So today I feel like absolute shit.
I had a really hard time getting out of bed this morning because, at one point in the middle of the night, I woke up to pee, and my body was like, "What if we just didn't go back to sleep?" And I was like, "Well, what if we did? Because I need my sleep and rest." And my body was like, "Okay," sarcastically.
So I was up in the middle of the night for just over an hour. That was fun.
I had to pry myself out of bed this morning, but I got out eventually.
I'm going through this weird phase where, okay, it's no secret to anyone that I love food. I love cooking and all that stuff. But my relationship with food is still kind of in a "it's complicated" status because, when I moved to where I live now, my appetite suddenly came back.
Oh, just to refresh everyone's memory: the second half of last year and the first couple of months of this year were really not great for me, health-wise or appetite-wise.
I moved to where I live now in April, and for about a month, maybe a month and a half, my appetite came back. I was eating, and I was feeling better. Then, halfway through May, my appetite was just like, "Uh, I think I'm going on vacation." And I was like, "No, no, no. You do not have approved PTO." And it was like, "Fuck you, fuck this job, fuck the system, fuck Trump," and left.
I mean, I was like, "Okay, speak on it, but I need you. Could you at least train somebody before you leave?"
I remember I used to eat my emotions, but I don't do that anymore. Ever since I started therapy, I've gotten a pretty good handle on my emotions. But I still eat for joy and fun. The weird thing is, it's not that I don't have joy or fun in my life. I just don't know.
Maybe I'm a bit stuck in a culinary rut.
I sought out a nutritionist, and he gave me a pretty decent meal plan with a couple of options for each meal. However, I get very easily saturated with certain foods. And sometimes cooking for yourself, even if it's just to keep yourself alive, like meal-prepping and all that, isn't nearly as fun as creatively cooking a meal to have friends over, you know?
And I don't know if that's part of it. I've even been losing my appetite because I just don't feel like eating anymore. I'm not as hungry.
It also depends on the food. Last Thursday, I went to a pizza place with some friends, and I ate pretty well. I was happy because that hasn't been happening a lot over the past week or so.
For a few weeks there, I was doing really well. I was having my breakfast, my lunch, my afternoon snack, and my dinner. I was an exemplary human being.
I want to get back into doing my nightly walks. I think having some sort of physical activity will help make me feel hungrier. If I use more energy, maybe I'll actually feel hunger.
Because right now, I work from home, and I spend most of my days at home. I don't go out nearly as much as I did when I lived in my previous town. I used to live right in the middle of the city center, so I was out at the supermarket, the bakery, or the drugstore practically every day.
Now, not so much. I'm a little farther away, so I'm always asking myself, "Do I really need this?"
I try to do everything in one trip. I'll go into town, take care of everything I need to do, and then come back home.
I'm trying to think of meal ideas so I don't end up resorting to, "What if I just don't eat?"
I'm thinking I might try overnight oats. I love oatmeal, and I think it's a great breakfast option because it's already ready.
One thing I do like about meal prep, even though I end up eating a lot of the same things throughout the week, is that the food is already there. And I always feel bad throwing away perfectly good food. I don't like food going to waste.
So I'll be like, "Oh, I'll just eat this because, you know..."
And me eating is better than me not eating.
I don't want to get sick again and feel weak and barely be able to lift myself up after sitting on the floor and playing with the cat.
We're the best of friends.
gamechangershow
romaincrisis
2087
izzy806
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
yousharknotpass