Random Access Memories @neon-cosmic-sheep - Tumblr Blog

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THIS IS NOT A FANDOM ACCOUNT !! this is @diamondsheep's personal account.

Here is where i rant about my daily life and reblog posts that i usually don't share in my main account ( this includes horror and nsfw posts so beware ) i'll occassionally post some random doodles and ramble about fandom stuff but in general here is where I share my random thoughts

If you are looking for my fandom/ art blog please follow @diamondsheep 💎🐏

Now, if u wanna see me being annoying and complaining about everything ..

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*trips and falls*

ACK !! OH NO !! MY TAGS 🧾💨

Ram talks

Ram cooks

Ram doodles

Ram Plays Cotl

Amber 🐱 (my cat)

#ok here is the second version of this post ashfkdkgs #well i even took the opportunity to update my blog lol

Earlier i got notifications of my boss updating the app we use to work and ough.. I'm not looking forward to this week .. like ngl that legitimately made me sad u_u

#last week they only gave me work half of the week so last week's work is just gonna accumulate this week #so ough..#and i also have a college project so.. man..#i don't have my job but i wish they were ore organized and that they actually treated it as PART TIME #bc i shouldn't be working this much when this was supposed to be a part time job #sighh.. idk why i got randomly depressed but thinking about work made me want to cry #man sundays always suck i always eventually end up sad u_u #oops i mean “i dont hate this job*”#i just.. aughh i wish i had a normal schedule and less work and more organized stuff in general .. :c #ram talks

I'm gonna sound really sappy and gay but ngl one of the best things that has ever happened to me is falling in love.. like being in love is one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had 🥺💖

bc like after having many, uh.. failures in that aspect and almost giving up.

My girlfriend appeared in my life and was and still is so patient with me, and waited for me and i finally feel understood by someone, and i feel so loved, and i no longer feel alone 🥺💞💖💞💖

I know I'm gonna sound sappy, but whatever, I'm a romantic at heart and i love with everything i have but i never thought i was gonna get the chance or even deserve to be loved the way she loves me and i never thought i was gonna meet such a wonderful and beautiful person 🥺💖💞💖💞

But every day, I'm so thankful for this, like she is not only my gf but my best friend, and idk what the future has for us, but i hope we can spend it together, bc God i never knew i could be loved like this and i that i could love someone so much.

#everyday we talk for hours and laugh and be silly together and augh.. i could listen to her all my life <333 #I'm stop being really gay now but..#I'm really happy that destiny let us meet many years ago and become best friends and then become a couple #bc i was in a really dark place having.. thoughts that maybe i shouldn't have and she fr helped me to see this world in more positive way #and I'm extremely thankful for that.. it feels nice to be loved and to love.. and to be comfortable understood and free <33 #I'm happy i waited for something like this and didn't rush and let things advance little by little #sometimes destiny and life and God or the universe give us what we dream of .. we just have to be patient <333 #okay I'll calm down adjfksjgjf i just idk i just feel really loved today 😭💖💞✨️ and I'm cheesy af #ram talks

Lately the way I've been dressing makes me feel so.. cunty 💅 ✨️ Like .. the sparkly eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara and also big earrings and the nose piercing.. i feel ao slayy 😌✨️

#also i think the curly hair and the half pony tail and the half blue half black hair is also a look 💅✨️#idk why but lately i feel pretty !! which is rare lmao 🤣✨️#also i think that my hair is a biiiit long which makes it look like i have A LOT OF HAIR but i like thay uwu !!#ram talks

Rambling..

