have been hurt. We are all human. We all have value. We all have different stories. We all deserve to not be judged. We all deserve equality. We all deserve a chance. Not even just that, but so much more. She even opened my eyes to different options for after high school, and now I feel like I have a better idea of what I want to do. So I'm grateful. It was a long conversation, but a good one. After that we jammed out on the piano and played/sang "A Whole New World" acoustically, and we watched The King & I, cartoon version. I felt like I child today, feeling all that nostalgia. I would say my critique on the film, but I fell asleep...as always. From what I remember though it was a good movie, so I'll stick with the opinion I had, 11 years ago haha. Overall, Today was interesting. I needed this. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl4hJ4j48s

2 DAYS, TILL LA. 10 TILL OTTN. 

[neeksaur-blog]

March 25.

Simple day. Still really sore from practice on Sunday! Early shift at work after school & a downtown walk after work. It was kind of chilly today, but the fact that the sun was actually out made up for it. Btw - That bbt is avocado with lychee jelly. SO GOOD. My new favorite bubbletea drink ! :)

[neeksaur-blog]

March 24.

Today? Was crazy challenging. After work was the first practice for uv soul. You think you know choreo..until it really hits you in the face. I don't think I've ever tried learning a choreo so quickly, like...ever. It was so difficult! & I still don't have it down. Honestly, after today's practice It's clear that I'm definitely the underdog out of the entire junior team. But that only leaves so much more space for improvement. This is the first practice of many, so here we go...to be cont. 

[neeksaur-blog]

Free as a bird, just the way I like it.

Relationships. I don't really know where to begin because I could talk about a subject like this forever. The thing is, I've only really ever had the whole "boyfriend" experience once. Looking back at it now, it took up my entire grade 11 year. It was crazy because the relationship was between him & I, and my parents. It was a mess...as in constant fighting everyday with my parents, and not only I being hurt, but him as well. It just ended horribly, with mixed and unresolved feelings. I think it was through this time that I truly experienced my first "heart ache". The feeling that's not only emotional, but physical. Maybe you've heard it before.. Tears & faint breathing, as if someone is literally squeezing your heart. And this feeling I had, carried on for months. I just felt so worthless and powerless. My self-esteem at rock bottom. But I'm glad. I'm glad that I'm over it, with that heavy feeling gone. But mostly, I'm glad to have learned what I've learned. Definitely no regrets. I believe that God gave him to me as a challenge, to learn. And I've learned quite a lot, but a very important thing I realize now is, happiness is a choice.  It is your choice to move forward, and it is your choice to make your own happiness. Do what makes you happy! It was through this way of thinking that I started dancing again. Being hurt only caused me to push myself harder. To prove to myself that I am better than what I am. Bigger than what I am. I believe that I have found something truly unique and amazing, this love of dance. A passion that gives you an overpowering feeling, a description through movement that describes that it really is possible to do anything. No limits. This explanation can't even begin to describe what it really feels like though. It's just one of those things you have feel for yourself. Anywho, it was that heart ache and hurt I went through that has made me who I am, the person and dancer that I am today. I can finally say that I'm happy. And I have been for quite some time now. In all circumstances there are positives aspects, and everybody has their own saving grace, so with that said, don't ever think the end of any relationship is the end of the world, because it's not. 

I mean, sometimes it can get lonely. Sometimes It'd be nice to have that one person that has the capability to make you feel so special, and secure, kind of like a bestfriend, but on a much different level. I feel as though when we're lonely, we tend to ignore all of the negatives of a relationship, we look at couples and imagine relationships as this perfect little lovey-dovey movie, but in reality, it isn't. 

& Don't get me wrong, I'm not against relationships. I just think right now they're unnecessary. It's much more important for me to focus on myself & my dance. I'm still 17, with the rest of my life to go. & At this point, I don't need to find happiness by depending on a boyfriend, and I bluntly, just don't have time. I'm happy where I am, free as bird. No one to hold me back and keep me from doing my own thing.   

[neeksaur-blog]

March 21, 22 & 23.

March 21 was a laid back day. Just watched session, walked downtown and had work.  

March 22 was just an overall good day. Downtown, session & a crazy party with good company. I didn't get any pictures of anything unfortunately :( but it's been a while since I've had one of those amazing days. Definitely good bonding time with everyone! 

March 23 went by so quickly! Woke up at 9, to leave the birthday boy's house and stayed over at the bestfriends' house for a few hours, which mostly consisted of sleeping. Once again, had another birthday to go to, except this one was formal. So... I went home to get ready & all that. Thank goodness it was a buffet, cause I was starving! I think they thought I was eighteen because I was served wine. I don't think my body was ready for the alcohol though! The funny thing is, it wasn't even a lot.   A few sips here and there which was probably only equivalent to one glass. I rarely drink, so I think two nights in a row was just too much for my body to handle. Oh man, not only was my face pink, but my entire body. And I'm not sure if it's normal to be cold when you drink? Because I was freezing and exhausted. I crashed as soon as I got home. Pheew. Overall though, another swell day. :)

 6 DAYS TILL LA & OTTN IN 14!  

[neeksaur-blog]

Visit Original Link

Stuck in my head.  ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

[neeksaur-blog]

Tyler Perry, Fairly Odd Parents & How I met your Mother.

