I miss you more and more with each passing day. I know you’re happier now and nothing I say now can allow us to go back in time. They say grief is but the receipt for love, and that by experiencing it it shows I have loved you well and am paying the price for it.
Well, it’s been over five years since you made the choice to leave this world, but it still feels like just yesterday Hannah broke me the news. I remember having to lock myself in a freezer at work and just fucking screaming. Wailing and heaving until I had no more tears to give. I was beating my knuckles bloody on the wall and going home that night trying to open up my arms and join you because i simply couldn’t imagine a world without you… and breaking down every time I failed.
It’s always around this time of year I miss you the most. Simple things like the sound of your voice, the weird and profound questions, that sweet, yet maniacal laugh of yours, our late night car rides flying through the backroads screaming to tears about how much we just wanted to die, or even just lying in your bed beside you in our underwear as we got stoned and disassociated into the dark, all taken for granted in the moment but are now some of my most precious memories. We accepted each other for who we were, warts and all, and you were everything I needed wether I knew it or not at the time.
There is infinitely more I want to say to you but even now I lack the strength to do so. I truly hope you’re happier wherever you are Samii, I will continue on for both of us until you call upon me to join you in the next life.
I love you so much, I can’t wait to see you again one day.