I think I'm starting to reach the era of my life where everyone is getting their shit together and becoming real adults, and some of them are planning to move out or get married.. and idk if I'm ready for that.. i feel like I'm waaay.. WAY behind everything compared to others, and i kinda just started living things that normal adults do, and augh.. i don't want people asking me if I'm ever gonna get married or "form a family" or move out or " telling me that the train is gonna leave me" ... I've had enough comments about me being a late bloomer all my life to ... have to endure more of it.. I'm just tired of this and people not taking me seriously u_u

#first of all i don't even want to have a traditional family... but you know everyone assumes that you gotta have kids and a husband 🙃#and like no thanks <3 #and second like ugh.. today i saw that one of my high school friends got married today #and two of my college friends are gonna get married nexr year #and some of my friends are planning to move out or buy cars or do big adult stuff #which i know i shouldn't compare but it feels shitty that when i start feeling a tiny bit like an adult..#everyone is way ahead of me.. u_u #but oh well i guess one day my time will come and if it doesn't i guess I'll be a weird adult all my life 🤷‍♀️#I'm still really hopeful for my 30s but at the same time ough.. i think it is gonna be a bit rough sighhhh #also oops this friend didn't get married today but he got married recently *#also tbh the only family is want is my gf and me and cats.. that's all i want and i wish ngl <33 #ram talks

A big earthquake.. rain and a lightning storm in the same night ?? Like daaamn chiiiillll

#what is going on today ? wtf 😭#ram talks

Sometimes life can be difficult and really challenging but sometimes you just have to cry for a while and then after you let all those feelings out, you have to stand up and continue, out of hope but also out of love, out of love for yourself, your family, your partner and even your friends <33 sometimes doing things alone is really hard but i think that by remembering the love that others have for you, that's where the true support and resilience is found <333

#today i got reminded by the people i love that I'm loved too and that gave me a lot of calmness #yesterday was a bit of a difficult day for me bc i think i had a panic attack but today was a better day #and i got to spend a nice time with two special people that made me feel really loved <33 and happy #and I'm really thankful that they are part of my life 🥺💞💖 they mean a lot to me #but yeah.. when you are feeling like you are doomed search for support #you'll see that the people that care about you will remind you that life is actually not that bad and that you are loved <3 #sorry i got sappy but I'm just thankful that there's really special people in my life #that make everything worth it 🥺💞💖#and i got emotional 😭💖#ram talks

bornfreakdraws

Just a group of sapphic driads (they’re all dating each other)

tempy-the-tempest

I love them

#prettyyy 💖#art #nudity #just in case

Lately when i do my make up my brain has a moment of going like : "Let's go for a subtle make up look, that's gonna be nice"

but then there's a voice that screams inside me that says : "NO SUBTLE MAKE UP !! Look at Chappell Roan !! She slays with colorful eye shadow and glitter 💅✨"

and that second voice always wins 🙂‍↕️✨

#Ngl i love that Chappell Roan has made me feel better about many things #like it is nice to see a really popular singer that has fluffy curly hair and wears bold make up and is a lesbian #that makes me feel really happy ngl 😭✨#One day i would like to have like .. the strong woman vibes that she has.. i think that's really powerful <33 #anyway about the make up ... lately i've been wearing colorful eyeshadows and glitter .. SPECIALLY the glitter part <33 #and tbh i wear make up for myself bc i like .. like decorating myself? idk the glitter and colors makes me feel pretty and cheers me up <33 #it is the same with painting my nails and dyeing my hair <33 it is fun !!!#a bit of sparkles here and there makes me happy c: ✨✨ !!#aughh sorry for rambling about make up and chappell roan dkfgjhdfg #it is just that today i heard my Chappell Roan make up voice 🤣✨#also just in case like i do wear fun make up but i don't wear A LOT of make up ..i don't think i'm ready for extreme bold make up dskjhgdf #ram talks

There's probably a meaning behind why all the characters that i REALLY relate to... are iconic tumblr failgirls, but i rather not think too much about it..smh

#also most of them .. if not all of them..are also iconic lesbians ...#I've liked those characters FOR YEARS.. and until recently i noticed the lesbian part #that should have helped me discover something really important about myself earlier LMAO #anyway.. ily failgirls specially Marcille Gangle and Pearl you will always be part of my fave characters ever <33 #ram talks