My first post on the actual date. ;)

My day consisted of session, chinook gift-hunting, & netflix with the bestfriend. Just another chillin' day. & the weather was nice.

LA IN 9 DAYS! & OTTN in 17! 

[neeksaur-blog]

March 18cont. & 19, 2013. 

March 18, Session @ Cardel afterschool. Attempted those flares once again! But man..they are so difficult for me. Hm. Preetty chillin' day, actually. 

March 19, An adventurous impulse lead me to taking a stroll downtown after choreo practice, plus a random bus route. May sound crazy, and maybe even boring, but it was relaxing. Just had my tunes, and a few hours to myself, while seeing parts of Calgary I hadn't seen before. And of course, picked up some vanilla soy milk and special K cereal on my way home, cause I'm special, K. Haha. But actually, it's the best!

p.s - I'd say the city is the most beautiful at night. 

[neeksaur-blog]

Dance. Stress. Dance.

March 18, 2013. End of the day, at last.

Today was the first session of the week. I feel indifferent towards my progress, but atleast it relieved me of my stress...temporarily. -.- Oh man. I'm just so stressed with everything going on. 

1. OTTN (Old To The New Vol. IV) Which is the top of my priorities right now. I have exactly 19 days until the competition, and I feel as though I'm not even close to ready. I'm not be competing on the 2on2's since I'm arriving at Calgary on 1pm that day, and the comp starts at 11:30.. but I'm competing with the Calgary team against Yukon at the end. Calgary vs Yukon. 10v10. 9 handpicked bboy's and 1 bgirl -me. It may be only an exhibition, but this will be my first real battle. There's not many  of us bgirls here in Calgary, but to be chosen of the few that do exist...I feel honored. I'm just so scared that I'll disappoint my team. You'd think after a year, I'd atleast have the confidence to go out there...but I really don't. There's always something that hinders me from really dancing in front of people, whether I'm at a jam, or just a session. Aasgdthyjkuijhdgsfa. Idk, I just hate this feeling of being so shy, and self-concious. I could go on and on talking about this subject, but I wont for now. Overall, I've just always been one to hold back. 

2. UV SOUL- UniverSoul. Crazy choreo dance crew/team here in Calgary. I have only been dancing for 3 years, but I can honestly say, I've never loved anything so much. I started through choreography, which later led me to bgirling, but anyways, it has been a long while since I have really done serious choreo. Just 2 days ago, I was asked to join uv soul. & tbh, I'm surprised, but at the same time I feel very blessed to be given the opportunity to dance with this group. I've always thought that everything happens for a reason, so there must be a reason to why I was asked to join. Maybe it's to find that love of choreography again? Maybe to expand my dance abilities? Maybe to challenge my dedication to bgirling? Who knows. Whatever it is, I'm ready to take up the challenge. God has a plan for me.

3. The City Of Angels. LA. Los Angeles! How stoked am I to go to LA? Crazy stoked dvhreuaghek!! In less than two weeks, I'll be leaving Calgary for a week. I've been planning this since last year, and it's finally coming so soon. To just get out of the Calgary, and dream a bit.. that would be nice. The only problem is the fact that I'll be missing important session time, and I'll be late for Old To The New, but who gets the chance to go to LA everyday? Well, certainly not me. 

4. GRADUATION. - I know, this should be at the top of my list, but I would be lying if I put it up there. ANYWHO, I'm finally graduating from highschool this year, and I can't even begin to describe how excited I am to move on with my life. Not that highschool is bad, but I just want something new. So with graduation comes the stress of diplomas, and grad planning and all that jazz. 

5. Other dance performances! I have RYC (regional Youth Conference) coming up for my youth group, and we're trying to piece together a dance, before we compete against Edmonton. We rarely have anything done, and with everything going on it's hard to find time to really practice.

Secondly, I have my friends debut (18th birthday). A huge formal event with performances, good food, people dressed up to the nine's and everything. So speaking of performances, we'll be one of those main performances. 

6. Work. ofc. Working for that mula. Idk. Work is just always in the way, in every circumstance, unless you actually enjoy your job, which in my case is hard to enjoy since it's retail. But as bad as it sounds..I need that cash flow! 

Yeah..I think that wraps up about everything..excluding other social events and gatherings--cause I still need a life! But hm. Yeah, I still got all my girlfriends and their boyfriend troubles to worry about! Stress. stress. stress.  

[neeksaur-blog]

March 17, 2013. St Pattie's day!

Finally. ACTUALLY made a tumblr. Haha, yeah I know.. almost everyone's kind of done with the whole tumblr trend now but hm. This is more for me, if anything. 

So...this bgirl thing. 

It's been about a year now, since I have been 'bgirling'. It's so strange looking back at how and where I started, from doing a simple six step and baby freeze to what I've learned now. I never thought I would have reached this point. I mean...yeah, I still may not know much, but I'm satisfied with the progress I've made. There's a lot more to come!