neena weasley

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i just want one lupin headcanon that doesn’t make me went to set myself on fire. please. just one

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Sirius: James wha if your baby is a centaur?

James: what?

Sirius: i’m just saying what happens when animagus has a kid?

James: well i’m a stag anyway

Sirius: you know what i mean!

James: shut up Sirius

*much later*

James: Lilly are you awake?

Lily: what?

James: you’d be able to tell if the baby was half stag right?

Lily: i can tell he’s half an idiot

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Remus: are you afraid of the Christmas tree?

Sirius: what? what makes you think that?

Remus: any further away from it and you’ll become the wall.

Sirius:

Sirius: fair. well, the one at home bites, so i’ve always been paranoid around them.

Remus: what? your Christmas tree at home bites? why would you have such a thing?

Sirius: have you met my family?

Sirius: it’s not a holiday unless there’s seasonal suffering.

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(Marauder’s 4th year)

Sirius: she hates you, mate.

James: Nah, she doesn’t

(Marauder’s 5th year)

Remus: She hates you, mate.

James: nah, she doesn’t

--

Lily: I hate you, you bullying toe rag

James: nah, you don;t

(Marauder’s 6th year)

Peter: she hates you, Prongs

James: nah, she doesn’t

(Marauder’s 7th year)

Padfoot: She likes you, Prongs

James (sad voice): nah, she doesn’t

(Harry’s 5th year)

Harry: how come she married him? she hated him!

Sirius: nah, she didn’t

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James: come on, i bet we can work out what our animagus forms will be. i’m dying to know.

Sirius: we won’t know until we actually manage to change.

James: it’s supposed to reflect who we are...

Sirius: this is pointless...

James: Evans! i need to ask you a serious question.

Lily: what, Potter?

James: just humor me. if i was an animal, what would i be?

Lily: a pig.

James:

Sirius: wow.

Sirius: she didn’t even pause.

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Imagine Dumbledore telling Harry and Draco they would be cute together

Dumbledore: you and Potter are cute. i’ll put you in a boat.

Draco: you’ll put us in a what?

Dumbledore: a boat. isn’t that what young people say when they think two people would make a good couple?

Harry: you mean you ship us?

Dumbledore: yes! i “ship” you

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Ron meeting Harry on the Hogwarts Express

Ron: i’m Ron, by the way. Ron Weasley.

Harry: i’m Harry Potter. Your sister will bear my children.

Ron: *muttering to himself* tf- who is this kid??

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Lily: well, honestly my favorite chocolate is-

James: *puts a hand over her mouth* Lily no

*distant rumbling*

Peter: you can’t just go around saying that word!

James: she didn’t know wormtail!

Peter: but still!

*castle shakes*

*Sirius walks in*

Sirius: ...she said it didn’t she

Lily: said what-

*wall bursts*

Remus: DID SOMEONE SAY CHOCOLATE

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At some point probably

McGonagall: IM NOT DONE WITH YOU BOYS GET BACK HERE

Sirius: BOYS ITS TIME TO ITIATE ESCAPE PLAN 3.56 DASH B BRACKETED COLUMN TWENTY-FOUR UNDERLINED PARAGRAPH 18 HIGHLIGHTED TEXT 12 QUOTED TEXT MARKED F SECTION FOUR-EIGHTY-NINE-SIX-NEGATIVE TWO SUBDIVISION EIGHT

McGonagall: What are you trying to do, Mr.Black?

Sirius: *watches other Marauders sprint away over McGonagall's shoulder*

Sirius: *smirks sheepishly*

Sirius: distract you

McGonagall:

McGonagall:

McGonagall: *smiles to herself and shakes her head* Merlin, let them never get older.

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Imagine Sirius getting trouble with McGonagall

McGonagall: you said you had nothing to do with that prank. are you lying to me?

Sirius: that depends on how you define lying,

McGonagall: well, i define it as not telling the truth. how do you define it?

Sirius: reclining your body in a horizontal position

McGonagall: 

Sirius: 

McGonagall: get out of my office.

Sirius: absolutely,

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Sirius: hi, excuse me little people, have you seen a rather large deer running through here?

A bunch of first years: ...no? why would I deer by running through a hallway?

Sirius: oh I dunno:

Sirius: to hide from filch?

Sirius: or to escape a detention?

Sirius: maybe a bad dream?

Sirius: or his 5 year long crush finally said "yes" to him?

Sirius: the possibilities are endless y'know.

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Imagine Snape teaching giving a speech and Harry tries to be funny

Snape: so that was my interesting speech about striped sweater... if you've got any question, just ask.

Harry: if a bear and a shark had a fight who would win *starts to laugh*

Snape: this is why people try to kill you

Harry: *stops laughing* wait - what?!

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Imagine Hermione and Draco being friends and then this happens

Draco : *trying to find Hermione in a crowd* where the hell are you Granger

Draco : *raises voice* HOUSE ELVES DON'T DESERVE RIGHTS

Hermione : SAY THAT AGAIN I DARE YOU

Draco : there she is

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Imagine someone pulling a prank on Dumbledore drawing the names from the Goblet of Fire

Dumbledore : and the next champion is

Dumbledore : "Your Mom"

Dumbledore : alright who wrote this?!?!

*Fred and George internally* : how in the- wthh. we gotta learn this from whoever did it

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Harry talking to Albus before he leaves for Hogwarts

Harry : Albus Severus Potter, you were named after the two bravest men i knew

Ron : ...

Ron : i literally sacrificed myself to a giant chess piece for you when i was 11

Harry : but did you die?!

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Harry and Lupin talking in his classroom

Harry : professor, i think there's a black dog that always follows me

Lupin : ah, that sounds pretty...sirius

Harry : ?

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The time there was a troll in the dungeon

Quirrell : TROLL IN THE DUNGEON

Dumbledore : prefects will lead their houses back to the dormitories

Draco and the Slytherins : THE SLYTHERIN DORMITORY IS IN THE DUNGEON THOUGH

Dumbledore : OMG DRACO YOU ACT LIKE I CARE

All of the students : Wth???