Gota bit too crazy eating mango now i got a tummy ache 😔

#man.. mango is fr one of the best fruits.. specially if it is a bit cold.. yummy 😭✨️#the stomachache was worth it <3 #ram talks

I feel like a traitor in the sense that i keep seeing a lot of mutuals trying to get people to vote for Senshi and well while i think that Senshi, Dr. Grace and Tenna deserve to win bc all of them are really good characters... i want my emotional support tv grandpa to win 😭✨ I'm sorry Dr. Grace and Senshi 😔

#i just think that Tenna has the classic Tumblr sexy man vibes #like he is a pathetic soaking wet man that is wearing a suit and is a complete mess #also idk i like those type of characters they are pretty fun and have the tumblr essence... ( looks at Reigen and Sanji )#as for Dr. Grace and Senshi i think they are too nice and that they deserve a better title LMAO #Dr. Grace could have the title of the best tumblr scientist✨ and Senshi the best tumblr husband material ✨#( though i'm sowwy .. i'm not into bears or men he isn't marriage material for me😔 but *gives Senshi to my Senshi lover mutuals* <3)#but anyway i chose Tenna in the sense that .. he really has the classic chaotic tumblr vibes .. he was made in a lab just for tumblr #but i think all of them deserve to win <33 and all of them are beloved good written characters <333 #ram talks

Was in a meeting with one of my bosses and one of my coworkers, and my boss was showing us some images and videos that we have to edit, then she showed us a video of a random guy and my boss said : This guy is handsome, right 👀✨️ ?

And my coworker ( who is also my friend) and i just went 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️...and stayed quiet for a bit, until my friend said: uhhh ... he is not my type but the hoodie he is wearing is cute, and i literally went : oh same i agree with you👍 ADJFKDJFKDJFN then all of us started awkwardly laughing LMAO ( though my friend's response did make me laugh PFTT 🤣)

#i gotta mention that my coworker is actually one of my friends that I've known for a long time that got hired where i work #but it is so funny bc i could tell by her voice that she didn't find the guy handsome at all LMAOOO #and then there's me .. that i didn't know what to answer bc .. I'm a lesbian asjdhgfds and to me that man was .. just a normal guy ngl #but i agree with my friend the hoodie was nice.. i would wear the hoodie ASJFKDJD #I'm so sorry to my boss asfjdjfkd bc my friend and i didn't agree with her and we have specific.. types 🤣✨️#also I'm glad that she answered that question and that she also was in the meeting bc idk what i would have answered 🤣#i think i would have been like.. yeaah 👍#ram talks

Rambling...

Lately, I've been reminiscing about my past and damn... honestly, i wish could have like.. experienced my teenager years and early 20s to their fullest ?

Like i didn't do many of the things that normal teenagers / young adults do bc all i did was... be a good little kid that does everything their parents said and study ...and study and study more.. like it also doesn't help that i entered college when i was 17 u_u..no wonder why my social skills suck when all i did was go to college then go home and spend most my time either drawing, studying or doing nerdy things like watch anime or play games ... sighh

I wish i could have been more social during that time.. but i was too shy..and when i started to be less anxious and started enjoying the company of my college friends... boom the pandemic hit and.. guess what i did... study and be a nerd stuck in their room.. like damn ..

I feel that i never got to experience normal things during those years bc of anxiety and depression and bc i was too shy and nerdy u_u.. ughhh sometimes i wish i could go back but there's nothing i can do ...

idk i feel that bc of this, i .. will always be like late in life, but .. that's okay.. i guess life isn't a race, but idk.. i would have liked to experience many things when i was younger .. I guess i can just be a weird, awkward adult trying their best 👍

#sometimes..being neurodivergent and queer .. can like mess up your life fr u_u #and on top of that having a strict family that doesn't let you have privacy... doesn't help u_u #sighhh sorry I'm just a bit nostalgic bc with this birthday it really did hit me that soon i will be 30 #and idk if i will ever feel like a “real adult”#sorry ashfksbfkd I'm just rambling here #ram talks

Rambling...

Lately, I've been reminiscing about my past and damn... honestly, i wish could have like.. experienced my teenager years and early 20s to their fullest ?

Like i didn't do many of the things that normal teenagers / young adults do bc all i did was... be a good little kid that does everything their parents said and study ...and study and study more.. like it also doesn't help that i entered college when i was 17 u_u..no wonder why my social skills suck when all i did was go to college then go home and spend most my time either drawing, studying or doing nerdy things like watch anime or play games ... sighh

I wish i could have been more social during that time.. but i was too shy..and when i started to be less anxious and started enjoying the company of my college friends... boom the pandemic hit and.. guess what i did... study and be a nerd stuck in their room.. like damn ..

I feel that i never got to experience normal things during those years bc of anxiety and depression and bc i was too shy and nerdy u_u.. ughhh sometimes i wish i could go back but there's nothing i can do ...

idk i feel that bc of this, i .. will always be like late in life, but .. that's okay.. i guess life isn't a race, but idk.. i would have liked to experience many things when i was younger .. I guess i can just be a weird, awkward adult trying their best 👍

#sometimes..being neurodivergent and queer .. can like mess up your life fr u_u #and on top of that having a strict family that doesn't let you have privacy... doesn't help u_u #sighhh sorry I'm just a bit nostalgic bc with this birthday it really did hit me that soon i will be 30 #and idk if i will ever feel like a “real adult”#sorry ashfksbfkd I'm just rambling here #ram talks

Hmm i think i will try to watch the horse girl anime hmmm 🤔

#I'm feeling a bit ehhh :/.. like i kinda want to go to sleep but at the same time it is friday night #and tomorrow i have free and idk i also don't feel like sleeping yet .. so why not watch some anime #also lately I've been wanting to watch more shows about girl main characters sooo why not #ram talks

So recently, i got a nostril piercing as a birthday gift from myself to myself lol and tbh I've been pretty happy with it ! Bc first, it looks cute, and the jewelry is small and holo.. idk how to describe it, but it looks delicate, and i love that <333 i feel fancy with it 💅✨️

And second, when i got the piercing well.. it hurt a bit at first bc of the needle and then inserting the jewelry, but immediately after that, the pain stopped and I've even forgotten that i have it there.

Like aughh this is best behaved piercing I've ever had bc the other 6 piercings i used to have in my ears were hell to heal and well... i still have only 2 bc the others closed bc they kept getting swollen no matter what i did 😭

Idk if the problem with the other piercings was the jewelry or the fact that i.. got 4 piercings done at the same time 😬 or the place they were in (helix), or maybe it is just that my ears are really sensitive?

But aughh I'm glad that the nose piercing hasn't bothered me so far, i think this piercing is gonna heal pretty good 😭💖✨️ and I'm happy bc i was pretty worried about that due to my past experiences lol

#i think the problem with the other's was that 16yo Ram was too stupid and got 4 at the same time #and then she didn't know how to take care of them 🙃 and also i was a dumb teenager #also helix piercings are kinda annoying when you have long hair or curly hair bc they keep getting stuck and that doesn't help #with the healing process 😭😭😭#in the future i wanna get more piercings bu first I'm gonna wait for this one to heal #I'm gonna see if i can get more piercings on my ear lobes and idk maybe an eyebrow piercing ? idk ashfkdjf #i like piercings a lot asjfksbfkd #i would also get tattoos... but I'm pretty indecisive.. and also I'm a bit picky with tattoos #i would have to search for a tattoo artist that i really like and a design that i would LOVE #so yeaah i still need to think more about tattoos #anyway I'm happy with my nostril piercing 💖✨️#ram talks

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